"Beautiful, isn't it?" Isabela asked absently.
"Mmmm, it is." Allie replied appreciatively.
They were sitting on the bow of the ship watching the sunset in the distance. But Isabela was not watching. She was deep in thought thinking about the day's events - specifically this morning. The almost kiss.
She had noticed that Allie had wanted to kiss her. She had seen it in her eyes. Her pupils had greatly dilated when she had gotten close to her and she had easily seen the lust- the want- in them. What the pirate couldn't understand is why she had wanted to in that moment. Allie had never shown any signs of ever wanting her since they had known each other and Isabela had given her many opportunities to show her want, so why now?
Isabela wasn't so sure. Perhaps, she had tried to convince herself, she had imagined it all. Perhaps it was only her projecting her own desires onto Hawke. Huh, well that's not true. She hadn't come as far as she had without knowing when someone did or did not want her and Allie was definitely someone who had not wanted her in that way up until that very moment. The pirate queen still couldn't figure out why.
The bigger question- and the reason she was even thinking about this almost kiss at all- was why she hadn't kissed Hawke. Isabela was a tease. Anyone who had known her for a second could figure that out, but she was also someone who took advantage of the first opening she was given.
Though technically she wasn't really pursuing Hawke any more, she would be lying to herself if she hadn't always been curious to know how good Hawke was in bed or even just how good a kisser she was. But Isabela had given up on her a long time ago after Allie had made it quite clear that she didn't see the pirate that way. Especially once she had her eyes on the broody elf. Allie had become one of her closest friends and she would never dream of intentionally ruining their friendship. Most people who had had the pleasure of knowing the pirate beforehand would have laughed and called her a liar if they ever heard her say that. She would have too. She was selfish, a liar and a whore and up until recently she tried to live up to the many other names she had been called in the past.
There was something about Hawke. Something special and it was thatwhich had kept the Rivaini at her side for so long. It might have been the way she walked, talked, fought or simply how she held herself that commanded her respect. Perhaps it was none of those things. It could have been the adventure, the coin and the booze that Hawke's company had brought that kept Isabela with her. Maybe it was all of those things combined, Isabela wasn't sure. Maybe it didn't even matter because in the time she had spent with Hawke she had changed irrevocably.
Allie had been able to break down the walls the pirate queen had constructed around herself and had eventually led her to feel bad about the things she done in the past, to doubt herself. She had initially hated the warrior for that, and, if she was honest with herself, it was the real reason she had fled Kirkwall after Hawke's duel with the Arishok. She just couldn't bear being around someone that made her feel that way so she had run.
But even being hundreds of miles away, Allie's influence had still affected her. She had eventually started to feel guilty for leaving her because, almost without realising it, she had come to care a great deal for the warrior. She couldn't bear the thought of Allie hating her for running away. It was with this in mind she had decided to return to Kirkwall after three years, if for nothing else but to apologize to her.
When she had returned, Allie had, to Isabela's surprise, easily accepted her back. No apology necessary. She had said that she understood that the Rivaini wasn't someone who lingered in one place for too long and had never expected her to stay. She was just happy with the time she had had with her and was happy to have even more. Their friendship had grown immensely after that reunion.
However as their friendship grew, Isabela had started to feel this need to change. To be a better person for her. Isabela was a lowly pirate wench while Hawke was the Champion of Kirkwall and the pirate felt inferior next to her. Almost as if she wasn't worth her company. But even though Allie had accepted her not caring about who Isabela was, she still felt she didn't deserve her friendship. Like she had failed the warrior in some way. Even though Hawke never asked her to change, she had started to do so anyway so she could be the person Isabela believed that Allie deserved.
It was as Sebastian had once said to her during one of their conversations, "Preaching seldom works, Isabela. To change a person's heart, one has to lead by example." And that was exactly what Allie had done to her. It was through her actions that she had changed the pirate.
It was because of that change that she hadn't kissed Hawke. Isabela knew if she did that Allie would regret it later, thinking she had betrayed Fenris' trust and Isabela wouldn't be able to handle being the cause of her friend's self-loathing. Well, that was only part of it. If the pirate looked deeper into herself she would find that the bigger reason she hadn't kissed Hawke was not because she feared the warrior would regret it but because she feared that she wouldn't and would want more.
Isabela knew she couldn't give her more. She wasn't one to make commitments, and she would only end up hurting Allie. It was that Isabela feared most of all. Being loved. But she would never admit it to herself.
"Isabela? Isabela. Are. You. There?" Allie was asking in a very loud, slow voice shaking Isabela out of her thoughts.
"Hmmm?"
"Isabela?" Hawke asked with barely contained mirth. "Were you...brooding?"
Isabela scoffed, "Of course not. I was just thinking how good you would be in bed." She gave Hawke a sly smile. "And my imagination says you would be amazing. It makes me all hot and bothered just thinking about it."
Allie flushed but quickly recovered. "Well, your imagination can speculate all it wants but you are never going to find out."
