Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own Castle. (:
Kate Beckett:
I never thought a relationship between me and Castle would work. I thought maybe if I said I loved Josh he would go away… I didn't want to break his heart and I didn't want him to break mine. I've never been good in relationships. I've ruined every single one.
I haven't told him, but I love Castle. I've never met a person like him before. He is so annoying, but so smart, and ambitious, and handsome. And I can't stay away. Chief was right when he said Castle was good for me. I don't know why I didn't listen.
Everything was kind of foggy when he showed up at my apartment. I was alone with a glass of red wine, thinking about something that I don't really remember. When I heard a knock at the door, I grabbed my gun, opening the door just a little. I saw Castle though, and put it down.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him. It was raining outside, his hair and jacket looked drenched. "Didn't think to bring an umbrella?"
He didn't speak. He stepped into my apartment, closed the door, and kissed me like we had kissed the very first time. All that passion and love had been building up inside me for longer than I knew myself.
"Rick, what are you doing?" I asked breathlessly.
"What I should've done a long time ago," he said and he kissed me again.
I didn't argue. I took him to my bedroom. I knew exactly what he wanted and I wanted it too.
I lay in his arms an hour later, my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, eyes closed. It was like we had done this a million times before, and we should have. He kissed my hair.
"I love you, Kate," he said, and I looked up at him. Nobody, not even Josh, had told me they loved me like he just did.
I didn't know what to do. Say I love you back? I do love him… but this was going to change us forever. It already had. We were already different. Nothing would ever be the same. But I was okay with that. I kissed him. "I love you too, Rick."
Then I woke up in this hospital room, seeing Castle asleep in a chair next to the bed I was lying in. That was all a dream… Where was all this pain coming from? I didn't even know what happened. I was at Chief's funeral… then I remember Castle telling me that he loved me… I thought that happened in my apartment, but where did that really happen?
A doctor came to check on me and told me what happened, but Castle slept through it. He didn't even know I was awake yet. I had to wait.
Alexis was the first person I saw outside the room. She smiled, poking her head in the room. "You scared us," she said quietly. "Especially him…" She motioned toward her dad, who didn't look like he was waking up anytime soon.
I didn't know what to say. "How long have I been out?" I asked.
"A few hours, plus the six that your surgery took. He was awake the whole time up until about an hour ago," she told me. "Can I talk to you?"
I nodded. "Of course, Alexis," I said. It didn't matter how weak I was feeling, or how much pain I was in. I wanted to hear what she had to say.
"My dad loves you," she said. I went to interrupt. "Let me finish. He loves you, Kate, more than anything. I have never seen him so worried or broken up as he was when you got shot. He was never like this with my mom, or any girlfriend he ever had. He was never as excited as when he saw your number come up on his phone. And I know you love him. I know you wouldn't have kept him around as long as you have if you didn't love him. I know everybody sees it, but both of you are too afraid to give into those feelings you have. But I think you know how short life is. You could have died, and then I would have never seen my dad happy again. I want him to be as happy as he can, and he is when he is with you."
I was speechless. Had everybody noticed these feelings that we have been fighting for three years?
I don't cry, but tears were already trying to surface. "I do love him," I told her, starting to cry. "I'm sorry I've been so stubborn…"
Alexis smiled, wiping the tear on my cheek away. "It's not all your fault. My dad has been just as bad," she said. "I'm happy you finally admitted it." She looked like she felt very accomplished as she left the room.
I looked over at the sleeping man that I love. Why did he have to be so charmingly annoying? Why'd he have to make me fall for him? That wasn't part of the plan. I never wanted to be a muse. I never thought getting shot would change my whole life.
I watched him sleep, his chest move as he breathed in and out. I remembered my dream, how amazing he looked under those clothes. It made me smile.
He started to move. He yawned, rubbed his eyes, and smiled the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen in my life. "Hey, you," he said, leaning over toward my bed.
"Hi," I said quietly. I looked like I had been crying still because it hadn't been long.
"What's wrong?" he asked, noticing.
I shook my head. "Nothing," I lied.
"Something," he said, touching my cheek.
I leaned into his hand, more tears forming in my stupid eyes. I didn't want to cry. Must be the stupid meds…
"Oh Katie, what is it?" he asked, moving to sit on the bed. He had never called me Katie before… Only my dad had… I wanted to hug him but it hurt to move.
"I'm so stupid. I almost died without telling you," I said, taking his hand, still crying.
"Telling me what?" he asked, looking a little worried.
"I love you, Rick. I love you more than anything in the world. I love you more than my job, more than finding my mother's killer. I've been fighting these feelings for three years and I can't do it anymore."
He looked as speechless as I had when Alexis was talking to me, but then he smiled and kissed me – a real kiss… our first real kiss. It was like one of those first kisses you always want, slow, passionate, amazing.
"Do you remember me telling you that I love you?" he asked. I shook my head. "I did, right before you blacked out… I thought I lost you, Kate. I thought I was going to have to live without you for the rest of my life…"
I smiled through my tears. "Thank you. You are the only reason I'm alive, Castle."
I hope you loved it. Maybe I'll write some more. Who knows. (: