Here's the next exciting episode of "Total Drama Races"! Again I update slowly! I wonder who will today's race? Well read and find out! (Also review!) OMG! A three part-race! I wonder what wll happen! Also some "Phineas and Ferb" referances here and there.
Disclaimer:I OWN...nothing. Except Jackie.
"Last time on Total Drama Races,the racers managed to get to China with a special vinewhip from Dan's pokemon car! They raced through a village and cause MAJOR damage! We're still paying for damages,out of Chris-sama's paycheck,of course."
"Hey!" shouted Chris from behind the camera "Why isn't coming out of my paycheck!"
"Shush! More explosions came thier way,but no one was blown up. Too bad! But someone did go home! Poor Elizabeth Hindle was sent home cause her car was completely TOTALED! And because of that she couldn't really leave on the Highway of Losers. So now she's an intern! Who will win this week's episode of Total. Drama. RACES!"
*Theme Song plays*
The racers awoke with aches and pains. They where complaining about thier beds being lumpy and being too hard on thier backs. Nina awoke with a smile on her face. She had a perfect good night sleep and was in the best of moods.
"Bonjour a tous!" she said happily "Avez-vous tous une bonne nuit de sommeil? Parce que je fait![1]"
"Shut up Frenchy." said Katsuhkay. She had bags under eyes from a sleepless night on her bed.
Nina,not taking Katsuhkay's comment lightly,walked away in a huff.
Chris walked in with Elizabeth in tow. She was carrying a tray with two travel coffee cups. She looked a bit tired.
"Morning racers!" said Chris cheerfully,too cheerfully. "How are you this morning,like I care."
The racers all glared at Chris for his rude comment. He took a coffee cup from the tray and took a sip of the coffee. Then he set the cup on top of Elizabeth's head.
"This is not worth the unpaid hours." said Elizabeth under her breath.
Jackie walked in with a small smile on her face. She was wearing a ruby red and white striped with long sleeves that went past her hands a bit with a black short sleeved shirt over it,black jean pants,and ruby red Ugg boots. She had was wearing a black beanie-like hat. She had was also wear white winter fest.
"Dobroe utro! [2]!" said Jackie. She walked over to Emily and noticed Chris using her as a coaster. She rolled her eyes and took the coffee of the try Emily was holding. She took a sip and then noticed something.
"Is this...chocolate!" asked Jackie gleefully. She took a long glup with some of it running down the side of her mouth. After the cup was empty she licked her lips and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.
"That was so yummy!" she said happily. She then noticed some of the racers where looking at her. "What? I happen to like chocolate in my coffee!"
"Ok then." said Chris turning his attention back to the racers. "Today's race will start in 15 mintues! So hurry up and eat your breakfast."
"You call this breakfast!" shouted Katsuhkay whacking her so called eggs with a spoon as it lunged at her. It flew across the room and hit the wall with a loud splat!
"Eeeeeww!" exclaimed a disgusted Erika
Jaxon thought this was the perfect time to make his move. He walked over to Erika,who was doodling in her sketchpad,and sat down next to her.
"Hey." he said
"Um,hi." said Erika not taking her eyes off her doodle. "What do you want?"
"For you to go out with me after I win today's race."
"What makes you so sure that your gonna win!" shouted Erika slamming her pencil on the table. Kat,Nina,and Kimmie,who were sitting next to her looked up at her sudden outbrust.
"Hey,what's going on?" asked Kat "What's this goon talking about?"
"He thinks he's gonna win the and wants to take me on a date!"
"Wanna bet?" asked Jaxon
"Fine." said Kimmie,Kat,Nina and Erika together
"Whoever loses has to go on a date with Jaxon!" said Kat
"Hey what are you guys talking about?" asked Checkers
"We're making a bet with Jaxon." said Kimmie "Whoever comes in last place has to go on a date with him."
Checkers looked at the girls,and then at Jaxon. She smiled and said,"I'll take that bet!"
Jaxon took Erika's sketchbook and turned to a clean page. He wrote down Erika's,Nina's,Kat's Kimmie's and Checkers' names. He laughed as he plotted each of the girls' downfalls!
'This is gonna be too easy!' thought Jaxon
That's when the intercom clicked on,making a loud ear bleeding squeaking noise. The racers yelled in agony and covered thier ears.
"Oops!" said Jackie over the intercom "Sorry! Would all racers please head to the starting line! Repeat,would all racers please head to the starting line! Ok now how do you turn this thing off?"
A click was heard then intercom turned off. The racers walked towards the starting line,with a happy Jaxon waving the list in front of the girls. They exchanged looks of worry.
