I have no excuse for why this took so long, except RL kicked my arse lately!! I want to thank all of my readers and reviewers!! You guys rock my socks, seriously if you checked out my socks right now they are thoroughly rocked!! I appreciate all of you!!
I also want to give a shout out to my beta Yuki Sakura-Chan. Check out her stories, they are awesome!!
Just a reminder I put the links to their outfits on my profile. Check em out!!
Disclaimer: I sadly do not own Twilight or any of the lovely characters. They belong to the wonderfully talented Stephenie Meyer. I do own the original story line and any original characters. But I do own: All of the books, soundtracks to both movies, Team Edward t-shirt, Twilight the movie, and used ticket stubs to Twilight and New Moon.
The next few days passed in a haze of emotions. I went back into auto-Bella again. I got up went to work and then came home. I ignored phone calls from everyone, Riley, Alice, Emmett, Jake, and Edward. I knew I was going to have to face the real world eventually, but I couldn't force myself to face the music…so to speak.
Part of me wanted to call Alice and ask her advice, but the feelings that I was feeling were too fresh, I wasn't ready for them to be out into the world. Plus I don't even know if I could explain what I was feeling to someone. The anger that I have felt for Edward since he had left four years ago, was now thawing, and I was trying desperately trying to hold onto it, it was a losing battle. I wasn't ready to forgive him, but I knew that I couldn't go on hating him either. That's about how far I got on that train of thought before I started getting a headache.
Then there was Riley, I was feeling so much guilt when it came to him. I was being honest when I told Edward that I was having real feelings for Riley. He was funny and charming, extremely good looking. He had a good job and respected me. He was compassionate, and I knew that he understood my insecurities. I wasn't ready to walk away from this relationship, but on the flip side he deserved someone so much better than me, I was a horrible person for letting Edward kiss me. The guilt from that was eating me alive and I knew deep down that he had a right to know. I was just scared that when I tell him, that he was going to walk away from me. Maybe I do need to call Alice.
Then my phone rang, Alice, I swear sometimes she really can see the future.
"Hello Alice."
"Don't you hello Alice me Isabella. Why on earth have you been ignoring my calls," she ranted.
"I know. I have been and I am sorry."
"And?"
"And what?" I asked.
"And why were you ignoring your very best friend?"
"I wasn't ignoring you per se. I would say that if I was avoiding you, but it was not just you. I have been avoiding everyone." I admitted.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Yes, I think that I do."
So I proceeded to tell her everything. I told her about my bad dream and calling Edward at that un-godly hour. I told her about how he asked to come over and how I refused. Then I went on to explain how I accused him of being with Tanya, and how he tried to explain all of that but I cut him off. I told her he showed up at my door and wouldn't leave until he explained that he was not with Tanya. I told her about our mini fight and how he kissed me. I told her about his confession of his love for me. I told her about my guilt, and how I was going to have to tell Riley what happened. Finally, I told her that I couldn't hate Edward anymore, that I was starting to doubt that I ever did.
After I was finished, I flopped back down onto my couch, thoroughly exhausted. I was emotionally spent. I could hear her breathing on the line and I knew that she was trying to absorb all of that information. So, I let her think and got lost in my own thoughts. I felt like I had been in this place for too long. I mean emotionally, I was in this in-between place and I was sick and tired of it. I wanted to make a decision and stick to it. I wanted to be able to just talk to Alice again about normal stupid things, like where we wanted to go have a drink, why our friends were doing the silly things they were doing. Crap, I even wanted to talk about her upcoming wedding, which I would gladly spend hours deciding the difference between the color eggshell and white.
I just wanted my normal life back. I wanted to be able to wake up from a restful night of sleep. I wanted to go to work, and just focus on work. I wanted to just be me again. I couldn't honestly tell you when I last saw myself, and that thought scared the crap out of me.
"Well Bella," Alice interrupted my inner ramblings, "Did you kiss him back?"
That's what she came up with in her minutes of silence? I mean seriously.
"Why does that matter?" I snapped.
"Well if you want my opinion on what you should do, it does matter."
"Fine!" I huffed. "I might have kissed him back for a second, but in my defense he caught me off guard."
"You don't need to defend yourself Bella. I would probably have kissed him back, too. I just wanted to know because it helps me decide what you should do about Riley," she said.
"And what do you think I should do?"
"Don't tell him," she said matter-of-factly.
