I am a huge asshole. I am do sorry everyone for taking so long to update. I try to update at least once a week, but this time everything kicked my ass. I was having horrible writers block, then I was super busy with the holidays. So I apologize profusely. I want to thank all of my readers and reviewers, you guys rock my socks.

Also I hope everyone had a happy holiday, no matter how you celebrate it!!

I also want to give a shout out to my beta Yuki Sakura-Chan. Check out her stories, they are awesome!!

Just a reminder I put the links to their outfits on my profile. Check em out!!

Disclaimer: I sadly do not own Twilight or any of the lovely characters. They belong to the wonderfully talented Stephanie Meyer. I do own the original story line and any original characters. But I do own: All of the books, soundtracks to both movies, Team Edward t-shirt, Twilight the movie, and used ticket stubs to Twilight and New Moon.

I slept peacefully and dreamless in my childhood bed, and woke up to gray light flittering into my room. I ate a quick pop tart breakfast with my dad. Thankfully, my mom spent two hours every morning doing yoga, instead of cooking breakfast. After telling my mom three times that I had to go, I finally was in my truck and heading out of town, but not before she told me to listen to my heart, not my head. I just rolled my eyes. She must be reading romance novels again.

The drive back to Seattle was pretty uneventful. I turned on some angry chick music and turned my brain off. Anytime my thoughts turned to Edward or the situation, I turned up Alanis Morisette. I refused to deal with this right now. Later. I pulled up to my apartment a little after noon, flopped down onto my couch in exhaustion. I looked at my cell phone and debated on who to call first. Emmett or Riley. I went none of the above and called Alice. I missed her, I felt like we hadn't spent much time together lately.

"Bella!" she exclaimed.

"Alice!" I said back in the same tone of voice.

"What cha' doing chicka boo?" Alice and her funky talk.

"Nothing, just got home from the parents house," I said nonchalantly.

"You went to Forks?" she asked.

"Yep," I said, not going into details. She hated when I did that.

"For?"

"Stuff," I said, trying to hold back a giggle.

"Isabella Marie," She warned.

"Fine Alice, I went to see Esme. Then I stayed the night at my parents," I huffed; man she had no patience.

"I'm on my way over right now," she said, then the line went dead. Great, I should have realized that she would overreact.

Sighing I punched in Emmett's number, only to get his voice mail.

"Hey Em," I said after the automated voice prompted me, "I just thought I would call you and tell you that I am home. Alice is on her way over, so don't bother calling back for awhile, I will be under Alice arrest. Love ya Bro."

I decided that I should call Riley before Alice showed up.

"Hey," He answered.

"Hi," I said.

"You home?" He asked.

"Sure am. I got home about twenty minutes ago," I said, grabbing my overnight bag and walking to my bedroom.

"Good. So do you feel like doing something this afternoon?" He asked.

"I am going to busy for the next couple of hours, but I am free after that," I said, taking the dirty clothes from the bag and depositing them into my laundry room.

"Okay. I was thinking that since we did dinner at your place last time, that you would like to try it at mine?" he asked, sounding a little unsure.

"That sounds nice. Do you want me to bring anything?" I asked, walking into my kitchen. Better make lunch for Alice, she was easier to handle on a full stomach.

"How about some wine?" he said after a minute.

"I can do that."

He gave me directions to his house, then we said goodbye. Just as I was closing the phone, there was a knock on the door.

"Coming Alice," I said, setting down the spatula that I was using to flip the grilled cheese sandwiches with.

"I don't know why you bother knocking, when you have a key," I said as I opened the door.

"Well, Bella, it would be rude of me to just barge in here," she explained, as she pushed past me into the apartment.

"Oh so it's not rude to barge in here when I am not home then?" I joked, walking into the kitchen to retrieve lunch.

"Bella, you're the one who gave me a key," she said reminding me.

"If I remember correctly, you pried that key out of my hand," I said, handing her a plate with a sandwich and chips on it.

"Thank you," she said, taking that plate. Dismissing the rest of the conversation with a wave of her hand. "So what made you go to Forks? I feel so out of the loop right now."

