Hello ladies and Gents, I hope you are having a lovely week. I am ;) So here is chapter eight for your viewing pleasure. I want to thank each and every one of my reviewers, I did not have time to get back to each of you personally but I wanted to let you know that I do appreciate you and your thoughts. Keep it up, I love hearing from all of you. I also want to thank all of my readers, you guys are da' bomb!! I mean it!!
I also want to give a shout out to my beta Yuki Sakura-Chan. She just started, but she is doing an awesome job!!
Just a reminder I put the links to their outfits on my profile. Check em out!!
Disclaimer: I sadly do not own Twilight or any of the lovely characters. They belong to the wonderfully talented Stephenie Meyer. I do own the original story line and any original characters. But I do own: All of the books, soundtracks to both movies, Team Edward t-shirt, Twilight the movie, and used ticket stubs to Twilight and New Moon.
I woke up Saturday morning to sunshine filtering into my bedroom. Yawning, I stretched my body still tried from the events of yesterday. I knew that I had to get up and hopefully accomplish some of the things I had planned early this morning. Once I was showered and dressed for the day, I sat and stared at my cell phone. I knew that I had many calls to make. I couldn't even tell you which one I dreaded more. Sighing, I finally dialed a number that I hadn't called in four years.
"Hello," came her honeyed voice.
"Esme?" I asked , even though I would recognize her voice anywhere.
"Bella," she said, I guess my voice was also familiar. "How are you doing sweetheart?"
"Honestly, I have been better." I tried to keep any malice out of my voice, Carlisle's actions were not hers.
"Well I am sorry to hear that. Is there anything that I can do to make it better?" Esme was always in the mother mode.
"Actually there is. I was wondering if you still wanted to do lunch?" I asked hopefully.
"Of course dear. I was hoping you would call about that," she said. I could hear the smile in her voice. "What day would you like to meet?"
"Well I was hoping for today, unless you have other plans of course," I needed the hear her side of things before I could give Edward a good argument.
"I don't think I had anything to big planned for today, I was going to meet Carlisle for lunch at the hospital, but that could wait until another day," she said thoughtfully.
"I don't want to intrude in your day, I mean if you already plans set up."
"Plans are meant to be broken sometimes. Where would you like to meet?" she asked.
"I could come to Fork's if you want me too," I offered, I didn't want Esme to have to drive all the way into Seattle for this.
"I really don't mind coming to you, sweetie," she countered. I knew she would do that, so I had a backup plan.
"It's really no big deal. I wanted to spend some time with my parents also." I planned on going there after I left Esme, I needed my mother's advice anyways.
"Okay dear. When should I expect you?" She asked. I looked at the clock, it was only 8:30.
"How about noon?"
"Sounds lovely, I will have lunch ready then," she offered.
"Do you want me to bring anything?" I asked , feeling slightly guilty for pretty much inviting myself over.
"Just your beautiful self. I will see you in a few hours," she said.
"Okay, Bye Esme," I said, shutting the phone.
I had a few hours before I had to leave. I guess I could make another telephone call that I am dreading. I pushed Emmett's speed dial number and waited for him to answer.
"Hello baby sis," he boomed out
"Hey Em," I said tentatively.
"What's going on Bella?" He asked. He knew me to well.
"Nothing, can't a sister just call her big brother for no reason?" I asked, avoiding the impending conversation a little longer.
"Bells, I know you and I know your voice. Now tell your big bro what's going on."
"Fine!" I huffed, I thought he would let me beat around the bush a little longer. "ItalkedtoEdwardlastnight." I rushed out in one long sentence.
"You what honey? It almost sounded like you said you talked to Edward last night," he joked,
"That's because I did," I mumbled out. Wait for it, wait for it.
"YOU DID WHAT?" He exploded, there it was.
"He wanted to explain things and I decided that I needed to hear what he had to say," I fumbled out. Crap I hated when he made me feel like a twelve year old little girl.
"I cannot believe you Isabella, do you have 'I am a huge dumbass' stamped across your forehead?" He fumed.
"That's not fair Emmett! I deserve some sort of closure after all of these years and he is the only one who could give it to me," I huffed out, Brothers!!
"And did his explanations give you closure." He sneered.
"Sort of. I am going to Fork's to have a long overdue conversation with Esme," I said.
"So what are you guys back together now?" he demanded.
"NO! Why would you even ask that?" I yelped, how did he get that out of the conversation we were having was beyond me.
