STAGE CHANGE

Castle poured the eggs for Alexis's omelet into the pan as she chatted with Martha about the acting school. He gave the egg in the pan a little swirl and replaced the pan on the burner without really looking. His sight was inward, not outward, rerunning Kate's every word in his head. They had made a huge leap, at least compared to his usual silence, but he had been losing his ability to keep what was stirring inside restrained as he had before. This past year everything had escalated between them. "Facing death together with you time and time again has shown me…"

"Richard!"

"Dad!" Alexis grabbed the flaming pan and tossed it into the sink, turning on the water and filling the room with a burnt omelet haze. The kitchen smoke alarm went off, and Alexis reached for a towel to wave in front of the shrilling box, simultaneously grabbing the ringing phone competing with the alarm, "NO, IT'S FINE. I'M SO SORRY." Castle reached up and flicked the switch to turn off the alarm, his mother glaring at him open-mouthed from across the kitchen. "YES," Alexis said too loudly, quickly lowering her voice with the silenced alarm and attempting to sound calm to the angry voice on the other end. "Yes, we're throwing out the pans and eating breakfast out for the rest of week. Oh… right… Friday," she said shrugging to her dad and grandmother. "All weekend then, and all next week, too. Yes… yes, we will." She hung up the phone and turned, joining her grandmother in glaring at her father with concern, tossing the towel into the sink with the smoldering pan, and crossing her arms across her chest.

"Richard, are you okay?" Castle still coughing, jerked his gaze in his mother's direction. "This is the third cooking incident this week. What is wrong with you?" Martha's tone wasn't a joking one.

"I know, I know. I'm fine," trying to wave off the incident with the remnants of smoke in the room. "I'm still trying to write my speech for the fundraiser tonight. I can't seem to find the right words, I'm stumped. With no cases to work on and Beckett still on desk duty, I haven't had the usual distractions or inspiration around."

Alexis just shook her head at her dad in disbelief. "I'll grab something at school again." She grabbed her bookbag off the kitchen stool and swung it on her back. She walked over to her dad, bouncing up on tiptoe to kiss him goodbye on his cheek. "Try not to burn the loft down before I get home today," she said to him jokingly with a soft, concerned smile.

"Scout's honor," he said softly back. "No more cooking the rest of the week." He face tried to look reassuring, but his tone of voice didn't have the same witty sparkle it usually had.

"I'm worried about you, Dad."

"Don't be, I'm fine. Things will go back to normal after the fundraiser tonight." He gave her another, more convincing smile and kissed Alexis on her forehead. "See you later tomorrow after the fundraiser."

"Maybe I shouldn't stay overnight at…"

"I'll be fine. See you tomorrow morning with breakfast takeout." Alexis shot Martha a glance as she headed by and out the door for school. Martha turned and watched her granddaughter go. Castle walked over to the counter across from his mother and picked up his coffee from the counter. Martha spun around, her eyes ignited with anger.

"All right, Richard! Spill it!"

"What? There's nothing to spill." Castle was such a lousy liar. That was how Beckett saw right through him after giving Alex the hazing at the poker game, that first time she said 'always' to him, and in L.A. when..

"Yes there is, young man! You're already doing it again!" Martha sternly reprimanded him. "You can't even keep your mind on our current conversation!" She reached out and put her hand over his empty hand on the counter, squeezing it as if to hold on to his attention physically while restraining herself. "Richard, I've never seen you like this before. I'm worried about you. What's going on?" The tremor in her voice mirrored the worry and concern in her eyes. "Did something happen with Kate in L.A. You can tell me."

Castle put his coffee down on the counter and looked at his mother's face. Her concern was genuine. He tore his eyes away from hers and rubbed his hands up and down his face, over his eyes. But he couldn't wipe away the lack of sleep he hadn't had since they got back. He just leaned down with his elbows on the counter, his hands covering his mouth and his mind back in rewind: his mother watched his brows knit together, once again in his own world.