"Well Edward and I had a very long talk the other night," Her mouth popped open, I knew that she was gearing up to interrupt, so I held my hand up stopping her. "I know, I know. I am sorry that you are hearing this now. I had a lot of things on my mind. Edward came over on Friday evening, after my date with Riley and we talked about everything. Why he left, what he was doing and why he is back. After he left, I decided that I needed more answers about everything, so I went to see Esme."

"So what did he have to say?" she blurted out, not able to keep it in anymore.

So I proceeded to give her descriptive detail of everything. She was surprisingly quiet through the whole thing. After I was finished, she sighed and her face contorted into a look of frustration. "So you're telling me that the reason he took off was because of not wanting to be doctor?"

"That, among other things," I said.

"That is so stupid! What was he thinking?" she asked in disbelief.

"That my dear, is the million dollar question," I said, picking up my plate from lunch and then grabbing Alice's. She silently followed me into the kitchen, leaning against the counter, as I picked up the mess from lunch.

"Why didn't he talk to you?" she asked after a minute.

"I don't know the answer to that. He said that he was scared of failing me. But I wish that he would have realized that running away was the worst kind of failure."

"So his parents knew the reason behind him leaving this whole time?

"I think so. She said that they figured that was the reason, they kept it to themselves thinking that Edward would have returned sooner," I said in a monotone. I was still pretty angry about that piece of information.

"She lied to me," Alice spat out, catching me by surprise.

"Who?" I turned to her, looking at her in confusion.

"Esme," she seethed. "When you were catatonic, right after he left, I talked to her for hours on the phone. We tried to figure out what would have made him leave. She knew and kept that piece of information to herself. What selfish assholes."

I didn't say anything, I just nodded my head. I agreed with her there, they were selfish assholes. They didn't want the blame put on them, so they let me believe that Edward didn't love me. The more I thought about it, the more the rage started churning in my gut. If they had really wanted to protect me, they would have told me the truth. I would have found Edward and made him see reason. I shook my head. I really didn't want to go off on that line of thought. There was no changing what had been done. It was like standing at the scene of a horrific accident. You couldn't save the people who had been lost in the wreckage, but you could hopefully put some of the pieces back together again.

"It's going to take me a long time to forgive them," I whispered.

"Who? The Cullens or Edward?" she asked.

"The Cullens. Maybe both. I don't know if I can ever forgive Edward. He may have thought that he was doing the right thing, but I am the one that had to live with the wreckage he left behind. He can't just come waltzing back in four years later, with an I'm sorry and expect me to just say 'Okay Edward, your forgiven,'" I said, my voice angrier then I intended it to be.

"I know that sweetie. You don't have to forgive anyone," she said, wrapping her arms around me. "But…forget it, I don't know."

"But what Alice?"

"I don't know how to phrase what I want to say," she said, Tapping her finger against her chin. "I guess I am just going to say it. Can you live with not forgiving Edward? I mean, can you live with never being with him again?"

"I already am living without him Alice," I said defiantly. First my Mom and now Alice.

"I know honey, but life is short. You only get so many chances at being really happy," she amended, looking at me thoughtfully.

"I am happy. I am dating a pretty great guy, I love my job, and I have amazing friends. Why does everyone think that I am so damn un-happy?" I wondered out loud.

"I know you have all of those things in your life Bella. I really don't have a proper argument for you. I guess I just want you to be happy. No matter who that is with. Do you catch my drift," she said.

"Yes I do. Thank you," I said, walking back into my living room. I was pretty shocked at what Alice was implying. "I do need your help with something though."

"What would that be?" She asked, flopping her tiny frame down onto the couch.

"I want to help Jasper and Edward mend their bridge," I said nervously.

"I think that's a good idea."

"What! You're not going to fight me on that?" I asked in disbelief.

"Nope. Gosh Bella, I just pretty much told you that if you wanted to give Edward another chance that I had your back and you're in shock that I would want to help you with this?" she chuckled.

"Well, I guess I thought you would be all defensive for Jasper or something," I mumbled.

