Disclaimer: Rated PG.  May contain comic mischief and references to sugar-related paraphernalia. Or something like that...

A.N.: First off, I would just like to apologize (again) for taking so long to post. I've been trying to focus my attention on school since I'll be graduating in a week (yay!) and I haven't really had that much free time to work on this. I have NOT, however, forgotten about this story. Hopefully, with the summer coming up, I will have more time to work on my writing. But enough of my ramblings! On with the insanity!

Bakura Goes to War

As Ryou followed Malik outside to wait for Yami, Bakura sat down in the living room to think.  He had practically signed his death certificate not five minutes before, and now he was expected to go along with it?!  Mortals these days have a very odd sense of reality...he mused while picking at the fabric on the couch.  There must be something I can do to get out of this...but what?

After thinking for a good two minutes more, he finally reached the only solution to the situation: he must go to war!  With a cackle that could rival any of Yami Malik's, he dashed back upstairs to prepare for battle.

Meanwhile, out on the front porch, Ryou sat watching as Malik cheerfully threw some of his jelly beans to a flock of birds.

"Malik! Quit that! They'll choke on those!"

"No they won't!"

Before Ryou could protest further, one of the birds started flapping wildly. Clearly, a jelly bean had become lodged in the bird's throat and it couldn't figure out how to get it out. Malik shrugged sheepishly before picking up the bird and giving it a good shake. "Come on, Birdy, spit it out already!"

"That's not going to help!"

"Do you have any better ideas?"

"Well, I-I mean...that is..."

"That's what I thought. Its okay, Birdy, Malik will help you..."

Ryou looked at the bird fearfully as he watched Malik set it back down on the ground. "Malik, what-" "Shhh! Just watch!" Malik grinned wolfishly and then raised his fist before bringing it down full force on the bird's stomach. As he suspected, the jelly bean came flying out of the bird's mouth and bounced off of Ryou's forehead before settling somewhere in the grass.

"There! All better now, right Birdy?"

The bird chirped cheerfully back.

Ryou shook his head and went back to watching for the Pharaoh.  There was nothing in the world that could make him try to understand that.  Nothing at all...

From his place in the middle of the bedroom floor, Bakura cackled maniacally as he looked at the fruits of his ten minute "treasure hunt." It seemed he now had everything he needed to launch "Operation: Kill the Pharaoh," as he so ingeniously called it, and the thought was liberating to say the very least.

"Mwa ha ha!! Now let's see..." he muttered while scribbling in a small notebook. "Jumbo water balloons: check! Paint ball gun: check! Bow and arrows: check! Machine gun: damn it! Ryou has to be the only one in town without a machine gun!"

Looking around for a substitute weapon, the crafty yami saw a boomerang sitting in the corner of the room. "Hmm...well that looks dangerous. I wonder what it does..." Snatching the toy from its resting place, he prepared to throw it but stopped when the sound of an engine brought his attention back to the window.

Yami had arrived...right on time.

Out on the porch, Ryou stood up and waved to the pharaoh before going back in the house to find his missing half. "Bakura? Where are you? Yami's here and if you don't hurry up, we'll be late!"

"I'll be right there!" Bakura shouted down innocently.

The sound of the front door closing sent him scurrying to the window with the paint gun armed and ready.

So much for being innocent...

"Say hello to my lil' friend, Pharaoh!!"

Yami was just stepping out of the car when the first of many paint balls hit him. "What in Ra?!"

"Mwa ha ha!!" Yami's gaze flew to the upstairs window, along with Ryou's and Malik's.

"Bakura!!"

/I knew I shouldn't have let him see that movie last weekend!/ Ryou groaned. Yami just growled out a string of Egyptian curses as he stormed toward the house. "Yami, no!!" Grabbing a hold of his arm, the silver-haired hikari attempted to drag him back over to the car, but only succeeded in making the former pharaoh angrier.

"Don't even bother trying to defend him, Ryou! There is no excuse for this!"

"What about a random case of cabin fever?"

"Ha!"

"The devil made him do it?"

"He is the devil!"

"Well, there's no arguing with that I suppose...just don't kill him, please! I'm sure I can find some way to get him down here without any more trouble." Yami shifted to take in the hopeful gaze Ryou was fixing on him. Grumbling, he sank back behind the car to hide with a giggling Malik. "Oh fine...but make it quick or he's taking a one-way trip to the Shadow Realm!" Ryou nodded and ran into the house as Bakura's cackling echoed down to him.

Upon reaching the bedroom they shared, Ryou pushed open the door to find his yami cheerfully planning his next attack. Needless to say, it hadn't taken Bakura long to turn their bedroom into a miniature military base complete with a badly-drawn map of the driveway tacked to the wall.

/Note to self: never leave yami to his own devices EVER again.../

Once his laughter died away, Bakura took notice of the teen's presence and smiled sweetly. "Hello hikari...beautiful weather we're having, isn't it?"

"Yami! I thought you were going to go through with this!"

"I was. I changed my mind."

"Yami!!"

"What?! I can't change my mind? I think my evilness is rubbing off on you, hikari...and I couldn't be prouder! My little Ryou is growing up right before my very eyes!" Bakura sniffled, patting the stunned duelist on the head before turning to consult his map. "Hmm...mmhmm...yes, that will work PERFECTLY!! Mwa ha ha ha!!!!"

"Oh dear..." Ryou watched as he reached for the boomerang. /I hope he knows how to use that.../

With one last comparison between his map and Yami's position in the driveway, Bakura hurled the boomerang out the window. "Die Pharaoh!!"

"Not today, thanks!" Yami shouted before ducking. Soon the boomerang was altering its course toward an unsuspecting thief.

"Ahh! Ryou it's coming back! Make it stop!"

"Yami, it's a boomerang! It's supposed to!"

"A what?!"

Before Ryou could explain further, the boomerang flew back through the window, knocking Bakura to the floor.

"Mommy...?"

Ryou shook his head as the other surrendered to unconsciousness.

"Unbelievable...simply unbelievable..."

End of Chapter

Tenshi: Aww...I'm mean aren't I?

Bakura: You think?!

Tenshi: Hee hee hee...well anyway, I apologize again for the wait! I've already started working on chapter six and I hope to have it done soon. And yes, this is going somewhere by the way, so no worries there. I hope you all liked this chapter! :)