Disclaimer: I don't own G. Nicolson or the gang. I don't even own a single one of Slim's chins.

English

Still no sign of Jas.

Rosie began sending around notes.

Ladies!
I have come up with a plan to get rid of Old Snot forehead once and for all.
If you want to know my mistress plan, send over any chuddie or midget gems you may have on your person.
Ro-Ro

I taped a piece of chuddie down to the paper and scribbled,

Do tell
xo G

Rosie has received a days supply of chuddie and midget gems, though she has yet to tell us her mistress plan.

Two Minutes Later

Sorry, I wanted to wait a bit and allow the pot of excitement to stir.

This is my plan: We somehow get access to one of Lindsay's thongs and we burn it. Carefully, we collect the ashes and put it in a pouch of powdered drink mix. We offer it to Lindsay and VOILA! Old Thongy has unknowingly digested her own thong.

Am I brill or what?
Ro-Ro

Mabs wrote back,

Clean or dirty thong? I vote dirty.

Mabsy oxoxox

This was all making me a bit sick, I replied,

That is all good and swell but how do we go about getting possession of her thong? I for one will not be touching it. Clean or dirty.
xo G

Detention

Rosie stole the skeleton ("Fatty" as we call him) from the science block and hid it in the cloak room behind a first formers bag and coat. I think she wet herself. So now Rosie is with me in detention but on the bright side of an otherwise poo situation, Miss Wilson is on detention duty. So, all detention basically is, is an extra hour of makeup adjusting and goss.

"Sven is trying out to be an Olympic runner." Rosie informed me, as I was attempting to keep the orangutan gene at bay by plucking what was verging on the monobrow, which is very popular among the boyfriendless.

"What country will he represent? Because surely Mars does not have their own Olympic team. That is le fact." I told her.

She laughed. Quite scarily.

"And besides, is he even a good runner?" I asked, interested. Whenever he plays footie he is usually on the ground. And he stays there.

"Of course he is. He is part reindeer. Everyone from reindeer land practices running even before they learn to crawl. It is so they do not get crushed by the wild reindeer that terrorize the townfolk. Sven told me."

I was genuinely curious. "How did you understand? He is, as we all know, not entirely sane. Or English."

"He made a picture using cheesing wotsits and his mutti's knickers."

Sacre bleu!

Cloak Room

Grabbed our coats and braced ourselves for the Antarctic adventure that is the walk home.

We did arm linking on the way home, but broke apart whenever we caught sight of someone. I do not want the lezzie rumours to spread once more.

5:30 pm

When I arrived home I was quite surprised to find my Mutti wearing something somewhat sensible (her jeans looked a bit on the too-tight side) sitting at the kitchen table with Dave the Laugh! What fresh hell?

"Hi Kittykat, I just came round to bring your Mutti a pie." Dave said.

"Yes, it was so lovely of you to stop by Dave. So sweet of you!" She was talking all girly and she had lippy on!

I just looked on like I had just found a butchered horses head in my bed. Which could possibly happen. Libby is quite good at head removing. She will probably grow up to be an executioner. Where was she anyways?

A Minute Later

Libby as emerged from under the kitchen table with a drawing. It was her. And Dave the Laugh. Snogging.

Dave looked as happy as a clam, happier even.

"Good work, Libs." He said, picking her up on his knee. "I will put it on my ceiling so I can stare at it at night."

Libby did her mad laughing and Mutti just watched, smiling. Is she not at all worried that her daughter is drawing pictures of her snogging older boys? The boy being MY boyfriend? Of course not. Mutti is probably imagining it was her snogging Dave.

Oooh get out of my head!

On the Wall Outside

Dave and I have escaped the Swiss Family Mad. He says he loves my family because we are loveable and crazy and we thrust our nungas proudly. He gave me a package of midget gems.

"I have taken the liberty of eating all of the colours except for the black ones. Because I know you aime them so vair muchos." He said, proudly.

"Aw, fanks Dave!" I fished out a black midget gem and popped it in my mouth.

"So Sex Kitty, I have come to be the bearer of fab news all around! It is October which is Latin for "Thirty-one days of fun and possibly drag". I am planning a Halloween party extraordinaire and you, my little kittykat can come dressed up as whatever you like! Preferably something tight and revealing."

"Ooh, that is grooviness personified I haven't been to a fancy dress party in ages! What are you dressing up as?"

He winked at me. Cheeky! "That is for me to know, and you to find out!"

In Bed

9:00 pm

I am vair excited about this Halloweeny party! What should I be? Something with maturiosity, sexiness and a hint of comedy? Yes that sounds about right.

A Minute Later

I can tell you what I will NOT being dressing up as. A stuffed olive. That is le fact.

Two Minutes Later

The stuffed olive incident was ages ago! Way before Dave, the Sex God and the Luuurve God. It was even before the Mark (aka mouth on legs) and Peter Dyer (Whelk boy) fandango. I was just a mere child then. Now I am a full, mature and sophisticated woman.

I didn't even wear a bra then! How weird!

9:30 pm

Mutti came in to "chat". She sat down on my bed all smiley smiley. What?

"Soooo," she said, still smiling, "Dave is quite fit, isn't he? Are your proper boyfriend and girlfriend now? Libby luuurves him, I think she thinks they are boyfriend and girlfriend" She then began laughing like a hyena on laughing gas.

