YJ: Finding Robin: Chapter 2
Batman had kept Robin under sedation until they were back at Mount Justice once settled the team waited anxiously for Robin to wake up. The team had agreed to tie Robin down, with some resistance from the teens, just in case the boy is violent when he came to. Batman had told them that with the sedatives Robin would not be coming to any time soon so the team returned to their normal activities but Conner volunteered to stay behind. Conner sat there watching Robin sleep, the steady rise and fall of the boy's chest made him seem almost peaceful but the expression on Robin's sleeping feature was not beautiful. Suddenly the boy came to with a gasp and he began to cry out in panic as he realise he was bounded to the bed.
"Hey Dick it's okay. It's me." Conner tried tugging at the bonds to free the boy, but the boy does not seem to respond to his calls even as he was free, the boy just curled in on himself. "Robin. Calm down. It's me. Superboy." At the sound of Conner calling him by his alias the boy looked up. There was a moment of recognition flashed across the boy's blue eyes and Robin threw his arms around Conner's neck and began to sob.
Robin's screams seemed to have brought the entire team running to the infirmary. Wally and Artemis were at Robin's bedside in an instant. Kaldur and Batman stopped a few feet away as if afraid their presence might frighten the already hysterical child. Megan stood at the door not daring to take a step closer. Even from where she stood the roar of emotions swirling in Robin threatened to suck her into the oblivion.
"Robin, it's us. You are safe." Wally murmured helplessly rubbing comforting circles on the boy's back. Wally could feel the small body tremble beneath his hand.
"...all just shapes... they put in my head... Can giveth can taketh away..." Robin murmured. His breaths were beginning to come in short gasps. "Don't exist, can't exist… simple neural responses to artificial stimuli… methylphenidate… cholinergic… electrodes… create fiction that is my world…" Robin began hyperventilating too badly to speak.
"Hold him still." Batman instructed as he approached Robin with a needle. Before Conner could get a strong hold on Robin he saw the needle and began struggling.
"NO! No no no no no..." Robin begged as he slipped Superboy's grasp and backed away from them until he fell off the bed. He took only a moment to recover before scampering into a corner crying. "No... No tests... Please..."
The teens were too shocked to know what to do. Batman swept past them needle hidden now and knelt down by his terrified son. His heart was breaking but he had to be strong, for Robin, for Dick.
"No tests. You just need to sleep for a while." Batman said softly taking the boy into his arms. The ridged body relaxed into his arms. "This will help make it quiet so you can sleep." Batman said injecting the liquid into Robin. Once he was done he picked up the boy to put him back in bed. For a moment, only a moment before the drug took effect, the baby blue eyes looked up at him with recognition. When Robin's lips moved only a whisper came out, but Batman heard him.
"Not your fault... Batman..."
Once outside the infirmary Wally felt his legs lose all their strength and he let himself fall to the ground.
"Wally!" Megan cried worriedly.
"Is he always going to be like that?" Wally asked with a haunted voice not heeding Megan looked worriedly at him. The others fell silent wondering the same thing. Have they really lost Robin forever?
"I am sure he will have more lucid days." Batman said after a while. "He recognized me for a moment there. I am sure it was just that he woke up bounded. But I must caution all of you to be careful around him. We have no idea what they have programmed Robin to do. We need to consider him dangerous, don't let your guard down too much around him. I am authorizing you to use force if you have to." The teens watched quietly as Batman walked away from them. Conner felt anger bubbling inside him. Conner wondered how Batman could remain so cold, calm and collected in this situation. Robin was not only his sidekick. Robin was Dick Grayson, Batman, no, Bruce Wayne's son, knowing that fact made Conner's anger burn hotter in his chest. Conner was going to march up and give Batman a piece of his mind only to be stopped by Aqualad.
"This is hard on all of us." Aqualad said softly, "but it is probably the hardest on him."
The next time Robin woke up again Wally was the one by his side. Robin had awoken with a gasp but the drugs were probably still weakening his body he didn't move, Wally would never had known he was awake until Robin called out his name.
"Kid Flash..." Robin said again a little louder this time.
"Robin you are awake! Thank god! How do you feel?" Wally's relief faded away when Robin did not answer and just stared up at him. "Rob, remember me? Wall..." Robin bolted up abruptly placing his hand over Wally's mouth before he could finish.
