Hey-ya! It's me! Yes, I'm back with a new chapter of this story! I really am sorry it took so long to update, but I told you, RL is keeping me busy, because I am now studying and it's a lot of work to do and also the muse is kinda letting me down. I really have a hard time writing lately, so I warn you right now, so you all know... you gotta be very patient with me and PLEASE (!) don't give up on this story, even though it's gonna take a bit longer for me to update. It's not because of you or because I forgot about it or anything... it's just that I don't have that much time left and if I have some time it always depends on the muse if I can write or not... What could I write if I don't have a good idea, right? ;-)

A HUGE thank you to everyone who's reading this story and also thanks for all your great reviews! You're really making my days! I'm glad you liked this story so far and hope you'll like THIS chapter, too! ENJOY!

Chapter 8: Discomfort, Memories and Comfort

~ M ~ T ~

After the clean up was done and everything was put back to it's place, Stella and I just sat down in the living room, the TV on with the latest news in Chicago and some of the latest news of New York. Stella used the time to call Lindsay and ask her how things were going and they talked about twenty minutes, all of them saying hi to us, Lindsay saying that there was a lot of gossip all around the lab and precinct. Of course, Lindsay and Don tried to calm them down and stop worthless gossip, but of course she added her part of the gossip. I couldn't blame my co-workers to talk about me and Stella going undercover as a newlywed couple and how it might affect us, but I also hated the thought of being part of the gossip. After Stella talked to Lindsay, checking on our team we just sat there, talking, joking and having a rare moment of having fun. A bit later I took my bass and decided to play a few songs again. When I looked up I met Stella's eyes as she gave me a smile, obviously glad that I was basically playing for her. I smiled back, enjoying the feeling of the instrument in my hands and remembering an evening when I did the exact same thing for Claire.

Although she died more than nine years ago it sometimes still hurt me to think of her and remember the good and the bad times we had, although I mostly remembered the good times. Anyways, sometimes certain things just brought her back into my memory, mostly making me sad and angry. I know she'll always have a safe place in my heart and I'll always love her, but I also know that a part of me will always miss her. The way her eyes shone when she looked at me, the way her hair whirled around when she was turning around, her touch, her love, her scent. And especially when I had some alone time at home, which didn't happen often, but sometimes it did, I just missed that someone around me, I missed her. Sometimes I wondered if I would ever find that someone I could even imagine to spend my life with again, but so far I thought I haven't met that woman. Or had I and I was only too blind and too strictly following protocol to see it?

During my teasing Stella I feared more than just once to cross the small line we had drawn between us and maybe making her upset, but obviously she was just as game as I was. At least she didn't say anything and she wasn't mad at me, so actually I enjoyed out playful banter. Besides I knew that we would feel awkward around each other if we did otherwise, although sleeping in the same bed with her tonight made me a bit nervous. Not that I hadn't mind last night, but last night I had been nervous, too, but was just too tired to let that take over. Tonight it would be a little different, although I knew Stella wouldn't do anything bad and I really couldn't complain, but…

"Mac?" Stella soft voice pulled me back to reality, causing me to stop playing and look up at her. "You okay?"

"Yeah… was just... thinking." I said quietly.

"I see that."

"What? Did I play so wrong?"

"No, you played awesome. You just seemed a little… sad."

"Reminds me of Claire. I sometimes played for her, just like I played for you."

"I'm sorry, Mac." Stella said quietly and I just gave her a small smile.

"It's okay. Sorry for worrying you. You know, sometimes memories come to haunt you. Am used to that by now."

"Yeah, I know that all too well." She said and then tried to hide a yawn.

"Wanna go to bed and get some rest?"

"Good idea."

"Same as yesterday?"

"Ten minutes from now." She grinned, got up and made her way upstairs while I busied myself with putting my bass back into it's case. I waited until I heard the bathroom door being shut and then waited another few minutes before I finally turn off the lights downstairs and walk up into the bedroom, sitting down on the bed and allow the quietness of the room to surround me as I let my thoughts wander back to yesterday night and this morning. I haven't been lying when I told Stella that I indeed had gotten a few hours of sleep and really, when we went to bed yesterday, of course I had been nervous at the thought of sharing a bed with her, but as soon as I was back from the bathroom and she teased me I somehow felt at ease. A little and the events of the day and also the early start into yesterday took their toll on me, so I fell asleep a few minutes after Stella. Surprisingly I had slept calmly through the night and woke up an hour before we had to get up anyways. Making breakfast and surprising Stella by doing that was now making it all worth the nervousness that was starting to consume me and I couldn't even change it.

