A mirror

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If there are three cups of sugar and you take one away, how many do you have?

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Alice deducted that she must have hit her head or at least passed out, for her eyesight was foggy and every muscle felt like it was shaking, as if getting over the flu. Her head ached, a numb pain at the back that felt more like dehydration that an actual headache. Rubbing the back of her head she began blinking slowly to disperse the fog that covered her eyes and take away the pain.

From what she could see through the fog, she was in what looked like an office. Pictures hung on the wall, and it was only when the fog lifted that she could see they were mostly menus and art nouveau posters. A floor to ceiling bookcase decorated the right side of the room, while the left was covered in cabinets full of vials of different shapes, sizes and colours. A desk sat at the end of the room, right in front of where she lay on an armchair with a coral coloured coat over her. A large white chair, like the ones seen in the movies that belonged to the 'boss', sat behind the desk facing away from her.

Frowning in both confusion and worry Alice pushed the coat over her away and stood. It looked like no one was in. Whoever owned the place was either very stupid or very trusting, which Alice also considered a stupid trait.

The vials were what interested her the most. Her mother being a Pharmacist made her interested in chemicals, yet none of them looked remotely similar. Winter Whispers, Cherry Blossom, White Peony with Pink Rosebuds, Blue Sky, Angel Peach. All of these sounded like tea, apart from the Rosebud one, that just sounded odd.

"Have some wine." A voice said from the chair behind the desk, taking her off guard. She thought she was the only one in here. "Clear your head." She couldn't see who the voice belonged to, only a hand waving aimlessly in her direction.

"I don't see any wine." Alice stated, confused. She'd seen some strange sounding concoctions but wine hadn't been on the list.

"That's because cause there isn't any." The man said as if it was stupid for her to even have said anything.

"Well it wasn't very civil for you to offer it if you didn't have any." Alice said angrily. What was with this guy?

"I didn't offer it. I said have some wine. Never did I say I had any." She could practically see his eyes rolling at her, as if he'd never said anything about wine. "Anyway," he changed his tune, turning in his chair so Alice could finally put a face to the voice. "It wasn't very civil of you to appear in my Tea Shop without being invited now was it?"He questioned, as he took a sip of black tea with a smirk. He was a young looking man, from middle to late twenties. His eyes where a pale green, black hair stuck out from a brown fedora hat on his head and a slight stubble grew on his pale cheeks. However, Gok Wan or Trinny and Susannah would have a heart attack if they saw what he was wearing. The brown fedora hat adorned his head had what looked like a dark pink or magenta ribbon around the base, keeping a tag with 10/6 written on it in place. His shirt looked like one of those tacky ones a British tourist would wear in Spain, or something The Joker would find appealing, an orange and purple patterned number. His waistcoat was a mossy green object, yet it did go with everything else he wore. His dark jeans where ripped and looked as if they'd been fixed with random pieces of fabric he'd found lying around.

"W-well..." she stuttered, rather taken aback at his appearance and ridiculous statements. "I don't know how I got here but -." Alice froze, frowning as she looked around, seriously confused. "I've-." She mumbled. "I've heard this... conversation before." Her voice was soft as the gears began turning in her head.

It couldn't be.

"Of course you would. This conversation has been written down before after all." The hatted man stated. Quickly he gulped down the last of his tea that was in a see-though cup and stood, walking over to the other cabinet of vials behind him. Alice however was ignoring him, trying to think everything through. There was no way this could be happening.

I must have hit my head harder than I thought.

"Who are you?" she asked softly, watching him carefully. He looked up to her, as if just realising she was there then bowed lavishly.

"They call me Hatter. Please to meet you Miss...?" He questioned, standing straight now and holding out a hand as if he would grab her name as soon as she said it.

Alice paused for a minute, should she?

"Alice." She stated, cautiously. Alice could bet that she saw Hatter's smile widen into a grin, and not a comforting one at that.

"Well..." he chuckled as if at an inside joke. "Now that is funny." Shaking his head he turned back to the cabinet.

Getting rather freaked out, Alice took a couple of steps back before talking again.
"Where am I? How did I get here?" she asked, unable to choose which one was more important. Hatter gave her a confused look.

