Here's the last chapter (epilogue still to come) of Invisible, following Rachel again.
As always my hugest thanks to the amazing SLopez for all her help on this chapter and basically for just being awesome. Go check her fanfics if you haven't, you're in for a treat :)
Disclaimer: Glee belongs to Fox and Ryan Murphy, nothing is mine, I'm just playing around :)
Groundhog day doesn't belong to me either (though I've seen it so many times I feel it does!)
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At first Rachel had been able to move around freely, she hadn't even noticed anything was wrong before the next day; she had attributed everything to a bad day of no one noticing her.
How right had she been…
At first she had lived her days normally, if you could consider normal being invisible and silent and substance-less to anyone else.
At first…
That all had changed.
Slowly to begin with.
One day she'd found herself unable to maneuver the choir room door handle, her hand sliding through it like it didn't existed. Like she didn't exist.
She had still been able to walk through school, taking advantage of people moving around to follow them in rooms.
Outside of school things were blurry. Did she even go home? She couldn't remember.
But that had all been before.
Before she had discovered she was completely unable to leave the choir room. She would try and try and would meet nothing more than a solid wall where the threshold was, she could watch longingly outside in the hallway, she could still sit and touch things inside the room but that was it.
Her days had disappeared as well.
She found herself in the room, only aware of the time passing-by thanks to the clock on the wall. Sometimes she would be joined by the Glee club or some other music class they gave at WMHS. She didn't need to sleep, she didn't need to eat or use the bathroom. She was just there.
All the time.
It was as if Quinn's simile about Groundhog's day had come true she thought bitterly.
She had refused to acknowledge that the blonde girl might have been right regarding her assessment of her relationship with Finn but now she had to admit that it was a rather ironic turn of events.
Quinn.
What had happened to give that girl so much power over her?
First she had managed to make her way back in Finn's life. In his heart. As if it wasn't hard enough to see them together.
Then she had reduced Rachel to nothingness. Rachel knew that now. She had had all the time in the world to replay everything over and over again and she realized that it had been Quinn's outburst that had sent her where she was now, parallel universe, limbo, whatever it was.
She had tried to draw attention to herself, and God knew she used to know how to do that, but nothing had happened. She had finally resigned herself to just be, she might eventually find her way out; she trusted her good star for that. But she was starting to lose hope.
How long had it been? A couple of weeks? A couple of months?
From what she could hear from people around (Quinn), Prom was still around the corner. That meant weeks. Weeks on missing out on her life. She missed her fathers. She missed school and her new friendship with Mercedes and Kurt. She missed singing with them. She couldn't help but sing with them at the beginning, but that had started to be too hard to go on. She now only did it when she felt really down and was alone. That was more and more often.
What would happen of her if… she didn't dare finish the sentence. There would be spring break, then school would end for the summer. Could she stay trapped for the rest of her life?
It started to dawn on her one day that she wouldn't have to wait too long to know. Just as well as she had started to be unable to leave the room she noticed that she actually started to fade away. Emotionally for starters but physically as well as she realized she was becoming transparent. When she was already invisible… She found it ironic again that she would disappear twice.
She hated irony.
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Why was Finn turning up so often?
He had been the only one seemingly responding to her since the incident for lack of a better word. He had actually turned around a couple of time when she had tried to draw his attention. He had also responded to her touch. At least she wanted to believe he had.
She'd seen him lurk around the choir room. Sometimes getting in. Always looking lost.
She'd witnessed his breakup with Quinn, along with the entire choir and band.
She had watched him from afar as he became wary and depressed; only wishing she could help him, longing to touch him, hug him, comfort him.
If anything she had become more attached to him since this had started.
Or since Regionals.
Since their breakup.
Or maybe since she had met him.
She knew he didn't want her anymore. He had told her so. She shook her hear, trying to erase the thought.
She reached for the gold star necklace, once again pinching it hard enough to pierce her skin. Those were the only proofs that she was still concrete, the pain and the little blood she drew.
He had told her when he had given it to her. That he couldn't be with her.
