A/N: I'm so sorry this took forever, my new school stuff totally kicked my ass and left me floundering plus evil illness has had me going to bed at tea time for the last week. also god i'm sorry but this is really long as a chapter! Also also! there should be another chapter up like, tomorrow to make up for my absent posting! *hearts*

Being a doctor is like no other profession Lucas has ever known. He would imagine it's close to teaching in some ways; you're responsible for someone else's well being, if physical rather than mental of course and you've got a whole lot of authority over everyone in a room at any given time. But more than that you're someone people look up to, someone whose word is pretty much taken as law. It's why he can't understand why anyone goes into teaching or medicine for the money or the good holidays; it's total bullshit. You don't become a good doctor because you like the idea of a nice glass desk and you can see yourself dropping into operating rooms and saving the day doing a procedure you've never done before but magically know how to do in twenty five seconds. You don't get to spend all your time flirting with hot interns in elevators because you're just so awesome your hair always miraculously looks that damn good and you've forgotten that oh yeah, the white coat technically means you're supposed to be acting like a professional. Yes he's admitting here that he has, on occasion, watched Grey's Anatomy. He broke his leg three years ago (long story involving sand dunes and JB being convinced they could totally flip a jeep off one of them and land on another- you can't) and spent some time staring incredulously at the show and how hilariously wrong they've got it.

It's so much messier than you can imagine, it's challenging and invigorating and you don't have time to stand around for twenty minutes at a time delivering long, if inspiring, speeches. You're there because you want to make a difference, you want to be that cliché and "help people" and he couldn't give a fuck if people think that's lame because he knows he does. It's what kept him going through a lot of dark and difficult nights in the desert, collapsing on his knees in the sand after a gruelling surgery, that he has saved lives, lots of them.

Oh and by the way, you do not ever, ever, go back to work in a hospital if you're suffering from PTSD; it's just common sense man.

"Newbie!" Lucas was greeted with an armful of Chris Keller and a beer being pushed into his hands as he walked into Reid's, still buzzing from his conversation with Peyton.

He laughed, "you know normally I'm used to getting a lapful of someone in a pretty dress with a pretty face, but I guess if I squint-"

Chris threw his head back laughing, trying to punch him on the shoulder and missing by a mile; Lucas didn't even need to reflexively twist to the side but hey, instincts and all. "Fuck off Scott- you don't get to be all sacarstic- sac- sarc- sarcastic tonight, tonight the drinks are on me!"

There was a cheer from behind them and Lucas ducked his head around Chris's arm to take in the crowd of hospital staff all beaming at him.

"Drink newbie," Chris demanded, thrusting the beer further into his face, "all of it, now!"

Well he was never one to turn down a free drink or ignore an order and so he grinned around the bottle and downed it in one.

"Yes! A man after my own heart," Chris cheered before throwing an arm over his shoulder, "come- I think the bar with more alcohol is this way!"

Lucas chuckled and easily took Chris's weight as they moved through the throng of people as his colleague rambled the whole way. "You know I really appreciate you standing up for me and all but if you think this means I'm gonna like, fall in love with you or anything you're sorely mistook- mistake- mistaken!"

"Aw shucks, and here I was hoping you were gonna fall into my arms-" Lucas raised an eyebrow at Chris's current position, leaning on him heavily and Chris laughed again.

"You're a quickie one Lucas Scott."

"So I've heard," he said lightly.

There were some familiar faces to greet as he made his way to the bar, Brooke and Jake, heads bent together in conversation both looked up to wave, Jorja and Marg both grinned as he went past and Haley was right in front of him when he arranged Chris on a stool at the bar. He swallowed his disappointment at not spotting Peyton and smiled at the pretty social worker, after all, she was fairly hot herself.

"Hey," he sat down next to her, leaning casually on the bar.

"Hey yourself," Haley lifted her beer and beamed at him, "nobody got hurt playing this afternoon then?"

He laughed, "what gave it away? All my limbs still being attached?"

