A/n Another chapter. This story as taken a mind of it's own. Originally, I thought the story would be, maybe, about 15 to 20 chapters long and some thirty thousand words. Well, I have passed that word count, and there isn't a ending in sight yet. Just so you know, if things keep going like they are ( meaning you keep reviewing coughHINTcough) I'll might put up a sequel to this story. I can't promise anything, since I'll have school soon.
Tell me if you think you might want a sequel to this. The poll for what story I do next will be up 'til this or Vampire's Lust is finished.
I also realize that some of the stuff that is in the Journal that you will be reading isn't exact. Lily, Severus, and James were born in 1960 in the books, BUT, in this story they were born in 1956, making them 24 when Harry was born. Some of this stuff I got off of hp-lexicon. org. and some of the stuff I had to make up for the lack of information. So don't review, saying that isn't right or that's wrong. It's called fanfiction for a reason.
Also, Lily was a first year when Narcissa was second her and Bellatrix was a fifth year and Andromeda is a third year. I'm not sure when Andromeda is born since I can't find the date so I'm making her be born in 1954. She'll be a year older then Narcissa.
To spinnerofdark,
The Grusom pack is one of the ancient packs that are going to be in the story. The pack had not choice but to follow Master since their previous leader was killed by him. Most of them hated what their old leader was doing. They didn't like their old leader's methods at all. They thought of him as weak, but they had to follow his rules. As an ancient pack, Grusom follows certain rules that were made long ago. Seth's pack isn't an ancient pack. Thanks for your review and you get a huge cookie like I promised.
Autumn-annette-19. Well, read and you'll see what is next. Here's your huge cookie too.
Makurayami Ookami. Well, since your the only one that voted for a pairing, your pairing will be put into the story. Here's your huge cookie too.
Mimaindi. Thanks, hopefully this is a great chapter too. Here's your huge cookie too.
Thanks guys, for reviewing. If you want cookies, just review. I have actually beta'd this story myself. If you find mistakes, please point them out to me, please.
Well, here you guys go. Ch 13. Life, Journals, Hollow
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Harry PoV.
My magic quickly went back in me, the vow attached with it. I could feel my mother's relief, and I could hear Ron's screams?
Turning around sharply, almost smacking into the angel's back, I could see Ron's soul screaming and fighting against the angels and demons that were grabbing at him.
" HARRY!" Ron pleaded, his voice filled with agony.
I turned my back towards him, not caring what was happening to him. No, I stopped caring about him the day he betrayed me. Those days seem so far gone, seemed to happen years ago. But in truth, it only happened about six months ago. Had everything I knew change so quickly? Had I changed so quickly and greatly? Remembering those long six months, I answered my own questions. Yes, I, and everything else, had changed quickly. But, so what? Dumbledore betrayed me, destroyed everything right from the beginning. He took my family away, caused so many deaths. Manipulated everybody to do his bidding. No longer, I thought, no longer will he have power. I had a family, a mate, and friends backing me up. I wasn't going into this war by myself.
" Ronald's soul shall be consumed soon. He'll never be able to be reborn. Lucius should have at least a year to live." The demon stated. " Also remember, you must go to your mate when this is through."
I nodded, then thought of something. " Does he know? My mate, I mean."
The angel was the one to answer. " Deep down inside, he knew. He most likely,though, pushed those feelings aside to let you have your lovers."
I nodded again, knowing that could be possible. I glanced around, noticing that I couldn't hear Ron's screams anymore.
" He is gone." The demon answered my unspoken question. " Now, it is time for you to go back to your realm, spirit talker."
Before I could ask about what he called me, I fell backwards. I felt as if water was surrounding me, and, for a moment, I thought I would drown. Then I awoke, suddenly sitting up and taking deep breathes.
Startling my father, I jumped out of the bed, thankful that I had my clothes still on, and ran out of the room.
I ran all the way to the hospital ward, not noticing those who were following me.
The hospital's doors were slammed open as I rushed towards Lucius' side. I noticed that Lizzy was still wearing her white almost see through dress, and was sitting on the floor. Kyle was in the chair, with a now woke up startled Draco.
" What the hell is-" Kyle was cut off as Lucius began to move.
" Father." Draco barely whispered. The young blonde then turned to me, demanding to know what was going on.
" He's going to live, Draco. For another year, at the least." I gasped out.