"Well I know what kind of effect that prick has on you," he said, his voice now softer.
"Well maybe he did when I was eighteen, but I am older and wiser now."
"I know you are Jelly Belly, but I still worry about you. I don't like the thought of you getting hurt again, almost as much as I don't like the thought of you being alone," he said.
"Well I don't like the thought of me getting hurt again, I do have some self preservation yah know?" I said, trying to lighten the mood.
"I don't know about that, you walk into every dangerous situation that comes your way. As an example, I bet he came to your apartment alone last night?"
"Maybe." I mumbled.
"Bella." he groaned "What am I going to do with you."
"Just love me Em." I stated.
"I do baby girl, I do. Will you call me when you get home tonight?" he asked nicely.
"I am actually going to stay at mom and dad's."
"Well call me tomorrow, yeah?" he amended
"Of course bro, love you."
"You to kiddo," he said. Then he was gone, I knew we would have a longer talk about everything later.
After calling my mom, to make sure they were going to be home later, thankfully they were, I left Seattle for Forks. I thought about how I hadn't been to the Cullen house since the almost wedding, it made me wonder if it would hurt to see the house that I longed to belong to . Probably, not only had I loved that house and family, I also grew up in that house and the surrounding areas. I knew their property like the back of my hand.
Around 11:30 I passed the "Welcome to Forks" sign. I was home, no matter where I lived, this town would be home. I passed the tiny store, then the post office, the high school was next. There were so many memories in those halls. Not just memories of Edward, but also of most of my friends. Alice and I passing notes, Rosalie dominating the cheerleading squad, Emmett's football games, Jess and Mike breaking up and getting back together more times than I could count, and Jasper's strumming the guitar in the quad on nice days. I smiled to myself, we had done so much together, I honestly don't know what I would do without my friends. I knew that Jasper took Edwards disappearance the hardest, besides myself of course. Edward was the first to befriend Jasper when he moved here our freshman year. They were pretty much inseparable. They even had a band, they called themselves "The Mighty Two". They would jam for hours in Jasper's garage. Alice and I were their groupies.
Jasper and Edward were as close as Alice and I. That's why I felt this need to fix things for them. Not for Edward, of course, but for Jasper. He deserved to get his best friend back. Some people may not understand why I feel that way but I knew deep in my heart that it was the right thing to do. I mean I wouldn't force them together like two magnets but I would drop some subtle hints.
By the time I was on the outskirts of town, anxiety was building in my gut. I wonder if Esme could even help me, she may not even know what happened that night. I saw the turn off for their house and I turned, it was now or never. I felt like I had been saying that to myself a lot lately. After driving a few miles through the thick forest, I finally saw the big white mansion, my breath caught, I was transported back in time. I felt like I was seventeen again, driving here in a rush, dying to be in Edwards arms. I could almost imagine him leaning against a post on the huge porch, his crooked smile in place, waiting for me to get there. Once I would pull up he would run to my truck and drag me out and into his arms, holding me tightly. I shook my head, clearing that image away.
The porch was empty, as was my heart. I was being silly, this house was just bringing back some old nostalgia. It didn't hurt to see it the way I thought it would though, just a dull ache, one that never seems to go away anyways. I pulled up in front of the house, parking, unintentionally, in the spot I have parked hundreds of times. I climbed out of my truck. I probably should just start chanting my motto "It's now or never. It's now or never. It's now or never". Finding the motivation to move my feet was hard, because every step I took, another memory hit me. Edward chasing me around the yard with a hose, Him and I on the front porch swing, and the worse leaving this house wrapped up in Emmett's arms. The front door swung open and Esme popped her head out.
"I thought I heard you pull up," Her smiling face was so familiar, that it made my chest ache. "How was the drive?"
"It was fine," I said, following her into the house. More memories, watching movies on the couch, kissing until we were breathless against the front door, Edward dragging me inside to announce our engagement.
"Good," She closed the door behind us. "Well come here." She pulled me into a tight hug. "I am so glad that you called."
"Me, too." I mumbled into her shoulder.
"Well come on, lunch is getting cold." She pulled away, walking towards the dining room.
She had a huge spread laid out. Hot sandwiches, soups, a pasta salad, and warm cookies.
"Esme, you didn't need to do all of this," I said, gesturing towards the food.