"Damn right, Peyt's very protective of her patients."

"I know," he said seriously, "I respect that, I respect all of you."

She gave him a fond look, "I got that Luke."

They chatted for a while and Lucas began to wonder whether it was worth trying to make a move. Ok so in the negatives column, she was a colleague, she was Peyton's friend, she probably, no wait- definitely- had more class than him and oh yeah, he had feelings for Peyton... He took another sip of beer, watching Haley talk animatedly about cereal, or serials or, shit something, he wasn't really listening.

He blinked hard, trying to renew his focus, maybe he should be at least trying to listen...

...But on the positives; Haley was pretty damn hot, she was cute and funny and smart and she was interesting- well- he was pretty sure she was interesting and hey you can't judge him, it had been freaking weeks since he'd gotten any.

And Sawyer clearly wasn't putting out anytime soon because well, she'd probably rather stick needles in her eyes than spend more time than was absolutely necessary with him, let alone have naked fun times with him.

Or she'd stick needles in his eyes. He suspected she'd probably take quite a lot of glee from that.

Damn she was feisty.

"Lucas?"

He froze, shit, he plastered a smile on his face and looked down at Haley, "I'm sorry, just thinking about a case."

Haley shrugged, pulling her bag off the counter, "no biggie, I zone out all the time thinking about work." She smiled sweetly at him, "anyway I gotta get home-"

"I can take you if you want, you know, you don't know what could be out there lurking in the dark," he offered quickly, not his smoothest line ever but come on, he was just a bit out of practice ok?

"Thanks," Haley said softly, "but I'm good."

"You sure?"

She smiled suddenly, her eyes dancing with amusement, "look, I mean this in the nicest way possible Lucas but even if you weren't hitting on me purely because Peyton wasn't here, you wouldn't have a shot in hell."

Well that was... new. That just, didn't happen.

He actually didn't have words.

"You know I can be quite charming, you haven't even seen my A-game," he said finally, struggling to sound as confident as ever. It wasn't like his score sheet had a success rate of a hundred percent but a total shoot down was freaking rare.

Haley smirked, "you're not really my type."

Lyyyyying. He was everybody's type. He ignored the voice in his head that pointed out he was yet to become Peyton Sawyer's type but hell he was going to work on that.

"Oh, uh, ok?"

She laughed, "dude your face, it's like someone just told you women sometimes fake it, and yes even with you."

He scoffed, "well that's just not true"

"You're right, of course," she leant towards him as she stood up, "I'm totally covering up the fact that secretly I want you, just like I secretly want Keller."

"Someone say my name?" Chris appeared, attempting to thrown an arm over Luke's shoulder, missing and smacking it down on the bar, "woah, ouch!" He stared at his hand in shock for a moment and then slowly flexed fingers, "phewwwwwww! No damage done, we're cool. So yeah, uh- what were we talking about?"

"You," Haley said drily, "we're always talking about you sweetie."

"Well of course," he grinned at her, winking (blinking) in her direction, "when you gonna dump that Morgan and go out with me Hales?"

Haley pretended to consider while Lucas turned to look at her in surprise, "you already have a boyfriend? How come it never came up?"

Chris began to laugh hysterically beside him, falling over his own feet as he stumbled around, "because duh-" he tripped on the bar stool and landed on the floor, "woah- that was close," he looked up at them, "did I get you?"

"You don't have a drink dude."

"What? Well why not? Get me one!"

Lucas helped him up, "why don't we get you a cab instead?"

"Sorry Luke- haven't had enough juice to go that far just yet."

Haley broke into laughter again and Lucas scowled, "would everyone stop thinking I'm hitting on them tonight?"

Chris groaned suddenly and rubbed his forehead, "oh shit, I think I'm gonna be sick."

"Sorry Luke," Haley patted his shoulder sympathetically, "at least you get to go home with one of the prettiest girls in the bar after all."

"Oy you shhushh up ok?"

