Disclaimer: Our Queen Louise Rennison owns the fabbity fab world of Georgia. Bow down to her.

Outside Luigi's

We have started the official meeting off with a quick round of the Viking Bison Disco Inferno (outside of the café… for obvious reasons). Rosie got a little bit carried away and jump into Ellen's arms in the end and they both crashed into a bush.

Oh happy days!

Luigi's

We have all ordered cappuccinos so there is stereo slurping. And all around foam moustache syndrome. As I have said many times, I really do hate cappuccinos.

Jas looked down at her coffee and began to tear up "I will never eat or drink again!" she announced.

"Jas" I said soothingly, "that is vair difficult to believe because - forgive me if I'm right - before we left your house you jammed in three strawberry poptarts into your gob followed by a million midget gems."

She sniffled. "Yes, well starting now. I will never eat another morsel of food again."

Two Minutes Later

Ellen bought a slice of pie and brought it over to our table for us to do sharesies. Now, I am not naming names but SOMEONE who announced just minutes before that she will NEVER eat again, acted like a little piggy and ate more pie than any of us.

Typico.

Five Minutes Later

The meeting has official begun with Jas retelling (with much blubbering) the horrid event that had occurred just days prior.

"Oooh it was terrible – sniffle – he went outside while we were all w-watching the movie and I – cough – followed him. H-he said we needed t-to talk. – sniffle – I thought maybe it would be about the interesting specimen we found in the woods earlier on… It was quite cool actually, like nothing we had ever seen before…"

After a million and seven years of rambling on about some snot they found lurking under an old stump, Jas got to the nub and gist. And to save you from the boringosity that we had to endure I will give you the cheat sheet version vis-à-vis the dumping fandango.

Tom: I'm just beginning to think that we have been together for so long and that we have yet to really experience what's out there.

Jas: Well, what are you saying?

Tom: I just think we need a bit of space apart. I just need to figure some things out about school and you and me.

(At this point Jazzy is crying like billion)

Tom: I am sooo sorry Jas. You know I love you. I just need some time…

And at that point he went back in and collected his things and left!

Rosie, who we all know is madness personified, had her beard on and was ready to dish out her usual wubbish advice. "Perhaps you can become a lesbian prozzy and then Tom will see what he is missing?"

See? I was not wrong.

A Minute Later

Ellen suggested (more like dithered) "Well, uhm, maybe you could, uhm… Just like, y'know give him the uhm.. Space? The space that he uhm, wants and then maybe you guys will uhm, get back together? Or something? Erm, I think?"

"Thanks Ellen," I said "Once again you showed full sensibilitosity and top advice providing skills."

"Oh, erm fanks."

Five Minutes Later

The short of the short is that Jas is going to give Tom all the space he needs and also show major glaciosity. This way Tom can see what he his missing, without Jas having to become a lezzie prostitute as RoRo so insanely suggested.

Before we called the meeting to a close, Jools passed around the chuddie and we did a stunning round of the Snot Disco Inferno. What larks!

At Home

10:20 pm

Home all snuggly buggly in bed. Yeah right.

Libby has got all her "fwends" cuddled up to me. And she is sleeping horizontally. Across my stomach.

Two Minutes Later

I have accidentally made the mistake of slightly shifting my body. She sat up and biffed me with Scuba-Diving Barbie across the face.

Also, there is a hint of something wet at the bottom of my bed. I think I am far to scared to check. Especially since mutti told me Libs hadn't done a poo all day.

A Minute Later

False alarm.

A Minute Later

Why in the name of our Lord Sandra's comedy under crackers would Libby open a tube of yogurt in my bed.

Why?

Tuesday, October 8th

8:00 am

I have accidentally woken up for another day of "school". I went down stairs for my lovely breakfast prepared by my dear sweet Mutti (not) and noticed there was a message waiting on the answering machine.

A Minute Later

Oh my giddygod! What if it's P. Harry ready to take me back to Bucky Palace?

Actually, I highly doubt that…

Two Minutes Later

Well it wasn't P. Harry (Mores the pity)

I clicked the play back button and well… See for yourselves.

"Oy Missus! It is the tall and yellow haired man Sven! I will trade you the elderberries for your false eye hairs. If you are wanting to come to my house to do a trading go to 59 17 in the North and 18 3' in the East. It is the green one with the orange door and many, many raining deer in front. Thank you Miss. Where is Rosie by way? I have last seen her cheeky nungas less than ten minutes in the past from now. Minx!"

Wow.

8:30 am

Jazzy Spazzy is back in her uniform and has a sniff of glaciosity in her conk. She is ready to eschew he who must not be named (Ostracized veg boy) with a firm hand.