"Don't make a fuss, it's not very often that I get to make my long lost daughter lunch," she said, turning quickly trying to hide the tears in her eyes.
"Well thank you." I amended, I really didn't like to see her upset.
We sat and ate in a comfortable silence. Every once in a while one of us would make a comment on the weather or on small bit of gossip.
"Well I know that you didn't come here solely for lunch, I am sure that there are things that you need to say. So let's go get comfortable in the living room and talk," she said, pushing her plate away from her.
Once we were settled on her comfortable couches, I sighed "Edward came to see me last night."
"Oh did he?" She actually looked surprised.
"Why does the surprise you?" I asked
"Oh no reason really," she said avoiding my eyes, hmmm….
"Well he finally explained why he left." I said bluntly, I wanted to gage her reaction to see how much see knew. Her eyes went wide with shock.
"He did?" It was more of a question, then a statement. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath "Then I guess you know about what happened with Carlisle then."
"You knew," I breathed out, my chest aching more. I knew that I shouldn't be surprised that she knew, but part of me felt betrayed, She should have come forward when he left and told me. Not just let me believe that he didn't love me.
She must have see the flash of anger in my eyes because she quickly starting talking again.
"Bella you have to understand that Carlisle feels so horrible, he blames himself for everything. I know that we should have told you what had happened, but we figured that Edward wouldn't be gone for long. He loves you so much, we figured that he would come back and we could work everything out. But then he didn't and so much time had passed, we felt like if we came forward with what we knew, that you would think that we were just trying to take the blame off of Edward." Her voice was so agonized.
"I had a right to know," I spewed out, I hated the fact that the three of them had decided what was best for me.
"I know that now, hindsight twenty, twenty."
"Why would Carlisle even do that, he should have never tried to force Edward into a career he didn't want," I said, moving on. I really didn't want apologizes.
"I think he was worried, Edward sprung it on him the night before the wedding. He didn't handle it correctly, that's for sure. He should have never tried to force it on him. He just wanted Edward to think about it, he was going to have you to take care of," she said trying to defend Carlisle's actions.
I just shook my head, "I don't even know what to say. I am so angry and hurt. I don't know how to react to all of this." I felt drained, my body couldn't handle all of the emotions that was running through it.
"That's completely understandable, you have every right to be very angry. Will you at least give him a chance to fix this though?" She mimicked the Edward from my dream.
"Fix what?" I asked.
"Your guys' relationship." she sated calmly, she couldn't be serious.
"There's no relationship to fix, I've moved on and so has he." I stated the obvious. I mean did she just not have dinner with Edward and Tanya?
"Oh, you think…" she started, and then quickly stopped herself.
"I think what?" I asked, seriously curious now.
"I can't really say Bella, but I can say not everything is what it seems," she said cryptically. "You really should talk to Edward about his moving on."
Before I could question her, she popped up off of the couch, "Oh dear, where has the time gone. I need to start dinner for Carlisle," effectively ending our conversation. "You of course are welcome to stay for dinner."
"No, I told my mom to expect me soon." I said, I really didn't think I could honestly be in the same room as Carlisle right now. I may have a major freak out on him. I looked at my watch, "Actually I probably head out, my parents will be wondering where I am."
"Alright," She said walking me to the door. "I know that you are angry at Carlisle and myself in extension. But we both hope one day that you will be able to forgive us."
"I just need time," I said honestly.
"I understand that," She said, pulling me into a hug, "I will always love you like a daughter.
"Thank you," I whispered, pulling away and walking towards my truck. "Oh, I forgot there was something else I needed to ask you."
"Okay." she said hesitantly, probably worried that I was going to start back in on what she "couldn't" talk about.
"Edward's mood is out of whack. I mean one time I see him and he acts all remorseful and then the next time he is downright cocky and arrogant. I don't know if you guys have noticed this but I don't honestly know what to think about it."
"I see," she said, looking down at her hands. "I can explain that. Edward has had a rough time since he left, not that he doesn't deserve it a little, but after he came back and thought you had moved on, he couldn't cope. So he turned to alcohol, he tried to unsuccessfully drown his sorrows. After about a year binge, he got into a pretty nasty car accident, he almost.." She stopped there, trying to wrangle in her emotions. I felt my own heart speeding up at the thought of him hurt.