"That made no sense Chris," Haley nodded as the door at the bar opened, "that's my ride. Good luck Luke," she reached over the bar, smiling at the bar guy and handed Chris a plastic cup, "drink this before you go anywhere. Don't worry, I won't tell Peyton about our conversation."

"Ha ha, hey how come everyone but me gets to call her Peyton?"

"Well I can't vouch for everyone else but she likes me so... See you tomorrow!"

He couldn't argue with that. Damn it.

Chris waved a limp hand and Lucas turned in the direction Haley was headed, "damn who's Haley's ride?"

"The reason you'll never be able to sleep with her?"

"Holy shit!"

"What, you see your own face in a mirror?"

Lucas snorted and elbowed him, "dude you were too drunk to form sentences five seconds ago and now you're being a bitch to me?"

"You're a big boy, you can take it," Chris pointed towards the door, "now take me home!"

"You are not serious Nathan Scott."

"Baby- it was just a suggestion-"

"Absolutely not, god you are the most ridiculously foolish person in this place!"

"Rachel-"

"If the next words out of your mouth are anything along the lines of I just thought it would be fun or I wanted to try something new I swear you are sleeping on the floor with Sethular tonight!"

Lucas blinked, lowering his coffee as he made his way into the cafeteria. It was late and he was exhausted, ready to hit the on call room mattress like it was made of feathers instead of cheap wire wool (he could and would sleep anywhere- Rachel's bathtub would attest to that). But in the middle of the room his brother and his wife seemed to be about to enact a possible version of World War III and he lowered himself into the nearest available seat, trying not to wish he had popcorn available.

"S'goin' on?" He muttered to Brooke who had a pile of charts in front of her but was leaning over them to stare at Rachel and Nathan.

"Nathan was talking about motorbikes with Chris- mentioned he'd tested a couple out- Rach had just finished surgery and overheard. They've been at it for twenty five minutes." She passed him a bag of gummi worms and he beamed at her; she was officially his favourite person.

Peyton appeared looking sleepy and wearing an oversized Raven's Hoodie that made his gut clench. He knew it was Nate's but damn she'd look better in his. Ok, so Brooke was kind of running in a not so close second for favourite.

"You paged Rach," she croaked, scratching her head sleepily. Rachel turned to fill her best friend in, waving her arms around dramatically whilst Peyton blinked a lot and tried to look like she understood what was happening.

"How is it that even in crappy lighting and at one in the morning she still looks like she could model for Prada," Brooke hissed from beside him, "I officially hate her."

He chuckled, "no you don't."

"You're right," she sighed dramatically, "but I am jealous of her hair."

Lucas frowned and glanced at Brooke's own shiny dark hair, "why? Yours is fine."

"Yeah but it sure as hell doesn't look like that when I've just rolled out of one of the damn on call beds."

He tried not to think too much about Peyton rolling out of any bed and glanced back at his family. His family, heh, what a group.

Brooke was right though, Peyton did always look beautiful, and she had pretty damn good hair. And excellent legs. And such a radiant smile when she actually showed it (for those keeping count he'd seen it four times, twice on the ward, once at Rachel and the one brief shining moment when she had directed it at him.)

But more than that she always looked put together, prepared for any crisis, smoothly in charge of any situation without ever putting a hair out of place. He kind of wanted to see her rumpled up, hair ruffled and clothes askew...

"You know what we call motorcyclists Nathan- organ donors!"

Oh shit, he'd forgotten he was in public. He shifted uneasily and tried to think about Nathan and Rachel making out... there it was, problem solved.

"I'm not a child Rach- I'm not stupid."

"Well you could have fooled me!"

"Maybe you guys should do this some other time," Peyton was saying softly. She hadn't noticed Lucas, or at least, hadn't acknowledged his presence and he didn't try and change that; he liked seeing her like this, all sleepy and trying to be a pacifist for once.

"I'm not being irrational Peyt! I'm not! Have you seen the size of that damn thing?" Rachel rounded back on her husband, "I can't believe you!"