"I know how much it hurt Jazz when Edward left, he was his first real friend. Jasper had it tough growing up in a military family and all. Him and Edward connected on a level that I don't even understand. So I would do anything to get that back for him," she said quietly. I was glad that I had Alice on my side for this. It would make things so much easier. "Let me work on Jazz for a few days and I will let you know where we should go from there. I am not promising anything though; he is very protective over you. He may see it as a betrayal to you, by letting Edward back into his life."

"Well just let him know that it's not," I said, the last thing that I wanted was for Jasper to think he needed to chose sides.

"You know what was the worst thing to hear though," I said after a minute.

"What's that?"

"Edward being hurt," I whispered. I couldn't get the image of Edward in a hospital bed, out of my head.

"That is pretty horrifying," she agreed.

"He is so stupid," I said, trying to shake the anxiety that was creeping into my heart.

"Yep. He's very lucky."

"Mmhmm."

"Well," she said, popping off of the couch. "I hate to cut this short, but I promised Jazz that I would be home soon. We have to meet with the wedding planner."

"That's fine, I have to get ready to head over to Riley's soon," I said, getting up to walk her to the door.

"Ohhh…a hot date," she said chuckling.

"I guess you could call it that," I laughed.

"Oh, before I forget we are doing the dress fittings next Saturday," Alice had already picked out mine and Rose's dresses. She refused to let us see them until the fitting.

"Okay, just let me know the details and I will be there," I said, hugging her.

"I will. Have fun on your date. Don't forget to think about what we talked about earlier," she reminded me. "Oh and call me!!"

"I will to all of those." I laughed as I shut the door.

I looked at the clock, and groaned when I realized that it was already after three o'clock. I needed to go get ready. I quickly took a shower and before I knew it I was standing in front of my closet, trying to decide what to wear. I finally decided on a pair of black leggings and flowing yellow shirt. I reached into the bottom of my closet and found a matching pair of yellow and black flats. I was pleased with my choices, I am sure Alice would be too. I threw on some light makeup and fixed my hair in a loose braid. I looked at my clock and saw that it was almost five. Perfect, I had just enough time to pick up some wine before heading to Riley's.

After stopping and picking up a nice bottle of red wine, I found my way to his apartment fairly easily. I was slightly intimidated by his building, it was pretty fancy. I figured he made good money, being a lawyer and all. But seeing how he lived made me a little uncomfortable. Money was the one thing that was a constant annoyance in my and Edwards relationship. He had it and I didn't. Not that he pushed that into my face or anything. He just thought that he needed to spend it on me, a lot. I really hope Riley isn't like that. Not that money was an issue for me anymore; I made a pretty good living. Some insecurities though, took longer to shake then others.

Sighing I stepped out of my truck. I grabbed my purse and the bottle of wine and made my way into the building. I rode the elevator up to the nineteenth floor and stepped out. I was shocked to see that his was the only apartment on this floor. Great. I knocked timidly on his door. After a few seconds, I heard the distinct sounds on his feet walking towards me. The door opened and was met with by a smiling Riley.

"Hey beautiful," he said, leaning down and kissing me softly.

"Hi," I said shyly. I wasn't use to being greeted that way.

He grabbed the wine from my hands and stepped out of the way. "Come in."

He had an amazing apartment. The floors were done in a light natural wood. The living room consisted of the nicest leather furniture I had ever seen. It was all very manly and very tasteful.

"Wow, you have a nice apartment," I said in awe.

"Thanks. I really can't take credit for the decorating though, your lovely friend Alice helped me there."

"Seriously. Wow, she did a great job," I was slightly surprised, Alice normally didn't do decorating. She was usually pretty busy with her boutique.

"So dinner is almost ready, I hope you like Mexican," Riley said, heading into his state of the art kitchen.

"I love Mexican," I said, looking around in jealousy at his awesome kitchen.

"Great, I made chicken enchiladas. It's about the only thing I can cook well. Unless you count Mac and cheese."

