Disclaimer: See Chapter One
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"Well, just remember who loves you."
Spock stared blankly at the back of McCoy's head as he left the bay. Of all the illogical things that the physician had ever said this one seemed to be the most irrational statement he had ever uttered in the Vulcan's presence. It brought forth all sorts of conflicting images of the man who seemed to hate him with every breath to those around him, actually cared for him. In fact, the only other person who had ever told him they loved him had been his mother.
Being a child of two worlds who never found acceptance, to find love in someone else would be a most glorious gift. He had often wondered if the rumors floating around the crew had any merit that he and McCoy were 'meant to be'. It was foolish to hang so much hope and self-worth on a highly doubtful outcome, but Spock trusted McCoy. He had never let him down before. With those words, McCoy had brought the tiniest flicker of hope that he would be loved again. It was completely illogical, but the more Spock tried to smother the flame, the warmer it grew until it radiated across his chest. Without his knowledge, Spock had begun to mirror the attachment McCoy seemed to have finally voiced. Amanda had once told him love was illogical and Sarek had told him the same many years later. It was not until this moment in time, that Spock had finally realized the validated of their shared knowledge.
Of course, Spock had no idea what his next plan of action should be to reassure McCoy he felt the same.
Hiding was a very immature thing to do, especially if it involved hiding from one's friends in an attempt to shy away from a reaction to a statement one had made, no matter how obviously truthful said statement was. However, in this case, McCoy had only the slightest shame to be in his office away from a certain pointy-eared Commander. Sitting at his desk, his mind flipped through their conversation. Why had he allowed himself to be bated like that? He knew exactly what Spock was doing and he let him win! Only to have a subconscious thought slip off his tongue. Now he was faced with two problems: the first was of course Spock's reaction and the second was the fallout he was left to deal within inside himself. The absolute worst outcome would be Spock's revulsion. Wait, the worst outcome would be Spock's revulsion as he choked McCoy to death. After all, Spock was an emotionless Vulcan.
There would be no denying that what McCoy had said was true. Sure, he loved Spock, but he had never wanted anyone to know, especially not the subject himself. Spock was easy to love, he was infuriating sure, but he was loyal and really kind hearted underneath his aloof exterior. Snapping back to reality, McCoy realized just how bad things could get if he didn't get some kind of controlled over the situation. They were two-thirds of the Command trio of the Enterprise, the flag ship of the Federation. He would not chance risking their professional relationship and Spock's commission for personal gains. He would fix this and make Spock any more uncomfortable.
Gritting his teeth his ran his hands through his hair but before a growl of frustration could work its way up from his throat, Chapel came into view. "Chapel!" He bellowed. Once again his CNO had saved his ass from a sling.
The CNO turned and sauntered over to her commanding officer. "Yes, doctor?" She had seen him like this many times before after an argument with Spock. McCoy had the worst problem of playing 'that's what I should have said' long after the moment had passed. It didn't help that she could only think they acted like two children who secretly liked each other on the playground either.
Taking a deep breath, McCoy straightened. "Please check Mr. Spock once more for bleeding. If he is fully healed and his heart rate is at his normal rate, please dismiss him from Med Bay. I am going to pass along strict instructions for light duty only for the next three days." He was pleased with himself for finding an answer to his current problem; of course his fix was only temporary, but he only needed time to regain his composure. By morning he would be fine and things would be back to normal.
If Chapel was surprised, no one would tell by her professional nod and smile. On the inside, she was confused. Nothing ever came between the two men. What could have been said that McCoy refused to see Spock? Shocked that McCoy was not going to dismiss Spock himself, Chapel merely nodded. Their arguments had never been ghastly enough to warrant a go-between.
Quickly Chapel walked back to Spock, only to find the Vulcan lost in thought with his forehead creased as if he were working on a very difficult equation. His look was the exact counterpart of McCoy's. "Sir, I have come to inspect your wounds." Her voice was soft, but it brought Spock jerking back to reality. It was not easy to sneak up on a Vulcan; he must have been deep in thought for a human to manage that feat.
The Commander nodded his acceptance and leaned back in the bed as the nurse pulled the front of his gown up to his clavicle to inspect the bullet wound. It nearly physically hurt him to know McCoy had not come to check on him but had sent Chapel, not that he did not believe Chapel was capable, she was the best in her field, but it was the first time the physician had delegated the task to someone else. He had always preferred to manage the care of his friends himself. Of course that was an illogical thought, so the Vulcan tried to push it aside. Only he found it to be impossible to rid himself of the sorrow he felt.
Before he knew it, Chapel was tugging down his gown. "You are fully healed, Commander. Dr. McCoy has released you from Med Bay to light duty for the next three shifts. If you experience any light headedness, tightness in your chest or shortness of breath, please notify the physician on duty immediately." She tried to smile as she offered him a new set of blacks. "I will step out so that you can dress and then an orderly will assist you to your quarters." And with that she was gone.
Spock had never been forced to dress or walk back to his room without McCoy. More often than not after a particularly severe injury, McCoy had begun to stay with him to watch over him. Jim had thought it was an exceptional idea, so that none of the command crew were seen for too long in the Med Bay. He would rather have his CMO on private-duty than disturb the morale of the crew. It had almost become a pattern that McCoy would share Spock's quarters after Away Missions. Tonight would be the first time in fifty-seven Away Missions that Spock would be alone in his quarters after an injury. He felt suddenly very alone.