"Don't tell him? I have to tell him. The guilt is eating me alive."
"Bella, I know you feel guilty, but what is it going to accomplish if you tell him? It's not like he's your boyfriend yet. Have you guys even had the exclusive dating talk yet?" she asked.
I thought about her questions for a second. Riley and I hadn't had the boyfriend/girlfriend talk yet. We had only told each other that we liked spending time together. Why am I trying to justify not telling him?
"I still need to tell him Alice."
"Well that's up to you Bella. But just know that telling him that you were making out with your ex-fiancé is only go to run him off."
"I wasn't making out with him. It was one kiss," I yelped.
"Exactly," she chirped, "Why disrupt everything over one kiss that you're not even sure means anything?"
"What, so I lie to him then?"
"Not lie. Just don't tell him what happened?"
"So be dishonest then?" I asked in shock. The one thing I always could count on with Alice, was her undying need to always be truthful.
"Not everything is black and white Bella. What are you going to accomplish by telling Riley what happened? Do you want to drive him away? I just want you to be happy. No matter what it takes."
I sat in silence for a second, thinking about what Alice was saying. I guess I could see her point. It's not like Riley and I had discussed being exclusive, and I really didn't want him to walk away because of something like this. I didn't want him to feel like I was choosing someone over him. That had already happened to him once in life.
"I think you may be right," I admitted to Alice.
"Aren't I always?"
"What should I do about Edward?" I asked her, knowing that she couldn't really give me an answer.
"Instead of telling you what I think about that, I want to tell you a story. Remember when Edward asked you to be his girlfriend?"
"Yes, of course."
"I remember how happy you were. When I showed up to your house the day after homecoming, I was in awe. You just glowed. I remember that you just giggled at everything, even when Emmett made fun of you and Edward kissing, you just giggled away. Then when Edward showed up to your house later that day, you just rushed out the door and jumped into his arms, peppering kisses all over his face. You guys were just so happy, I couldn't believe it. I never thought that I would see the day that you would be that way with a guy and Edward was just as bad, that boy couldn't keep a smile off of his face, even when Emmett came outside and turned the hose on you guys. He just kept smiling and holding on to you."
"I remember all of this Alice, I was there," I reminded her.
"I know that Isabella, but you didn't see you like I did. You didn't see your happiness. I just want that Bella back. I just want you to run out the door again and wrap yourself up in someone. No matter who it is. Life is too short Bella."
"It's not that simple Alice. I am so confused about everything. I admit that I still have some sort of feelings for Edward, but I don't think that it is enough to just forget everything and live happily ever after," I ranted.
"I never said that you needed to be with Edward. I just said that I want you to be happy no matter who you chose," she amended. "You don't need to make that decision today, take your time. Give Riley a chance. If it's the right thing for you, then it will be easy enough to figure out. Just don't choose Riley, because he is the easier choice. You will regret doing that."
"Alright, enough about all of this. How are things going with you?" I asked, changing the topic of conversation.
"Great. I got the invitations ordered. They should be here in about a week, so I thought you, Rosalie, myself, and a bottle of wine would get together and address all of them," she said, laughing.
"Sounds good to me."
"Do you need me to pick you up on Saturday?" she asked
"Saturday?"
"Bella, remember? We are looking at the bridesmaid dresses that day," her voice was exasperated.
"Oh! Of course Alice, how could I forget? Yes, please pick me up. What time do I need to be ready?"
"Noon. I will be there right at noon."
"Okay, I will see you then," I said. "I better go find Riley now, before he thinks that I am avoiding him."
"Alright. Just remember what I said, keep an open heart and everything else will work itself out."
After hanging up with Alice, I decided that I did indeed need to call Riley. Thankfully he wasn't upset about my little disappearing act, he said that he understands that everyone needs a little alone time, every once in awhile. We chatted for a little while about how our week was going and then made plans to have lunch on Sunday.
All in all the conversation was nice, but a little cooler then we normally were. I think that he could pick up on my unease. I hope that by the time that I see him on Sunday, I am back to my normal self.
Friday passed in blur of work. Before I knew it, the alarm was blaring Saturday morning for me to get up and ready for the day. I groaned, not wanting to leave the comfort of my bed, for a torture day with Alice. Finally, after hitting the snooze button four times I decided that I better get up, I didn't need to give Alice another reason to be irritated with me.
