I'm sorry, I was a little ambitious about getting well and posting, I apologise if it's frustrating waiting. And I don't want to post anything less than exactly what I want so... But here we are, thank you guys for being patient.

Also, this one is a bit angsty but ya know, it wouldn't be LP without a bit. lil bit.

Some people hate their birthday. The attention, the way every problem you've got happening on the other three hundred and sixty four days magically fade for twenty four hours and then rears their ugly heads when you're still hung over and surrounded by wrapping paper the day after. The weird feeling that the day isn't exactly real; it's a pretend, shiny, happy day that past the age of twelve you just can't force yourself to believe in anymore. So ultimately it ends up like every other day with you and the people who love you trying to pretend it's not because yay, however many years ago, you were born.

At least. That's how some people might see their birthday; a big, disastrous, shiny disappointment.

Every year whilst Peyton was growing up it was tradition that on her birthday she and her dad would go to this crappy little carnival on the edge of town and he would always buy her a red balloon. She can remember every visit in almost painful detail; the smell of cheap candyfloss and hot dogs, the bright lights flickering all around her as she clung tightly to her dad's hand, the sleepy safe feeling she always had driving home, tucked up under a blanket while her dad hummed along to whatever radio station was playing. Once he was gone Rachel almost silently picked up the tradition, bringing her a balloon wherever they were, school, college, even the hospital, it was always there when she woke up. She lived with Rachel from the age of nine so it's not like the idea of her best friend creeping around her room whilst she slept was awkward- Rachel only ever had to get out of bed, tiptoe across the room and put in down beside Peyton's own bed. It's a gesture she really appreciates it because it's so very them. They don't need to sit down and have long, painful conversations about what used to be way back when, something happens, they deal with it, adapt to it and move on. That's not to say that there aren't ever emotional breakdowns or moments when they've just had to jump in the car and get the fuck out of town for a bit but they always come back, they always push forward. They celebrate their birthdays any way they can.

This morning there was a bright red balloon attached to Peyton's cherry tree, floating against her window as she pushed back the curtains. She smiled faintly, chuckling and shaking her head before grabbing her phone and holding two down, "you're a step away from being a stalker red."

Rachel snorted on the end of the line, "and a happy birthday to you my sweet best friend. How's the day treating you so far old lady blue?"

"Oh ha ha, I'm younger than you."

"No no no, I'm only twenty nine point two remember? I never get old!"

"You're old, I'm old, we're all old and Cabot wants me to head up Paeds. How are you?"

"What?" Rachel's voice exploded down the line, "hold on, I'm coming over."

Peyton laughed as her friend hung up and she watched as Rachel appeared from the house across the road, hair in a thick plait down her back and Nathan's old basketball jersey swamping her tiny frame. Seconds later she was running up Peyton's stairs and burst into the bedroom, "you got offered head of Paeds? Peyton that's amazing!" She dropped down onto the bed and tucked her feet under the covers before turning to face her friend from where Peyton was still standing at the window, "and why are we turning it down?"

Peyton let out an amused huff and sank down beside her, curling up with Cas before meeting Rachel's eyes, "I don't want to not know my patients anymore."

Rachel nodded, messing with Peyton's hair before sitting up, "that's a fair reason. Did you do your wall last night?"

"Oh," she blushed suddenly and squirmed on the bed, "I uh, was a bit distracted."

"Oh god," Rachel groaned, "did you sleep with Keller? Wait! Did you sleep with Lucas?"

"What? Ew no, and no again."

Rachel shrugged, "they were my go to Peyton- gets- distracted- and- does- something- stupid panic responses."

"Last time it was did I take Julian back- how come Keller and Lucas are in the mix now?"

"Keller because he seems to have been growing on you recently and Lucas because duh," her friend fixed her with a look and arched an eyebrow, "you've been looking at him with bloody hearts in your eyes."

"Gross."

"You know what I mean. And you're avoiding the point."

"I am not! I did not sleep with Lucas. And it's my birthday- can we save the interrogation until tomorrow?"

Her friend's eyes narrowed and then finally she shrugged again, "fine, whatever you want birthday girl. You want coffee?"

Peyton nodded, "mhm? And pancakes?"

"Oh, so now I'm your slave?"

