Title: Rain
date written: 11-07-06
Warning: ANGST. Lots and lots of (pointless) angst. So much that I'm still not sure if posting it is a good idea. So, yes. If you don't like angst, don't read it.
The rain fell, rivulets of molten silver carving their way across his body, through his flesh.
He shivered and drew his arms around himself, wishing somehow that he could keep out the rain, even though right now there was nowhere else he'd rather be than here. Somehow the icy droplets seemed appropriate. He'd never felt so broken, so desperate, so angry, and so calm all at the same time. The whirling torrent of freezing water cascading down on him, searing through him, seemed to pin him to that spot like the unrelenting needles that pin a butterfly under glass.
They'd fought today. They fought often, but today was different than the usual bickering and snide remarks. Today there had been confessions. Things they hated, things they assumed, things they craved, fears, lies, truths, loves, all had been exposed, bare for the world to see. Everything had been admitted, examined, and concluded.
And Yuushi had walked away.
Gakuto hadn't known what to think as his partner turned from him and the rain began to fall. All thoughts had been immediately curtailed and his mind shut down, leaving him capable of only staring, empty, as the cold soaked through his clothes and into his bones. He had followed, automatically, although Yuushi had never once turned around, never made any indication that he knew Gakuto was there, or that he cared. Gakuto hadn't done anything to announce himself, either. He hadn't demanded an explanation, as he should have, or thrown a tantrum, as was probably expected of him, or screamed, like he wanted to. He only followed, wondering vaguely where the end to it all would be.
He was still there now, crouched on the sidewalk, knees pulled up to his chest, leaning against the wall outside Yuushi's house and waiting.
He wasn't sure what he was waiting for.
Yuushi hadn't said anything to him as he walked away, he simply turned and left. Gakuto wasn't sure what he had expected, but he had expected more than silence. He had tried not to hope for much, had tried not to hope for anything at all, but hope was a tricky thing that hid in the dark corners of the mind, known to no one. Hope was there, whether he wanted it or not, and it was the fault of that hope that he was reduced to this state.
He felt numb. He wasn't sure if it was because of the rain or the situation, but he could no longer feel his fingers, and his whole body felt heavy.
He was still waiting, though. Maybe he was waiting for that explanation, or an apology, or one final rejection that would send him on his way. Maybe he was waiting until Yuushi wanted to talk to him again, or until he changed his mind. Perhaps he was simply waiting for the rain to seep through him and wash away his pain.
He would wait. He would wait until there was a change. He would stay there as long as he needed to, until the next step came, whatever that would be. It might be a long time in coming, but he was more patient than most people believed, and had no other purpose now.
Gakuto hugged his knees closer and, waiting, watched as the rain melted the world away.