11:00 pm

After about a million years of torture, she finally left.

I am soooo vair excited for the Halloween party! I wonder what Jazzy will be? Perhaps an owl? Wouldn't that be a hoot? Aahaha! Get it?

Speaking of Jas – I forgot to give her a ring. Perhaps she has suffocated under a pair of her voluminous knickers? Too bad. I suppose I could give her a call now, but she will be all "Georgia, do you know what time it is?" Like a human clock. Only more fringy. I will see her in the morn and we can discuss party costumes and now I am far too excited to go to slee…zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Wednesday, October 9th

In bed
7:00 am

Woke up to Angus digging his claws into my kneecap. Why? He seems to have recovered quite nicely and his possibly more mad than ever before.

Kitchen

Vati nearly pooed himself when he saw I was awake so early. Honestly, he acts as though all I ever do is sleep. All he ever does is lay on the couch eating sausages and popsicles, but you don't see me throwing a celebration every time he gets up.

7:25 am

Back in my bedroom, practically ready for school. Maybe I should pop over to Jas'? Her Mutti is bound to have a proper breakfast prepared, unlike my Mutti who was in her knickers and bra eating peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon. I must remember never to eat peanut butter again.

Jas' Bedroom

Her Mutti let me in, but little Jazzy is still asleep. She is snuggled up amongst her owly friends.

"Jas…" I whispered. No response.

"JAS!"

She was quite startled and rolled right off the bed! Hahah!

Walking to Stalag 14

Jas was walking ahead of me because of the rolling off the bed incident. It's not my fault that she got sooo scared.

I've managed to catch up with her and link arms.

"I'm sorry Jas! I was just sooo excited to see you because you never came to school yesterday and I just missed my best mate sooo much!"

"You didn't even call me to make sure I was alright." She said.

"Yes, well I had detention then Dave the Laugh came round and gave me some really fab news… Do you want to know what the fab news is?"

She ignored me and went on talking about HERSELF. Old, selfish fringy. "Tom came round yesterday morn, after I had gone home. I wouldn't let him in, so he posted this through my door." She rummaged through her rucksack and pulled out an envelope. "I haven't even read it yet. I was hoping you would have come round after school and read it for me, but noooo you had other plans."

"Oh, Jazzy I'm sorry! I can read it now for you if you like." I was quite interested in what Hunky erm… I mean the ostracized veg boy had to say for himself. She handed it over and I slowly opened the envelope – for dramatic effect.

French

The short of the short is Tom is vair sorry and he feels terrible that Jas is hurt and he can't stop thinking about her and that he doesn't want space if Jas isn't there to fill the emptiness. What? Can't anyone stay broken up for more than four days? I have gone months without a boyfriend, I personally think it is personality building.

Jas is all smiley and happy and she even put on a bit of lippy in class. CRIKEY!

Break

Jas read aloud the letter Tom had written her and everyone was "awww-ing" and "oooh-ing". She was in such a good mood she even let me have any flavour midget gem I wanted.

German

Last class of the day before Rom and Jul practise. Joy unbound. All I can say is good thing Tom and Jas have made up or else Tom could have quite literally been a goner as we are going through the death scene today and Jas gets to hold a dagger.

Herr Kamyer is dithering about. Rosie keeps asking him questions about the German snogging scale and he just blinks and turns very red.

I told the others about Dave's Halloween shindig and they all got a whiff of fun in their nostrils.

"I better start making mine and Sven's costumes" Rosie said. I don't know much, but I can tell you this for free, the costumes will definitely include fur. And lots of it.

Rom and Jul

I was not wrong. Rosie has gone backstage and taken plenty of the fake fur from the props bin. She is hiding it all in her pants. I'll have to remember not to touch Rosie or Sven the night of the party. Erlack!

Ten Minutes Later

The boys arrived! Wooo! Dave, as usual was front and centre. His tie was tied around his head. Quite sexy, actually. He did his comedy slow motion running towards me and gave me a little kiss on the cheek.

"Hello sensation seekers, the Vati is here. Sound the bells of England and let the havoc commence!"

4:30 pm

After Dave the Laugh climbed up the curtain ropes and sat on the bar of spotlights above us, Miss Wilson called it a day.

Park

Even though it is quite nippy noodles we have gone to the park for Halloween party planning discussions.

"Well, I am thinking it will be on Halloween and we can all dress up for snacks, dancing and of course heavy snogging." Dave said.

Sven was very excitamondo. "Well this sounds like a holler and a half of a hoot I have many supplies such as candy, vin and everything else we need for a hooha from my homeland so that will be gud. I am loving the party scene! Who will Rosie and I be?"

"Have no fear, big boy!" Rosie said, pulling the fake fur from her skirt. "I have everything under control."

Sven licked his lips at her and chased her into the wood. That's the last time we'll be seeing them today.

Ellen who was walking and holding Declan's hand (she had to do slightly bendy legs as she is quite a bit taller than him) said "Well, erm… I think, well, maybe… I don't know yet, but I uhm, think that I will dress like, uhm, you know… A bear."

We all just stared at her.

Oooh October is my fav month and I'm going to have some fun in the next few chapters! Now, we all know Ellen is going to a bear for Halloween, but what should everyone else be? Tell me your ideas and I just may use them for my fic! Remember, the weirder - the better! xo em