"Birthday!"

Rachel scoffed and rolled off the bed, "fine, come on then lazy bones, work in half an hour."

"Do we have to go to work today? Couldn't we like... stay home?"

Rachel stopped at the door, slowly turning on the spot and Peyton immediately regretted saying anything. "What do you mean, stay home?"

"You know," she played with the hem of the duvet, "do fun stuff?"

"Surgery is our fun, blood and organs and nothing remotely domestic, why are you avoiding fun Peyton Elizabeth?"

"Um... birthday?"

"You already used that for pancakes! You only get one free pass."

"Ok fine, I may um... so I was stressing out last night about you and Nate and-"

"What? Why?"

"You were fighting and-"

"We had one difference in opinion Peyt."

"Yeah? Well your voice got like three octaves higher than it usually does red and it was in the middle of the cafeteria- I was freaked, I don't like to see you guys arguing."

"My voice is always weirdly high! Nathan and I are fine, he slept where he normally sleeps. And stop distracting me, why were you distracted and why can't we go to work today?"

"IkissedLucasinthestairwell. Ok!" Peyton swung her feet out of bed and began to move, "so shall I get the pancake mix?"

"You did what?"

"Ugh I told you we didn't need to talk about it today. Damn I hate my birthday," she muttered as an afterthought.

"Uh huh- don't you go guilt tripping me about the birthday thing, our birthdays are awesome and you seriously kissed Lucas? Wait-" Rachel shut her eyes tightly for a second, "am I still here? Am I naked? Because that would officially make this top five nightmare material."

"Rach! Not helping!" Peyton groaned and dropped back onto the bed, tugging the covers up over her head, "I can never go to work again."

"What? Don't be stupid Peyt, it was your hospital first!" Rachel paused, leaning on the door and considering her friend, "was it like- I mean- did you want it?"

Peyton hesitated, scrunching up her face, "do you want me to answer that?"

Rachel groaned, "oh god you don't even have to now!" She shook her head, rolling her eyes, "I should have known!"

"It's not like that-"

"Of course it is! You're my twin; of course you're bound to fall for a Scott boy!"

"I have not fallen for him."

"Pfft," Rachel snorted and disappeared from the room, "I knew it."

"No you didn't!"

"Did!"

After pouting and scowling at her best friend all through breakfast- who happily ignored her whilst gloating at the same time- Peyton reluctantly got dressed and followed Rachel out to the car.

"You're not allowed to ride with me," she said sulkily.

"Why? Are you gonna wind down the window and sing loud angry goth music to pretend you've not gone soft and gooey over Lucas?"

"I hate you."

"See? You can't even say it with any venom these days," Rachel let out a wistful sigh, "oh for the old days."

"Oh shut up! And why are you ok with this? I thought you hated Lucas."

Rachel smirked, something in her eyes filtering through and then disappearing- only Peyton who had known her for most of her existence was able to spot it- and snatched Peyton's keys out of her hand, "but you don't."

"Rach!"

"Honey, if you have feelings for him then who am I to stand in the way of true-"

"Don't!"

They continued bickering all the way to the hospital and into the elevator. If it helped keep Rachel from trying to get her to talk about her feelings then she was all for teasing her friend about her driving skills, her brief forray into purple eye shadow and the summer she dated Marvin McFadden- Peyton spent most of the two months dying of laughter.

"Can't even drive on the right side of the road-"

"-that was three years ago and you know I hate movie that have Ashton Kutcher in!"

"I didn't even see the warning- you act like I did it on purpose-"

"What was I even supposed to say? Your cousin was hitting on me at your wedding! In case you can't remember, I had quite a lot to do that day what with the massively neurotic bride running around!"

"-not even a natural blonde Peyton-"

"-not even a natural red head Rachel."

"Hello ladies, what are we arguing about and how can I offer to fix it?" Chris wiggled his eyebrows at them as he joined them on the second floor, messing with his Blackberry.

"We were wondering if you were going grey underneath all those highlights Keller."

Chris immediately reached to touch his finely quaffed hair and then scowled, "bitches."

"Don't be nosy then," Rachel retorted primly.

"Bossy," Peyton scoffed and Chris watched in horror as they began to gripe at one another once more, getting louder and louder as each floor passed by.

