Am I such a bad person to where the only human I've ever really cared about hate me? Its not even a simple hate.. he wants nothing more to kill me. Have I done so much to truly deserve that? Izaya shook his head. Why did he have to be the only one to think of such things? Only he had to tortue his heart over such a matter. Such a small matter.. but what would Shizuo think if he knew he thought about him everyday?
It was then he thought of an idea. Just because it couldn't happen in reality, why couldn't he create a Shizuo who actually liked him in his head? Well.. of course that would be a big change, and it might not exactly be shizuo.. but didn't he know him well enough to do the best he could? Izaya smiled a small lonely smile. He just had to love him enough to do such things in his free time.. if Shizuo would even take a second to really look at him he would be able to tell his feelings right? Why did he have to hide them? Well, even if he did know his feelings.. It wouldn't change anything. Shizuo just didnt want to know him. That should be ok right? Everyone has their own prefrences.
Izaya closed his eyes breifly. 'Its decided.. I'll make my own Shizuo.. who loves me.. for me.' As Izaya layed his head down on his pillow, be began to ponder how he could make an imaginary friend who could be like Shizuo.. yet not at the same time.
The next time Izaya opened his eyes he was somewhere different. Where? Good question. It seemed familiar, but he couldn't think of the place he was. Too familiar.. Izaya looked around him slowly, there we're people and sounds all around him. He took a deep breath, trying to put on his usual trollish smile, but for some reason, it just felt wrong. He tried to smile the way he imagined but his mouth wouldn't allow him. He looked puzzeled for a moment, trying to speak. Suddenly he was tapped on the shoulder, he turned around, a tall blonde standing behind him. He smiled kindly to the other party. Izaya tried once more to do his normal routine, but nothing he thought came out right, but everything he felt was the first thing to come out of his mouth. "Shizu.. o-kun." He paused at his words. He'd never called him that But he had always secretly wanted too. He blushed at his own stupidy. Shizuo just smiled, and chuckled quietly, lightly slipping his hand into Izaya's. "What's wrong with you today?" Izaya blushed in responce. Shizuo liking his responce, lightly placed his lips on top of Izaya's head. Izaya, overly confused by the situation, stumbled over his words, "Shizu-chan.. What are you.. doing?" He glanced to the side, not quite sure what to do in such a situation. His heart was beating so fast he felt like he was going to die. What's going on? He swallowed hard, is this Shizu-chan's idea of a joke? If that was the case, then.. this would definatly be a good idea. Shizuo looked slightly puzzeled for a moment. Had he said something confussing? Izaya studied his expression. All too weird. Shizuo started to speak again, but though his mouth was forming words, no sound was coming out. What's going on? Did I do something? Is there a mute button on Shizu-chan..? No matter how much he screamed in his mind to stop thinking, Izaya's inner voice spoke louder than Shizuo's words. His thoughts seemed to get louder and louder..
He opened his eyes with a shock and he was sitting in front of his computer, Namie screaming in his face. He blinked slowly. How had he ended up here? "Izaya. I've been here for over an hour! I've been waiting to talk with you about something important. What's wrong with you?" Izaya looked at her slowly. Why was she here so early in the morning? Or rather shouldn't it still be night? He couldnt have been asleep that long. It only felt like a few seconds. He quickly turned his head to the clock on his desk. 7:30 it read. At.. He turned slowly, the night lights of the city filled his vision. Night.. Still night. Or. He turned back to Namie, "What.. did I do today?". Namie starred at him, sighing loudly throwing her arms into the air. "That's what I'd like to know!" With that she stormed out of the room, leaving him alone to think about the day he had lost..
Izaya closed his eyes, taking in a small breath. He brought his knees to his chest slowly. He opened his eyes looking around his apartment slowly, this place could either be heaven or hell.. So what should he make it? It might as well as be hell.. Living in your thoughts all the time is alittle sad. But it made him happy! Until he realized it was only a dream. A dream that would remain a dream no matter how hard he could try to fix it. He rested his head on his knees, closing his eyes once more, trying to pull his brain away from the reality that trapped him. The world inside his mind is where he was made to fit in.. It should be the only place he had at fit in. Izaya chuckled quietly, slipping out of his chair and falling to the floor. He rolled around for a moment, laughing hysterically to himself. Or rather at himself.