A/N: In this chapter there are lyrics to Jojo's song titled 'In the dark'. I could not find the song on but you can check it out over at . I thought I should let you guys know that. If anyone is interested or if anyone who reads know an amazing artist who would not mind doing a banner for this story please let me know. Okay on with more of this love triangle already:)

Dear diary,

I know I have neglected you since my days in forks but I really need to vent. Today Jay, Katy, and I went to look at places for the wedding. All of them were perfect. They were big and beautiful but the closer Jay and Katy became, I lost focus. I watched as they laughed and talked about their lives. I watched how comfortable he was with touching her arm and how she did not seem to mind. They are going on a date tonight. A part of me is wondering why I want to scream. He's not mine. He is not Edward. Speaking of Edward I don't know what he is hiding but I know it's something that could ruin our relationship. I guess that is the real reason I don't ask questions. I'd like to keep my heart together. Any wrong awnser could rip my heart from my chest. I am currently parked on a side street. I have been driving around for an hour trying to clear my head. Renee always told me that when I felt like there was nothing or no one to talk to just write it all down. She always told me not to try and figure things out on my own but to let life piece it's elf together gradually. She said we always end up watching chances fade and wondering what is real and what is not. I have to remember to breathe sometimes. I miss her. I miss my dad. They don't call anymore. Sometimes I wish that I had listened to them. I never blamed Edward for any of this. I could not bring myself to admit that he was the reason for everything. Well diary it has been wonderful chatting with you. I promise to do it again really soon.-Bells

I entered the front door. The house was quiet. Sitting my keys on the glass table a few feet from the door I removed my coat and made my way into the kitchen. I noticed a plate on the table. I smiled and made my way over to it. There was a piece of paper under it. I opened it.

Bella,

Out with Katy. I'll see you tomorrow. Enjoy the food. I made it myself.

-Jay

I crumbled the piece of paper and tossed it into the trash. He's out with Katy. I bet they are smiling and falling all over each other. What do I care? I don't. He mean nothing to me. We barely know one another anyways. I sat down at the table attempting to eat the food he cooked me. There was a lump in my throat that forbid me to swallow. I pushed the plate away and stood to my feet. I need to sleep this feeling off. Why do I feel hurt? I should not feel this way. I could not allow myself to be upset over this. Removing my shoes, I tossed them to the floor and grabbed a wine glass from the cabinet.

That's it Bells, drink yourself into a stooper.

One glass of wine turned into a whole bottle and I was no where near finished. My mind was racing with thoughts of Katy and Jay. He would have sex with her. He had sex with me so I knew there was nothing stopping him from having sex with her. Fuck him. Let him have his way with her. I could care less. Rising from my current position at the table I made my way into the basement. Edward had a bar there. I found vodka. Yes that was what I needed, my good old best friend Mr. Vodka.

I grabbed the bottle and made my way back up stairs until I reached my room. I sat the bottle on the dresser and stripped down to my bra and underwear.

Why are you letting him get to you Bella? You don't know this guy. You know his body and nothing else. You know him when the lights go out. Edward is your everything. He is the man of your dreams. Edward is not perfect but no one is.

I removed the top from the vodka bottle and placed my lips to it. I swallowed until it burned and I had no choice but to pull away. Whatever is going on with me has to stop? The tears form in my eyes as I turn the stereo on. I collapsed onto the bed as the words spoke to me.

This ain't the first or last time.

we'll meet up this late at night

to let our fate intertwine

Casually I'd rather be detached from this tragedy

this don't need to be defined

and I know that it is wrong

I do, I do

baby keep holding on

I do, I do

Yeah, I know this is wrong

I do

But when the sun comes up I'll be gone

I only know him in the dark

I only know him in the dark

I closed my eyes. The images of his arms wrapped around mine took a hold of my mind. His firm hands gripping every inch of skin, causing so many feelings from within. His beautiful voice like a Melody singing to me, making me feel that this image in my head is real. The emotions bottle up inside of me are at a rise and no matter how much I try the feelings I can no longer deny as his body takes a hold of me, touching my soul, making me feel as if this is my destiny. I give in to him, giving him my mind, body, and soul. He has a hold on me and he's not willing to let go. Finally I give in. In my mind I am willing to give in and go places reality won't allow me to be.

