"IT'S JUST A JUMP TO THE LEFT!"
In unison, everyone in the garden – Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, Percy, Charlie, Bill, Ginny, Molly Weasley, Arthur Weasley, and Draco – jumped to the left.
"AND THEN A STEP TO THE RIIIIIIIIGHT! PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HIPS! AND BRING YOUR KNEES IN TIIIIIIIIGHT! THEN IT'S THE PELVIC THRUUUUUUST! WHICH REALLY DRIVES YOU INSAAAAAANE! LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAAAAAAAIN!"
What had brought on this madness? Merlin knows. However, the odd grouping continued all the way through the song, before collapsing in a heap with Harry on the bottom, flailing madly. "Can't breathe, guys!" He whined, squirming round heavily at the bottom of the pile and attempting to wriggle free. One by one, the others clambered off and toddled off, collecting their possessions from their various rooms, until only Harry and Draco were left in the garden.
"Time to go back to Hogwarts." Draco pouted, crossing his arms over his chest, and Harry snickered.
"Aww, you're adorable when you're pouty." He prodded Draco's lips and squealed as the blond bit his finger, giggling softly and tackling the other male to the floor, pinning him down and tickling him.
"No! Noooooo! YOU'LL MAKE MY CLOTHES DIIIIIRTY! I'll look like a pleb!" Draco protested, whimpering as he flailed round, squealing with laughter as he was tickled and rolling round on the floor.
"You always look like a pleb, my darling Draco." Harry crooned, ducking down and kissing Draco on the nose, only to be flicked on the forehead.
"TAKE IT BACK!"
"Don't wanna."
"Then feel my WRATH!"
"Oh, so that's what you call it these days…"
"… oh, you're diiiiirty."
"You're the one that suggested it!"
"I meant my actual wrath!"
"Oh, not your little Draco 'wrath'?" Harry snickered, sticking his tongue out at the blond. "Diddy lickle Draco." He continued, lightly mocking the sexy beast he was straddling, fluffing his hair up and deliberately rubbing him into the mud.
"It's not little!" Draco growled, and thrust his hips heavily upwards as though to prove a point. Harry meeped loudly, eyes growing wide.
"True that!"
"Silly little children. Must you do this in public?" The quietly confident drawl of the most sexual predator in the planet reached their ears, and Harry practically fell off Draco, who squealed aloud at the sight of his mentor and namesake.
"DADDY!" He squeed, and all of the windows to the Burrow suddenly blasted open, Mrs Weasley hanging out of the kitchen window, hoisting her blouse up to flash Luscious Mouthfu- uh, Lucius Malfoy.
"Oh, Mr Malfoy, you sexy thing, why didn't you tell me you'd be visiting? I would have washed my thongs!" She wailed, before disappearing back into the house, leaving Harry and Draco suitably disturbed.
"… eep." Lucius blinked, cringing a little, before flopping down onto the ground beside Draco and Harry, winking at the latter and smacking the former on the head with his pimp cane. "Draco, what have I told you about sex in the garden? Only if-?"
"Only if the ground has been sterilised first. I know, father, I just forgot." Draco looked down and stared at the ground, prodding the soil and pouting to himself. Harry seemed unable to speak, simply mumbling incoherently as he stared at Lucius, his tongue half out of his mouth. A hippogriff could have gnawed his special-place off and he wouldn't have noticed. To begin with. He probably would have done after a while.
"Now then, children, I'm here to help take you off to Hogwarts!" Lucius stood up once again, brushed himself down, and smacked Draco for a second time atop the head with the snake-headed cane.
"What was that for?" Draco whined, getting up and dragging Harry up with him.
"For the lulz?" He shrugged, before shooing the two away. "Begone! Begone! Go get your things!"
The two teenagers scuttled off, molesting each other along the way, leaving Lucius to pelvic thrust in circles round the garden, happily singing 'Jizz In My Pants,' whilst waiting for everybody to arrive in the garden with their things.
AN: HUZZAH! Um… yeah. x3 Don't ask, I have no idea. Like it? Hate it? REVIEW NOW PLZ.