"You know what?" He stabbed at the numbers, "stupid of me really but I forgot, this is my floor."

"You don't work in gynaecology," Peyton said, frowning at him.

"Yeah uh-" he began to back out as they both turned to stare with their hands on their hips, "I um- I have an appointment, you know- check it's all working..." He made a gesture, "down there."

It seemed they were finally silenced by Chris's strange announcement but Peyton scowled as Rachel followed her onto the floor at the next stop, "why are you still here?"

"Birthday- we stick like glue," Rachel pouted, "it's tradition!"

"Yeah well I'm breaking with tradition! You keep talking about," Peyton lowered her voice to a whisper, "Lucas and I don't want to talk about him! Or see him! Ever!"

Of course just as she uttered the words Lucas practically fell out of the on call room in front of them, pulling on his scrubs shirt with his pager beeping shrilly from his hand. He did a double take as he glanced over at her and straightened up, walking over.

"Satan," he muttered, glowering at Rachel before turning to look at Peyton with much warmer eyes, "Peyton-"

"Wait Doctor Scott-" Dr Lively came running after him out of the on call room and stopped short in front of the three attendings, "oh Doctor Sawyer! I have those reports you asked for-"

Peyton held up a hand, still staring incredulously at the two blondes, "you can give them to me at rounds; which I believe you are late for Doctor Lively. Please see that you make it up to the paeds ward before I do. You have sixty seconds."

"Run stick," Rachel added, fluttering her hands at Lively.

Doctor Lively's eyes widened before she nodded, backing away from them quickly, mumbling apologies.

"They're so fun," Rachel mused.

"Yeah, hilarious," Peyton retorted drily.

"Peyton can we-" Lucas began again and then fell silent as she turned her eyes back to him, cold and furious.

"It's Doctor Sawyer, for the thousandth time! Please, just go back to doing your job and do try and act like you're a professional," she snapped as she glanced down at his ruffled clothes before stalking away.

Lucas made to follow her but Rachel was in front of him before he even took one step, "I swear to god the only reason I am not anaesthetising you right here and dragging you down to surgery to remove your heart is because I'm not wearing my scrubs yet."

"We weren't doing anything," he snapped back, gritting his teeth, "I was in there by myself until she came in about an hour ago looking for some advice on a damn surgery she has with Doctor Sawyer later."

"Whatever," she retorted, scowling at him, "you stay away from her Lucas. And to think maybe I was going to- whatever. I don't know what your deal is but you're no good for anyone right now; no matter who else you've managed to convince you're fine and dandy."

He caught hold of her arm before she could walk away and pulled her back towards him, "and what's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what it means Lucas," she yanked her arm away, "you might not be sharing why you came back with the class but I am only just holding my family together as it is and you don't get to sail on in here with your puppy dog eyes and screw with my best friend or my husband."

"Hey, I'm not the one who screwed up last year-"

"Don't," she interrupted sharply, "don't you even dare."

From her vantage point at the nurse's station Peyton watched the argument play out with Rachel's face going from fiercely protective (which by the way she loved her for) to hurt and angry all at once; it was kind of incredible the amount of emotions you could see flash through her friend's eyes. Lucas's face betrayed similar emotions and although some part of her (tiny, tiny ok?) cheered when he had snapped that nothing had been going on with the intern she still felt her hackles rise when he had brought up the events of last year... He really had no idea what had happened.

And it didn't matter how much she had wanted him to kiss her yesterday, or to kiss him back; this was not the place to be getting attached. Lucas was not the kind of guy you got attached to. He was way too reckless for her cautious guarded nature and she just knew she'd end up getting burned.

Which kind of sucked because he was... something indefinable that she couldn't help but be drawn to. She shoved her hand down on the stapler in front of her, jamming papers together and tossing them in the sign out box.

Now everyone was cross, herself included and it was only eight minutes past nine.

She was also freaking late for rounds.

Damn stupid birthdays.

"Happy Birthday!" Peyton jumped as she wandered onto the paeds floor several hours later and was greeted by a roomful of excitable patients, several nurses, Jake, Rachel and Brooke all grinning at her.

