A/N: And here we go! Chapter 4! I'm so sorry for the long delay; I've been buried in test prep. However this is a pretty long chapter and I have a long weekend ahead of me so expect an update very soon! Reviews keep me going, so keep that in mind(: Enjoy and tell me what you think! I'm still taking suggestions for possible scenarios.
His words sputtered out in a spurious movement, and he winced in anticipation awaiting her answer amidst the stuffy quiet.
Seconds.
Minutes.
He mentally kicked himself for choosing this moment to tell her. It was supposed to be a thing of romance and joy , not misery and confusion.
This wasn't how he meant it to happen.
He felt her grip on him tense a bit, but he hoped she wouldn't pull away. His mind was screaming at him.
Please Answer.
He hated to prod, but he needed to destroy the path of uncomfortable silence simmering in the atmosphere. Body heat had gone cold; their hands slowly began to venture away from each other until Olivia stood up in a startle, perhaps letting the words sink in deep enough to realize what it meant.
Running a quick hand through her hair, she started for the door.
This isn't happening. He's just trying to comfort me. It isn't true.
It isn't true.
"Liv," he whispered. He was standing now too, and cautiously inching toward her.
"D-Don't. Just don't Elliot. " Her voice was rambled with steel, a tone she'd constantly use when interrogating a perp. She wasn't supposed to have to resort to talking to him like that.
The truth wasn't supposed to hurt.
He took a chance and put a gentle hand on her shoulder, willing her to look at him. He used the sharp pierce of his eyes to captivate her; using them to say the unspeakable, to let her know this was real. They were real.
Her brown orbs were glassed over with a thin sheet of unshed tears, and she forced herself not to throw her body into his warm embrace once again. The only place she felt safe.
This couldn't be happening.
She diverted her gaze and stared at the small tiles below them. She didn't trust herself to look back up at him, in fear of blurting out something completely stupid. So she froze.
More contact.
His touch scorched her skin as he placed his hand upon her cheek and gently lifted her head to face him.
I'm so fucking screwed.
"Liv," he began, "I know you're upset and scared and probably wanting to bash in my nuts for throwing all of this onto you so suddenly. But it's the truth. I love you more than words can explain. I've loved you since the day we met, the minute I shook your hand. I felt something. Of course I denied it and pretended it didn't exist in the beginning, but it came to a point where the feelings were so real, so vivid in my mind, that I just couldn't ignore them anymore. After the first separation with Kathy, I was determined to take you out, tell you everything. But then… You tried so hard to piece my marriage back together, that I figured you didn't feel the same. And... Don't think I gave up on you. Because I would do that. I can't. God Liv, I fucking love you. And you know what? I think you love me too. I think you love me just as much but you're afraid of that. You're afraid of loving someone. Letting someone love you. Is that… Is that why you've been so distant lately?
The lump in her throat was preventing her from being able to form any words. She had waited over twelve years for him, for this. She had always kept up the hope that he would choose her over Kathy; saving herself for years. Then, she gave up after the whole Dani situation. He could make out with a woman he barely knew and sleep with his ex-wife but he couldn't put the moves on the main woman in his life that was practically tripping herself for his attention? Asshole.
The anger bubbled over and she scoffed harshly.
"All of this is bullshit El. You know it and I know it. You don't love me. You love the idea of me." she said through clenched teeth.
She spit out daggers with each word, but he was determined to get it all out. He couldn't let her run away from him again; from them.
He needed her.
"Listen to me Olivia! I am a grown ass fucking man! If I didn't feel this strongly about you, do you think I'd really stand here and embarrass myself like this? God... I'm not some idiotic teenager here! I'm sure about this, about us.. About the way I can only think of you in my spare time, how I know not to put sugar in your coffee because you like it black. How, against all odds, you are the person I look forward to seeing, the only reason I come into work sometimes. " His voiced had raised a couple octave now, climbing to a tense whisper.
I need to make her understand.
Their bodies stood just centimeters away at this point, as he had slowly scooted closer to her while he spoke. He saw the lone tear cascade down her face and held up a finger to swipe it away. She offered a faint smile to which he returned. This couldn't be easy for her. Her partner and best friend of twelve years was confessing his undying love for her in the middle of the cribs during a mental breakdown?
Talk about having an off day.
He shuffled closer to her, closing the small gap they shared between them, erasing the professional boundary that had set the very first day of their partnership.
It didn't take much self-coercion to pull her tightly into his arms. It took even less to brush the excess hair from the side of her head and whisper " I love you" into her ears again and again, until he was sure she had the rhythm and sound pattern of his whisper memorized; engraved into the back of her brain.
It did however, take a lot of balls to feather his lips over hers and forget to pull away.
The contact startled her at first, but she wasn't about to say no to the demands of the man she had loved her entire adult life.
They each gave into the kiss, letting their tongues dance together, tasting each other. Her hand flew to the back of his neck, reeling him in closer. He wound an arm around her waist and crashed them against the wall, landing with a thud. Her hands began roaming his body; exploring. She cupped his ass before raking her nail alongside his chest, bringing herself full circle.
His palms lay comfortably in her hair, holding her head and kissing every visible part of her face. She moaned into his mouth and screamed his name, something he couldn't help but smile about. She wanted it just as bad.