And then in the infirmary…
After that night she had removed the jewel and had found it too difficult to wear it again. Until that day when her hand had unconsciously reached for it.
Once it had been on her neck she had pondered removing it, but it was so pretty. She could indulge herself once, just once. She had imagined what he might say once he saw her wear the necklace. He hadn't said anything.
Nothing mattered anymore anyway, she though forlornly.
So why was he here again?
She had been singing a few moments before and hadn't noticed him enter the room. He was as lost as ever. As beautiful also, she thought, her heart clenching.
She saw him looking around then exit the room with a temper, slamming the door shut, breaking the window.
She saw him assess the damages, first looking at the floor then the door when her heart skipped a beat. He was looking at her. She was sure of it.
The moment only lasted for so long when he broke the gaze and was gone. She rushed to the door and watched him get out of the school, while Puck ran after him.
What had happened? Had he really seen her? Was she imagining things?
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She tried to even her breath, her mind racing, searching for answers. She sat on a chair and looked at the ceiling, blinding herself with the neon tubes there and finally closing her eyes.
She tried to forget everything for a while, concentrating on her breathing, emptying her mind as much as she could. Some time passed and she couldn't say if she was daydreaming or sleeping. She didn't remember sleeping for a while.
She was brought back to reality when the door opened and someone entered speaking her name.
She jerked her head up to see Finn and Puck facing each other, Puck trying to get Finn to talk to him.
She risked a glance to the clock. It was a different time again, how long had she missed out? For all she knew it might as well be another day, the window had been repaired.
She turned her attention back to the two boys. They'd started talking about her, or rather some girl named Rachel none of them could actually remember. It broke her heart again to fully grasp the depth of their obliviousness. She didn't think she could take it anymore and the excitation she had felt a few seconds before at hearing her name faded quickly as she realized they didn't have the slightest idea who she really was. She once again tried to draw their attention with no more success than before. She had to stop. This would never work.
Realizing that this was it for her she retreated to the back of the room and let the discussion between her two friends being drowned by the rush of blood in her hears. She'd tried so hard to stay strong and it had all been for nothing she finally thought, giving way to the tears she had fought so hard to retain until then.
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But he was there again.
And again.
She'd stopped counting, like Bill Murray probably had in the movie. One could only take so much deception.
This was the last time, she resolved, feeling her eyes filling with tears again. From now on she would hide whenever she'd hear the bell. If he didn't see her he wouldn't try to get in, right? And if he didn't try to enter then she wouldn't hope he'd succeed. And then she wouldn't hurt so badly when he didn't. Eventually she would completely disappear and that would be the end of her suffering. She was more transparent every time she checked. It couldn't take too long.
She wished it wouldn't.
'It's the last time', she thought, already defeated. She clenched her fist as she watched him struggle, through the window, mumbling things she couldn't hear, trying to read his lips as he articulated random words, 'determination' being all she got.
When the handle turned she closed her eyes as tightly as humanly possible and started to talk, almost praying, chanting "you have to remember me, please remember me," over and over again.
But the frustrated grunt emerging from his throat told her it had not worked.
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If you would be given just one epithet to describe Rachel Berry 'determined' would be the word you'd go with.
And so she kept to her promise to herself. She was resolved to stop hurting. At all cost.
Only at the moment the cost was 'hurting more'.
But she'd set her mind. It would be over soon.
It wasn't so easy hiding from him. Because of Glee practice for one thing. But now she would just go in the corner, sit on the floor, close her eyes and block every sound until it passed.
For the other part he kept coming, and, although as of now he hadn't spotted her, she still caught glances of him and it was all too much to bear.
Once, twice, ten or fifteen times she hid when she heard the bell or heard him on the other side of the door. It still wouldn't stop.
She prayed again and again.
That he'd stop coming and let her be.
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He was at the door again.
She hadn't seen him get here. Had she missed the bell?
He was looking at her thought the glass, his jaw set, his eyes firmly in hers. She watched as he reached into his pocket and lifted something from it. He seemed to be fidgeting with the object for a second or two then pressed his palm against the glass, showing her his name in golden letters, trapped between his hand and the window, the chain firmly wrapped around his fingers.