" I went to the Gates' Opening, a place where hell and heaven meet. I was able to give them Ron's soul. And when I kill Dumbledore, they'll have his soul."
I heard my father take a sharp intake of breath. I could hear both Thorn's and Yallen's shock gasp.
" Your are more then a spirit dreamer." Yallen stated, her blue eyes wide.
Thorn nodded her head, agreeing with her older sister. " Yes, you are a spirit talker. You can communicate with spirits, demons, angels, anyone alive, with just your mind. It doesn't matter if you are asleep or awake."
I knew she was right, after all, that was what the demon called me.
" Son." A hoarse voice called out. Everybody turned their attention back to the once dieing man. Lucius quickly found himself with a armful of Draco.
Lizzy stood beside me, wrapping her arms around my waist.
" How long, how long before-" Lucius started to ask, but I answered the question without needing to hear it.
" For right now, you have a year to live. If, by then, we have Dumbledore dead, then you will have longer to live. I also need to speak to you, Calin, and Tom as soon as possible. I have three days before I have to do something, and I need to speak to you three before then."
" Alright then, we'll talk tomorrow." Lucius answered.
I nodded and hugged him. " Never do that again." I hissed in his ear. I never wanted to feel that lose again, I never wanted to see Draco like that again.
I glanced at Kyle and nodded my head slightly, thanking him for taking care of Draco. He shrugged, a motion that stated that it was no problem.
I smiled slightly and backed away from Lucius.
I glanced at my sister and father, and walked out of the room. They followed, knowing that we needed to talk. After all, we were just starting to become a family. We walked 'til we got to our father's room.
He let us in and told us to go sit on his black leather couch.
" Among the letters that you gave me, Harry, your mother's family journal was hidden." My father said, handing me a old black worn out journal. Inscribed on the front was a list of names. The names were small, but what caught his name was Lily Garnier-Black.
" My mom was a Black?" I questioned, hoping that my father had the answers.
" Yes, very much so. Your mother once told me that her family had a tradition. There was a journal that was passed from heir to heir. Your mother was somehow able to get a hold of the journal. It's practically a family tree with a lot of descriptions. I'm sure your mother would like you and Lizzy to read this."
I glanced at my sister. Lizzy nodded. She wanted to know about her family just as much as I did.
We opened the journal and stared at the names that was written on it.
Sirius Black (1845-1853) Never married. No children. .
Phineas Nigellus Black ( 1847-1925) Married Ursula Flint. Kids: Sirius, Cygnus, Belvina, Arcturus.
Elladora Black ( 1850-1931) Never Married. No children.
Isla Black ( 1854-1922) Married Bob Hitchens-Muggle. No kids. Disowned.
Sirius Black ( 1877-1952) Married Hesper Gamp. Kids: Arcturus, Lycoris, Regulus.
Phineas Black( 1884-1948) Never Married. No children. Disowned.
Cygnus Black( 1889-1943) Married Violetta Bulstrode. Kids: Pollux, Cassiopeia, Dorea.
Belvina Black ( 1886-1962) Married Herbert Burke. Kids: Orion, Isla, Alphard.
Arcturus Black ( 1884-1959) Married Lysandra Yaxley. Kids: Callidora, Cedrella, Charis.
Arcturus Black (1901-1991) Married Melania McMillan. Kids: Lucretia, Orion.
Lycoris Black( 1904-1965) Never Married. No kids.
Regulus Black ( 1906-1959) Never Married. No kids.
Pollux Black ( 1912-1990) Married Irma Crabbe. Kids. Walburga, Alphard, Cygnus.
Cassiopeia Black( 1915-1992) Never Married. No kids.
Marius Black ( 1917-1954) Never Married. No kids. Disowned. Squib.
Dorea Black( 1920-1977) Married Charlus Potter. Kid. Dorion.
Orion Burke( 1908-1984) Married Alicia Pince. Kids: Lucus.
Isla Burke(1912- ) Married Anthony Goyle. Kids: Gregory.
Alphard Burke ( 1926- ) Not Married. No kids.
Callidora Black (1915-) Married Hafgan Longbottom. Kids. Algie, Edna
Cedrella Black ( 1917- 1990) Married Septimus Weasely. Kids. Arthur, Bilius, William. Disowned.
The list went on and on. I found out that I was related to the Flints, the Crabbes, the Goyles, the Longbottoms, the Crouchs, the Potters, the Prewetts, the Weasleys, the Lestranges, and the Malfoys. Of course, I was related to a whole lot of other people other then just them, but damn.
