I was rooted to the ground, paralysed by my own fear, struck dumb from denial.
No.
No way.
Not Skylar.
It couldn't be.
I see her step from the orderly line, her head held high, shoulders back, as she walked towards the podium. When she passes me, I see the sparkling of tears on her cheeks; sunlight making her face glow.
Skye was always the good one, the kind one.
We always joked that I was the evil twin.
So why was she being punished?
But even as she passed, and I caught the faint whiff of the perfume that Zane had bought her last year, the quiver of her lip as she neared the stage and the absolute fear radiating from her eyes- even then, I said nothing.
Because I was scared.
Because I didn't want to die.
It was our last year. What were the odds?
But the again, Fate never has been a friend of mine.
"Do we have any volunteers?" Skylar steps onto the stage, and all that meets her is silence.
"All right then," the man grins broadly, offering Skye an encouraging smile, which makes her flinch.
"Skylar!" Zane's broken cry slices through me like a seven inch blade. He pushes his way through the crowd, fighting off those trying to hold him back before he got himself hurt; but Zane was a broken man.
His eyes settle on me, those wild, fevered eyes, and I burn from the resentment he sends my way, the hatred he doesn't even try to hide. He races towards me while followed by some of his friends, who grasp at his arms, trying to hold him back. I brace myself for what's to come. The verbal abuse, the accusations…
The truth.
What I didn't expect was for him to hit me, full force, across the face.
I fall to the ground, groaning from the pain and jamming my tongue against my newly loose tooth as the taste of copper, of blood, fills my mouth.
"You!" Zane spat, lunging towards me again, this time sidelined by Peacekeepers taking charge. "How could you? Your sister….How…." Zane runs off, wiping tears from his eyes as the male tribute is pulled.
It's Archer Penhallow.
And I don't particularly care, although I should.
Because more than the sting of Zane's fist connecting with my jaw, is knowing he's right. I've let my sister go to her own death.
And there's nothing I can do about it.
We are taken to the town hall to say our goodbyes, and my mind goes numb. What am I going to say to Skye? How will I face her?
What if she hates me?
Worse, what if she doesn't?
I know as I think it, that Skylar will understand. She'll know I was scared. She'll know that even if I wanted to help her that this is how it was meant to be.
And then she'll tell me it's okay.
But it's not.
It's not okay.
My mother is pale and shaking. The muscles in my fathers jaw twitch and jump like the earth after a tremor. The aftershock of the situation.
From the corner of my eye, I see Cam Oakes, Zane's best friend, dragging Zane toward the Town hall. Zane sees me and averts his eyes, and I fell the burning of shame pulse through me.
"You get ten minutes." The Peacekeeper says, nodding at us to enter.
The tension in the room is palpable. I can hardly breathe, the tension mounting in my chest.
Skylar stands at the top of the room, staring out the window. A squeak exits my mothers mouth, breaking out from beneath the clasped hands held over her lips.
Skye turns her head towards us, and half smiles. "It's a beautiful day," she says, "I'm glad I got to see it. One last time."
My mother's resolve breaks and she jumps to Skylar, embracing her and both of them quake with grief. Scorching hot tears flow from my eyes, the bitter sting reminding me of what I have done…
Or rather, what I haven't.
My mothers tells Skylar over and over that she loves her, My father grips her and shakes his head back and forth, saying it isn't right, it shouldn't be happening, and that he loves her too.
It's almost too much to bear.
"Your turn." Zane says from my right.
I freeze from his proximity, but shake my head. "I can't. Not yet. You go."
"You think I can?" his voice breaks from emotion, but I say nothing. No words pass between us. Nothing can be said. We both know that we would do anything to keep her, and that there is nothing that we can do.
Skylar pulls her red ribbon from her head, and I automatically do the same. We are like two halves of a whole, in a way. Constantly mirroring the other. She moves, I move.
Not for much longer.
I feel another tear in my chest, and watch as Zane pulls Skylar to his chest, openly weeping.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." he says.
"No," Skye pulls back and cups his face with her hand, staring longingly and lovingly into his deep brown eyes, memorising every crevice of his handsome face. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't be there for you…"
She steps on her tip toes and whispers in his ear, words that I catch from my close proximity to the two.
"I'm sorry that we can't be there for you." She kisses Zane softly on the lips and places his hand on her stomach. Her dress billows around her knees, identical to mine, but his hand falls on a small mound in her middle.
She's pregnant. I realise, and watch Zane's tortured expression as he kisses Skylar goodbye, losing her and his baby all in one day.
No wonder he hit me.
I stare out the window and watch our reflections, eyes blurring from white-hot grief.
That's when it hits me like a lightning bolt.
What has to be done.
Skylar wraps her red ribbon around Zane's wrist and I stare at my own. The only difference between me and Skye, the only discernible way to tell us apart, is my sun shaped birthmark, neatly hidden on the pale white skin of my wrist. Skylar has nothing.
I race towards Skylar, cogs turning, mind racing and grasp her tightly.
"Can you give us a minute alone?" I ask, my voice cracking. They think it's from grief. It's really from nerves.
Mom and Dad flinch, but agree. "Thanks," I say. "I love you guys." They raise an eyebrow but leave without a word, too consumed with grief. Zane slowly follows suit. The door clicks shut behind us. We are alone.
We have two minutes left together.
It's enough.
I grasp Skye tighter and pull her forward, one of my hands inching out of the embrace. I pull back to look at her.
"I love you Skye."
"I love you too, Keely." she whispers.
And with those words, I punch her in the face.
Skylar hits the ground out cold, while my fist throbs from the force of my swing. I plant my blue ribbon in her hand, clasp it shut, and fall to the ground, messing up her hair so she looks even more like me. I have a powerful backhand, so she was unconscious on contact.
"I'm sorry." I whisper in her ear, "I had to do it. I love you." I kiss the skin on her cheek, hoping it doesn't bruise too badly, and scream bloody murder. The Peacekeeper runs in, gun raised and ready to fire. The tears in my eyes make my explanation all the more believable.
After all, who can question an emotional girl going to her death?
"Keely…she just…collapsed!" I cry, imitating Skylar's intonation and hand movements. After years of sharing a room, you pick up a few things about one another.
The Peacekeeper races forward, taking her pulse, while I punch the ground repeatedly, seemingly out of grief, but really it's to hide my tattered knuckles.
"She's fine. Just out-cold." he says in such a matter of fact tone that I wonder if he's been programmed that way.
"It's time to go." he says gruffly.
"But my family…" I only say it to keep up the pretence. I can't see them. They'll try to stop me.
"Your time is up. The train is waiting. It's time to go."
And with that, I am ushered out the door, onto the train and to the Capitol.
Let the 63rd Hunger Games begin