She gasped as she saw him mouth to her "I remember you", heavily breathing, never breaking his gaze from her. He reached for the handle with his other hand.
The door opened and once more Rachel braced herself for the hurt she would feel once he'd forget about her again. She clenched her eyes shut and hugged herself, trying to retain her tears, as she waited for the inevitable to come.
"You're here…" she heard him say and she opened her eyes in shock, stumbling back when she realized he was looking at her, talking to her.
For a few seconds neither seemed able to move and he looked as if he was trying to catch his breath as much as she was trying to catch hers. She saw him swallow hard and in three giant steps he had crossed the distance between them with a feverish look in his eyes. And his arms were around her.
And his mouth was on hers.
He was clinging onto her as if to confirm to himself she was really there, but Rachel had never felt so solid than in his tight embrace. She'd felt herself slipping out of this world and his simple touch had brought her back with such force she felt she could actually lift a car.
He on the other hand seemed to be making sure she was real, one hand weaving in her hair, the other pressing her to him tighter, his face buried in her neck.
His cheek grazing hers, his fingers reading her face, his nose nudging her neck, her temple.
His lips over hers, over and over again, with his hands blindly roaming her back and arms… She stopped keeping track as she wrapped her arms around his neck as tightly as he would let her, finally letting herself touch him. She could feel his heart beating hard against her chest, as erratic as hers. She could taste his tears. Or hers, she didn't care.
"You're here," he was whispering in the crook of her neck, "you're really here. Rachel…" choking as he finally said her name.
He pulled back a little to look at her, cradling her face, not quite daring to ease his embrace and she grasped onto his sweater for fear of losing him again. His gaze was so intense she lost herself in his eyes. They were red rimmed and shining with tears but a smile was slowly reaching them.
"Hey," he said softly, the right corner of his mouth rising slightly in the smile she loved above all.
"Hi," she managed, although her voice was barely more than a broken whisper.
"I remember you…" he added, with a surprised chuckle. He raised his hand to push back a stray lock of her hair and finally rested his fingers on her neck while his thumb softly skimmed her cheek.
She searched his face, biting her bottom lip nervously, "Finn?" she asked, before swallowing with difficulty.
He seemed to understand her unspoken question.
"Everything." He nodded his head and quickly kissed her worried mouth. He sat with her on the riser, never letting their touch break and eventually rested his forehead against hers.
"All of it," he urged, nodding, before resuming the stroking of her face. "I love you," he finished solemnly and she allowed herself to bury her face in his chest and breathe, at last.
She skimmed the goose bumps on his arms, taking in as much of him as she could. He untangled his fingers from the gold chain and carefully rested it in her palm. She looked down at it and caressed his name softly, releasing a sigh when she noticed the chain was broken.
"We'll get it fixed," he said. "We'll fix everything."
And she loved that he said we, even if they did have a lot to fix.
He never let her go. He never let his hand leave her for one second. They couldn't understand what had happen and they didn't try. But he told her how it had been like having blinders, being able to feel her, hear her, but not see her; and not always remembering her. And she told him of her Hell, of seeing him forget her over and over again, of slipping away…
They kissed and talked; and hugged, and cried. And kissed some more. And eventually, when all had been said for the moment, they exited the choir room.
They felt thankful that no one had interrupted them, and they understood why when they saw Lauren Zises standing guard in front of the door, next to a beaming Puck and a cross Jacob holding a broken video camera.
How much did everyone know?
Rachel had a feeling that, just as they had all forgotten about her, they had forgotten about her 'being not here' and the thought made her hold onto Finn's hand more tightly.
From the corner of her eyes she saw Karofsky slushee someone and she heard Santana call after her with one of her usual mean nicknames. Nothing had changed; everything was as it had always been at McKinley High.
Maybe it was better this way.
She looked at Finn and the smile he returned her told her she needn't worry at the moment.
She snuggled closer to him and when they passed Scott he shot them an "about time, you two!" with a wink and a smile.
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To be continued
Be warned, just the epilogue to come :) and it'll be up Monday!
Love
S.