F is for Fondue (Zoey / Senior Staff)

The Chain

"Charlie and I thought you might like to come to the residence tonight. For fondue."

I expect some surprise. Naturally. They're the White House staff, I'm the First Daughter, they don't expect me to 'invite them over to the residence' let alone for something as cool as fondue. But I've got a fondue set, and they're my boyfriend's colleagues and anyway, dad has them over for chilli ALL the time.

And chilli is less cool than fondue. Because fondue is cool. And when no one says anything, I feel I should stress this particular point. "Fondue is cool." I turn to Charlie, "Fondue IS cool right? I mean you bought me a fondue set as a make up gift."

Before you ask, no, I won't tell you what he was making up for. None of your business. But it might involve him spending a cosy night in The White House with my dad when he was meant to be spending a cosy night in my dorm with me. Anyway, to avoid anyone in the room asking me that question, I turned to CJ who happened to be nearest and channelled the conversation firmly on to fondue, "You should see it, its cute, the fork handles have little mice on, because of…"

"the cheese? You reckon?" She sounds pissed but she's not pissed at me, I can tell that because of the way she's glaring at Charlie. She rounds on him furiously, "You gave her the fondue set? That was birthday gift!"

There's an awkward silence as I realise that my make up present came right at me as a second hand gift but before I can question it, Donna, who is following Josh round puppy style like always cuts in with a question of her own, "Who gives a twenty one year old man a fondue set as a birthday present? Is Charlie gay now?"

I open my mouth to say that he's not gay but he may well be single soon, but again I'm beaten to it by CJ who shrugs nonchalantly, "I'd forgotten his birthday. The stores were closed. It was in my office."

"It was in your office because I gave it to YOU as a birthday gift."

Suddenly, I forget my anger with Charlie. Suddenly things are interesting. And Toby is puce. A likely to explode shade of puce. Oh this is good.

And getting better.

"You needn't start." Uncle Leo. His usual cool, calm, collected self, but with an edge, "I gave that fondue set to you, a congratulations gift for getting Mendoza on the bench."

For a second time, Donna asks the question we're all mentally asking at this point, "Who gives a middle aged single man a fondue set as a congratulatory gift for appointing a judge to the Supreme Court bench?"

Leo shrugs, ala CJ, "The shops were shut. It was in my office."

I can see what's happening here. Can see where this is going… well kinda… it could be infinite… perhaps NO ONE in the world wants fondue set. Before I can question that though, my dad appears and looks around the room questioningly,

"What are we talking about?"

"Fondue." Donna supplies helpfully, but uncle Leo looks at her like he could happily strangle her and suddenly I know JUST where this is going and, sure enough,

"Ah. Fondue. Its good stuff." Dad turns to uncle Leo, "Remember that set Abbey and I bought for you and Jenny. It was exquisite. The fork handles were carved from the wood of aged pines from Switzerland into the shape of mice. Do you still have it or did you lose the custody battle?"

Uncle Leo says nothing, too busy trying not to laugh. Ditto the rest of us. Dad obviously took that as an uncomfortable silence because he quickly changes thesubject. Well, kinda. He looks over at Donna, "Why are we talking about fondue?"

Donna looks to me, clearly floundering. Luckily, I have the answer. I turn to my dad, smile my best baby daughter smile and tell him…

"Because dad, fondues are cool."