Author's Note: Okay, I originally wanted this to be a series of one-shots, but this one blows that idea out of the water. Instead, this idea has become a series of reflections without any set order. :) This one-shot contains spoilers for "Sunday," "Adrift," "Doppelganger," "Tabula Rasa," and "Missing." "You Deliver Me" was released on Selah's seventh studio album by the same name in August 2009. As always, I hope you enjoy! ~lg

oOo

Deep as the ocean, right as rain,
This powerful emotion lifts me up above the plain.

Jennifer frowned as she heard the soft guitar chords float from a balcony. Colonel Sheppard's voice, quietly singing the lyrics, drew her toward the open door.

It's taken me to places I never thought I'd go,
Showing me a grace I never thought I'd know.

She almost walked away, but the emotion behind his singing captured her. She stood, riveted to the spot, as he continued to sing.

When I feel like I can't go on,
You deliver me.
When the road is winding way too long,
You deliver me,
You deliver me!

Jennifer blinked as the words impacted her. She knew what it meant to feel like she couldn't continue. She'd just escaped one such situation. Thinking back on her time on New Athos, she shook her head. If it wasn't for Teyla and her survivalist attitude, Jennifer would have died by the hands of the Bola Kai or Nebal.

But she'd been rescued. Delivered. Whatever. After a night that seemed to go on forever, she had made it back to Atlantis. Now she understood why soldiers kissed the ground of their home soil after a time away. She'd wanted to kiss Sheppard, Ronon, and McKay when they first appeared. And she had given in to a few tears after her sprained ankle had been treated.

I feel like a sinner, my sins have been washed clean
An absolute beginner whose heart has never seen.

Maybe she wasn't forgiven for everything, but Teyla's gentle acceptance after their return to Atlantis made Jennifer feel as if everything would be okay. Yes, the Athosians were missing. Yes, she'd had to tell Teyla some wonderful, yet devastating news. But she'd actually survived. She, a beginner when compared to veterans like Teyla or Colonel Sheppard, had returned to Atlantis a little worse for wear.

I must be forgiven for sometimes asking why
I was chosen to be given You in this life.

Too many times, Jennifer had asked why. Why was she the one to take up Carson Beckett's place when he died? Why did she have to endure the horrible realization that Elizabeth wouldn't survive? Why was she the one ultimately responsible for reactivating the nanites that ended Elizabeth's life as she knew it? Why. . . . She'd asked the question so many times, and she never had an answer. She never got a response from anyone.

Could she have been asking the wrong people? Was there Someone out there Who would answer her questions? Jennifer's father thought so, even if he no longer attended church. But what did she think about faith? Could she take the step and ask God to help her?

When I feel like I can't go on,
You deliver me.
When the road is winding way too long,
You deliver me!

When there's a distance,
Between what I am and who I want to be,
You deliver me!

Colonel Sheppard's voice choked at that moment, but Jennifer didn't mind. She let out a deep breath, suddenly close to tears as well. Coming to Atlantis had shown her so many things she never thought she'd see. But it required so much more from her than she was prepared to give. Just a week ago, she'd lost all her memories thanks to a mutated virus. She had watched Colonel Carter tell the entire base that an energy being had killed one of their own. Jennifer wanted to be a doctor, a life saver, a hero. Instead, she hadn't been able to save anyone. Not really. She'd lost Carson, Elizabeth, Kate, and those few taken by the Kiersan fever. She hadn't found the cure for the fever, and the entire base had dissolved into chaos. She wasn't a hero. She was so far from where she wanted to be that she didn't know how to get there.

When I feel like I can't go on,
You deliver me.
When the road is winding way too long,
You deliver me,
You deliver me!

As Colonel Sheppard sang the chorus one more time, Jennifer went about her business. Late that evening, after she packed her suitcases for her trip home, she slipped to her knees for the first time in years. Her tears began to flow, and she whispered, "Deliver me!"

By the time she returned from her quick trip to see her father, her smile had found its place on her face once again. And she carried a new iPod filled with music that warmed her heart and spoke to her soul. As she settled back into her office, she chose one song to set the tone for her first day back to work.

When I feel like I can't go on,
You deliver me.
When the road is winding way too long,
You deliver me,
You deliver me!