I laughed, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Here you can take the plates and silverware to the table," he said, handing me the stack of china and cutlery.

I walked into his dining room and set everything up, walking back into the kitchen to grab two wine glasses and the bottle of wine I brought.

Dinner was thoroughly enjoyable, I had to say it was nice to have someone cook for me for a change. Being here with Riley made me realize how much I was missing in my life, I mean I have awesome friends, but it was nice to have someone to touch and kiss. I didn't realize how much I missed it. We spent the dinner talking about everything. I told him all of the crazy antics Emmett has put me through, starting with grade school and ending with him ordering porn on my dish just last week. I heard all about his grandparents, and how his Grandpa was like his dad. How they would go fishing together and how he tried to spend at least one holiday with them. They live in California.

After we cleaned up from dinner, he asked if I wanted to play the Wii with him.

"You know that I'm not very coordinated right?" I asked as he turned the little white box on and handed me a controller.

"I'm not worried, if you fall I'll be right here to catch you," he said, giving me a devilish smile. I felt my heart skip a beat.

"I'm not worried just about falling; I could inflict damage to your personal being," I said in all seriousness.

"So you're trying to tell me that you may be falling into me, and touching me during this whole process?"

"Yes, that's what I am saying."
"Well, I wish I would have suggested this activity sooner then," He gave me the grin again.

"Ha ha, don't say I didn't warn you."

We spent the next hour playing every sport you could think off, after falling into him for about the twentieth time, he finally grabbed me by the waist and pulled me onto the couch with him. I landed slightly on his lap.

"I guess you were right, you have no sense of balance," he said pulling me to him tighter.

I could feel a blush starting to creep up my neck, from the position we were sitting in. But I had to say that I liked it, it had been so long since someone has held me this way. I looked up at him and batted my eyelashes.

"Well thank you for catching me every time I fell."

"You're very welcome," he said with his eyes boring down into mine. I watched as his normally light blue eyes darkened. He looked from my eyes to lips and back again. Unconsciously, my tongue darted out and wet my bottom lip. He groaned softly, and then crashed his lips to mine, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. I moaned softly, his tongue slipped into my mouth and stroked mine, he tasted delicious. I couldn't get enough of him. We spent the next few moments battling for dominance, I unconsciously slipped my hands into his hair and tugged lightly, he took that as invitation, running his hands across my ribs, grazing the undersides of my breasts. I sucked in a moaning breath. Part of my brain wanted to keep going, to feel his hands in places that haven't been touched in a long time, but the logical part of my brain was screaming that this was going too fast. Just as his hand snaked up and cupped my breast, I pulled back slightly.

"To fast?" he asked, panting.

"Just a little." He removed his hand, but then drew me in cuddling me to his chest.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have taken it that far, but you are so damn tempting," he mumbled.

"Don't apologize, I was a very willing participant. I'm just not ready for that step yet."

"I know. I'm very willing to wait," he said, dropping a kiss on top of my head.

We sat in a silence for a few more minutes, until I realized that it was probably getting late.

"What time is it?" I asked

He lifted up his arm to look at his watch, "It's about 9:20."

"Crap," I said pulling away from him and stretching "I have an early morning meeting, I probably should head home."

We both stood up and walked to his door. "I had a really nice time tonight," he said, grabbing me by the wrist and pulling me into his chest. I snuggled there for a second, breathing in his manly smell. "Can I see you sometime this week?" I heard him say.

"I would like that," came my muffled reply. I pulled back from him and looked up to his face. "I will call you tomorrow."

"Alright Beautiful," he said, leaning in, placing a sweet chaste kiss on my lips. Nothing like the one he gave me on the couch.

"Goodnight Riley."

"Night, Bella. Drive home safely."

Once I was home and changed into a large t-shirt for bed, I thought about all the craziness that happened this weekend. I knew that I was starting to develop real feelings for Riley and that kind of scared me. Part of me was worried about putting myself out there again. I knew what it felt like to get my heart shattered. But then I need to realize that Riley had lived through a very similar situation.