"Must not say it! They will know." Robin said looking around as if expecting someone to be watching them. "They can't know."
"Robin it's okay you are safe now." Wally said taking Robin's hand in his own. "We are at Mount Justice you are safe. We all know each other's identity, we know you are..."
"NO! I am Robin." The boy's body was beginning to shake. "No don't know who you are talking about. I am Robin only Robin subject C9987... But Dr. Carpenter liked to call me Robin. He is dead now. Robin... just Robin... No one else... Not even really Robin anymore... Robin is lost... So lost..." Robin's outburst took Wally by surprise, even after everything they did to him the boy was still focused on keeping all of their identities secret. Robin's rant had left the boy shaking and gasping for air. Wally reached out slowly not wanting to get the boy more worked up. Wally placed his hand gently on Robin's shoulder. At first the boy tensed then slowly he began to calm down breathing evened and his body relaxed.
"KF you came for me..." Robin whispered looking up at Wally almost with disbelief.
"Of course we did." Wally said pulling Robin into a hug. "I am sorry we didn't come sooner."
Kaldur stood outside the door to Robin's bedroom. The team had decided to relocate Robin into his own room where it may feel more comfortable that the white cold infirmary. Kaldur glanced into the small boy's room and noticed that other than a few things that Robin regularly used the room didn't have any personal decorations at all. The only pictures that Robin had playing on his digital photo frame are the photos of him as Robin with the team. Kaldur stepped into Robin's room quietly as not to disturb the sleeping boy. The Atlantean can't help but feel like he was invading what was left of Robin's privacy. Wally had warned them about the Robin's reaction to being called Dick. Keeping his identity a secret must have meant a lot to the boy if torture and mind alterations only made Robin abandon his real identity and hold on to his alias. Kaldur settled down on the chair left at Robin's bedside. He watched the boy sleep, even in drug induced sleep the poor boy didn't seem peaceful. Batman has tried various treatments, some worked better than others, but the effects all just seemed to be only temporary. The boy still had to be sedated every night to sleep. Even though they had only been a team for a few months before Robin was taken, Kaldur and the rest of the team have come to care about Robin like their own little brother. The guilt that Kaldur felt since the day he made the call to leave Robin behind has never left him. Although tactically it was the best thing to do and Robin knew that as well, but just because it was the right decision didn't mean he didn't feel bad about the consequences. It just wasn't fair that the boy of their group has to suffer all of the consequences to save them.
"You are thinking." Robin's voice brought Kaldur out of his thoughts and he found himself looking into Robin's baby blue eyes.
"Did I wake you?" Kaldur asked.
"Guilty. Regret. Remorse." Robin said his expression unchanged. Kaldur's heart leapt to his throat, perhaps the boy does blame him. Robin looked away but kept talking. "Can't go back. Can't take Robin's place. Too late."
"Robin… I am…" Kaldur begin but the boy looked back at him with a look so intense he stopped.
"Don't. Sacrifices need to be made in battle." Robin said softly. "Had to tell you while there is silence, some semblance of clarity. While I am still normal, functioning." Robin squeezed his eyes shut his hand holding his head obviously in pain. Kaldur reached for the sedative that Batman that showed them all how to administer but a hand caught his. Kaldur looked back at the blue eyes that seemed to stare into his soul. "I don't blame you, but if it makes you feel better. I forgive you."
The next few days all of them got an opportunity to see Robin awake and calm between periods of time when the boy was sedated. That is all except Megan. As much as she wanted to go see Robin she was terrified. The darkness, chaos and pain that is there lying under the surface was terrifying for Megan. She had only experienced it for a brief moment back at the lab but it was so overwhelming she doesn't know if she could handle it.
"Ma'gan, what is wrong I sense a great sadness coming from you." Megan felt the comforting presence in her mind.
"Uncle Jon! I don't know what to do!" Megan cried. "My friend is suffering and I can't even be next to him to help him because I am too afraid to even get close to him."
"Ma'gan I know you are afraid, but you are probably the one person who can help Robin the most right now. Batman has asked me to come as soon as possible but I am tied up right now and I won't be able to make it there for a few more weeks. You must keep yourself steady to help stabilize Robin. You may see some terrifying things but just remember that nothing in his mind can hurt you." Megan took a deep breath as she feel her uncle's presence leave. If only it was as easy as her uncle made it sound.
