Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews! They really motivate me to keep going. :) Enjoy this chapter here. I had a great time writing it.

I absolutely had no idea why she was prolonging this. Didn't she tell me that she wanted to be with me? Didn't she tell me that she loved me and not Potter? I remember her saying so clearly but why am I suddenly filled with doubt?

Was she just lying?

I slumped down into an armchair and took a long gulp of the finest firewhisky that I had. I needed the soothing and relaxing feeling that the strong alcohol offered. After my brief run in with Ginny I felt so frustrated and confused.

Had she changed her feelings for me? Had she realized that she didn't really love me and had changed her mind about me? I admit that I'm very new to these feelings. I grew up not really having an idea of what love was, or kindness or sympathy, no, I had none of those. I had been raised to believe that those of lower stature than me were not worthy of my attention and ever since I had been turning a cold shoulder to anyone my family taught me not to associate with. The Weasleys were of course, top on that list.

I had no problem with that until I turned seventeen and Ginny had grown lovely curves and a spitfire tongue. She had caught my attention when she had caused quite a commotion when she and her brother had a yelling match in front of everyone in one of the corridors. Apparently, he had caught her snogging and had told her off about it.

She looked quite the fireball then. Her red lips yelling witty comments at her idiotic brother, her brown eyes alight with anger and self dignity and then came that unexpected punch to her brother's nose that sent him keening to the floor after he had called her a whore.

I couldn't take my eyes nor my mind off her since then and even if I knew of the heavy consequences it would bring, I pursued her to no end, following her every she went, annoying her and pestering her until she got so frustrated and I kissed her. She had kissed back. Very eagerly, even.

Of course it was not love that compelled me to pursue her like that. Of course not. I was seventeen and unfortunately still blinded by my prejudices. I knew, all I wanted was her body. I was driven by lust. This may sound extremely cliche but she is very different from the other girls I've...associated myself with. She was smart, that's for sure. She knew what I wanted from her and she eagerly gave it, provided she got what she wanted as well which, fortunately for her, I am very skilled at and more than capable and willing of giving. She needed release. She needed to break free from all the burden on her shoulders; most of which the Boy-Who-Couldn't-Bloody-Die was the cause. If I remember correctly, he had been out hunting Voldemort's horcruxes that time.

Speaking of Voldemort, I must not forget to thank him. Really. After all, he is the main reason why Ginny and I had gotten together after we both had graduated from Hogwarts.

We didn't take our relationship- if you might call it one - further when I got out of Hogwarts. Sure, I admit I might have already had feelings for her then but because the feeling was new to me and I wasn't exactly used to it, I hated it and gave it up. We parted on mutual terms. I couldn't tell if she had been hurt or not because if there was ever a person that could mask their feelings as well as I do, it was her. Soon after, news of Potter's coming back broke out and not too long after that, I had heard Ginny had gotten back with him.

That was when I found out Voldemort apparently knew of the little affair I had had with little Miss Weasley back in Hogwarts. He gave me an assignment. An assignment that had my motives and feelings mixed up.

He had asked me to woo Ginny Weasley and get into the Order.

I can still remember my feelings when he told me of the plan. I was enraged and reluctant to go on with it because it meant that I had to actually act civilly to members of the Order who I knew included not only the Weasleys but the Golden Trio as well. It also meant that I would have to convince them that I was on their side and that required my best acting skills if I wanted to go on properly with it.

Then again, I was also elated. I didn't understand why but I was sort of... anxious to see her again. I had never forgotten how it felt to be in her arms...to be inside her and this assignment gave me the permission to do so freely.

Unfortunately then, I couldn't do it in that order. I couldn't woo Ginny Weasley to get into the Order. Potter was in the way but I was determined so I schemed and plotted unrelentlessly. I felt the the desire, the need to be with her but she was still too blinded by the git.

I ended up staging a play that involved me showing up in front of the twins' shop all bloody and barely conscious. Ginny was there. She was the one who convinced them to not leave me to die. The Weasley family took me in and I thought I had hit the jackpot but later on, I noticed that this was not where all the action was happening. At some points of the day, they would leave, with at least one or two members of the Order left behind to take care of me. Ginny always seemed to manage to avoid that post. I always wondered why.