Everything that happened with Edward had my brain in a tailspin. Part of me wanted to hold onto the anger that I had for him, but then another part of me, albeit a much smaller part, felt remorse for him. I knew that he thought he was doing what was best for me. Though he could have saved us both so much heartache had he just been truthful and open with me. Carlisle and Esme were a totally a different story, they could have told me the truth such a long time ago. Groaning, I decided to give this line of thought a rest. I felt like is becoming redundant.

Giving up on trying to make any sense of the situation, I decided that I needed to go to bed, hopefully a goodnight sleep would shed some light on everything. I giggled softly to myself at the thought of waking up and everything making perfect sense, which would be nice.

I was on a dark stretch of highway, the wind was blowing something fierce. I could feel it whipping my drenched hair around my head and slapping in my face. I then realized that rain was pouring relentlessly on me. I looked out into the distance to see a pair of headlights weaving their way towards me. It took me a second to realize that the car was swerving all over the road. I then realized that I was standing directly in the path of said car. I tried hopelessly to move, but my feet were stuck, as if they were cemented to the road. I watched in horror as the car came closer and closer to me. Just as it was about hundred yards away from me, I threw my hands up in front of face, as if that would protect me from the impact. But it never came. I slowly dropped my arms just in time to see the silver car hit the guard rail, smashing the front end and then causing the car to slip over at a frightening pace. It rolled across the ground three or four times before it finally came to rest on the roof.

I felt relief at the fact that it hadn't hit me, but then with a deeper horror then I felt before, I realized that I knew that silver car. It was Edward's Volvo. All of a sudden my feet were free and I was running full pace towards the wreckage.

"EDWARD!" I screamed through the wind and rain. "EDWARD, I'M COMING. HOLD ON!"

I was almost upon the car now, I could smell the fuel leaking out and even stronger then that I could smell blood. Then I saw him, his body laying half out of the broken drivers window, his arm bent a weird angle. Blood was pooling under and around his body. I fell onto the ground beside him.

"Edward," I said, a sob ripping out of my chest. "Please Edward, I'm here, wake up."

I picked up his limp hand. He was so cold. I couldn't make myself look at his face. I knew that if I did, I wouldn't be able to handle what I saw.

"Edward, baby you have to be okay," I sobbed, holding his broken hand in mine. "I need you here, please wake up."

I looked down and saw his blood swirling around my knees and I knew, he was gone. I finally lifted my eyes to his beautiful face and gasped in horror. His face was perfect, as always, that's not what scared me. It was his lifeless, unseeing eyes that caused me a horror I had never known.

I woke up sobbing loudly, clutching my blankets in my hands. It was so real, his dead stare and all that blood. I couldn't process any of it. I needed to calm down; my body was still shaking with sobs. I took deep breathes, trying to slow the tears but it wasn't working. I knew what I needed. I needed to hear his voice again. I knew that no one would understand this irrationality, but I knew deep down that it was the only way I was going to be able to calm myself.

I reached over to my night stand and grabbed my blackberry. I quickly found his number, tears blurring my eyes and making it difficult to see anything. I finally found it and pushed send. After a few rings I almost hung up, realizing that it was 3:47 in the morning and he was probably asleep and he probably wasn't alone. Just as my finger found the end button his sleepy voice filled the air around me.

"Bella, is that you?"

"Edward," I choked out, a sob breaking through.

"Love, are you okay?" his voice less sleepy and more frantic.

"I'm fine," came another sob.

"No you're not. Why are crying sweetheart?"

"I had a bad dream…there was a car…and a wreck and so much blood….and and you so cold," I choked out.

"You dreamt about the accident?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Do you want me to come over?" he said after a long moment.

Ducks and covers. How mean am I to leave it right there? Don't fret my pets I already have part of the next chapter written. Actually I will being sending out a excerpt from next chapter to everyone that reviews. I can only send it to signed reviews. So if you are reviewing anonymously then I won't be able to send you anything, So sign your reviews and get a little treat!!! The next update will be up way earlier!! Have a great week and a happy new years!!!!! Go on and review...you know you want to make my day ;)

Symphiann