Try to stay desensitized

Keep my feelings out of mind

my body wont be denied

never took this road before

love was always at the core

of anyone I've been with before

He's making me do things I've never done. Allowing me to give in to the feeling that I have never felt. He is mine and I am his and there is no one else. In my mind. I am defeated. I am over heated and my body tingles with the sensation of this man. The man that I do not know. The man that I refuse to let go. His eyes seep into my soul, searching out the places that no man has ever tried to find. I can barely think let alone object to the things he are doing. He should never stop. He should only lead me down this road and closer to the Epiphany. The closer I am to him, the closer we are to one another, I feel whole. I love the thought of not being in control. In my mind he is with me. We are with one another, there is no beginning or end.

Shadows across your face

your lips a familiar taste

stay focused, i tried

can't get this out of my mind

I want more than what this is

whatever we are calling this

the truth just breaks my heart

I only know him in the dark

My eyes flash open as the song ends. I can't help the few tears that escapes them as I stumble to my feet. I turn the stereo off and light. Defeated, I climb back into bed and cradle my pillow close to me. Hopefully tomorrow will be better or it could be worse. Edward will be back soon to cure my thoughts of it's desires for someone other than him.

Morning came shortly after. Ugh! I should have thought about the consequences of my actions last night. I got up from the bed and stretched. My head was pounding itself into oblivion. I could barely open my eyes as I stumbled to grab a robe. I made my way into the bathroom and turned on the shower. The shower really helped soothe me. After a 30 minute intense shower I made my way into my room and and put on my jogging gear. I grabbed my headphones and two pain killers from the dresser and made my way downstairs. I was in a great mood until I reached the living room to find Jay stretched out against the Italian leather and Katy snuggled in next to him. Her frame was wrapped around him tightly. They were sleeping peacefully. The urge to scream took over but I simply placed my hand over my mouth and made my way into the kitchen.

We had a guest room, why didn't he shack up with her there? I'll tell you why, because he wanted me to see this. He wants a rise out of me. I swallowed the pills and slammed the glass cup onto the counter. My emotions were getting the best of me. I had to get out of here. I made my way to the front door and walked out.

My feet hammered the pavement with every stride. I ran faster, harder than I ever imagined possible. My headache only got worse but I didn't care. My heart felt as if it were being ripped from my chest. I didn't understand why I felt this way and I needed to shake this feeling. My breath hitched in my throat and I slowed down, coming to a complete stop trying to catch my breath. But I couldn't. I could barely breathe. I held my hands at my sides leaning over slightly, closing my eyes shut tightly.

What the hell is wrong with me?

My cardio continued until my legs gave out on me. I found myself limping back to my house dreading going inside. I stood outside for a few minutes before going inside. Quietly I made way over to the staircase before a deep voice startled me. I turned slightly to see Jay leaning against the wall. He was shirtless, his hair pulled back into a ponytail. His stare was making me nervous.

"Hi," he said.

"Hey," I muttered.

"You look beat."

"Not really," I lied.

"Bella..."

"Don't. I don't have a problem with you seeing her you know. She's my friend and she really likes you."

"I know that," he said. "That's why I can't see her anymore. I realized how much she likes me last night."

"Well what is that problem?"

"The problem is that I'd rather be with you."

I rolled my eyes. "We discussed that before. If this is such a big problem Jacob then why don't you stay at a hotel."

He gave me an evil glare, "Why don't I tell Edward? then maybe we both will end up in hotels," he smirked.

"Fuck you," I yelled, trying to head upstairs. The pain shot through my leg. I stumbled and hissed at the pain. Before I could look up Jay had his arms around me, lifting me to his chest. I flinched on contact. He chuckled and made his way up the stairs, "What happened?" he asked

"It's nothing."

Jay carried me into my room and sat me on the bed. He knelt down in front of me and began unlacing my shoes. I watched as he removed them and began massaging my calf. I wanted to object but my legs were in so much pain and I did not want him to stop. His warm hands felt so good against my skin. I closed my eyes and sighed, enjoying the sensations that were spreading throughout my entire being.

"Bella," he said.

"Yeah?"

"Did you drink that entire bottle of vodka last night?" he asked

shit.

"Huh?" I said, opening my eyes.

"Vodka," he repeated. "Did you drink all of that last night?"

"Yea," I said sheepishly.

"Do you always drink like this?"

"That's none of your business," I snapped.

Jay stood to his feet, "Do you have a problem with alcohol?"

"The only problem I have is you," I yelled, my emotions getting the best of me. "You are my problem. I am not going to entertain you anymore. Why don't you go fall over Katy now?"

"Are you jealous?" he asked with a smirk.

"No," I yelled. "I am not jealous."

"Then why do you care what I do with Katy?" he asked

"I don't give a shit really," I said turning my nose up at him.