Many of them debated my motives and intentions. I had to act my best and I thought up many plans. I told them information that I knew that the Dark Lord wouldn't really mind me relaying. I thought up excuses; that the extent of their curses had somehow fazed my memory or that I've been obliviated. They bought it but not all of them.

Ginny was the hardest to convince. It seems that she knew me more than I thought she did. Potter and his puppies had always been against me of course but when Snape, McGonogall (Snape was of course, assigned to help me) and the other Aurors decided to keep me, they didn't really have a choice.

I could see in Ginny's eyes that she still doubted me; that she still didn't believe that I had turned over a new leaf. Like I said, she is smart.

Anyway, I didn't realize it then but now that I think back on it, it was those few weeks that were probably the turning point of my life. Time passed by and everything that I used to believe in dissipated like mist when I saw how hard the Order was fighting against the Dark Lord. They were actually fighting not for reasons such as to rule the whole world and to rid the world of all muggle borns and muggles but they were actually fighting for all these people; wizarding or not; for their freedom.

As the months passed, I slowly realized that I wasn't acting anymore. I had gained the trust of the Order and I had made good companions among its members. I was warming up to the Weasleys and so were they to me as I took "refuge" and lived in their home.

All the while Potter had been getting more and more pressured and as a result, had kept Ginny at a distance. He felt all these sort of funny things like seeing into the dreams of the Dark Lord and feeling what he was feeling and he had gotten so wrapped up in his own world, plotting and scheming with his minions, Granger and Ron Weasley, and in time, seemed to have forgotten about Ginny.

And Ginny and I? Well, she and I had formed some sort of bond when I got into the Order. Take note, when I got into the Order. Before that, even if she was the one who had asked to save me, she never really paid any attention to me. It was only when I was accepted as an official member did we begin to acknowledge other with more than just a nod. Now I realize that we always had feelings for each other; we were just ignoring them. Soon, I stopped looking at her as a sexual object because we never really had a chance to have a go at it when she was too busy trying to understand Scarhead and I was just so determined to convince the Order so instead, during all those nights she spent in their kitchen when she couldn't sleep, she had found a companion in me that I didn't know I could be.

We became friends and I got to know her really well. I realize we were never really friends when we were shagging in Hogwarts. We were just that. Two people that used each other for pleasure and nothing else. Also, things never improved between her and Potter and she showed the world that she had moved on but I knew the truth. The truth was she was in pain inside. I did mention that she was excellent at masking her emotions and feigning them. I saw what she was going through and there was just this strong force inside of me that made me want to comfort her and just be with her.

After a few more months, the war had come to a lull and I began reporting less and less to the Dark Lord, giving petty excuses such as 'I don't have enough information yet' or 'The Order is beginning to get suspicious' when the truth was, I didn't really want to relay to them information that the Order trusted me with. I felt guilt which was another new thing for me. It drove me mad in the beginning.

Ginny, who was working for her twin brothers, decided out of the blue that she was getting an apartment at Diagon Alley. She doesn't know that I know that she begged Remus to assign her to be one of the look outs on Diagon Alley. She used this reason and that her job at the twins' shop was full time now, to convince her family to let her go. They had finally relented, on one condition:

I was going to live with her.

You cannot imagine the shock that overcame me when they stated their condition. Mr and Mrs Weasley looked hopeful and I didn't know why on earth they would trust me with such a thing. Ron had been silently fuming, the twins had been smirking knowingly, Bill and Charlie wore stoic faces, Granger looked like she had just swallowed one of her books and Potter, well Potter was just stupidly shocked.

But it was one face that I only sought out in that kitchen and I saw her.

And the girl looked calm.

As if her family had just announced their home address. I gained confidence then, seeing her willing to live with me. I even felt thrilled.

And that was the start of everything deeper that Ginny and I had together. We had shagged the third night after a misunderstanding that led to a lot of yelling and that was when I realized that I was beginning to fall for her.

Unfortunately, she was feeling the same way.

I say unfortunately because, a few weeks after, the Dark Lord had called for me and had threatened to kill her if I didn't give them any information. I was already deeply attached to Ginny and I didn't have a choice. I had to give him what I wanted if I wanted Ginny alive and well.

All along I was fighting an internal battle. Guilt ate me up for the betrayal that I was doing to the Order and Ginny, especially Ginny but there was nothing I could do then. I was blinded by fear.

Eventually, Ginny found out.

I was broken.

And that was when the war began again, hitting us all full force.

DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling.