AN:A bit more angsty than I originally intended… Oops!
They Shoot Devorian's, Don't They? (Part Two)
Neelix has gone over-board with the fireworks demonstration. His flair for the elaborate has won over taste; again. Kathryn gazes up, the holodeck sky is filled with sparks. Bright lights cross and collide as dizzying colours spill onto the canvas of the night sky. She glances around at the awed faces of her crew. Seven is absent, she is looking after the baby; again.
Kathryn's feet are killing her, she's been on duty for seventeen hours straight and all she wants to do is remove her boots, slip into a bath and spend some quality time with her family.
She moves over to the refreshments table in time to catch the end of B'Elanna's conversation with Harry. "I mean… don't you think she ought to sort her priorities out?"
Harry nods in agreement, then pales as he catches sight of Janeway. "Captain," he greets, but it's a warning to B'Elanna, not an acknowledgement of her.
Janeway nods politely at him, she picks up a glass of something green and moves towards them. B'Elanna seems uncomfortable and avoids eye contact with her.
"I didn't mean to interrupt, please continue with what you were discussing," Kathryn smiles easily and sips at her drink: she knows they were talking about her.
"We were just discussing why Seven decided not to attend this evening's festivities," Harry explains.
Janeway nodded. "And?"
"She just loves Baby Cylem," B'Elanna says. "I never thought a Borg would make a good parent!"
Harry quickly adds. "Not that you're a bad parent - "
B'Elanna nods a little too readily. "Yeah – I mean, so you work long hours, it doesn't mean - "
Kathryn held up a hand to silence the pair. "I'd stop whilst I was behind if I were you."
Janeway finishes her drink and sets the cup down. "If you'll excuse me, I have a family I haven't seen since yesterday," she turns and exits the holodeck.
The doors to her quarters draw back to reveal Seven rocking the sleeping baby in her arms and gently humming 'You are my sunshine'.
Kathryn grins.
Seven looks up and gives a small wave of her hand: beckoning Janeway over.
Kathryn quickly moves over to the cot by their bed and pulls back the covers. Seven then gently places Cylem in his cot. Kathryn tucks the blanket around him, she strokes his cheek and kisses the top of his head. He has that gorgeous, just bathed, talcum-powdery baby smell.
Seven smiles at Janeway's maternal instincts. Kathryn may have returned to being the Captain, but she will always be a mother first.
The Captain gazed in awe at her son, Seven takes her hand and leads her into the main room.
"How was he today?" Kathryn asks.
"As always, perfect."
Kathryn grins; she loves the way Seven says 'perfect'.
"I'm sorry I was late, Neelix had a - "
Seven stops Janeway's mouth with hers.
Kathryn slowly draws back from the kiss and smiles at Seven.
Seven moves over to the replicator and orders a coffee for her weary Captain. She knows Kathryn is tired but no matter how much she tries to look after her, Kathryn is fiercely independent and won't allow herself be taken care of.
Janeway sits on the sofa, she gazes out at the stars and half-wishes she could join them; floating through space; no conscience; no feeling. It would be a release.
"Here," Seven says as she hands Kathryn her coffee.
Janeway takes the cup and smiles gratefully at Seven.
The blonde sits beside her on the sofa. She wants to reach out, enfold Janeway in her arms, but knows she shouldn't. Since having Cylem, Kathryn has been distant. It feels as if she is deliberately keeping herself distracted so that she won't have to face the reality of their 'instant family' as she had once termed it.
Since the night Kathryn invited Seven into her bed, nothing more than kisses and sleeping side-by-side has occurred. Seven is afraid to lose what they have if she pushes too hard. She has what she wants: she shares her life with Kathryn, she shares their child, but she is no closer to the actual woman.
Janeway sips at the coffee and avoids looking at Seven. She always feels guilty when she returns home from her shift. She feels her son slip further away from her with each day. He will call Seven 'Mom' first. He will run to her when he hurts his knee, he will cry for her when he starts his first day at school… if he ever gets the chance to attend school… if she ever gets them home.