"We can't lose this bet!" said Kimmie "We all have to stay ahead of Jaxon!"
"Agreed!" said Kat
"Let's kick his ass!" said Checkers
The girls high-fived each other and then headed down to the starting line. But unknow to them,Ashley had watched the whole thing. She smiled an evil smile. She was thinking of ways to make this racing bet as intresting as possible! She walked down with the others with an evil scheme forming in her head.
[At the Starting Line]
The racers were at thier cars ready for the race. Chris and Jacke stood in front of the exit both smiling evil smiles. As usual,Jackie was holding the checkered flag while Chris held nothing. Elizabeth was standing next to them holding a clipboard.
"Today's race will be in Russia!" said Chris "This a three day race and it will the most brutel,extreme,and coldest race yet!"
"There are two check points." said Jackie "The frist checkpoint is a reststop near the Russian border where you can fill up with gas. After you fill up with gas,show the border police your passports,then you must race down to Moscow where the next checkpoint will be waiting!"
"Seems easy enough." said Pika confident
"But be warned," said Chris "The nights in Russia can get below zero! So I suggest you guys dress up nice and warm."
The racers were now worried about freezing to death. Most had heating in thier cars,but would it be enough to keep them from freezing?
"Oh,and if you see a magical old-timey bathing suit,who makes a "nang,nang,nang," sound,be careful! He's name is Klimpaloon and he's know to cause harsh Russian snowstorms! He's cause more accidents than anything else in the world!"
Everyone looked at Jackie as if her head just exploded! Chris was especially confused about Jackie's strange warning.
"A magical old-timey bathing suit named Klimpaloon,who causes harsh snowstorms and accidents?" asked Chris raising an eyebrow "Are you on drugs?"
Jackie,who was a bit hurt by Chris' rather rude question,angerily kicked him where the sun don't shine. He fell to the ground with his hands in between hs legs. Eli busted out laughing at Chris' pain,along with Pika and a few others. He smiled when she laughed along with him.
"Lizzie,drag Christian out of here! I need to get on wth this race!" said Jackie with some anger still in her voice. Elizabeth did just that as a injured Chris was dragged out of the room. She turned to the racers who were by now inside they're cars,reved up and ready to go! Jackie stood in a flag girl stance and held the flag up in the air.
"On your mark..."
The racers revved up their engines. Each racer had a determined look on thier faces.
"Get set..."
The racers gripped thier steeringg wheels tight and where itching to hit the gas.
"GO!"
The racers quickly sped right of the garage and on to thier next destinaion! Jackie watched as the racers drove off nto the distance. She walked to where Chris and Elizabeth was and angerily stared at Chris. Chris,who was able to at least stand up,looked at Jackie as well. He could see the anger in her eyes.
"Come on,we gotta go watch the race." said Jackie "Lizzie,you have to stay here with Chef again. You don't have to help him wth anything! All you have to do is watch the moniters in the staff room. Call us if anything goes wrong. I mean seriously,life-threatening,possible sueing wrong!"
Elizabeth nodded and then took the cell phone that Jackie gave her. It was a sky blue flip phone with Ponyo on the front.
"We'll be back to pick you guys up when the race is about over! And Lizzie they're are some old winter clothes I *cough* can't fit into anymore *cough* that you can wear. They're in a pink box in my closet!" Jackie felt Chris tugging her shirt sleeve. "Ok I gotta go! I'll be back!"
Elizabeth watched Jackie and Chris run inside to the helicopter outside and fly away. She walked towards the staff room to begin her job...but not before trying on some of Jackie's clothes! She quickly ran to Jackie's room and slammed the door shut!
Nina was again in frist place with Checkers,and Kat close behind her. Erika was in fourth and Kimmie in fifth. Jaxon was right behind them and was going to do anything and everything to get one of the girls to date him! He wasn't desprate,he just wanted a date. He was about to rear end Kimmie but noticed something on her bumper.
"Are those spikes!" said Jaxon "Since when does her car have spikes!"
Io was right next to Dan,who was going at top speed. Io looked at Dan from the passnger window and waved goodbye. At frist Dan looked confused,but then Io tried to ram Dan off the road! Dan swivered a bit, but got back on the road. But he quickly gained back control.
"I'll get you for this you emo freak!" shouted Dan "REVENGE!"
Deimos was right behind his sister,Phobos. Both were going neck and neck,trying to get past one another. Phobos was going at top speed,as well as her brother.
"Deimos,even though you are my brother, I am going to kick butt in this race!" said Phobos
"Same to you,dear sister!" said Deimos
Both push down on the gas pedal and began to go faster! They past Lance,Pika,Cody,Johnny, and Eli, with each one looking surprised. They never excepted them to go that fast!
