Kurt drove to the mall in high spirits. Some people's best ideas came from their time in the shower, others from lying down at night before bed; Kurt's mind was often stimulated as he wandered the mall, looking for the latest fashion trends. And in this case, the ugliest, most anti-fashion outfits he could find.

As he sauntered into the mall, he elected to enter the bookstore first. He often lost track of time flipping through racks of clothes, and even though he was searching for the ugliest outfit to ever grace the Earth, Kurt was one who completed every mission with 100% effort…meaning that he wouldn't settle on a purchase until he was sure it was perfectly hideous (and most likely just before the mall closed for the night.)

The bookstore wasn't a place he visited often, but Kurt knew that searching for advice on how to seduce someone who is straight would be pretty complicated. There was something to appreciate in the ability to hold onto a book; an object that was tangible and could be carried anywhere. Online columns were good for writing papers but involved a lot of bookmarking and printing out of pages if they were to be easily accessible.

Baldwin Books was the only bookstore in town and run locally by two male friends. Kurt wasn't one to assume things, especially when it came to people's sexuality, but he was fairly certain the two "friends" were gay partners. They prided themselves on decorating and running the store themselves (with the help of their female relatives who ran the cash registers), but there was NO way to straight men could have such stunning taste in décor.

The walls were painted a light blue and decorated with stunning black and white pictures of celebrities reading books. Couches spread throughout the room were a brilliant white leather and soft classical music was played throughout the store. To Kurt, the place felt more like a day spa tossed in the middle of a library, complete with complimentary tea at the coffee counter, located on the side of the store.

Kurt headed straight for the advice section in the back of the store. He rummaged through several advice books, including Managing Your Acne, How to Work a Tractor, Dip for Dummies, and Romancing your Coworker, until he founded what he wanted, hidden behind all the other useless advice books. He was actually surprised any store in Ohio would carry this book, but assuming his belief on the sexuality of the owners' was true, it shouldn't have come as much of a shock. He turned the back of the book over so he could read the summary on the back.

How to Seduce a Straight Man: A Gay Man's Journey for the Allusive Heterosexual Partner

Note from the author: This extensive advice book guides readers through the tough process of seduction. Being human, we tend to fall in love with those we can't have. This issue is even more prevalent for homosexual men, since the males we are around 99% of the time are unobtainable, aka "straight." As my wife has noted in her book "So You Want Your Best Girl Friend to be Your Girlfriend? Here's How!", girls are attracted to their own gender often, even if they don't realize it. What does this have to do with you? Men are the SAME way. May it be the desire for the "forbidden fruit" or the satisfaction of having a partner who truly understands your needs, many straight men fanaticize about other men in their dreams and find themselves having urges to engage in sexual interactions with their male friends. Don't believe me? Just look at sports. Constantly athletes are seen slapping each other on the butt, they shower together, and games are filled with comments like "penetrating the seam" and "going to the hole." I don't even need to tell you how homosexual football and wrestling are; it's pretty obvious to anyone. But society has allowed them to express their homosexual fantasies in the most "straight" way possible; through competition and manliness. So next time you think the boy who sits behind you in bio won't ever return your feelings, or your colleague at the office really would rather make out with his dog instead of another dude, just remember this; he probably, deep down, wants your more than you want him. Seduction of a straight man is a multi step process that few gay men are willing to take. If you think you're ready, begin reading this book and prepare yourself for the satisfaction of winning over the man of your dreams.

Kurt had to agree with the author's observations. He found it ironic that the jocks would make fun of him for being gay, yet were always trying to touch each other.

Just as he was about to head to the cash register, a deep voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Hummel?"

Kurt looked up, surprised, and started into the hazel eyes of one Noah Puckerman.

Puck had left school that day with the intention of going home to relax. His night was going to be filled with Xbox and rocking out on his guitar since he was lucky enough not to have homework. He didn't work at Sheets N's Things again until Saturday, something he was not looking forward to.

Of course, upon entering his house, his plans crashed around him.

His little sister was lying face down on the couch, crying, and Quinn was nowhere in sight.

"What's wrong princess?" he asked the 8 year old, as he sat down next to her on the couch.

"Mommy got called into work and Quinn's at some meeting or something," Sarah sniffled. "I need an outfit for my chorus concert tomorrow, and I have to be prettier than Daisy Bolton."