That's why she works so hard. If there is any chance to get home, she doesn't want to miss it. She wants her mother to meet Cylem, she wants her sisters to spoil him, to have her friends joke about how they never thought she was the mothering kind - she wants to raise him on Earth.
The only control Kathryn really has is how much time she spends on the Bridge. So she stays as long as she can and every day returns to her family a failure.
She sets her coffee cup down on the table and takes a pained breath.
Seven moves closer to Janeway, she rests her head against Kathryn's shoulder and whispers sadly. "I wish you would trust me Kathryn. I wish you would let me help you."
Kathryn slips her arm around Seven. "You do," she replies and lovingly kisses Seven's forehead. "I couldn't cope without you."
Seven wraps her arms around the Captain's waist, snuggling closer. "I miss you when you leave us."
Kathryn pulls back from Seven and meets her gaze. "I miss you too."
"Then why do you not accept Chakotay's offer? Share the Captain position with him – then you can spend more time with us."
Janeway peers into Seven's piercing blue eyes, she kisses Seven, then traces the ex-drone's jaw with her fingers. "I've been thinking about it…"
"And?"
"It's looking more and more probable. I want to spend more time with you two and the crew seem to respond to Chakotay's command…"
"Then what is stopping you?" the blonde demands.
Kathryn takes a steadying breath. "What if I'm not a good mother? What if you get bored with me? What if the crew want Chakotay as their Captain permanently? What if…"
Seven takes hold of Janeway's shoulders. "None of that is going to happen. I see you with Cylem, I see the love you have, there's no need to fear it. And I will not get bored of you, it is an impossibility."
"There are things stronger than love," Kathryn warns.
Seven cups Kathryn's face. "Not my love."
Kathryn pulls away; she stands, deeply agitated.
This alarms Seven. "What is it?"
Kathryn turns to face Seven. "I'm scared that you have this illusion of me, of how things will be between us if I spend more time at home… I don't feel I can live up to your expectations."
Seven's eyes dull. "I did not intend to make you feel this way…"
Kathryn crouches before her and takes her hands. "Seven, you anticipate so much. I just don't know if I can supply it and I don't want to disappoint you."
"How can you disappoint me if you will not even try? If you will not even give us a chance?" Seven demands, pulling her hands out of Janeway's grasp.
Kathryn stands, raising a hand to her forehead and rubbing. She is tired. She is tired of the same argument, tired of being stuck in a rut. Nothing seems to make sense anymore.
Seven stands. She folds her hands behind her back. "We cannot keep doing this. It is not progressive. It makes us both unhappy."
Janeway nods in agreement.
Seven takes a step towards her. Janeway meets her eyes. They watch each other.
Janeway closes the space between them and says. "You're right. We need to come to some sort of agreement… a way forward. Things need to change."
"You need to accept me," Seven says carefully.
Kathryn looks surprised. "What do you mean?"
"You have to allow me into your life."
"But I - "
"Not just as a convenient babysitter. I want us to be a proper family."
Janeway feels saddened that she has let Seven feel unappreciated and neglected, she reaches out and touches Seven's arm. "I want that too."
Seven draws back from her. "Then make it true, do not give me meaningless words. Prove it."
And for the first time in a long time, Kathryn knows what she has to do. She taps her insignia. "Janeway to Chakotay."
Seven's eyebrows arch in surprise.
"Yes, Captain?" comes the First Officer's voice.
"My Ready Room, five minutes. Janeway out."
Kathryn breaks into a grin. "This is the beginning, Seven, from here on in."
"What do you intend to do?"
"I'm going to tell Chakotay that I want to share the Captainship with him."
Seven smiles enigmatically.
This spurs the Captain on. "Tomorrow I'm taking the day off. How does a family picnic on the holodeck sound?"
Seven leans forward and kisses Kathryn. "It sounds good."
~ The End ~