Apparently, Pollux Black's daughter, Walburga, married Orion Black, and had Sirius and Regulus. He also had a son named Cygnus, my grandfather. Cygnus was married to Druella. With her, he had Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa. Cygnus was having an affair with Rose Garnier right after Druella had my last aunt. Rose quickly got pregnant with my mom and my uncle! I had so many family members that I thought I was going to explode. Me and Lizzy had this whole family who could have taken us in. Who could have taken care of us. I calmed myself down before I got out of control. Some more bad news. I was still related to the Dursleys. The list goes to were Lily had me and Lizzy with Severus and married James. It also showed my uncle, Chris, had two boys and a girl. Chris was also still alive. It made me wonder how Sirius claimed me as the Black Heir, when Chris has two boys of his own. Maybe, nobody knew about Lily and Chris, except for a few people.
Me and Lizzy continued to read the journal.
Entry 1. 1853.
My name is Phineas Nigellus Black. I have decided to write a journal, in which all Blacks will right in. I hope this will be passed down and everybody in the family gets to write at least one entry. I started this, because my older brother just dead to days ago. He dead at the age of barely 8. I am only 6, but I am smart for my age. I have two younger siblings, Elladora and my mom is pregnant with what they believe is my younger sister. I do hope everything goes okay and my sister is healthy. I also hope that the death of my older bother won't harm my mom. It would not do for her to miscarriage.
Phineas Nigellus Black had 26 entries. His last 5 had to with either his wife and kids or how his younger sister was disowned for marring a muggle. Though, while me and Lizzy read, we could tell that he still loved his little sister. He had also talked of how he was Headmaster of Hogwarts and what changes he wished to bring to the school.
The next entries were either from his brother or sisters or kids. There were also a few entries that were wrote by his grandchildren.
My grandfather's first entry was labeled Entry 101.
Entry 101. 1955.
Oh, I know I should have wrote in this thing earlier, when I was younger, but I never really cared about this journal. Now, though, I have to talk to someone. My lovely wife, Druella , as had her last daughter two weeks ago. Her name is Narcissa. I have three wonderful daughters, though, I do fear that , unless my wife can give me a son, or one of my daughters adopts and not marry, I will the last Black generation. I do hope that is not the case. But, that isn't what I came to talk about. No, I'm having an affair on my lovely wife. Oh, how could I? I love Druella, but Rose just draws me to her. She seems to strong and beautiful. Her long flowing red wine hair, and her emerald green eyes. I can't get enough of her. What is wrong with me? I must stop this.
Entry 102. 1955.
I went to see Rose Garnier again. I was going to tell her that it was over. I really was! But I can't! We talk about a lot of things, like how her mother was a full-blooded elf and how her father is quarter elf. Maybe that is what draws me to her. I wish I could just go and never look back. But, I know I would her hurt her if I did that. I don't want to hurt my Rose, but I don't want to hurt my lovely Druella. What ever shall I do?!
Entry 103. 1955.
Rose is having my kids! She told me she is pregnant. I asked her if she had a boy that she would give him Black has his last name. And she said yes! Maybe there is hope for my family. I sorely don't want to be the last generation. The Black family as been pure-bloods, powerful pure-bloods. It would be a sham to see that pure-blood go out. Luckily, Rose is a pure-blood her self, even if she has creature blood in her. She told me, even though her mother is a full-blooded elf, her grandparents were wizards.
Hopefully, Rose will be okay and well when she as the kid or kids. I do not wish to lose her.
Entry 104. 1956.
She had twins! Twins! A boy and a girl. Chris Black and Lily Garnier-Black. She did as I asked and gave our boy my last name. I am also please to see that Lily shall carry my name and her mom's as well. They are beautiful kids. They really are.
Entry 105. 1973
I have been watching my six kids grow. All of them have grown so beautifully. Chris, Bellatrix and Andromeda have got the famous black hair. Narcissa has pale blonde hair and Lily as gotten her mother's red rich wine hair, and green eyes. Rose had told me a few months after the twins birth, that she had another child, with some muggle whose last name is Evan. She has let Chris stay with me. My wife thinks I have adopted him. I let Rose keep Lily and marry the Evan guy. After all, I know now that I'm not the last generation. All of my kids have grown strong. Though, Andromeda wishes to marry a muggle! I love her, she is my daughter, but can I allow her to marry him? Can I disown her? No, I can't disown her. I told her I would have to at least pretend to disown her if she marries that man, but I can't truly ever disown her. This shall be my last entry. I'm giving this to Rose to give to Lily. I wish for Lily to give this to her kids. Maybe, Lily, will let her brother write in this also. I just feel that she'll need it more then the rest of us.
