He tumbles into bed next to her, after a long day, and a warm shower. He rolls over to kiss her goodnight, and realizes that she's not asleep.
"Why are you still awake?"
"I hate leaving things open ended."
"You're really ready to talk about this, now? Tonight? It's late."
"Tony, I've tried to ignore it, but I can't."
"Go ahead."
"I hate her."
"I know."
"I hate that you were with her. I hate that you..."
"You started it, this time."
"Why does it always go back to that? Why does it always end up being about who started what? Why are we even still together? We're cheaters. We cheat. We are always going to cheat. What is the point of being together, when we're with someone else?"
"Ziva..."
"I know that I screwed up..."
"But you left it open ended. You left the door open, for him to come back. You let him think that he might take you off the market, but you're already off the market."
She rolls over, and flips on the lamp. She sits up. She leans her head against the headboard. She looks at him. "Well, maybe I don't want to be."
"Don't. Don't do this."
"Why not? I'm sick of it. What was the point of getting married? If we keep doing this? This isn't a game. We're married."
"Yeah, for better or worse. You're the one who went and fell in love with someone else."
"And what did you do, exactly?"
"I was just having fun. I just had sex with her. It meant nothing."
"It meant something, or we wouldn't be having this conversation."
"Do you love him? Do you want to be with him? Because, if you do, then go. I'll let you go."
"Why do we always do this?" she questions.
"Cheat?"
"No. Let things fester. We pretend to be ok, to be happy, and then we explode."
"We both have short fuses, and bad communication skills."
"I don't want out."
"What do you want?"
"I want to be better at this. I want to try harder. I want to make this work. I want to salvage this, if we can."
"Ziva, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I guess I just... I was afraid of losing you. I had to do something to get my mind off it."
"So you cheated?"
"You started it."
"I know."
"Why? Why did you have to go there?"
"Maybe I was bored," she offers.
"Because?"
"Nothing ever changes. We sleep together, and then we get tired of each other. And we end up in separate apartments, living separate lives."
"What are you saying?" he questions.
"I think that we're at a turning point."
"Ok."
"It's time to fold, or go all in."
"Which do you want? Do you want to fold, or do you want to go all in?"
"I don't know anymore."
"Ziva if you love him, if you want him, then you can have him."
"And what would be different? He's married to his job, just like you. I would end up sleeping alone, more nights, than not."
"Do you love him?" his tone of voice changes.
"I wanted to."
"That doesn't answer my question."
"I tried. I wanted to love him. I wanted to be in love with him, just to know that I could be. I needed to know that there was another option. I liked the idea, for a while, when it was new. But I couldn't love him."
"Why not?"
She looks away. He turns her face towards his. He looks into her eyes. He whispers, "Why not?" again.
She stares into his deep green orbs. She knows she should look away. He could read her like an open book. His eyes search her, for answers that she doesn't want to reveal to him. It didn't matter if she told him, or not, because he would find out. He always found out. She tried so hard to hide her feelings from, but she could never hide them from him. The one person on earth she wished to hide them from, was the one person who always knew. She exhales, and finally she answers him.
"Because I still love you."
He furrows his brow, "This isn't you saying it, because you think it's what I want to hear. It isn't you trying to keep us happy, is it?"
"No."
"After everything we've been through. After everything we've put each other through. After all those times I dragged your heart through the mud, you still love me?"
"Yes. I'd like to stop, but I can't. It's like a drug addiction. The longer I go without you, the more I want you, the more I need you. You're like a parasite, I try to get rid of you, but I just can't."
"Wow, that is so sweet," he mocks her.
"I don't know how else you want me to explain it."
"It's ok."
"Do you want out?"
"No. I don't want out. I want in."
"Then why did you cheat?"
"To get you to react. Why did you cheat?"
"As a wake up call. I knew that if you thought you were going to lose me, it would make you react."
"You pushed me in the wrong direction."
"Our relationship is so dysfunctional."
"Look at the people in it. We're not exactly normal."
"I think that we need help."
"Help? From who? Superman?"
"Like therapy."
"Therapy? I never thought that I'd see the day."
"What day?"
"That you suggested therapy."
She sighs, "It's time to fix what's broken."
"Maybe we should start with coming clean."
"About what? You know all my indiscretions, and I thought I knew yours."
"Not what I meant. I meant, with the rest of the world."
"I think that would end badly."
"Why don't we try therapy, and ease ourselves into telling everyone the truth?"
"Eventually."
"Eventually? Ziva, how long is that going to be? We've waited for five years. We've hidden this for five years. We've been keeping these secrets for five years, and it is ripping us apart. It is tearing out marriage apart. It is wrecking our friendship, and it's taking a toll on our partnership. I think it's time we make a change."
"It's not going to be easy."
"It's going to be a lot of work, I know that," he admits.
"So..."
He cuts her off, with a grin, "I'm all in."