"You weren't supposed to find out this way Rach-"

"Oh so now you're lying to me? What else have you been lying about?"

"Ok, I'm going to pretend you didn't say that because you're running on no sleep and even less sugar because you know I've never lied to you."

"That's not the point! Were you ever going to mention it or was this stupid, underhand driving going to stay a secret you shared with Chris freaking Keller?"

"It- I-"

Lucas snorted; how Nate became a lawyer and ever managed to argue a case successfully was beyond him.

"I just, it was just really cool."

"Cool!" Rachel's voice reached ear splitting levels and Peyton placed a soothing hand on her arm.

"Rach sweetie shhhh!"

Rachel dropped down into the nearest chair suddenly and burst into tears, "god sometimes I feel like I am living with a twelve year old!"

"Do you think she'd notice if I took a picture?"

Brooke muffled a laugh, "I think she'd claw your eyes out."

"Dude, this is like the only time I've ever seen the less evil twin escape, it's monumental!"

She elbowed him and he groaned quietly, "uh, ouch."

"Shh, I am not missing this because you want to gloat over Rachel crying. Besides, she's kind of having a bad day already Luke."

He frowned, forgetting the melodramatics for a moment and turned to her, "it does seem a little out of character for Rachel to be creating such a scene- no wait," he grinned, "it's completely in character."

Brooke rolled her eyes, "oh honey you're just cross she's not cheering you on in your attempts to woo her best friend."

"What?" He spluttered and then sighed, "number one, remind me to kick Keller's ass later and number two, who even uses the word woo anymore?"

"Me! And Jake," she added softly.

"Aw, you got a crush Davis?"

The second elbow to his ribs was a lot sharper and he jerked away, "stop it!"

Brooke snorted, "quit being a girl wuss, I thought you army boys were supposed to be hard core."

He pretended to flex his arm muscles and grinned at her, "we are."

She rolled her eyes, "I am whelmed Scott."

"GET A HOTEL ROOM TONIGHT NATHAN!" Rachel shrieked suddenly before stalking out of the room and leaving Nathan looking very confused and a little bit amused.

"Do they do this a lot?"

"Not really, they're kind of the solid ones normally," Brooke frowned, "I guess it's just been a stressful few months what with Chloe this week and your dad and-" she paled, "oh god Luke I'm sorry, that was stupid-"

"It's fine," he said quickly, eyes following Peyton and Nathan out of the room.

"So you're..."

"I'm fine about it, I swear," he smiled quickly, "I'll see you later ok?"

Brooke didn't look convinced but smiled apologetically and waved him off. It wasn't like he didn't know that at some point he would have to sit down and talk about Dan; he just didn't want to right now. And ok, so maybe he wasn't entirely ready to open that can of worms either. Because talking about Dan would mean talking about his family, his childhood, and then his life after eighteen. Signing up, becoming a part of something that made him feel amazing, that gave him purpose, that developed a sense of pride in himself that he'd never had before. He'd been the cliché at school; the high school jock with no interest in bonding sincerely with anyone. The one who came into school with bruises on his face and covered up the shame by being as loud and as brash as possible. He had hated himself, loathed his life and resented the shiny, happy people around him who's biggest problems involved prom and what shade of pink would go best with lilac shoes.

Then the army happened, the medical training changed him and he fucking learnt from his experiences. He cared about the people he worked with, he cared about his patients and yes, he was a dick when he came home but could you blame him? Being thrown back into the life he had so despised, with Nathan staunchly trying to pretend nothing had ever been wrong for all those years? Oh yeah he'd done some not so charming stuff. On pain of death he could admit Rachel was fairly within her right to hate him. But he'd always gone back, always felt the searing heat of the desert and felt healed again. He could forget about the douche Lucas Scott he left at home and become Dr. Scott or even just Scott. The guy who spent hours sitting with his guys, feeding them, reading them the letters their own loving families sent them, helping them. And then he could go out on patrols, he could piss around with JB and the rest of the unit or struggle alongside them in battle. It had felt amazing, intense, significant.

