I guess this is officially a crossover now but I'm not putting it in the crossovers section. Fuck that i will not conform.

Also when i try and put the horizontal rulers in my computer eats them or something and then it looks dumb fuuuuuuuuuuuuck

"Sam, I think we should turn back," Dean said, hesitantly. They had been walking for hours now, and he was cold and wet and pissed off. Also, Sam had promised pie. There was no pie.

Sam rounded on Dean with righteous fury. "What?" he demanded. Dean cowered like either a frightened puppy that had peed on the rug and was worried that its master was going to strike it, or a full-grown man who was just acting like a pathetic bitch. Let's go with the second one.

"It's wet and cold. I want to go back. We can't have a picnic in the fucking rain anyways." Dean decided to be diplomatic.

"Look, Dean, I do so much for you," Sam sighed. "Remember that time I bought a kiddie pool – brand new – and filled it with lime Jell-O just because you'd seen that stupid porno and wanted to try it? Remember? And then I washed the congealed Jell-O out of your-"

"Yes, yes, okay, I'll give you that. But still…" Dean trailed off awkwardly. Why did Sam have to be such a good debater? His arguments were so compelling.

"And after that one time when I fucked your face too roughly, what did I do the next day? I bought you ice cream for your throat. See? I'm nice to you."

With a world-weary sigh, Castiel decided now was the time to intervene. "Dean, Sam, both of you bring up very good points, but really…" He was cut off by a sudden loud rustle in the trees ahead of them. Everyone promptly lost control of their bodily functions.

"What the shit is that?" Dean said articulately.

"Rock paper scissors to see who goes to find out?" Sam asked in a strangled voice.

"You can't do that with three people," Castiel said, "it will basically cause the game to violate itself anally."

"Oh, fuck off! Who died and made you the Decisive Game Nazi?" Sam snapped. "Okay, so – rock, paper, scissors!"

Dean was rock, Sam was paper, Castiel was scissors. Sam and Dean looked embarrassed, whereas Castiel radiated smugness. Angelic smugness.

"…Okay," Sam said awkwardly, "how about whoever pissed themselves the most goes and checks it out."

They all glanced at each other.

"That would be you, Sam," Castiel stated.

"Oh. Alright, then," Sam said, blushing furiously, "I'll go." He disappeared into the dense woods. Cas and Dean waited for a while. Then they heard a high-pitched scream.

"Oh my Dad, Dean! A little girl is in trouble!" Castiel shouted in panic, "we need to go help!"

"No, uh…" Dean mumbled, shuffling from foot to foot, "that's actually Sam. He just…sounds like that."

Castiel gave Dean a "WTF?" look, and Dean shrugged helplessly.

"Either way," Cas said, struggling to regain his aplomb, "we should go see what's happened to him! It sounds like he's in trouble!"

And they both ran off into the woods.

It was fairly easy to follow Sam, as he left a trail of urine and shame. Also, he had only made it a few feet away anyways. But, when Dean and Cas stumbled into the awkwardly placed clearing, a scene of horror assaulted their eyeballs. Horrible horror. Terrifying horror. Sparkly horror.

"DEAN!" Sam sobbed.

"SAM!" Dean screamed.

"CASTIEL!" Castiel shouted. (He wanted to be included.)

"Hello," said Edward Cullen, "would you like to join me for a tea party?"

To be continued…