Suddenly her tone changed to one of concern. "But I know you weren't thinking about that, I could see it in your eyes. You looked like something was bothering you. You looked almost...sad. Is something wrong, Isabela?"
"No, nothing you need to worry your pretty little head about." She avoided Allie's gaze. Please drop it.
"If you say so." She continued to eye her with concern for a moment longer and then changed the subject. Thank you.
"So if you are the one brooding now," Allie said mischievously. "Am I supposed to be you?"
"Pfft, you be me?" She scoffed. "You're far too much of a prude for that and you're a horrible liar."
"Me? A prude?" Allie scoffed. "Hardly."
"Oh, really?" Isabela laughed. "You blush any time I talk about sex. I'm amazed you ever didit with Fenris."
"How do you know that isn't just a well-crafted ruse?" Allie struggled to keep a straight face, a blush starting to creep onto her cheeks.
"As I said before you're a horrible liar."
"And what if that's a lie as well?"
"Then I want you to prove it." What happened next was something Isabela would never have imagined in her wildest dreams and she had had some pretty wild ones.
One moment she was leaning back with her arms crossed, one eyebrow raised and a smirk on her face daring Allie to do something, the next Allie was kissing her. Isabela didn't even have enough time to comprehend what had happened and Allie quickly pulled away before Isabela was able to recover enough sense to respond to the kiss.
"See? Not a prude." Allie chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of her neck furiously and looking anywhere but her.
Isabela was speechless. All she could do was stare.
Allie coughed. "Well, it's getting pretty late so I think I'm going to turn in for the night."
Isabela, still in shock, could only nod. Allie left, practically running down the deck towards her cabin.
What in the Maker just happened?
What in the Maker's name did I just do? Allie thought as she slammed the door to her cabin and slid down onto the floor.
She had no idea what she'd been thinking when she'd done that. At first she had only been teasing Isabela to distract her from whatever thoughts were bothering her. Then, Isabela had been taunting her and her infuriating smirk had sparked this sudden need, this passionate urge within her to wipe that smirk off with her lips. And for some indiscernible reason she had acted on that feeling without thought. She had only ever done that with Fenris. What had changed?
Maybe nothing had changed. She still loved Fenris, and perhaps what she had felt toward the pirate wasn't the same as the elf. Perhaps she only felt them because of her urge to prove Isabela wrong. Not like the love she had for the former slave. Maybe she just longed for physical contact, the feel of another's lips, the feel of a lover's touch. The feel of a warm body holding her. Maybe she missed that kind of contact so much that she would seize upon any opportunity to have it, no matter who the person was.
So when she had seen the perfect opportunity to feel another's lips, she had seized it without a second thought. Yeah, that's probably it.
That must have also have been the reason she had wanted to kiss Isabela earlier today. She hadn't really thought about that almost kiss, being too caught up with having fun with her but now that she thought about it, that was most likely reason as well.
But if all that was true, why had she run? If it really meant nothing shouldn't she have stayed and continued to joke around with her? For Maker's sake, she wasn't even able to look at her. Why?
Allie knew part of the reason she wasn't able to look at Isabela was because the pirate had been stunned. Stunned! She couldn't believe it. She had actually shocked the pirate queen to the point of speechlessness. That had absolutely mortified the warrior. In that moment she had thought she crossed some line or something. But now that she was thinking about it, this was Isabela she was talking about! The Isabela she knew would have made some kind of joke or teased her more. She wouldn't have been affected by a kiss in such a way. Hawke couldn't think of a single reason she would have reacted like that. It was very troubling. Perhaps the answer would reveal itself in time. And anyway it wasn't the whole reason she had avoided looking at the pirate and had run away from her.
If she was completely honest with herself, it was mostly because when she had kissed Isabela she had felt a spark within in her that begged for more. She had wanted Isabela to kiss her back, and that had frightened her to her very core. So she had quickly pulled away from the pirate so Isabela wouldn't have had a chance to kiss her. Because Hawke knew that if Isabela had kissed her, she would have lost all of her resolve. Easily submitting to the pirate. She couldn't betray Fenris like that so she had run. Not wanting to accept the feelings that the kiss had awakened in her for the pirate.
So as Hawke sat on the floor of her cabin, she pushed all those feelings aside telling herself she had only kissed Isabela to make a point. Because accepting those feelings could ruin everything for her.
There's nothing to worry about. She crawled onto her bed and was just drifting off to sleep when she heard a knock on the door...
Isabela had stayed rooted to the spot for who knew how long, mouth agape, staring in the direction Allie had run. Her mind and body was a whirl of thoughts and emotions. She could barely focus on any one of them. She could barely even speak or move because of it. What was wrong with her? It was only a peck on the lips. It meant nothing. Yet she was going crazy from it. This is insane! The great Isabela shouldn't be rendered mute by a simple peck. Even if it was from her closest friend. Actually maybe that was it. Maybe the pirate cared more for her friend more than she was ever willing to admit, and that simple contact from her had awakened those feelings. But before she was able to contemplate it more, one of her crew members shook her out of her stupor.