And then Dan had died. Things had fallen apart both sides of the world and Lucas had found himself being tugged away from a bloody chest against his will, screaming his desire to stay, not a care about his own safety, his only desire to stay under that heavy fire, to stay and protect those who had saved him for so many years.

Ok so yeah, maybe he had some issues he would eventually have to talk out. But not with Brooke. Not with anyone from here with their special bond that he had seen and resented, missing his own so badly. He tapped on the cigarette carton and jogged up the stairs towards the roof.

He exhaled hard, feeling a little shaky, the way he always did after thinking, well, about that, and almost tripped over a figure sat hunched up on the stairs.

"Shit sorry-" he stopped as he noticed who it was, "Doctor Sawyer?"

She didn't reply for a moment, staring at her hands and he bent closer, looking at her carefully, "Peyton?" He finally said softly.

Peyton started and straightened up quickly, smoothing her hair out and wiping at her face, "oh, Doctor Scott, I'm sorry, was I in the way?"

"No," he said gently, "but you kinda seemed a bit out of it, you ok?"

"Of course," she gave him a strained smile, "I'm fine."

That word seemed to be going around.

He stepped back down to stand in front of her, "you sure?"

She lifted her eyes up to him and he was caught off guard by just how vulnerable she looked. There was a beat as they stared at one another, breath intermingling with just how close they were and he noticed her breathing change as they continued to lock eyes.

Finally she looked down, "it's been a long day," she whispered.

He sat down next to her, twining his fingers together in his lap, "what happened?"

He could almost see the internal battle going on in her head; to talk to the only guy in the place who didn't think she was the invincible Dr Sawyer (but then of course she'd be admitting he knew her and that wasn't part of the plan) OR to brush it off and go on, sitting on the stairs, staring at the taupe wall.

Taupe? How the fuck had he even noticed they were taupe?

Man he was even thinking like her.

He gave her another minute, knowing she wouldn't be rushed and was finally rewarded when she sighed heavily and licked her lips.

Nathan naked. Nathan naked. Nathan naked.

"Do you know Dr Cabot?"

He nodded stiffly and then tried to relax, "yeah, chick's like second in command right?"

Peyton snorted, presumably over his use of the word chick but didn't say anything. Jesus it must be bad.

"She wants me to be Head of Paediatrics."

He blinked, "uh, ok, isn't that like, amazing?"

"Yeah it is," she sad softly.

"Then what's the problem?"

"What's the problem?" Her voice rose an octave and oh god he was gonna get a rant, a long one probably.

"The problem is that Nathan's having a mini mid life crisis because his dad died and his wife couldn't save him and his brother just rolled back into town and thinks the world should just tilt to fit around his axis instead of the sun! And my best friend has a patient upstairs who's gonna die if we don't figure out a way to fix her heart and yet Rachel has zero confidence because of what happened with Dan and Cabot wants me to become Head of Paeds? I can't even look after my own family! I already have less than zero time to keep tabs on my patients, to ensure they have everything they need and that they stay alive! I have three interns tripping over their own feet to try and get procedures but what they haven't realised is that what will get them far around here is knowing patients names, being willing to sit with a kid all night because she can't sleep in the dark without her mom. And I can't teach that stuff if I'm Head of Paeds- I'll have to get political! And I hate politics."

He blinked. A lot. And then shrugged, "so screw being Head of Paeds, you don't want it? Don't take it."

Peyton deflated and turned to look at him, "are you serious? Cabot is my freaking hero, I can't tell her no!"

He half smiled because Peyton admitting she looked up to someone was, he tried to searching for a word that wouldn't make him sound like a total girl and failed, oh hell it was adorable.

"Don't you think you would respect your interns more if they gave you their own opinions rather than just spouted back what you've told them in the past? Wouldn't they impress you more if they had spines? You wouldn't have done so well in such a short space of time if Cabot didn't already see something great in you- prove to her she's not wrong. Tell her what you want rather than what you think she wants to hear."