Puck sighed. He knew his sister was prettier than any of the little brats at her school, but apparently she didn't realize this.

"Why don't you wear any of the dresses you already have?"

His sister immediately jumped up to her feet and started pacing around the living room, all traces of tears gone.

"You're just like mommy! You just don't get it! Everyone at school has already seen me in those dresses, I need something new. Daisy was talking today about the new dress she got at Macy's. It's just not fair that I can't have something new too," she yelled, plopping down on the couch next to him, laying her head in his lap.

Girls were so weird, Puck thought to himself, as he rubbed circles on her back.

He turned to Sarah, ready to give her a lesson on not being greedy and vain, when he was met with big, brown, puppy dog eyes.

"Will you please take me?" Sarah begged.

He really wanted to say no. Puck wanted nothing more than to lay on his bed and play his guitar until dinner time. But he just couldn't say no to that face, and Sarah knew it.

"Fine, but you owe me brat."

Sarah jumped up, hugging him, and ran upstairs to get ready. His mom came into the living room just as Sarah was leaving.

"Noah, hunny, would you mind-"

"Yeah yeah yeah, I'll take her shopping."

His mom beamed at him, giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, before grabbing her keys from the key rack.

"Will you pick up a cooking book for me while you're there? I want to learn how to make those cakes I always see on TV. I believe the book is called 'How to Be a Cake Boss,'" his mom asked.

"Yeah, sure. Have fun at work."

"I'll be home later tonight. Be good and make sure your sister doesn't run off at the mall like last time," she instructed, before walking out the door.

Twenty minutes later, the two siblings entered the mall, with Sarah grabbing onto his hand.

"What are you doing, munchkin?" Puck questioned the younger girl.

"Mommy said I could only go shopping with you if I promised not to run off. By holding your hand, I won't be tempted to go look at stuff without you…and this way, you can't ditch me."

Puck remembered the last time they had gone to the mall together. He'd been flirting with some chick at the food court, when he looked around, and found his little sister was nowhere in sight. After panicking and at one point, calling his mom, he had found her asleep on one of the bean bag chairs in the kid section of the bookstore. That incident had been so totally her fault, but of course, he got blamed, and grounded for a month.

"You're killing my image as a badass," Puck argued, trying to shake Sarah's hand off of his. The little girl tightened her grip, and he gave up trying to make her let go.

"Oh please, Noah, everyone knows you're a sissy."

Only his sister could get away with such comments. Had someone at school questioned his badasseness, they would have found themselves waking up with multiple broken bones, face down in the dumpster.

So because he couldn't beat up his sister, he did the next best thing; ruffled her hair. She screeched, letting go of his hand, and ran the short distance to the bookstore.

"Why don't you go hang out in the baby section, while I find this book for mom?" Puck said when he caught up to her, pointing in the direction of the kids section.

"But I'm thirsty," Sarah whined, sticking out her bottom lip.

He handed his sister three dollars, giving her clear instructions not to leave the store without him. Sarah promised, and Puck went off to find the book his mother asked him to buy.

Upon entering the advice section, Puck noticed he wasn't alone. Kurt Hummel stood in front of him, silently staring at the back of a rather large, blue book.

Before he could stop himself, Puck called out Kurt's name.

The smaller boy turned around at the sound of his voice, his face flushing as soon as he recognized who had called him.

"Um, hey Puck," Kurt stammered, hiding the book behind his back.

"What are you doing here?" Puck questioned, genuinely curious about why Kurt Hummel was in the advice section of a bookstore. The kid seemed to have the answers to everything.

"I'm just picking up something for, um, Brittany. Yeah, she needed a book on how to do her makeup better. You know, how to apply eye liner, mascara, and eye shadow," Kurt stuttered, backing up slowly away from Puck.

The taller jock laughed. Kurt was seriously bad at lying. No wonder why no one believed him when he said he was straight.

"Dude, Brittany can't read. And if she needed make up help, I'm pretty sure you and Santana could help her without the use of a book. You suck at lying."

Before Kurt could process the truth in his words, Puck strode quickly to the younger boy, reaching around him, and pried the book from his hands. He looked down at the cover, and immediately felt anger boil up inside him.