"Cap'n, you all right?" Isabela smiled. It was her favourite crew member, Danyl. The only crew member besides Allie that she would consider letting call her Bela. She had only known him for a little while but she had immediately taken a liking to him. He was the oldest crew member and the hardest working one. He was also one of the sweetest. He made sure everyone was taken care of before himself, almost like Hawke. But it wasn't his similarity to Hawke that made her like him, he also reminded her of her father.
Danyl was a romantic just like him. Always telling grand, romantic stories to the crew. She would never admit it anyone, but she loved it when he told these stories. It reminded her of a time when she had believed all those stories her father had told her before he died and before her bitch of a mother had sold her into a loveless marriage, ruining all those romantic ideals.
There was also something about his eyes that reminded her of her father. They were the same deep rich brown as his had been and there was a kindness in them which made any man feel confident spilling their secrets to him.
Yes, this man reminded her very much of her father and she loved him for it.
"Yeah, I'm all right. I just need a stiff drink."
He laughed. "I'm sure ya do, but don't ya think it would be better for the both of ya if you go talk to her instead?" One eyebrow rose expectantly.
Isabela laughed and shook her head. She should have expected him to say that. Definitely my father.
"Why do you have to make things harder?"
"Because I care" he said with a smile and a hand on his heart.
She shook her head. "And that I will never understand."
He laughed again. "Ya don't have to. Ya just need to go after her." He paused staring at her expectantly for a moment. What? "Well, whatcha waitin' for?" Oh...
"Nothing, I guess."
"Then go."
She headed to Allie's cabin. I hope I don't regret this later. She doubted that she would. After all, Allie was simply embarrassed and was probably hating herself right now thinking she had not only made a fool of herself but betrayed Fenris in some way. She smiled. Typical Allie. Isabela was sure she would be able to calm her down with some jokes and then get her a stiff drink. Then all would be forgotten. She hoped.
As she got closer to Allie's cabin however, she got more and more nervous. Why are you nervous? It's just Allie. There's nothing to be nervous about.
She was about to knock on the door when she hesitated suddenly. She was still very nervous and didn't know why. If she was being honest with herself she knew it was because of the kiss. Even though she kept telling herself that the kiss meant nothing she couldn't stop thinking about it. It had sparked something in Isabela that was more than just passion and that she really didn't want to contemplate. Right now she needed to talk to Allie. Well, whatcha waitin' for? Danyl's words rang in her ears.
She took a deep breath and knocked.
"Isabela?" You can do this.
"Hey, sweet thing."
"Wh- what are you doing here?"
"To finish where you left off, of course." She said as she traced a finger across Allie's jaw, her face extremely close to hers. "What else?"
Allie blushed and was wide-eyed only for a moment until she brought herself back under control and pushed Isabela away gently. "I'm not in the mood, Isabela. I told you that I was going to bed."
"So, after giving me that hot, sexy kiss and then running off begging me to chase you you're now telling me you're not in the mood?" Isabela feigned hurt. "You're such a tease!"
Allie smiled. "What can I say? I learned from the best."
Isabela laughed "And here I thought it was only you that influenced me."
The warrior scoffed. "Hardly."
Isabela's eyes brightened up at that. "Ooh. This is intriguing. The lowly pirate wench influences the mighty Champion of Kirkwall."
Allie's eyes suddenly darkened and her voiced turned solemn. "You're not a lowly pirate wench, Isabela. You're my dear friend who I care for very much and would never think such a thing about you." She took a breath. "You need to stop selling yourself short. You're capable of great things, Isabela."
Isabela took a shuddering breath, a lump having suddenly formed in her throat. Damn it, she hated it when Hawke made her feel like this. "I...thank you." She said hoarsely.
Allie nodded. "Now are you going to tell me why you came down here or can I go to bed now?"
Isabela perked up. "To get you drunk of course! I believe you and I both need it."
Allie smirked "Why, so you can take advantage of me?"
"Does it matter? I plan on getting you so drunk you won't remember a single thing anyway."
Allie laughed and shook her head. "No, I guess not." Suddenly she pulled the pirate into a fierce hug. "And thank you, Isabela. For everything. I don't think I've said this before, but I wouldn't have been able to try and rescue Fenris without you. Thank you."
For the second time that night Isabela felt a lump form in her throat. "I...you're welcome."
"Come on." Allie said with a wry smile as she let her go. "Let's get drunk."
Yes, let's go get drunk.
A/N: Well, this chapter kinda got out of hand for me. It's not what I had intended to write at all. But what I've learned from this chapter is that the muse wants what the muse wants and I can't deny it or it will beat me into submission. So this is what came out of it. I hope the inner musings weren't too long, just tell me what you think.
And thank you again for strangegibbon for betaing this chapter. And in case you weren't aware she also beta'ed the first chapter for me as well, which I just put the edited version a few days ago. In case any of you wanted to see it. It's not necessary though.