It tore him to his core. No one else in his entire life had been such a constant. McCoy was always there when he needed him. They might have a nonconforming relationship, but it filled the void inside him. Of course until now, Spock had not seen how large the void truly was.
McCoy felt about the size of a Georgia peanut. When did a man ever turn his back on his friends when they needed him over a simple misunderstanding? He was a physician, he was a friend, he was human. So he had every right to be caring and nurturing, to be compassionate, to be fallible and to change his mind. It was part of his job to make sure Spock was in tip-top shape, not Chapel's. He would not put Spock's health at risk because he was embarrassed. Spock didn't deserve that.
Entering the Trauma One, he watched as Spock slowly pull down the undershirt over his newly repaired skin. "Here, let me help. If you catch the shirt on the rough spots it will hurt like hell." He pulled the chest of the shirt far away from the green tinged skin and unrolled it over the rippled abdomen.
Spock merely observed his actions, not bothering to speak or stop him and McCoy was glad for small favors. "I'm sure that repair will hold, but I'm old-fashioned and Jim has hair-brained orders, guess I'll be bunking with you tonight." His voice was almost devoid of any tension, but he could not completely relax as those knowing eyes scanned his form. "Come on, Spock, I'll tuck you in and even get you some warm milk." He chuckled, but it sounded forced even to his own ears.
Taking Spock by the elbow, McCoy led him out of the Med Bay not wanting to stay in the sterile environment any longer. Neither man spoke, each lost to his own thoughts. McCoy's heart was breaking knowing that he might have ruined his relationship with his closest friend because of his words and now his unease around him but he could not think of any words that he could say to hide the truth of the matter. He had lost so many in his adult life that to loose Spock would crush him but he could not lie to the man and deny his statement. His only option was silence.
Spock understood him; he did little things when he thought no one else was looking to make McCoy's life just a little bit easier, small things that couldn't help but bring a smile to the human's face. Not once had Spock ever forgot his birthday, Joanna's birthday, the day his Father had died or the day his divorce from Jocelyn was final. On those days, he simply appeared and bantered back and forth with the human while the hours melted away on those awful lonely days. It didn't matter if they were in a battle, stuck on a ass-backwards planet or if they were on shore leave, Spock found a way. In his own way, Spock had repaired the hole Jocelyn had torn in his heart. No wonder he had fallen in love with Spock.
McCoy stopped dead in his tracks as if someone had slapped him, forcing Spock to stop as well. His hazel eyes were wide with shock. He had just confessed to himself that he not only loved Spock, he was in love with him. That was totally different than brother-love which his confession had seemed to mirror that Sock might not kill him over. This was in love, romantic stuff. Wasn't that just dandy? "Leonard, are you alright?" There was a touch of concern in Spock's voice.
Taking a deep breath, McCoy shrugged. "Nope, but I'll get over it." No, he was not alright; he was in love with his straight friend who the rest of the ship thought he was going to kill any minute. Somehow, during this damn journey, his heart had jumped off in the deep end and not bothered to tell the rest of him the truth. Of course of all the times he could have come to that wonderful conclusion, he just had to be standing in a crowded hallway next to the Devil himself. He shook his head and continued on, when had his life ever been uncomplicated?
Greatly pleased was as far as Sock would allow himself to push the swell of happiness that had presented itself within his chest with McCoy had reappeared to escort him out. He could feel that McCoy was uneasy in his presence now, as tension and anxiousness rolled off of his friend. That only served to confuse the Vulcan more. Was McCoy nervous about Spock taking his words the wrong way and thinking that McCoy was romantically inclined towards him or because that was the truth and McCoy had not meant to share that information in such a way? He had decided that he would further contemplate those issues when he meditated and simply enjoy the company of his friend for the moment.
Once McCoy had recovered from his momentary internal quandary, they had quickly made their way to Spock's rooms. McCoy had waved him to his couch as he went and ordered warm tea, just the way Spock preferred. Watching the dark-haired man as he moved with such familiarity and ease in his personal quarters, Spock finally saw what he had turned a blind eye to for so long, the pieces of the puzzle clicked into place. McCoy knew the counter to his every move, how to respond to his every word, how to balance him perfectly. Had he not changed his mind and accompanied him, Spock would be alone. Alone just as he had been before he joined the Enterprise and met McCoy. The words McCoy had spoken were true, Spock knew who loved him and Spock knew who he loved.
Accepting his tea from McCoy with a smile in his eyes, Spock calmly stated his answer to the dilemma this day had brought them. "You do not know what you have until you nearly loose it." Instead of an answer, McCoy only smiled. It was if those words were the answer to every question both had been bouncing around in their heads.
Relaxing side by side they sipped their tea and enjoyed the stillness of the afternoon together.
A/N: Thanks for reading!
I didn't mean for this to be so fluffy! But there is a reason for that, during the storms week before last our roof was damaged and our house was flooded, so until we can get moved I'm living with my mother and my husband is with his parents. I think this is my subconscious actually missing my hubby. But shh! Don't tell him!
This might be the end… But then again I might do another chapter and bring in Jim aka the comic relief… I'm not real sure.