Montgomery had sent a car to pick them up at the airport and bring them directly to the station after their plane landed. They had flown the whole way back saying very little, just holding hands from time to time. No one approached Castle for autographs or to fawn. The two of them had an aura about them that said 'keep away,' giving them some rare privacy one last time. Beckett had rested her head on Castle's shoulder trying to sleep on the flight, but she didn't. Castle didn't want to miss a second of Kate so close to him. They seemed so comfortable there together, head resting on head, knowing whatever music they were about to face back home, they would face together. But when the plane landed, the two-man police escort seemed less than friendly to both of them.

It was like they stepped into some other kind of reality the second their feet touched New York soil. The drive to the station was uncomfortably quiet with the only signs of normal life in the few text messages exchanged with Alexis on the way. They seated Beckett in front and Castle in back, keeping them deliberately separated. Castle couldn't engage anyone in conversation no matter how hard he tried. The one glare from Beckett, turning to look at him from the front seat, firmly told him to be quiet. She was bracing for the worst. She kept her eyes looking in front with her usual bravado, but Castle knew her better and suspected what might be going on in her head throughout the silent drive.

Immediately on arrival at the station, they were escorted into the 12th Precinct straight to Montgomery's office-and the second world feeling didn't fade there. Montgomery screamed at them both for going rogue, no matter what the results. That man had a healthy set of lungs on him! Montgomery stifled every word they tried to utter with his angry fingerpoint. He specifically told Castle not to come to the station or to even speak to Beckett until the fundraiser. His situation at the 12th Precinct was at Montgomery's discretion, and Richard Castle was persona non grata. Montgomery didn't want to see or hear the word Castle for a while-a long while.

Beckett was put on desk duty until further notice. Neither were permitted to say anything other then a unified 'yes sir' before Castle was told to go home until further notice. Montgomery kept Beckett in his office. Castle and Beckett exchanged one last look before Rick had to leave the room. Beckett gave him the nod; she was okay and ready for whatever was about to happen. They had had that talk before coming back, among others. Montgomery closed the door on Castle's heels, closing him off from Beckett completely with a slam. Ryan and Esposito were not allowed to speak to Castle and an officer escorted him downstairs to another police car to take him home to the loft—also on Montgomery's orders.

"Richard!" Martha's voice jarred him out of his rewind yet again. She reached up pulling Castle's hands away from his face. "Did something happen with Beckett?"

"Mother," he said exasperated, closing his eyes-afraid to betray anything. "It's complicated," he said softly.

"Did you?" Martha asked with a raised eyebrow and a quizzical smile.

"No!" He said too quickly, "No, mother, not that." Martha look deflated, but her son's expression and face did not lighten. No joke, no wiseass comment. It was serious.

"Did you tell her? Does she feel the same way?"

"Yes, no, it's complicated. I don't know. I haven't spoken to her since we came back. We're not allowed to talk to each other at the moment. I can't risk getting her thrown off the force to find out what's going on in her head."

"But you've texted each other…"

"Only for the purpose of the fundraiser. The dean of the school is handling most of it. We can't talk about…" he didn't mean to stop his sentence there, but truly he didn't know what was going on. He couldn't finish it.

"What?" asked Martha. Castle just shook his head. He wasn't ready to talk to anyone about anything until he saw Kate again. Nothing would make sense to him again until he could speak to Kate. Castle closed himself off, putting on his 'everything's fine' act.

"Don't worry about me, Mother. I'm fine. You better head off or you are going to be late."

"But…"

"I'll order takeout, write, and then get ready for the fundraiser. I'll pick up my clothes on the way and see you there later tonight. No matter what, I have a speech to write. And I can't do that with you here distracting me."

"Richard Castle… you are an awful liar." Castle looked up with a sad, but brave little smile. "I know better than to try cracking a rock. If you want to talk to me, you know where to find me." Castle nodded a yes.

Martha bustled around the room for several minutes and then headed out with a 'bye dear' following her out the door with her usual exit wave. Castle refilled his coffee cup and placed himself in his favorite writing spot. Two hours later, his coffee was stone cold and the screen was still blank.

The last time he had writer's block this bad, he met Katherine Beckett and his entire world changed. What was he in for this time?