Just like she said, Alice was parked out front of my apartment at exactly noon with Rosalie in tow.
"Hey girlies," I greeted them as I climbed into the back seat of Alice's car.
They both greeted me with too much enthusiasm. How in the world did I, Bella Swan hater of all things shopping, end up with best friends that were enthusiastic about it.
"So, where to first?" I asked, dread lacing my voice.
"Oh Bella, cheer up! I already have the dressed picked out, and you and Rosalie just need to try them on," Alice chirped from the front seat.
"Seriously!" I was shocked, I thought today would be torture. Maybe God does listen to my prayers after all.
"Well let's get on with this then." Excitement now replacing the dread.
Rose and Alice both just chuckled at the change in my demeanor. After a short drive through Seattle, we pulled up in front of a tiny wedding boutique called With This Ring.
"Alright girls, this is it. When we get in there I need you both into your dresses and in front of the mirrors in ten minutes. Jenna will take make any adjustments that need to be made. After that I will put on my dress and go through the same process." Alice listed off, turning in the bridezilla that I knew and loved.
Once inside the elegant bridal shop, Rose and I were dragged, by tiny Alice, into one huge dressing room. Once we were stripped down, Alice started talking.
"Okay here are the dresses I chose," she said pointing to two different dresses hanging on the rack. "This one is Bella's." She picked up a black, strapless, satin bubble dress. A thin White ribbon tied around the waist the bow laying on the hip of the dress. "And this one is Rosalie's," she said as she grabbed the other dress, identical to mine, except it was red with a black bow.
"Before either of you say anything, I know black and red are not traditional colors for a wedding, especially a June wedding, but I wanted to something different," she said, almost a little unsure of herself.
"Well I for one love this dress and the color," Rose said, grabbing the dress from Alice and slipping it on. Of course it fit her like a glove, making her look like the model she is, great I was going to look awful in mine.
"Any day Bella," Alice snapped, breaking me out of my thoughts.
"Sorry," I mumbled, grabbing the dress and slipping it on.
"You both look fantastic," she gushed, pulling us out of the dressing room and towards the three way mirror.
"Okay Rose you first," she said shoving Rose up on the platform.
Rose just rolled her eyes and admires herself in the mirror, as Jenna make any adjustments.
"How are you doing today?" Alice whispered.
"Fine," I whispered back.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Now's really is not the time for that," I said giving a pointed look in Rose's direction. I knew I needed to tell her and Em what was going on, but I wanted more time to mull it over before then.
"Oh! Well I am here if you need anything," she said.
"What are you to Hens whispering about?" Rosalie demanded from her post in front of the mirror.
"Oh, I was just telling Bella how amazing your legs look in that dress," Alice lied gracefully.
"I know, don't they?" Rose was easily distracted as long as you stroked her ego first.
Before I knew it, it was my turn for adjustments. I was shocked by what I saw in the mirror though. The dress Alice had chosen for me, was perfect. It hugged my body perfectly, making my waist look tiny and my breasts nice and full. I couldn't wait to rock this dress at Alice's wedding, Edward won't know what hit him….I mean Riley, Riley won't know what hit him. Come on brain… work with me here.
After a few more minutes of Jenna pining and taking notes, she stood up and announced she was done.
"Alright let's get you girls out of the dresses and get Miss Alice in hers," Jenna said, directing us back towards the dressing room.
"I can't believe you picked out your dress without consulting us, well at least me, first," Rose huffed as she slipped her jeans and shirt back on.
"Well I saw this dress the day I came in here for your dresses and I just knew. It reminded me of when I first saw Jasper, there was no question that either was the one for me," she said glowing, as she unzipped the garment bag that held her dress. She slowly pulled on the beautiful white, knee length dress. It was so Alice in every way. It was a classic a-line dress with a lace overlay. The lace extended all the way up to her collar bones with a halter type top. It was gorgeous.
"Well you were right, this dress is so you," Rose said.
"I agree. Let's get you out there to the mirrors," I said ushering her out.
Jenna spent her time with Alice.
"Don't think that I don't know your hiding something from me," Rose said, sipping on the champagne Jenna provided us with, "and I am sure it has to do with Edward."
"Rose," I started, but she cut me off quickly, "it's fine Bella, I just wish that you could talk to me the way you talk to Alice. I consider you my sister and I wish that we could have that type of relationship."