"You know what I think? I think that you came home last night. You saw that I was gone. You trashed my food along with the note. You got upset and drank that bottle of wine. When the wine ran out you drank the vodka and then you cried yourself to sleep. Am I hot or cold?"

"Arttic," I replied.

"You know you don't have to deprive your body from what it wants."

"I don't want you."

"Your lying."

"I don't want you," I repeated myself.

The next thing I knew I was being pinned to my bed. Jay was pressed in between my thighs. His deep onyx eyes stared deep into mine as he crashed his lips onto mine. I struggled to pull away but his weight made that nearly impossible. I felt him grow hard against my core. My reaction to him was the same way I remembered from Cabo. I was completely drenched at the feel of him. Jay sucked on my bottom lip viciously before pulling away. I was panting now. My mind went blank as his hands began to roam, caressing my stomach and making their way up to my beast that was covered only in a sports bra.

"This...this is rape," I managed to blurt out.

He smirked, "You can't rape the willing."

"Fuck you!"

"I'm trying. Why don't you spread your legs further apart?"

Ugh! I felt low.. This is the bed that Edward and I sleep in. The bed that we make love in and here I am allowing Jay to touch me this way on our bed.

"No," I moaned, as his hands pushed up my sports bra exposing my nipples. "Please don't..."

His warm tongue lapped over my right nipple once before he pulled away. He smirked," Tell me that you want me to stop other wise I'll keep going."

I couldn't. My core was throbbing. It was painful. I could have done that a few seconds ago but not now. Not after I felt his warm tongue on my body. There were so many places his tongue had not touched yet and I wanted to feel him.

"You have two seconds Bella. Tell me that you don't want this," he said, pushing his hard on against my core.

I moaned and bit my lip.

"That's a yes," he said.

His lips were back on mine in an instant. I moaned into his mouth as his tongue seeked mine. I wrapped my legs around his waist instinctively as his lips found their way to the crook of my neck and slowly drifted down to my breasts. He massaged them while staring in my eyes. A small smile spread across his face before his lips captured my nipple. I moaned loudly as his teeth bit down. My hips bucked at their own accord, creating the friction that I desperately needed to feel.

He sucked on the right one before working on the left one. My body had given in to my desires. I could not stop this if I wanted to. I inhaled and closed my eyes. Jay's tongue made it's way down my stomach, closer to where I desperately needed him to be. His hand cupped my core causing me jerk and open my eyes. I pushed my body up on both of my elbows. The vision before me was making my head spin.

"Please..." I moaned, unable to take anymore. "Jay..."

"Please what?"

"Jayyyyyy," I moaned again. "Please."

"Please what? I'm not doing anything until you say it. Actually I want you to scream it," he smirked.

"No!

His hands gripped my wrists and held them beside me. He forced my legs further up and began thrusting viciously. His pants were still on and so were my sweats. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"Don't you want to feel this without clothes?" he whispered in my ear "All you have to do is scream what you want me to do to you."

"Oh god," I moaned as he bit into my neck. The pain and the vibrations that were already spreading throughout my body from his thrusting were making it hard to breathe.

"Scream it," he demanded.

"i...OH..no!"

"Really? I guess I'm going to have to make you come first or I could just leave you hot and bothered here. Hum decisions...decisions."

I gazed up into his eyes again," You better not," I breathed out.

"I think I will."

Jay removed himself from me and stood to his feet. I sat up slightly, still completely baffled.

"No," I whined.

He smirked, "Bella this is wrong," he said mockingly.

"Shut up!"

"I'll leave you alone now," he said making his way towards the door.

"Jay," I yelled. "Jacob get back here. You can't leave me like this. Your being mean."

I heard the phone ring but at this point I really did not care. I removed myself from the bed and followed him out of the room. I grabbed his arm, "I want you."

'Hi you've reached our voice mail. Leave your info and we will call you back. Beep!'

'hey sweetheart. I'm back a day early. I'm two minutes away. I really want to make it up to you for leaving. Bella I'm sorry. I love you. See you in a few minutes.

"Shit," I mumbled. The thought of what I was about to do hit me like a tidal wave. I had forgotten about my fiance. I was a cheater just like him. A hypocrite was more suited. I couldn't allow myself to be this person. Where had my values gone? I have no clue but I needed to fix this.

"We can't do this anymore," I said to Jay. "I'm telling him the truth."

"What?" he said

"I'm telling him about you and I."

"No you are not," he said pinning me to the hallway wall.

"Watch me!"