Peyton stared at him, her beautiful green eyes wide and surprised.

He frowned slightly, "what?"

"Nothing," she smiled faintly, "it's just that, that all made sense and not in a creepy 'I'm trying to tell you I can see down to your soul' kind of way, just in a normal, advice giving kind of way."

"Ah," he smirked, "so wait, are you telling me I'm being helpful for once?"

She laughed and punched his arm and holy shit did Peyton Sawyer just jokingly punch his arm?

"When you're being sincere sure."

"I'm always sincere!"

"Pfft yeah."

"I am with you," he said seriously and her smile faded as she looked at him. She scuffed her feet on the stairs and he wondered at how young she looked for a brief second, feet swinging nervously as she twisted them back up underneath herself.

"Why?"

He blinked, "why what?"

"Well why me? I mean, yeah sure I'm aware I'm not hideous to look at or anything but then neither are any of the female staff in this hospital. I've barely exchanged two pleasant words with you. Why are you treating me like I'm special or something?"

"Oh," he let his grin stretch his face, "but you are the only one to make me feel special with all the horrifying anger you put me through Doctor Sawyer."

She laughed, "don't let it go to your head Lucas, I'm just like that with everyone." His eyes widened and she flushed, "what?"

"Are we finally on a first name basis?"

There was a pause and he cursed himself for pointing her informality out, now she was going to go back to being all psycho, stiff and cold on him again-

"We can be friends on ocassion I suppose," Peyton interrupted his thoughts, her tone sounding amused and almost fond.

He lifted an eyebrow in surprise and then tilted his head slightly, taking in just how close they were once again, the vivid colour of her eyes, the nearness of her mouth and- and holy shit was she waiting for him to kiss her?

Without waiting for his brain to catch up he leant forward suddenly and crushed their mouths together.

Peyton let out a noise of surprise in the back of her throat and then to his utmost surprise, began to kiss him back. He lifted his hands up to cup her face, leaning her backwards into the wall as her arms came up around his shoulders, her slender fingers threading through his hair. It felt completely surrel and yet it was one of, if not the, best kisses of his life. He could feel one of her feet tracing patterns along his calf and her mouth was welcoming and warm and oh so good. There was heat everywhere and it felt like the electricity that had been building between them had caught fire to something and was burning bright blue flames, pushing them on, captivating him, making him wind his hand around the stupid Raven's hoodie she wearing and brush against soft, smooth skin that led to her shivering against him.

He groaned and that seemed to be his down fall because suddenly Peyton jerked away from him. She was breathless and her hair was wild from where one of his hands had been pushing it away from her face. She struggled to stand and he knew he was gonna be taking both the mental image of her looking oh so sexily ruffled away with him and a seriously angry telling off right now.

"We did not just do that," she said sharply.

"We did," he corrected, feeling a surge of bravery, there was no way it was just a one sided thing here, she definitely felt something. Maybe she had all along, he didn't know, he had to know, "there's not even the slightest argument for you to even pretend like you didn't want to do that."

He stood, stepping into her space and she backed away, eyes darting to anywhere but his face as she shook her head, "I don't do this. I can't do this."

"Why the hell not?"

"I'm sorry," she said, her eyes almsot pleading as she finally met his, "I just can't."

"Peyton-"

"Doctor Scott," she cut in sharply and ah yes, there it was, Peyton Sawyer back to normal, all traces of vulnerability and gentleness disappearing before him. He regretted having to watch it happen but at the same time, he couldn't resist looking at her, at all versions of her. "This was a mental abberation," she said quickly, as she looked down at her silent pager, "I have to go."

He moved to the side, stopping her from leaving through the doors he'd entered what felt like hours ago, "don't do this," he said urgently, "I know you're-"

"You don't know anything," she hissed, "let me pass, please."

Lucas sighed and moved out of the way and within a heartbeat she was gone, the door swinging, leaving him standing alone in the stairwell. He squared his shoulders as he climbed the stairs, she was going to be mean tomorrow.