Here it is, the part you've all been waiting for! Okay, maybe not, if you already saw it on my other account. Anyway, please read and review! Let's see if you can guess how it ends, though I doubt any of you will.
Naruto is property of Masashi Kishimoto. Deal with it fangirls (and Sasuke).
Chapter Three: What The...?
Two weeks had past and Deidara had finally gotten over his ordeal and was ready to begin work again. But he felt he had somehow gotten out of shape during his two week absence.
Gosh, I feel flabby, he thought as he and Sasori walked to the training field. Why? I didn't eat anything fattening...He then remembered the cake, pie, cookies, Twinkies and moon pies he had consumed immediately after his migraine had subsided. I'm just gonna stop thinking about it...Deidara felt a bump on his left shoulder and looked over to find that he had ran into Itachi.
"Hey!" he exclaimed, "Watch where you're going, Sharingan Jerk, hmm!" He was about to say more when Itachi pushed him into the wall, his sharingan fully activated.
"What are you doing, hmm?" Deidara protested as Itachi looked him up and down with a clinical eye.
"You shouldn't train today, or any time in the next few weeks." Itachi said coldly and walked away leaving both Deidara and Sasori wondering, What the...
Blaaa-blaaarg! Deidara puked into the toilet, his stomach feeling much better afterward. Except for the taste in his mouth, he felt completely normal, as if he had not barfed at all.
After wiping his face, he turned to leave the restroom and jumped in surprise when he saw Itachi standing in the doorway, a look that clearly said I-told-you-so written on his face.
"Shut up, Sharingan Jerk, hmm," Deidara growled.
"I didn't say anything, Dobe," Itachi shoot back, his voice still level and emotionless. "I just wanted to tell you-"
Ugh, thought Deidara, not listening to Itachi. He is gonna go on and on about how powerful he is and how superior the Uchihas are...
"-pregnancies in men are not common so I think I have found out your secret, miss Deidara."
"Wait, what?" Deidara hadn't been paying attention.
"I said you're pregnant." Itachi paraphrased. "With child, two weeks into it as I can tell, miss Dobe." Itachi turned around and left the bathroom and a very confused Deidara.
By the next morning, everyone had heard. The nine other Akatsuki members hushed as Deidara walked into the kitchen to prepare his breakfast. The first to speak was Hidan, a tall, shirtless man with his hair slicked back.
"Hey, babe, wanna get fucked by someone with experience?" He winked at Deidara and did an awkward little attempt at a pelvis thrust.
Deidara ignored Hidan entirely as he scooped some eggs onto his plate. He sat down and began eating, until he noticed the blue-haired Konan sitting next to him, staring.
"What do you want, hmm?" Deidara asked before shoveling some more eggs into his mouth.
"It's just," Konan struggled to find the right words. "I thought I was the only one."
"Okay..?" the blonde scooted a few inches away from her.
"It's okay, you don't have to shop if you don't want to," Konan looked dejected. "We can still be friends."
"Who said anything about not wanting to shop, hmm?" as manly as Deidara was, he still had a weakness for shopping, especially at clothing stores where he could experiment with different looks.
Konan looked up, a bit taken aback yet pleased with the bomber's response. "Really?"
"Sure," he replied, smiling. Deidara had never liked shopping alone; people just looked at him funny and never gave him good service. "How about this weekend?"
"Yes!" the Paper Angel cheered, and hugged Deidara. "I'm so excited!"
"The girls are finally getting together," Kisame whispered to Itachi who just nodded.
Deidara and Konan stood outside the Ninja Retail Outfitter, laughing at stupid cos-players who looked nothing like ninjas.
"Wow, it is the cos-play store of the century, hmm."Deidara quoted the extremely stupid commercial that had prompted them to visit the store.
"Yep!" Konan replied, "Complete with Accurate ninja wear!" they giggled like schoolgirls for a few minutes before actually entering the store.
"Hey! Let look over here first!" She dragged Deidara toward the girls clothing. They started out by looking at dresses, then accessories and hair clips. However, when Konan pulled him into the maternity clothes he knew something was up.
"Hey, why are we looking over here, hmm?" He asked, "Are you and Pain expecting someone, hmm?" He elbowed her in the side playfully.
"No," she blushed, "I just figured you hadn't done any preparation shopping so I figured we could go without the boys..." Deidara figured out what was going on as soon as she had said 'preparation shopping'. She thought he was a her and pregnant.
"Oh, so Itachi...hmm." Deidara thought for a minute. Being the nice guy he was he didn't want to hurt Konan's feelings, so he decided to tell her gently.
"I don't think I'm pregnant, Itachi is just screwing with everyone, hmm" He smiled bigger and brighter so she wouldn't be insulted. What he wasn't expecting was her reply to that.
"Oh, you're preggers! Itachi can see chakra when he uses Sharingan and when women are Pregnant there is an extra chakra in the mix. So, yeah, you're pregnant." Deidara nearly broke his composure.
"Yeah, but I still want to be clinically 'figured out' before I buy anything, also on the off chance of miscarriage..." Konan nodded and they left the maternity clothes and walked to a different section of the store. Deidara worried that Konan would press it further, but she didn't. They had a great time at the store and returned to the hideout laughing...Until Kakuzu saw the receipt, that is.
Later that week, Konan presented Deidara with a 'little' gift.
"A pregnancy test, hmm?" He whispered so that the other people in the room hopefully wouldn't notice.
"Yeah, so you can have your 'clinical figuring out' answer!" She whispered back, equally quiet.
"Well, yeah, but how accurate is it, hmm?" Deidara was looking for a loophole in having to use it.
"The box says 100% accurate and it is easy to use. So go on! I want to see the results!" Konan practically shoved Deidara into the bathroom.
Well, he thought. Might as well get it over with, hmm. He stood over the toilet and followed the instructions on the package. Twelve minutes later he emerged from the bathroom, pale as if he had seen a ghost.
"Well?" Konan was bouncing with excitement. Deidara didn't answer her, he just walked towards his room and collapsed on his bed, too shocked to speak.
Konan peered into the bathroom and saw the test on the counter top.
Deidara laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Well,that was the first test I ever passed. He thought. I wish that I had failed, hmm. Deidara rolled over and fell asleep, crying silently.