"Well, I can't answer the second question because I truly have no clue, but," he started with a smile. "In answer to the first, you're in Wonderland." He stated, turning back to his work.

Great, just her luck to be helped by the nut case. She just stood there for a while, staring at him with mouth a gape until her brain began functioning again. Chuckling nervously, Alice stepped further back, trying to get as far away from him as possible.

"Yeah, of course. But I really need to get back home. If you could just tell me-" Hatter cut her off, sounding slightly irritated.

"I just told you. You're in Wonderland. Although-" He sang, walking out from behind the desk so he was now in front of her, a considering look on his face.

"You don't seem to be a Wonderlander." He thought aloud, starting to circle her with a curiosity that worried Alice. Creepy much?

"That's because I'm not a...Wonderlander, I'm human just as you know you are and I would very much like to get home." Hatter continued to circle her, like he was checking her out, making goose bumps form on her arms. "Ugh! And will you stop circling me!" she stated more than asked, waving her hands at him as to stop him from getting too close. "What where you, some sort of vulture in another life?" Hatter watched her with amusement as she spoke, not really taking in anything she was saying after human.

"Well, well, well. A human are you? I don't believe we've had a human here for a very long time." His grin was cocky, eyes full of humour. He was enjoying this. Alice however was close to hitting him over the head. Who did he think he was? Yes, she was in his Tea Shop – apparently, yet he seemed more like a mental patient than a shop owner- but she didn't ask to be helped or for him to do anything, all she wanted was directions and so far he seemed too incompetent to even do that.

"Look. I don't know where I am or who you are-"

"I just told you, they call me Hatter." He stated, interrupting her.

"I don't care! I just want to know where I am and how to get home." Hatter was silent, staring at her with curious eyes.

"I like you." He said after a couple of minutes silence, a grin spreading across his face. Spinning on his heels – purple leather shoes, why wasn't she surprised? - Hatter walked over to the cabinet covered in vials on the left side of the room. "So I'll help." He said, searching through the vials for something, obviously having not found it in the one behind his desk.

"But I've already told you where you are, twice in fact. All we have to work on is getting you to believe it." He pointed at her with a red filled vial. Alice watched Hatter with dead set eyes, thinking everything through in her head.

She had two choices.

One, go along with what the nut-case was saying and ditch him the minute she knew how to get home. Or two, run like hell and don't look back. In her mind two seemed like a brighter option, yet she knew that she was lost. She needed at least some help and at least he was willing to help. The only problem was whether or not he could actually be any help.

"Fine." She sighed, getting Hatter's attention. "If I'm really in Wonderland...how did I...get here?" she asked. Hatter chuckled and walked over to his desk again, his walk reminding her of the stuck up play boys that used to chat her up. "Used to" as she now pretended to be mute when any came over. It worked rather well actually.

"Now that," he stated, collapsing down into his chair. "Is the million dollar question." Pouring the red powder into a clean cup, his eyes met hers again, face a mask of thought and confusion.

"You must have come from the Looking Glass somehow." He though out-loud, rather irritated that he couldn't figure it out. "There's no other way someone like you could get here."

"What do you mean someone like me?" Alice asked with slight amusement in her voice.

"An air-breather." Alice just stared at him, making him sigh as if she was the one who was impossible to work with. "A human." He stated. This didn't help Alice's perception of him. In fact the more he said the more tempting option two became, even if she was lost. She shook her head and looked away.

"I don't even want to know." She muttered. Seconds passed in silence as Alice thought and Hatter sipped his tea. Rather loudly in fact.

"Can you stop doing that?" she asked, turning to him. Hatter paused in mid sip, looking like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"You're in myteashop. I can do what I like." He replied, going back to sipping loudly. This time on purpose. Grinding her teeth together, Alice tried to think straight and not go over and strangle him. She would be helped by an obnoxious moron.

"Okay," she started, calmed down slightly, turning to Hatter. "If the only way I could get here was through the looking glass then it must be here...Right?" she asked, begging the answer was yes, but from his earlier statements she highly doubted it.