Entry 106. 1973
My name is Lily Garnier-Black. My mom is Rose ( Garnier) Evan and my father is Cygnus Black. I apparently have a twin brother, Chris Black. I have four half-sisters Petunia, Narcissa, Andromeda, and Bellatrix. I am the youngest out of all my siblings. My mom told me she had Petunia with my step-father and then had me with Cygnus. I believe that Narcissa and Bellatrix don't know that I'm their half-sister. I have a funny feeling that with me and Chris having the same eye color hasn't slipped my brother's or Andromeda's notice. Though, they do not ask or say anything about it. Maybe my father ( real one) had a talk with Chris. My mom says that she thinks it is best if we don't tell anyone the truth. She says she gets a funny feeling when she thinks about telling people the truth. I trust my mom so I will not tell anyone the truth. I'm graduating in a couple of months and is planning on marrying Severus Snape. We're not in love by any means, but we care about each other. When we saw that Lucius and Narcissa were getting married to please Lucius' father, we decided that we needed to. Severus' father keeps threatening him. I care for Severus too much to leave him in harms way. It was last year, a few months after Lucius and Narcissa, or Cissy for short, declared they were getting married, that me and Severus declared the same thing. My years at Hogwarts have been good, except that James Potter keeps bullying Severus. I think he is just jealous that me and Sev have a bond between us. Other then that, and that creepy Peter guy, things have gone good. Though, I do believe Tuney( Petunia) is jealous of me. She envies me and is mad that I'm the one with the magic and not her. There is nothing I can't do about that, so I must leave her and wish her the best. Though, I am worried about her. She is marring this guy, Vernon. I've tried speaking with her, but she refuses to listen. I can only hope, if I have kids and something happens to me, that my kids are never sent to Tuney. I love her, but I won't let my kids near a man like Vernon.
I have also found out that I'm part elf. I'm a natural at healing and anything to do with the earth. I've came into my inheritance earlier this year. Severus has too. He already knew that is mother was a vampire and that the trait would go to him. I have let him feed off of me when needed. Even though he doesn't say anything, I know that he detests the blood his mother had given him in these vials. It's probably taste like eating cold soup or something to him. My blood as also helped him heal any injuries that hadn't been healed thanks to his father. His skin as gone from gray to a normal pale color for vampires. For now, this is all that I will write.
Entry 107. 1973
I graduated Hogwarts finally. Albus Dumbledore as been giving me these strange looks and James is pissed off. I know it as to do with the fact that I'm going to marry Severus sometime. Me and him agrees to stay engage for at least eight years. We want to make sure that we don't meet anybody else that we would fall in love with. My mom agrees with us, knowing why we are engaged. It's going to be a long rocky road a head of us, but I'm sure we'll be alright.
Entry 108. 1973
Severus has told me that he has taken the Dark Mark, along with Lucius, Chris, Cissy, and Bella. I knew he was worried on how I would take the information, but I knew by the end of the night he was relieved. I told him I didn't care what side he joined, just as long as he is safe. Albus has been acting too weird for my tastes anyways. I would never join the dark side nor the light. My mom told me a long time ago that the Garniers were gray, neutral. Severus was really relieved, even though he wouldn't ever tell anybody his worries. Right before he left tonight, I told him never to stop what he was doing, no matter what happens. I'm just sensing something in the future will happen, and I don't wish for it effect Severus' doings. It is late and I must go to bed.
Entry 109. 1974
The nerve at that man! Albus Dumbledore as gone off his rocker. He asked for a meeting with me today. I agreed. When I got to his office he started asking questions. He asked if I was sure I wanted to marry Severus and not James! Can you believe that? I, of course, told Albus that I was marrying Severus and not that stupid Potter kid. I doubt James as matured any better then he did at Hogwarts.
Entry 110. 1975
Cissy and Lucius are now married. Oh, and what a beautiful wedding it was. The had the wedding was at one of their beach houses. It was just so beautiful and the robes Cissy was wearing. Pure white with green seaming. I do hope mine and Severus' wedding will just as grand. And their vows! I know they don't love each other, but they could have fooled me. Though, I noticed in their vows they didn't say anything about being faithful to each other. I don't think anybody else noticed that besides Severus and me.