"This is totally wicked!" said Phobos
"I guess." said Deimos
Jackie and Chris' helicopter was hovering over head watching the race. Jackie was paying more attention to race with her remote in her right hand. She was itching to push one of the many buttons on her remote. Chris was operating the controls. He felt bad about what he said to Jackie. He wanted to apoligze to her, but before he got a chance she started talking about the race.
"What's up viewers!" said Jackie "It's time to see who's in the frist and who's left in the dust!"
She looked down to see who was in frist.
"It looks like Miss Nina Fey is, again, in frist! Yay her! Checker is in second, and Kat in third! Erika is in fourth,Kimmie in fifth, and Jaxon is in sixth! Io is a close seventh and Dan is in eighth! The double racing duo,Demios and Phobos,are speeding like crazy! Both are tied for ninth! Will the other racers catch up or will they eat dust for lunch! Find out more after this commercial break!"
As the racers were on the solid rocky road,it soon turned to a sleek,icey road! And since of them were going super fast they would have some trouble slowing down! Demios and Phobos were already skidding a bit,as well as Eli and Eyrton!
"AAHH!" screamed Eli "I'm too young to die!"
He was trying his best to keep from crashing into the other racers. Eli finally got control of his car after he ran over a squirrel. Which he didn't see until after he ran over it.
"Holy sh*t!" Eli exclaimed "Did I just hit a squirrel? Great,now Lilith has squirrel guts on her tires! That's just f*cking GREAT!"
Pika caught up with Eli. She looked out her window and saw that he was unhappy. She wondered what was wrong and a slight worried expression came across her face.
"I wish I could ask him what was wrong,but I gotta keep my eyes on the road!" said Pika "I'll ask him when I get to the Checkpoint."
Eli noticed Pika out of the passnger side window. She looked a bit worried. Eli wondered what was wrong.
"What's wrong with Pika?" Eli asked himself "I would ask her now,but I have to keep from crashing. I'll ask her when I get to the Checkpoint."
Both began to drive off feeling worried for each other.
Ashley was driving a drunk grandma! She had ran over two squirrels,three birds,and a cat! Ashley had came up with the greatest scheme ever! The scheme to make Jaxon's bet more...interesting.
"This will be so awesome!" said Ashley "Mwahaha!"
Ashley pulled out a cellphone and began to send a text message. But to who?
Up in the sky,Jackie's cell phone had gone off. It played "Xi Shua Shua" by The Flowers. (It's a real song and it's awesome!)
"A Chinese pop song?" asked Chris "I thought you were only into Japanese pop songs?"
"I'm still mad at you!" shouted Jackie,taking out a purple punk Hello Puppy "And I'm of Chinese,French,Japanese,Swedish,American,British,and Russian descendant. My family goes back a loooooooong time."
"I can see that." said Chris "Your just a mixture of everything,aren't cha?"
"Shut up!" shouted Jackie "I got a text message,but I don't know from who. 'Make it snow!' What?"
"Maybe it's time to activte some bombs!" said Chris smiling
"WHOO HOO!" cheered Jackie,pulling out her remote "Time to make it snow!"
She pressed a big red button and cannons popped out from the ground on the sidelines! They were big cannons and began to fire! And since the racers were on ice it was going to be difficult to avoid getting killed!
"Holy F*ck!" screamed Cody "Chris is always trying to f*cking kill us!"
"Hey!" said Chris "It's Miss Pyhcopath over here trying...to..aw crap." He turned to look at Jackie,who was furious! She was breathing heavy with rage and was ready to kill Chris!
"Christian,can I see you headphones?" asked Jackie though gritted teeth
"S-sure,Jacks." said Chris nervously. He took off his headphones and handed them to Jackie. She calmly took them. Chris was nervous about what she was going to do next.
"Jack-!" Before he could get another word out Jackie pushed him out the helicopter! From 30,000ft!
Chris was screaming like a girl as he plumited to the icy,cold snow! He stood up wasit deep in the snow. He watched as the racers sped by.
"HEY!" screamed Chris "HEY,JACKIE! COME DOWN HERE AND GET ME! HEY! AT LEAST GIVE ME A COAT!"
A coat was thown out of the helicopter and landed on Chris' face.
"It seems Christian-sama has a little fall. Will I save him or will he freeze to death? Who will make it to the Checkpoint frist? And will I ever get a chance to go shopping and see my realitves? Find out after this break on Total. Drama. RACES!"
And with that Jackie flew away with Chris shivering in the snow.
Translations:
1."Good Morning everyone! Did you sleep well? Cause I did!"-French
2."Good Morning!"-Russian