The cover depicted a strong, athletic looking boy, with brown hair and light skin, standing next to a smaller boy, who was dressed in the latest fashion trends. Both boys had their arms around each other, and a look of utter adoration on their faces. It looked strikingly similar to Finn and Kurt, in Puck's opinion.

Of course Kurt Hummel would need advice on the one thing he couldn't seem to succeed at. He'd never been able to get Finn Hudson to realize that Kurt was totally in love with him. Puck had probably been the first one to notice Kurt's obsession with the gangly teen, and it had irked him from day one. Kurt was supposed to stare at him in Glee, not Finn. And it pissed him off even more knowing that Kurt was wasting his time. Finn was too wrapped up in Quinn and Rachel to have feelings for any dude.

Just as he was about to say something to Kurt, a voice behind him caused him to turn around.

"Noah, who is this guy?" Sarah asked, sliding her hand into his empty hand, and holding a Sprite in the other hand.

"I'm Kurt Hummel." Puck watched as the shorter boy stuck his hand out and shook hands with Sarah, who had let go of his hand. "Puck and I are in Glee together."

"I'm Sarah," she said, giving Kurt a small curtsey, which earned a small smile from the two boys. "I'm eight years old and I'm in third grade. I really like your scarf. It's very pretty. Noah never dresses as pretty as you."

Kurt smiled, and took the garment off, allowing Sarah to try it on herself. Puck was shocked, to say the least. He knew how particular the boy was about his clothes, and he never thought the shorter boy would allow anyone, especially a child, touch his most precious belongings.

"Your outfit is very pretty too," Kurt complimented the younger girl.

Puck watched as his sister beamed at Kurt, and spun around in a circle to show off her new accessory.

"Guess what, Kurt? I have a solo in our chorus concert tomorrow!"

"Wow, that's impressive, Sarah. Does your brother help you practice your singing?" Kurt asked, smiling down at the little girl.

"Sometimes, but he says he's too busy now," Sarah answered, giving Puck a small glare, "We used to give concerts for mommy after dinner. He'd play guitar and sing back up, while I'd be the lead singer. And obviously, I was the better dancer so-"

Kurt started giggling, leading Puck to put his hand over Sarah's mouth to keep her from sharing any more embarrassing stories.

"We need to get going, Sarah, if you want to get that outfit for your concert tomorrow," Puck pointed out, putting his hand on her shoulder to steer her in the direction of the exit.

The three walked to the checkout line together. They paid for their books, and walked towards the front doors.

"Here's your scarf back, Kurt. Thanks for letting me try it on."

Sarah took the scarf off, handing it to Kurt. The fashionable boy paused briefly and then handed it back to her.

"I want you to wear this at your concert tomorrow. It's a really lucky scarf, and it'll make any outfit you choose to wear look absolutely fabulous."

"Thank you so much!" Sarah exclaimed, wrapping her arms around Kurt's waist. "Will you come to my concert tomorrow at 8pm?" Sarah pleaded, giving Kurt her famous puppy dog eyes. "Please please please!"

Kurt looked at Puck, who just shrugged back in response. He hoped Kurt would say yes, but at the same time it would be kind of awkward to have him at his little sister's concert, especially since they weren't really friends. And in all honesty, he had forgotten he promised his mother and Sarah that he would go to the event.

"Yeah that sounds like fun. Puck, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye Sarah," Kurt replied, patting Sarah on the head after she let go of his waist, and leaving the store.

Puck helped Sarah pick out a new dress for her concert in a daze. He was amazed at how kind Kurt could be and could tell his sister really liked him. Sarah was really picky about which of Puck's friends she would talk to, spending most of her time talking with Brittany about rainbows or drooling over Finn. (When Puck noted that everyone was in love with Finn, he meant it. He had a feeling his mom even had a preference for the quarterback.)

Slipping into bed that night, Puck vowed to make tomorrow one of the best days of his life. He was going to make Kurt Hummel his, no matter what it took.

A/N: Six chapters down! Thank you to all my reviewers, you guys are great!

I'm trying to put in as much as I can from the episodes into the story, but some things will be adjusted. I think the newest episodes are set sometime after Christmas (I think Puck's mom had him watch Schindler's list as their holiday tradition) and this story is set in November right now, but features things from the new eps (slashing Vocal Adrenaline's tires).

Glee finale tomorrow! Exciting!

Please review, it's much appreciated :)