As I hear the bathroom door open again I took a deep breath to calm me down, which didn't really work and as soon as Stella entered the room, just wearing her sleeping clothes, which consisted of brown sweatpants compared with a light pink shirt.

"Nice." I said with a nervous smile. Okay, so that was the guy part of my brain talking... but to my relief she gave me a small thankful smile, before she sat down on the bed and started to snuggle into the covers.

"Didn't expect you to say something…" she then smiled, as she rolled onto her side, her arm put under the pillow, so her head was resting a bit higher and then looked at me.

"Yeah, uh… that wasn't supposed to come out as it did. Sorry." I said quickly.

"It's okay. I don't mind besides… thank you."

"You're welcome…. Uh… I guess I should get changed." I said as I got up and made my way to the door.

"Mac?" I was stopped by Stella calling my name, just as I reach the bedroom door. I turned around and looked at her slightly smiling face.

"Yes?"

"Relax."

"I'll try." I admitted, giving her a small smile and then head into the bathroom, my heart rate slightly increased. I took another deep breath and finally felt myself calming down a little. Maybe it had good sides if the 'guy part' took over a bit more often? But that would get me into trouble, definitely and I was proud of the fact that I rarely got into trouble because of that so called 'guy part', but sometimes it seemed to have its good sides.

I quickly changed into my pyjamas and then took my time with brushing my teeth, deciding that I would shower in the morning, as I probably would be up way before Stella. And on the other hand it was Sunday tomorrow, so no need to hurry. In the evening we would be going to Mrs. And Mr. Laslow for the BBQ and get to know our neighbors a bit better. Normally I wouldn't do things like that, as I hate being surrounded by people I barely know and supposed to have fun. But the job wanted me to it and on the other hand I had Stella at my side, which made it a little bit more comfortable. After I finished my task I slowly wandered back into the bedroom to find Stella lying on her side, sleeping. A small smile appeared on my lips seeing her face so peaceful and relaxed. Quietly, careful not to wake her, I made my way over to the bed and got under the covers, but as I turn and look at Stella once more, before I actually wanted to turn of the lights, my gaze met her emerald eyes.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" I asked.

"Nah… just closed my eyes a few minutes before you came back. Not used to have someone next to me." She said.

"Me either. Haven't had someone that close to me in a while."

"I'm sorry…"

"Why is that?"

"Don't know, just am. I mean… you deserve to be happy and have someone, but last time you had…"

"I was hurt… just like the time when Claire died."

"Yes, and it broke my heart to even picture you reading that letter and… I don't even want to think about how you must have felt that day." Stella said and her voice was slightly trembling.

"I had someone who proved to be a very good friend and I got through it… maybe you felt the same way as I did when Don and I found you in your apartment and… well you know the rest."

"Yeah, maybe… but I had two good friends at my side. And you were one of them."

"But I didn't question you and helped you picture it all together again…"

"You did, Mac. Trust me I've wanted no one else than you going back to my apartment and… you were there for me, Mac."

"Sorry… didn't want to bring that back." I said, seeing that it was still hurting her to talk about those memories, just as it was hurting me to talk about Peyton.

"It's okay. I've got you back then and I just hope it stays that way. Besides… we always take care of each other, right?"

"That's what we always did and always will do."

"You would be an amazing husband, you know that?" she said in a lighter tone and a small smile played around the corner of her mouth.

"Thanks…" I said giving her a coy smile. "Claire used to say that I was an amazing husband…"

"She was right." Stella said and tried to hide another yawn.

"Well, I'd say my wife needs some sleep now." I said, giving her a loving smile. She only nodded so I turned around and turned off the light. A few more minutes I just lay there and listened to Stella's breathing and thought about what we just talked about. Some memories of today made me sad, but she always seemed to be able to sense that and giving me the comfort I would never admit I needed. I was really a lucky man to have her in my life.

~ S ~ B ~

Even though I was really tired when Mac turned off the light, I couldn't sleep. First I just lay on my side, facing the side where he lay, hopefully sound asleep, but listening to his breath told me otherwise. I just lay awake thinking about the day we just spent together and the playful banter we had the whole day through. I actually was surprised that he was so comfortable with that, but then I enjoyed to see him smiling and flirting. But talking about the past brought all those memories back that I had put into the back of my mind. Knowing that he hadn't had someone as close to him as I was right know didn't make it any better. I just wanted him to be as happy as he deserved to be. I sometimes was happy to be alone, because there was nobody who could hurt me like… well, Frankie did and Drew tried to do, but on the other hand I sometimes wished there was someone to come home to. Somehow I was still amazed how Mac sometimes read my mind even if he couldn't actually see me. Sometimes when I felt a little down and no one was actually around, because I was alone at home, he would just call and make sure I was okay. He knew that he was the only man, next to Don, who was an exception of my no-men-in-my-apartment policy. Actually, when I think about it, he was always welcome to be my guest. Sometimes I even thought he would be the perfect husband, but that was a thought I almost feared to think. But maybe…? Finally I felt my eyes shut and got some sleep.

xXxXxXxXx

I was back in my apartment, facing Frankie as he aimed my own gun at me, thinking that this was my last minute. I stared at him, fear in my eyes, unlimited hate and anger in his eyes.

