Red vs. Blue vs. Soul
Red vs. Blue belongs to Rooster Teeth; Halo belongs to Bungie and 343 Studios
Soul Calibur belongs to Namco/Project Soul
This might be a bit long for all of you but hopefully the length of this chapter doesn't bother with the humor (and slight action) that's inside. Plus - this is all about the Reds now for Pete's sake and who doesn't like Sarge, Simmons, and Grif? ^^
Chapter III – "Journey to the West– As Done by the Reds Part I"
(In a small cherry blossom tree grove outside the then-capital city of Kyoto, a cloaked traveler walks silently; their face concealed by the hood. Suddenly the loud cries of screaming followed by a loud crash alert the traveler)
Traveler: Hmm? (Looks as if to draw a blade from their backside; rushes over to where the sound came from.)
(Meanwhile…the Red Team – now dressed in samurai-esque version of their armor – find themselves piled on top of each other)
Grif (on the bottom): Damnit! Simmons, get your f***in' foot out of my face!
Simmons: I would…If Sarge would get off my spine first.
Sarge: This would have been better if it was Grif under a pile of boulders…huge-ass ones the size of mountains accordingly.
Grif (angry): SHUT UP AND JUST GET UP ALREADY!
Sarge: Wow – someone woke up on the wrong side of the bunker this morning… (Gets off the other Reds)
Grif and Simmons (get up and stretch)
Grif (looks at himself): Ok – first up – what happened to our armor and second…WHY THE HELL AM I SO FAT!
Simmons: Uh…are you already fat?
Grif: No – I'm just chunky. This armor makes me fat.
Sarge: No – he's fat.
Grif: Shut the hell up Sarge.
Sarge: Moving on…Simmons!
Simmons: Yes sir?
Grif: Dude – he's not in charge of us anymore, remember?
Sarge: Shut up Grif. Simmons, I wanna know two things - where we are and why the hell am I dressed like a Chinaman!
Simmons: Actually – that's not Chinese armor, that's more like that wore by the samurai of Japan.
Sarge: Japan? The land of the rising sun? The place where we get all our hit-techno goodies from?
Grif: And where they make tentacle porn…?
Simmons: Uh…Yes and to answer your first question Sarge, we ARE in Japan.
Sarge (looks over): Huh…Thought it would be more…unique having giant fighting robots, cute schoolgirls, and all Japanese cartoon crap all over the place.
Simmons (a bit annoyed): Hey – Japan has made some of the best cartoons like Digimon, Bleach, Naruto, DragonBall and Gundam.
Grif: …I can understand the DragonBall part, but this proves that you're a bigger nerd than I thought.
Simmons: Shut up Grif.
Sarge: Enough pillow talk! Now I wanna know…Where in blazes is my shotgun? (Points to a katana – or samurai sword in scabbard at his sides)
Simmons (looks): Seems like our firearms got replaced with traditional Japanese weapons… (Has kamas at his sides)
Grif: Aw man…All I you guys got the cool weapons and all I got is a chain… (Really has a manriki wrapped around his chest)
Simmons: Uh Grif? That's a manriki…
Sarge: Geshundit.
Simmons: Sir, I didn't sneeze. The name of Grif's chain is manriki.
Sarge: Oh…
Grif: Still sucks.
Sarge: Shut up Grif.
(Before Simmons could explain what the manriki's purpose was, suddenly the hooded traveler mentioned earlier in this chapter appears without warning behind in front of the trio.)
Sarge: What the hell?
Grif: Holy crap!
Simmons: Uh…
Traveler (looking at the Reds; sounds like a woman): Hmm…Who are you…?
Sarge: Who are we? Uh…Well…um…
Simmons (whispers): Simple travelers on our way…
Sarge (working on that): Simple travelers on our way…Yeah, that works! We are simple travelers on our way!
Traveler: … (Sweat-drops a bit)
Grif (whispers): I don't think that caught on too well…
Sarge (whispers back): Shut up Grif or I'll stick this here sword right up your –
Traveler: You look more like ronin….
Sarge (confused): Ron-what?
Simmons (whispers): Sir, ronin were samurai without any masters…
Sarge: 'Kay… (To Traveler) Uh – you caught us! We are those…ronin fellers but we are also travelers!
Traveler: …
Grif (whispers to Grif): Man, how do you know all these sh**…?
Simmons (whispers; sounding a bit annoyed): It's called reading a book…and using Bing.
Grif: Oh…You cheat.
Simmons: Go to hell Grif.
Traveler: If you were travelling to Kyoto as I was…You may come with me if you wish.
Sarge: Er? Really – Er, I mean…Sure! Why not?
Grif: Oh – finally! Maybe we can get something to drink!
Traveler (staring at Reds; in head): Hmm…Truly a strange band of ronin…They appear where I hear that strange noise…Is the very work of the evil sword…or something else? (To Reds) Well then, if you're thirsty, then we better make haste then. (Turns away and starts to walk) I believe I might know a nice inn where they have the best saki – rice wine.
Grif (excited by mention of liquor): Right behind you, lady! (Paces after her)
Sarge (murmurs to self): Suck-up… (Follows)
Simmons (to himself): This is starting to be a very weird day… (Walks after the group)
(However, in a not far-off distance, a mysterious figure with alarge hoop-like blade watches the group from high in a tree branch.)
?: Hmm…(Suddenly smirks and cackles to self)
(Later...Inside the quite busy walk-ways of Kyoto, the Reds and their mystery companion begin to view the sights of the city.)
Simmons: Wow...
Sarge: I'll have to say, the view ain't quite bad ya know. It's just like in those fancy-smancy big city places...
Grif (Eyeing some geisha girls): I'll say...
Simmons: Grif! Don't be such a pervert...
Grif: What? I was admiring their robes...
Simmons: They're called kimonos and you looked more like you were 'admiring' the girls themselves than their outfits...
Grif: Shut up Simmons.
Traveler: (Shows no expression)
Sarge: Grif, Simmons! Put a sock in it you two - I'm trying to enjoy the sights!
(Then, by accident, Sarge bumps into a tall man with a very sketchy face, pointy nose and top-knot.)
Sarge (a bit annoyed): Hey! Watch it punk!
Man: (Pauses and looks angry)
Sarge: Didn't you hear me? Watch where you're goingl!
Grif: Uh...Sarge? I think he's getting pissed at you.
Man: (growls slightly and slowly pulls out a knife)
Simmons: Oh boy.
Man: Raar! (lunges at Sarge with knife aimed for the Red's throat)
Grif: Sarge!
Traveler: (Alert; about to draw weapon)
Sarge: (Looks): Hmm? (Does a perfect side-step to dodge and jabs an elbow into the thug's face)
Thug: Ugh! (Falls back and drops knife)
Traveler: (Pauses)
Sarge (cracks his knuckles): Ya really tried to do that, boy? Let's see if ya can do better that...
Thug: (Snarls and tries to kick)
Sarge: (Takes a step back and dodges) Heh - My granma could do better than that! (Uses one foot to hold the hooligan's leg in place and stomps several times on his face with the other)
Grif, Simmons, and Traveler: (Surprised)
Thug: (K-Oed; falls back with a mouth of broken teeth and a boot-print on his face)
Sarge: Heh...He was a push-over. (To Reds) What are you looking at? Let's keep sight-seeing and maybe get something to drink around here - I'm parched!
Grif, Simmons, and Traveler: ...
Traveler (in head): Such skill...and confidence. And he didn't rely on his sword to win that fight... Who are these warriors truly?