Entry 111. 1976
James just refuses to give up. I wish I could just kill the man, but I don't wish to leave Severus alone. And Albus! The man just keeps trying to get me and James together. Why won't the man just give up . Can't he see that I hate James. I'm sensing that Severus doesn't wish to wait too long to get married, though, he doesn't wish to trap me into a relationship when I could fall in love with someone else.
Entry 112. 1978
I know I haven't wrote in this for a while, but things are just getting out of hand. James has been threatening Severus again. The stupid guy actually thinks that Severus has me under a spell. The git tried to kidnap me! Oh, if it wasn't for me, Severus would have killed him. There's good news, though, Chris got married about three months ago. He married this man named Devon Scanter, a pure-blood from America. I'm almost certain that Devon is pregnant. I almost thought that was impossible, but Severus informed me that certain male creatures can get pregnant and with the right potion, a plain male wizard could get pregnant. Whoa! I guess I should have already knew that. I mean, Chris wouldn't marry a guy unless the guy could get pregnant. Chris would want a heir. I almost started to give Chris this journal, but my mom wouldn't let me. She said that my father wanted me to have this. Oh, I can tell that my mom misses Cygnus. It is really sad that he is dead. He died a couple years after giving me this journal.
Entry 113. 1978
Devon had twins! It makes me want to laugh. Me and Chris are twins and now he has twins. It also makes me wonder if I will have twins. Oh how wonderful that would be. He had one boy and one girl named Pollux and Isla. Chris said that he wanted to honor the family by giving the kids our past relatives' names. I've thought about that, but I also wanted to honor Severus' family too. I also wanted to do something original. So I thought of these. Elizabeth Eileen Snape and Harry Orion Snape. Eileen is Severus' mother. The poor woman has tried everything to make sure Severus was safe. Orion is for a past relative of mine. Elizabeth and Harry is the original names. I've already told Severus about this and he agrees.
Entry 114. 1979
James is a pure-blooded idiot. He almost killed Severus! Damn him. Cissy was having a party for the start of December and everybody had been invited. Everything was going fine, but then James just started hexing Severus. And the hexes were cutting hexes. I had to take Severus home quickly. When I did, I noticed that he lost a lot of blood. So, I did the only thing I could do. I let him feed off of me. Then the feeding became much more then just feeding. Vampires are naturally sexual and most of the time, during their feedings they have sex. Yes, well, that is what happened. I don't regret that part. I just wish James would stop acting like a bloody idiot!
Entry 115. 1980
I'm pregnant and Severus isn't here. No, Albus sent him on a mission. He thinks that Severus is a spy for him and not for the Dark Lord. I have been writing him letters, but I don't think he has been getting them. But, not worries. I've spelled the letters and the journal to go to a vault I have and only my kids will be able to get in. Though, that will only happen if I die.
Entry 116. 1980
Damn that old coot! Damn him! Why can't he just leave me be?! I have to marry James or he'll kill Severus and my kids. Yes, kids. I'm having twins, a boy and a girl. I wonder if this having twin thing is genetic. Oh well, I now I have to plan a wedding I don't want. James doesn't realize that I'm a pregnant. Though, I've made him think that we have had sex already when we really haven't. I don't wish my kids to be harm should he find out that Severus got to me first. Oh, my poor Severus, I hope my letters reach him. Albus is planning something and it isn't good.
Entry 117. 1980
He took her! He took my Elizabeth away! He told everybody that she didn't make it, but I know the truth. I heard her cries. I know she is alive. This is the last time I'll write in this. I don't wish for James to find out about this journal. To my kids, if you ever went into my vault, I love you so very much and I wish I could have been able to protect you better. Should you ever run into Severus, tell him I didn't betray him. Tell him I cared for him very deeply and that he should find someone to love. I hope you find this in good timings. If things are going bad around you, my children, don't give up. Grow up strong and healthy. Just whatever you do, don't believe a word that Albus Dumbledore breathes. I love you and I hope you live happy lives...
After making sure Lizzy was finished, I set the journal down. I was in shock. After learning all this, I wanted to hunt down Albus right now. He took everything away from my mom, me, Lizzy, and my father. I glanced at my father, he was sitting down one the chair in front of us, his head down. I looked at Lizzy, who had tears running down her face, and we both nodded. We stood up and kneeled in front of our father.