"That's the thing." He sighed, swirling the tea. "The Looking Glass is on the other side of Wonderland. I have no idea how you got here and getting to the Looking Glass is like trying to run away from a Jabberwock when both your legs are broken." Alice just stared at Hatter with a look of total confusion. She was sure he was speaking English – at least most of the time- yet half his statements where just ridiculous. Hatter noticed this look and said.

"Meaning it's impossible."

A crash from behind Alice followed Hatter's statement by seconds, causing her to jump and turn to face the door. Hatter on the other hand was totally calm, craning his neck slightly so he could see behind Alice who was blocking his view of the door. Even if she wasn't bad a view herself.

"Hatter! Hatter!" a voice Hatter recognised all too well called. Alice jumped back as the door slammed open, hitting the yellow painted wall and leaving a dent.

"Hatter!" the voice called again, running into the centre of the room, his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. "You'll never guess what I just heard!" he exclaimed. Hatter's grin was wide and unmoving, finding amusement from Alice's reaction.

"A human has been transported to Wonderland?" Hatter stated, relaying it as a guess.

"Not even close! A human-" Marchy stopped mid sentence and stood straight, eyes accusing as he pointed at Hatter. "How did you know?" Marchy asked. Hatter motioned behind Marchy to where Alice stood, staring agape at the Hare in front of her.

The...creature in front of her – for she could think of no other name for it-was about the same size as a 5 foot man, and seemed to speak English yet it was not doubt a Hare. Brown fur, large ears, a tuff of longer hair between the ears and a white tail. However, she hadn't seen many hare's wearing a yellow waist coat and red three quarter jacket.

"I'm going mad." She whispered, leaning on the armchair she had woken up in. Hatter laughed, standing.

"Then you'll fit right in. We're all mad here." He stated as he walked over to the space between Alice and March. "And stop staring like that you'll make Marchy uncomfortable." He scolded. Alice did stop glaring at March Hare, now turning her attention to Hatter, not that he cared or minded. Marchy on the other hand was hysterical.

"You have an Oyster?! Here!? At the shop!?" He exclaimed, arms moving erratically from Alice to Hatter before he finally tugged his ears down to either side of his face. Hatter rolled his eyes in exasperation, seems like Marchy's yoga classes weren't working.

"Calm down Marchy! And we don't call them Oyster's any more. After the incident, remember?"he hinted, March not getting the hint at all.

"Why are you moving your eyes like that Hatter? Are you feeling okay? Don't tell me you accidentally drank toilet duck again." He tutted, Hatter letting out an irritated moan at March's ability to be dim one second and a genius the next, really it was almost impossible to explain anything to him.

Alice however, was close to hyperventilating. Alice had always prided herself in being level headed, never taking anything supernatural seriously. Horror movies never scared her, as she knew it would never happen. She didn't have nightmares and never cried about monsters under the bed. She never hallucinated like this.

"I'm going mad." She repeated. Hatter ignored her, instead continuing his conversation with March and knowing she'd calm down soon. Or at least hoping she would.

"Where's dormouse?" Hatter asked, trying to change the subject and ignore the pretty girl behind him.

"Twinkle, twinkle little bat. How I wonder what you're at. Up above the world you fly, like a tea tray in the sky." A small, high pitched yet tired voice mumbled, though Alice couldn't see where it was coming from until the Hare, Marchy, pulled a small honey coloured dormouse from the tuft of hair on his head, the little thing sleeping soundly.

This must be the first sign of insanity. Alice thought.

"Ah! There you are. Still singing that silly rhyme?" Hatter exclaimed happily, taking it off Marchy.

"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song." The little thing mumbled again making Hatter laugh.

"Ah, still as cryptic as ever." He turned to Alice who looked a bit calmer yet was still panicking. "He's been a friend since I was a tiny tot and yet I still can't understand a word he says. Must be a dormouse thing." He chuckled, taking him and putting him in a tea pot where he curled up happily.

Next stop. Mental hospital.

"Remember that he's in there this time." Marchy chimed in making Hatter chuckle in embarrassment.

"Yeah, that may be a good idea."

For Pete's sake Alice! Alice shouted angrily. Grow a back bone. If this is really happening then deal with it. Don't wimp out now!

Even though she hated to admit it – and she truly did hate admitting it – inner her was right. If she was going to get out of here, or at least wake up, she needed to grow up, and stop hyperventilating before she keeled over.