"Please… don't…" I hear myself begging him not to pull the trigger. I can hear his evil laugh. "Please… I'm sorry… please, let me go… don't…"

"Stella!" I hear someone calling my name and it seems far away.

"Don't do that!" I beg again and again I hear the same voice calling my name again. This time a bit louder and then, in slow motion I see Frankie pulling the trigger and BANG!

My eyes shot open and I said upright in bed first not knowing where I was. Sweat covered my forehead and neck and my covers were nearly falling off the bed. The light was turned on and I took a look around, not realizing where I was at first. But as I felt a hand gently touching my back and turn around to see who this hand belonged to I knew where I was. This was Chicago and I was sitting in bed in our undercover house and the hand belonged to Mac, whose sapphire eyes look at me with worry.

"You okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah… sorry I woke you. Just… a bad dream."

"What did you dream about?"

"Frankie… when he was standing in front of me, aiming my own gun at me… but it was weird." I told him, still a little shaken and now starting to freeze. "I begged him not to pull the trigger and I heard someone call my name and this time he actually shot me…."

A shower ran down my spine and my bare arms started to cover with shiver bumps and tears threatened my eyes.

"Well, that someone calling your name was me." Mac said softly.

"Yeah, I know that now…"

It was now that I noticed the rain pounding against the window and moments later I heard the sound of thunder and slightly wince. So that was the sound I heard when Frankie shot me in my dream. Mac was now on his knees giving me a concerned look, before he gathered my sheets together and put them over my feet and legs before he then wrapped it around me and pulled me close to him, so that my left shoulder was leaning against his chest, causing me to rest my head on his shoulder, thankful for the warmth the sheets and his body added to mine. For a moment I just enjoyed the comforting feeling him close to me and his arms wrapped around me as he just held me, gently rubbing my back. After a few more minutes I lifted my head and gave him a thankful smile before he let go of me and I lay back down, pulling the covers closely around me and then looked up at him now sitting on the bed and watching me. My lips curl upward into a small smile. He looked quite handsome the way he just looked like.

"What?" he's quick to call me on my expression.

"You should see yourself through a woman's eyes right now, Mac." I said with a small chuckle which I instantly regret as a small pounding of headache made itself known in my head, so I closed my eyes for a second.

"Really?" Mac asked.

"Yeah, some women like blue eyed, well build men with mussed up dark hair." I smirked.

"Right… you going to be okay?" Mac asked me as he lay down and pulled the covers around him, rolling onto his side to face me, our faces only inches apart after I rolled onto my side, too.

"Am going to be. Thank you."

"Anytime." He said and then leaned in closer and placed a soft kiss onto my forehead, pulling back with a shy smile. I gave him a tired smile and tried to hide my yawn and he knew it was time to get back to sleep, so he turned around and turned the light off, surrounding us with darkness, only a lightning now and then lightening the room. Although I was tired I knew that after the nightmare I would have a hard time falling asleep again. I spent the next minutes thinking about the moment Mac and I just shared and the warm feeling that was now continuing to consume me. I never even dared to imagine a moment like that happening between me and Mac and I normally didn't show any weakness or emotions when I'm around others, but that dream just brought it all up again and the fact that it was my best friend around allowed me my little moment of actually be a woman. But on the other hand he was the one finding me unconsciously lying on the floor that very fateful day. I still feel my stomach tighten whenever I only think about that day. I slightly shook my head, pushing those memories aside.

I listened to Mac breathing next to me and actually thought he would be asleep again, but somehow I got the feeling that he was just as awake as I was. But since I could have been wrong I decided to keep quiet and just listen to the calming sound of his breath and the thunder and rain outside. Thinking of my childhood where I had been afraid of thunder and would go and hide under my covers when a thunderstorm was at night. Now I was actually enjoying them at times, but today the sound of thunder was annoying me as it didn't help to fall asleep.

"Will you actually get any sleep?" Mac suddenly said quietly.

"I don't know… I hope." I answered quietly.

Although I thought I'd have a hard time falling asleep again I was back to sleep surprisingly soon. And the next morning was on it's way with hopefully good moments and some new knowledge about our neighbors at the end of the day.