"I consider you my sister also," I said, turning to her, "and your right I have been keeping something from you. I haven't told you, because honestly I am a little scared of you." To that she just snorted.
"I am," I defended myself. "I do want to tell you, but you need to promise not to overreact, and also you have to let me tell Emmett when I am ready to."
"Alright," she said
So I proceeded to tell her everything, making sure not to leave anything out. After I was finished I took a deep breath and waited for her wrath to come down on me. So I was shocked when she calmly took another sip and said, "Wow!"
"That's it? Wow," I said in disbelief .
"Well what do you want me to say? That your being a fucking idiot? Because you are, but you're a grown up Bella and can do what you want without being reprimanded. I guess the only other thing I can say to you is, please be smart about this, if you want Edward back, then make him work for it. Make him prove that he learned a lesson by leaving you. Also, I want to be there when you tell Emmett," she said, with a sly smile stretching across her face.
"Thank you, Rose," I replied.
"What for?"
"For understanding and not freaking out on me," I said honestly "You are the best sister a girl could ask for."
Tears glistened in her blue eyes for second and then she pulled me into a tight hug, "I just don't want to see you hurt again," she whispered into my hair.
"Alright, I hate break up this mush fest girls, but I am starved," Alice said, breaking up our girly moment.
"Let's go then," Rose said, pulling away from me.
Once we had Alice out of her dress and back into her "street clothes" as she called them. We made our way back out to her Porsche.
"So where do you guys want to go for lunch?" she asked
"Hmmm…somewhere I won't be to noticed," Rose said, slipping on her large sunglasses. Ha! Like they would keep her from being recognized.
"Well that's tough," Alice said, pulling out into traffic. "Maybe we could try The Bay Tavern. They are use to have celebrity clientele."
We all decided that worked and Alice shot off into the direction of the restaurant.
"So I am assuming from your little hug fest in the bridal shop, that you told Rose all about Edward," Alice directed towards me.
"Yes I did, nosey."
"Nosey!! I am not nosey. I just wanted to know," she defended herself.
I just rolled my eyes at her and chuckled.
"Well I think it was about time you included her."
"I agree," Rose seconded.
"I know," I grumbled, great now I get two people harassing me about all of this.
"So what are you going to do Bella?" Rose asked after a minute of silence.
"I really don't know. I guess I need to talk to Edward and let him know how I feel about everything that he told me. I am not looking forward to that talk; it's going to be ugly."
"What are you going to do about Riley?" That came from Alice.
"I am seeing him tomorrow."
"And?"
"I guess I am just going to see where it goes, I really like him and I don't think I want to leave with the what-if's, if I walk away now."
"That makes sense," Rose said "Just don't string him along if you decide he's not the one."
"I would never do that," I said, anger lacing my tone. "He is to nice of a guy for me to ever lead on."
"I didn't honestly think you would, but I just don't want you to hold on to someone because that relationship is safe and easier than your other option," she explained.
I just nodded my head, I had enough of this conversation for one day. "So, how's Em's new job going?" I asked changing the subject. My brother just got hired onto coach high school football and be a gym teacher. He loved it. Rosalie launched into a story about his crazy gym class and officially dropped the Edward Cullen subject.
We pulled up to The Bay Tavern and quickly rushed inside to the VIP section. Sometimes it was nice that Rose was so well known. We were seated at a secluded table in the back, right next to a large window overlooking the bay. The waiter came a few minutes later and took all of our orders and brought us a bottle of wine "on the house". Another Rose perk.
I sat back and listened to Rose and Alice chirp on about Alice's boutique. I really missed days like today. Just my girls and me enjoying each other's company. I heard the waiter walk up behind me, but instead of the male voice I was use to, a cold female voice said "Bella Swan?"
"Yes," I answered turning around in my seat, to be meet with none other than Tanya Cardell.
"I have something I would like to say to you," she sneered.
Dun, dun, dunnnnn…I Feel like that has been my motto lately. I hope you liked this chapter, review and tell me what you thought. Alright people I promise you that I already have part of next chapter written.
I will be sending out an excerpt from next chapter to everyone that reviews. I can only send it to signed reviews. So if you are reviewing anonymously then I won't be able to send you anything, So, sign your reviews and get a little treat!!! I still love all you anonymous reviewers though, so still feel free to review and let me know what you think!! Have a great week!! ;)
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