"Sorry." she said after a minute. "This was a very hard time for the whole family. "He was badly hurt; thankfully he was the only one. The judge took pity on him, being his first offence and all, he just had to complete a detox program, which he did. But since he has been back here, I think that he has started drinking again. I'm not sure about that, but with what you just told me I would assume so. Don't worry about it, I will handle it."
"You should have told me," I said referring to the accident.
"You wouldn't have wanted to see him like that, he was a mess," she countered, once again deciding what's best for me.
"Well I still should have been there," anger clearly present in my voice, I'm not really sure why I was angry though. He did leave me.
"He wouldn't have wanted you to see him like that," she countered.
I just huffed and turned to walk towards my truck.
"Bella," She called out.
"Yeah."
"Edward loves you very much, you may not believe that but he does," she stated.
"Esme," I started, I fully intended to tell her what I thought about that.
"Don't…" she interrupted me "I am only telling you the truth, even if he hasn't told you yet, it's something you need to know to make a decision."
"There is no decision to make," I clarified, getting into my truck and shutting the door before she had a chance to respond. I didn't make eye contact with her as I pulled out of the driveway, I really didn't want to see her remorse over my last statement.
As I drove back into town, towards my parents' house, I thought about everything she had said. Nothing anyone could say will justify any of their actions. I guess it was something that I was going to have to process on my own. Carlisle and Esme were once very important to me and I want to have them in my life again, it was just going to take time for me to forgive them. I didn't really know what to think about his drinking, why he would be stupid enough to do that to himself is beyond me. Plus I was kind of mad about it, I was the one left behind and I didn't even give into the oblivion on alcohol. But the thought of Edward hurt, in a hospital put a stop to the anger that was starting to grow. The thought of Edward no longer existing in this world caused more pain then I was willing to admit, to develop in my chest and take permanent hold. Also I was confused about her cryptic statement about Edward moving on. Why would I need to talk to him about that, it was obvious that he was with Tanya. I have seen them together numerous times. I mean they were together right? I decided to put that topic of thought away for later time, I was almost to my parents.
I killed the engine once I was in the driveway; I looked up at the house I grew up in. It had barely changed. Sometimes I wish that I could be sixteen again and have a chance to do everything different. But if I was being honest with myself, I don't think, even knowing the outcome, would I change my time with Edward. What we had was special and I would live with this lifetime of pain, to have experienced that kind of love. My cell phone ringing pulled me out of thought. Riley.
"Hey" I breathed into the phone.
"Hi, Beautiful," he said. "You want to do something today?"
"I would love to but, I am at my parents' house right now," I said, slightly disappointed.
"Bummer, when are you coming home?" He asked, sounding disappointed himself.
"Tomorrow afternoon," I answered.
"Well call me when you get in, maybe we can do something then."
"Alright, I will," I said.
"Okay, have a nice time with your parents," he said. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, drive home safe," he added on.
"Okay, bye."
"Bye," he said, as I was shutting the phone.
I saw my mom peeping her head of the kitchen window. I am sure curious to why I was just sitting in their driveway. I smiled at her, so she knew I was okay and grabbed my overnight bag, making my way into the house.
"Bella, Sweetheart," she rushed out of the kitchen. Strange smells emanating from behind her.
"Tell me you're not cooking." I groaned. My mom was the best, just not at cooking. She tried to be creative, adding ingredients that shouldn't go together.
"It's a new recipe, I figured it's not very often my daughter comes, I should make her a good meal," she defended herself, I realized then that my poor parents had suffered from Edwards absence also, I rarely came to Fork's, because it was too hard.
"Well I'm sure it's wonderful," I said to appease her.
"Why don't you go put your bag in your room and clean up for dinner," she said, turning back towards the kitchen. "Your dad should be home from fishing soon.
"Okay," I said, climbing the familiar stairs to my old room. It was like stepping back in time. My parents (mostly my mom) hadn't changed a thing in mine or Emmett's rooms. My walls were still a faded blue, the bed spread still the purple one I bought in high school, and the old rocking chair still sat in the corner. Sighing I tossed my bag into the rocking chair and flopped down onto my old bed. I had forgotten how much Edward was in this room.
There were still random pictures of him scattered around, one of his baseball caps still hung off of my vanity, a few trinkets here and there from random dates. The things that I had overlooked when I packed up all of his things. I heard the cruiser crunch up the driveway; I better go down and see Charlie. I stopped in the bathroom for a human moment and headed downstairs, just as Charlie was walking into the door.