"Megan!" Wally cried suddenly bursting into Megan's room. "You have to come quick! Its Robin!" Rather than explaining what was going on Wally grabbed the girl's hand and raced towards the infirmary. The moment they arrived Megan could tell something was very wrong. Robin was convulsing on the infirmary bed and all the monitors he was hooked up to beeped and whined with urgency. She noticed that Kaldur had cuts on him and Conner's shirt was slashed as well.
"What happened?" Megan cried.
"He had a bad reaction to the treatment." Wally said weakly, "He began attacking Conner with a kitchen knife. It took two of them to restrain him." As Megan was digesting the information Batman left Robin's side and came to her.
"You need to help him." Batman said almost pleadingly. "His body is reacting poorly to the mental stress he is suffering. His body is shutting down and unless we can calm his mind down he could die. Ma'gan you are the only one that can reach him now."
"But I..." Megan was horrified of entering Robin's mind, but could she really just stand there and do nothing watching Robin die? Megan bit her lips nervously as she walked towards Robin. Already she could feel the chaos of emotions and pain. Hesitantly she took Robin's small hand in her's and closed her eyes.
"Focus on finding Robin." Batman's voice kept her steady as she was about to get swept away at the multitude of images flashing before her, too fast for her to make sense of it. She focused on Robin and all of a sudden the images, thoughts and feeling were all gone. Megan found herself in a large circus tent all is quiet but Megan could hear crying. As Megan pushed past layers of draping tent fabric she found herself in a large clearing, in the center a little boy no older than eight was sobbing hugging his knees close to him, next to him was a man and a woman lying there broken, dead.
"Robin?" Megan tried as she got closer. The boy doesn't look up. "Richard?" Megan tried and the little boy looked up at her with teary blue eyes.
"They are dead because I didn't warn them." The boy sobbed. "I tried I really did! Mommy! Daddy! Wake up! I don't want to be here alone!" Megan's heart broke. Deep down inside Robin was just a scared and lonely little boy, a little boy he hid locked away in the depths of his mind. Megan dropped to he knees by the little boy and pulled him close.
"Its okay Dick. You are not alone. We are all here for you." Megan said showing the boy a image of all his friends looking worried at his bedside.
"Those are lies Robin." A man in a lab coat with thick glasses said appearing in the tent. "You can hear what they think, feel what they feel. You know the truth. She is afraid of you."
"Who are you?" Megan demanded standing up placing Dick behind her.
"They are all afraid of you. You attacked them." The man continued ignoring Megan. "They are right to be afraid you are a weapon. My weapon."
At this the circus tent was gone, Dick was gone, Robin stood in his uniform behind her, all the thoughts and emotions came pouring back in making it hard to think. The Robin behind her began screaming in pain.
"Stop it!" Megan yelled at the man. "Stop you are killing him!" She launched forward to try and punch the man but her fist went right through the man dissipated like a cloud of smoke. Megan picked herself up and walked up to Robin who was doubled over clutching his head and Megan pulled the boy into his arms.
"It's okay. He is gone now. You are safe. Just focus on my voice, let the rest go. Robin. Follow my voice and come back to us." The screaming stopped and everything else stopped too. Robin look up at her tears streaming down his face beneath his mask.
"I didn't want to hurt them... I didn't..." Robin cried, "I tried to stop but I couldn't..."
"Shhh, I know." Megan said soothingly. "And they know that too." Megan didn't know how long he held the younger boy for before he began drifting off to sleep.
"So lost can't find my way..." Robin murmured on the edge of sleep. Megan affectionately brushed Robin's lose locks out of his face.
"You have fought hard enough. Just hang on. We will come find you. We will find a way to make this all right again."
As Robin fell asleep Megan found herself drop out of Robin's mind. She opened her eyes and released Robin's hand only to feel a rush of fatigue and collapse into Wally's arms.
"Megan you okay?" Wally asked worriedly. Megan nodded. She could feel the tears on her face but she was too tired to wipe them away.
"Robin?" Megan managed to ask.
"He is stable." Batman replied looking down at Megan with a relieved smile. "Thank you." Megan smiled back. With one tired glance over at Robin Megan allowed sleep to take her.