" She loved you." Lizzy whispered, her voice soft.
Our father's head raised and he looked at us. I could tell he was trying not to cry, just like I was.
" We all miss her, father, but we mustn't live in the past. We will get back at those who hurt her and our family." I said, my voice soft yet firm.
Father just shook his head and gathered us up in his arms. We all silently cried, letting the comfort of the others wash over us. We knew we had each other at least, if not the others. We wasn't going to let mother's suffering go in vain. I vowed right then and there that I would make sure Albus was dead by the end of the war. He wouldn't live. He wouldn't live after all he has done to my family. The bastard wasn't going to survive long enough to do this to another family. I would make sure of that.
Draco's PoV
I don't fully understand what Harry did, but I'm grateful for it. The doctor just said that it's a miracle. He said that my father would survive. He also let my father go back to his rooms, as long as I helped him. I agreed and now we were sitting in his living room. Kyle was also there, leaning against a door.
" You know, Kyle, you can sit down." Father said, his eyebrow raised.
Kyle shook his head. " I've had to much training in my life. I was taught never to leave my back vulnerable unless there was a good reason."
Me and father nodded at his reply. We don't know what type of training the students at this school had gotten, but whatever it was, it was strict. We stayed in the living over an hour, just talking. It was weird. One minute I was desperate enough to sign my name on a death certificate for my father and the next, I was sitting here, acting like nothing had happen, with my father. I wanted to be as close as could with my father. I know Harry said he had a year to live at least, if we couldn't get Albus Dumbledore dead. The fear was still there, I knew I was still going to lose my father no matter what. Unless, he decided to become a vampire, but for some reason, I don't think he wants to do that. Could it be, that he doesn't wish to live forever? Could he just want to live and die like the ones before him? There was never an immortal creature in the Malfoy family. Sure, we had veela, both light and dark, blood in the family, but never a immortal creature. I wasn't going to ask my father about it. I think it would be to early to think about him dieing.
After almost an hour, me and Kyle left my father's rooms and headed towards our dorms.
" Thank you, Kyle, for being there when I needed someone." I said, standing in front of my door.
Kyle's fingers brushed across my face and pulled some of my hair behind my left ear. His face leaned down towards mine and his breathe smelt minty. Before I knew what happened, our lips were connected. I knew I should have pulled away, but, instead, I kissed him back. I couldn't help it. He was there when I needed someone. One of his hands cupped my face while the other one wrapped around my back, pulling me closer. My own hands were fisting his shirt, pulling him closer. Our lips meet in a battle of dominance and I quickly relented. Kyle opened my door and walked us in, until we hit the edge of my bed. We both fell over and I almost giggled at how we must look. I looked at his blue eyes, knowing what we were doing was wrong. I just didn't want him to leave. I was so used to sleeping with Severus, that I wasn't sure if I would be able to sleep by myself.
" Stay?" I whispered, looking away from his eyes. I heard a sigh and then I was picked up. I made a sound of protest before I was put back onto the bed, the covers pulled down.
" Draco, I can't stay."
I looked back up at him. " Please I ju-" I was quickly cut off.
" No, Draco." Kyle's voice was harsh and I couldn't help but flinch. I schooled my mask back on and nodded.
" Alright, I understand." You just kiss me and then leave me. I was use to this type of thing, not the kissing part, but the leaving me part. I wasn't planning on doing anything other then sleeping, but I didn't want to do that alone. It was hard to sleep alone again after having someone who slept beside you and kept you warm and safe. I thought after Severus accepted me as his lover, I wouldn't have to sleep alone and crave that warmth again. But, once again, I was proved wrong.
Kyle nodded and left, the door making a loud bang as he went. I let the mask slip and cried silently into the pillow. I knew it was selfish of me to want someone else's warmth besides Severus'. But he wasn't here, he wasn't the one who comforted me. Oh, I know that he was with his kids, but when he came into the hospital ward, he didn't even acknowledge that I was there. Oh, what I am going to do?
I tried to go to sleep, but I kept tossing and turning. I kept seeking that warmth that wasn't there and that made me feel even more hollow. The quiet tears didn't stop and I knew tomorrow my eyes would be blood-shot. Why couldn't I just be grateful that my father was still alive? Why did Kyle have kiss me? Why? Why! I wanted to scream so bad but I held it in. For the first time in years, I felt truly alone.