"Bells, what a surprise," he said dropping his fishing gear into the entry.
"Hi, Dad," I smiled at him. Charlie and I were like two peas in a pod. I gave him an awkward hug, which he awkwardly returned.
"So what brings you home?" he emphasized the word home.
"I had some things to do, people to see," I said, chuckling.
"Okay kid, just as long as you're keeping yourself out of trouble," he stated, dropping a kiss on mom's head, with the scrunching his nose up at the smell. He gave me a knowing look. I chuckled and shook my head. We were in for a treat tonight.
After a very interesting dinner, and by interesting I mean disgusting, my mom and I headed up into my old room to have a talk.
"You girls have fun up there," my dad called from his place in front of the TV.
We both just laughed, nothing kept Charlie away from his sports.
"So what's going on sweetie?" My mom asked, once we were settled side by side on my bed.
I proceeded to tell her everything, from my dates with Riley, to Edwards confession and behavior, to everything Esme told me, I didn't leave anything out.
"Hmmmm," she said, after a minute.
"Hmmmmm what?" I asked
"That's a lot to take in Bella," she said. "I'm not sure what to tell you."
"Tell me what to do," I begged.
"I can't do that sweetie, but I can tell you what I think," she said, turning over onto her side to look at me. "I think Riley sounds like a very nice young man, I like the fact that you have something to be happy about. I think that you and Edward were very young and everyone makes mistakes."
I cut her off there. "Mistakes are, 'I accidentally left the milk out.' not 'I took off for four years because I got freaked out," I countered.
"Well yes, you are correct there, he didn't handle that situation very well. But put yourself in his shoes for a moment. How would you have handled that situation and don't say the practical answer."
I laid back and really thought about it. What would I have done? Would I have just run off into the night with no explanation? No, but Edward would, because that's how he is. He would have put me, not my feelings, but my well being first. I guess I could see where he thought that he would only let me down in the long run. But I was still mad that he didn't have faith in me, in us.
"Well I guess I could understand his line of thought," I grumbled, "But it's not that easy."
"Of course not, you need time to process everything," she amended.
"And it doesn't change anything, he gave me closure and now we can move on." I'm not sure who I was trying to convince with that statement.
"Whatever you say sweetheart," my mom chuckled with a gleam in her eye.
"What's that look for?" I demanded.
"Nothing, I just forgot how thick headed you were. That's all," she laughed.
"I am not thick headed. I just can't go there again," I said softly, looking out the window that Edward had climbed in hundreds of times.
"Maybe you can't or maybe you won't. I just want you to be happy," she said softly.
"I am happy Mom."
"I know you think you are," she whispered, playing with a lock of my hair. "Just take time to think about everything okay."
"Okay," I said, because I really didn't want to get into it with her.
"Alright honey, I better go drag your father off of the couch," she said, standing and stretching.
"Goodnight mom," I said, as she walked out of the door.
"Night sweetie," she said, as she shut the door behind her.
I slipped into my pajamas and back into bed. So much had happened in the last two days, I was more confused than ever. After hearing about Edward almost dying, some irrational thing in me needed to hear his voice, to know that he was still there. I know that it didn't make any sense, but I just needed it. I grabbed my phone without thinking and dialed his number
"Bella," he said instead of hello.
"Edward," I answered him, now feeling a little silly for calling.
"How are you?" he asked.
"Good and you?" came my stilted answer.
"Good, are you alright," he asked, his voice sounding confused. "Are you ready to talk?"
"I'm fine, and no I'm not ready. I just talked to your mom today and some things she told me, made me anxious," I tried to explain.
"Oh, she told you about the accident," he said softly. He always seemed to know what I was trying to say, it was blessing and a curse.
"Yeah," I whispered as a stray tear ran down my face.
"I was so stupid," he admitted.
"I don't want to get into it right now, later. I just wanted to…." I trailed off, not knowing what to say.
"I understand," he said, and I knew he did.
"Alright," I said, clearing my throat "I am going to bed, I have to drive back to Seattle in the morning."
"Oh, are you at your parents?" He asked
"Yeah."
"Please drive safe home tomorrow," he said.
"I will, good night Edward," I whispered into the phone.
"Good night Bella."
I laid in bed for a long time after I hung up, thinking about everything and not being any closer to having any answers.
Okay kiddos, there it is. I hoped you enjoyed it!! Review and let me know what you think. Until next time, have a happy week.
Symphiann