The Power of Words
By Mickey

Status: Completed 2/10/2011

Season: 5

Spoilers: Menace

Archive Permission: Ask first.

Word Count: 1,677

Author's Notes: Written for the stargatdrabbles list's challenge #121, write a tag for Menace or Duet. This is written from Daniel's PoV as he writes in his diary. Many thanks to Cheryl for beta-ing for me. This is a much better story for her efforts!

April 27, 2002 0109hrs

Wow, I have been hanging around Jack too long. I'm writing in military time in my journal now. I never use to do that. Of course, it could also just be habit. Every report written for the SGC, be they by military personal or civilians, uses military time. When anyone speaks about time, it's in military time.

I am so glad Janet has at least allowed me to have my journal. It's so boring in the infirmary and she flat out refused to allow me to ask one of the SFs or nurses to bring me my laptop or even one of my research books. Nothing work related at all. As a matter of fact, she threatened that their next physical would be very... unpleasant if they so much as brought me one paper to translate or even the smallest artifact to study. And, to add insult to injury, she won't even let me have on tiny little cup of coffee! I'm pretty sure I was pouting, at least a little bit, by the end of that conversation, but I don't care. Of course, if anyone asked, I'd categorically deny it. I do not pout. Much. Jack does, especially when he's the one stuck in here. I think he mostly just does it to get a laugh out of the infirmary staff. Or to annoy them. I'm pretty sure I heard Janet mumble something about me channeling a certain cantankerous colonel as she left.

I shouldn't even be writing, really. My back is sore, my head aches, and my badly bruised, but thankfully not broken, arm is throbbing unmercifully. Janet says I should be resting, but I'm wide-awake. We have very different ideas of what 'resting' means. The only reason she allowed me my journal is because she's afraid I'll play a 'Jack' and try to slip out if she doesn't allow me something to do.

Words are powerful things. There's a kid's saying 'sticks and stone may break my bones but words can never hurt me'. Whoever said that is an idiot. Okay, maybe not an idiot. That was a little harsh. I understand the reasoning behind the saying, but still...

Words can be powerfully uplifting, inspiring and enlightening. They can make you feel like you are truly loved and respected. But they can also be a powerful weapon, inflicting hurt and pain. They can make you feel lonely, unloved even when you're a grown man. They can make you feel like you can do nothing wrong, or like you are nothing more than dirt to be trampled on.

Which is why I sat here in this bed for over three hours feeling sorry for myself. Well, not so much that; just feeling alone, abandoned by my friends and wondering when they'd stopped trusting me.

Colonel Jack O'Neill is my CO (Commanding Officer) and my best friend. Probably the best friend I've ever had, actually. Our relationship is... complicated. We have so few things in common and disagree on so many more.

Everything that comes to mind sounds so clichd. And I know how Jack feels about those. Everyone knows how he feels about those. You know what, though? Clichd as they sound, they're all true. I love Jack like a brother, best friend, uncle and mentor.

He's like a big brother always the protector. Weather you need, or want him too. Always overprotective, even when he's already made damn sure you know how to defend yourself.

He's my best friend. Probably the best I've ever had, despite how very different we are. The kind were you know you can spill your guts to and, even if they laugh, they're laughing with you and not at you.

In a way, he's also like the uncle you usually wish you could pretend you're not related to. You know the type. He tells annoying, sometimes off-color, often corny jokes. The kind of jokes he's usually the only one to laugh at. Sometimes you realize, much later, that he told them to distract you from whatever mad you feel angry, hurt, or sad.

And finally, he's like a mentor of sorts. The person who you can always talk to no matter what. He won't always agree with you or even like what you say, but he'll always listen and try to guide you the best way he knows how. Without me even realizing, he turned me into a solider, sort of, not once trying to change who I am and what makes me me.

That's Jack.

Which brings me back to words and the power behind them. Today, Jack and I both said some hurtful things. I've been sitting here in the infirmary for several hours now as Jack and the others continue to search the base. It's given me a lot of time to think about a lot of things. About how we both acted. Mostly, I've been thinking about what we've said to each other. I didn't and still don't think much of his "kiss her" comment. That didn't really bother me, though. It was just Jack being his usual smart-ass self.

The resisting the urge to shove me through a wall comment was something entirely different. I didn't let on at the time, but that comment hurt. What exactly did he mean by that? I know we disagree on how to do things most of the time, but does he really get the urge to hit me? Would he ever hit me? I really, really, don't want to believe it's true. I can't imagine he would ever hurt me. But if it isn't true, why did he say it?

I was so angry when he came into the gate room and shot Reese. I called him a stupid son of a bitch. At the time, I meant every word of it. I was so damn angry at him for killing her. I believed Reese was a sentient being and deserved a chance at life. Jack... Jack thought of her as nothing more than a machine, a piece of technology to be used as the SGC saw fit. At least, that's what I believe he was thinking. Sometimes it's exceptionally difficult to figure out what Jack's really thinking, despite what he says.

Sitting on the gate room floor as Jack stormed off, I was not only angry, I was feeling hurt and alone. Jack's words had seemed so clipped, uncaring. As I looked at Reese, all I could see was someone I'd made a promise too. A promise Jack made me break. I told her I'd keep her safe. I promised.

Then I started thinking about what he said, about how Sam said Reese was losing control. That made me even angrier. How did she know that? How could she really be sure? Why did he believe her and not me? Doesn't he trust me anymore?

Laying here for the past several hours has given me a lot of time to think things through. I blamed Jack totally for what happened. I've called Jack an ass more times than I can count. Now, I'm thinking Jack isn't the only ass. This whole situation was a mess almost from the beginning. I shouldn't have said what I did to Jack in the control room. Better than possibly anyone else, I should have been able to read between the lines with him. In my anger, pain and grief, all I saw heard smugness in Jack's voice an implied 'I told you so' in his voice.

God, what was I thinking? How could I say what I did to Jack? I know him better than that. Those last few moments keep playing over and over in my mind. Now that I'm calmer, I realize that I was very wrong about Jack. There was no smugness on his face. Confidence that he'd done the right thing as far as he was concerned? Yes, but not smugness. What I heard in his voice wasn't the 'I told you so' tone I was so certain of earlier. It was anger and hurt. It was the pain of being verbally attacked by a friend.

As for Sam, the longer I sit here and think about everything that happened, the more I realize that maybe that wasn't matter of him not trusting me, but simply not agreeing with what I was saying. Just because someone doesn't agree with you on a particular subject doesn't mean that person doesn't trust you anymore. Besides, we were completely cut off from each other by that point. He had no idea what was going on in here, and I had no clue what was going on out there. Well, I had a pretty damn good idea of what the Replicators were doing, but there was no way for me to really be sure whether Reese was shutting them down or not.

I've also realized that Jack didn't make me break my promise to Reese. No one did. It was a horrible situation. Circumstance forced me to break the promise, not an individual.

I believe now that Jack honestly thought he had no other choice.

Maybe he didn't.

Could he have been right about Reese? Could she have been losing control of the Replicators? Could I have been wrong in my assessment of her?

We need to talk.

Even if Jack doesn't want to, I need to apologize for what I said, and I really need to know exactly what he meant by his 'shove him through a wall' comment. I don't think he realized just how hurt that comment made me feel. We need to talk about Reese. It's important, in my opinion, for us each to understand what the other was thinking.

Janet won't be happy, but I need to go find Jack, now. It's time for me to do what I do best, talk. It's time for me to use my words to help Jack to understand what I'm feeling instead of to hurt him. Hopefully, I can help him do the same.

THE END (Maybe)