"Poor little thing almost had a heart attack last time."

Alice let out an un-amused chuckle, moving forward so she was in between March and Hatter.

"Look, not that I'm not loving this beautiful conversation, but I am stuck in...'Wonderland' as you call it, a place that only exists in a book and I would very much like to go home. So if one of you could please tell me how I can do that with as little trouble as possible that would be great." Her voice was as polite as possible, the one she put on when she incredibly pissed off with someone yet covered it up with fake niceties. Marchy, having forgotten Alice was there and that she wasn't supposed to be there, turned to her in shock.

"The Looking Glass to get you home is on the other side of Wonderland my dear." Marchy stated.

"Getting there without any knowledge of Wonderland is suicide." He shook his head from side to side, as if that one move summed up the true 'terror' of Wonderland.

"Exactly," Hatter replied loudly as he walked over to a glass wardrobe, Alice and Marchy staring at him in worry. Reaching in he took out a pale moss green coat and slipped it on. "That's why I'm taking her."

"What?!" Alice and Marchy said simultaneously, causing Hatter to flinch.

"Hey!" he shouted back, covering his ears with his hands. "What's with the shouting in synch! You only met five seconds ago."

"Are you mad?!" Marchy exclaimed. Hatter shrugged.

"I am the Mad Hatter Marchy, being mad kind of comes with the name." That logic must have hit a note with March as he paused. Alice however, had wasn't so impressed.

"I can look after myself!" she exclaimed, offended by his assumption.

"But it's a suicide mission!" Marchy shouted at Hatter, ignoring her. Alice rolled her eyes and turned away, realising that she wasn't being listened to. Even if she was the one stuck.

Hatter shrugged again, eyes wide and looking like a child who was being scolded.

"Well I can't exactly let this defenceless lady travel through Wonderland alone now can I?" he asked.

"I am not defenceless!" Alice denied again, this time being listened to.

"Fine." He said to Alice before going back to Marchy. "I can't let this lady travel through Wonderland alone. As you said it's a suicide mission and she wouldn't last, not with the Queen of Hearts running a mock."

"Off with your head." Dormouse muttered making both March and Hatter flinch.

"Yes Dormy," Hatter said in a strained voice, rubbing his neck. "Thank you."

"Look!" Alice said, storming over to Hatter. "I don't need help. What I need is directions."

"What you need!" he shouted back, taking Alice off guard. "Is a guide." His voice was softer now, knowing that she was listening. Marchy watched in both shock and wonder as they both stared at each other, neither blinking.

"I can look after myself." She repeated, turning away. Hatter rolled his eyes, he too getting irritated.

"Well obviously you can't, seeing as you got yourself stuck here!" he replied. Alice turned on her heels and held her hands out.

"I didn't do anything! All I did was lean against a mirror after chasing a cat that had run off with my tea towels." She yelled back. Hatter laughed.

"That's my point! There's so many false turns and distractions in Wonderland. Seeing as you where curious enough to chase something into a mirror shows you wouldn't last two seconds here!"

"I didn't chase it into the mirror. I told you I fell in!" Marchy watch them both, staring from them to the tea pot Dormouse slept in.

"Guys, you're going to wake up-"

"Quiet!" both shouted, not turning away from each other.

"Why do you want to help me anyway! I'm just an...Oyster as you put it!" she asked.

"Air-breather. Marchy said Oyster."

"I don't care!"

"I want to help you 'cause if I don't, the Queen of Hearts will kill you, and you Oysters are the only thing keeping Wonderland alive!"

Everything was quiet.

"Without trust, words become the hollow sound of a wooden gong. With trust, words become life itself." Dormouse muttered softly, his voice seeming normal volume in the silence.

"Fine." Alice said, breaking the silence. "I guess I do need a guide." She stated. "But if you two," she pointed at Marchy and Hatter. "Keep saying I'm in Wonderland then I'm leaving." Hatter chuckled, a grin that screamed 'I know better' on his face.

"Fine," he walked passed her and picked up the coral jacket, throwing it to her. She caught it with ease, staring at it as if it was an alien object. "I'll just have to show you."

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