Five Minutes Later

Speak of the ostracized lemming! Tom and the gang were ambling off to Foxwood just ahead of me and Jas. Jas immediately turned very red and looked as though she was sucking on a bit of poo. Which she might have been. Who knows? Who cares?

Before the lads could notice us Jas said she left her blodge book at home and had to go get it. She said "S'laters" and ran back.

A Minute Later

Caught up to the lads and got a surprise botty pinch from Dave. Cheeky.

"Morning Sex Kitty, you're looking particularly nungalicious today."

I gave him my sternest look.

Tom (otherwise known as the ostracized something or other) looked around and asked where Jas was.

"Well, Tom I don't see why YOU would care but she has gone back home to get her blodge book."

Tom slightly frowned. Oh hells biscuit, if he starts crying I will punch him. "You know I still care for her, Gee." He said and started walking away from the gang into the direction of Jazzy's house.

At the Gate

All the lads hopped off to Foxwood (and I mean literally hopped) except Dave who walked me to the front gates.

"Well, bye Dave" I said.

"Have a lovely day at Stalag 14, love. And please, tell Melanie I say hello and if she ever needs some extra support on the nunga front, I'll be pleased to come to her aid." He gave me a quick snog and a pat on the bumoley. "S'laters Kittykat" and he went skipping off singing the classic hit "I get by with a little help from my PANTS"

Assembly

I'm feeling a bit peckish and could go for a midget gem. Where is Jas when you need her?

Blodge

Ooooh poo! I have detentions after school but it was soooo worth it. Old Octopussy was in the blodge lab just as we were all going in for an hour of pain and odure. She was talking with Ms. Finnigan as though they were great mates. Sooo patheticos.

Anyways, Ms. Finnigan had some jars of what looked like snot (though Jas would beg to differ… Where is old fringy anyways?) on the lab tables. And Wet Lindsay's naff purse was on beside them. So, I nudged Rosie and whispered "Dare me?" and gestured to the snot. She gave me the cross-eyed look of approval.

So, I sneaky, sneaky poured in two jars of snotty into the old weeds bag and her and Ms. Finnigan were faaaar to busy swapping nunga tips or something (coz we all know W.L is lacking on the nunga front and Ms. Finnigan has more than enough to go around) to notice what I had done.

Just as Mabs was about to give me a pack of cheesy wotsits for my super sleuth work, Lindsay reached into her purse (probably to fish out a thong) and screamed.

God knows I tried to hold in my laughter, we all did. But Wet Lindsay's face was absolutely priceless. She pulled out a snot covered hand and stared at it. Mortified.

"Nicolson!" She shouted. She looked as though she was going to start blubbering. Oh happy days.

After a severe ear thrashing from Ms. Finnigan (Lindsay stayed to watch, smiling) Jools had a fit of comic wotsit.

Remember the staring campaign? Well the four of us (not including Ellen… or something) stared at old thongy's (lack of) forehead and she must have forgotten about her snotty hand because she reached up to feel around for a surprise lurker! Result! She had the green snot in her hair and her teensy weensy forehead! Hhahahahahhahaha!

10 Minutes Later

We all still have stereo laugh syndrome.

A Minute Later

Oooh I bet Dave will give me an excellent snog after I tell him what happened. He would be sooo proud.

Break

Still no sign of Jas. Hmmm. Oh well.

We were discussing if anyone had any updates vis-à-vis the snogging scale. Jools said her and Rollo got to number nine, again.

I said, "Forgive me Jools, but pulling down your trousers and showing Rollo your knickers does not count as number nine."

Jools laughed, "Oh Gee-Gee, you are indeed a twit of the first waters. We got to proper number nine this time."

We were all agog like… er… agogs.

"Stephanie Tyler in the year below got pregnant from doing number nine." I said.

"You can't get preggers from doing number nine, Gee." Jools said. What was she? A number nine expert?

"Yeah, well that's what Stephanie Tyler thought, Jools."

Rosie, who looked up from plaiting her fringe said "Wasn't it Sarah Smith who got preggers after number nine?"

"Nope." I said, "She got pregnant after ¼ (kissing hands). True fact."

"That is utter WUBBISH!" Jools said. "You my little pally are as dim as you are busty."

I suppose she is not wrong there.

Was that fab or what? I think there were some top comedy moments in this chappy (or at least I thought they were funny!) But anyways, I hope you enjoyed it - and WOW! Did I really just update twice in 24 hours? After over a year of no updates? I truly am Emily the Biscuit! Leave me some luuurve if you liked it! xoxo