"Evil," she mouthed at Rachel who winked and clapped along with everybody else. She then mimed doing a shot, mouthed, "Nathan and me" and "later," at her. Peyton narrowed her eyes back, trying to keep a smile for the rest of the crowd at the same time.

"Doctor Sawyer, "Cabot approached her, smiling- which, from Peyton's point of view, looked kind of scary on her normally stern as hell face, like when the Great Whites are shown feeding on Shark Week and it's creepy and gross but strangely fascinating... Oh, yeah, Cabot was now frowning at her like she was a little bit crazy- back to business as usual, "do you have a minute later?" It was less of a question and more of a you will be free at some point for me and Peyton froze.

"Uh," she swallowed, trying not to look somewhere else and failing. Unfortunately her eyes met Lucas's across the ward and she did a double take; he was watching her intently- as if he actually cared about what answer she would eventually give to Cabot. She blinked and looked away; there was something way too intense in that gaze for her to handle right now.

"Doctor Sawyer?"

"I- yes of course. I have surgery but I'll be free by five?"

Cabot glanced at her watch and then nodded, "if we can make it half past?"

"Sure, absolutely," she smiled in what she hoped was an enthusiastic way and then watched Cabot leave with a sinking heart. When she glanced back towards Lucas he gave her a faint smile and she sighed inwardly; what, did he think they were back to being friends now? A moment of understanding and they were gonna start trading smiles?

She barely had time to answer her own brain's question when-

"P Sawyer!" Brooke dived at her and threw her arms around her neck, "I know you're normally all snarly and ew don't touch me but it's your birthday so I'm ignoring your usual rules."

She smirked, "funny how my birthday is all about you Brooke."

"Duh," the brunette rolled her eyes, dimpling at her, "come on, the girls have made you a banner."

"Ah it's amazing," she said honestly; it always made her happy when her patients were enthusiastic about something- her birthday included.

"How old are you Doctor Sawyer?" Leia said smiling toothily up at her.

She laughed, "definitely a lot older than you Leia!"

"Well I'm eight so durr!" It was amazing how an eight year olds eye roll could make her feel chastised; she met Brooke's eyes and chuckled.

"Oh, I forgot, cake!" Brooke announced, pushing a plate at her.

"Brooke, I'm allergic to cake."

"What?" Brooke wrinkled up her nose, "no you're not! I've seen you eat cake before. Now eat it because Jake made it and if you don't he'll get upset and I'll have to hurt you which really isn't fair because then I'll be the bitch who pinched the birthday girl."

Peyton smirked, "once again, enjoying the birthday love being all about me."

"Peyton-" Lucas had appeared from nowhere and she smiled tightly at him.

"Hello Doctor Scott."

"Peyton-"

"Do you have a hearing problem?" She cut in sharply, Brooke's eyes widened and she grabbed Peyton's plate before it got smashed into anyone's face and slipped over to hover by Ray, one of their newer patients.

"Do I have- what?"

"Obviously you've just answered my question so could you just excuse me for a millennium please?"

"You're-"

She ducked out of the room trying to smile brightly at all her little patients and cursing the freaking day Lucas Scott walked through those damn hospital doors and thought he could try and break her down and figure her out. She wasn't a puzzle for him to get out on a rainy day and try to sort through; she was freaking thirty one years old and she was her own person. If he thought he could start trying to muddle through her soul when she'd spent her entire adult life building it up then he had another thing coming.

"Peyton!"

"Quit calling me that," she shouted as she tried to make her way down the corridor to get as far away from him as possible. "And please leave me alone!"

"No," Lucas grabbed her hand and pulled her through the nearest door which unfortunately turned out to be a supply closet.

"Don't you manhandle me! Stop that- what the hell do you think you're doing?" She hissed at him as he pushed her into the closet and switched on the light.

"Why are you ignoring me?" He demanded, disregarding her first question.

"I'm not ignoring you; I'm treating you the same way I always have. In a professional manner."

"Well I don't appreciate it."

"You don't- you- excuse me?"

He crossed his arms over his chest, stepping in her way when she tried to exit the room, "I think it's rude and unprofessional of you to treat a colleague like this."

Her eyes widened incredulously, "are you serious? You fell out of an on call room this morning with one of my interns, an intern. The height of professionalism being demonstrated right there."

"Oh, so that bothered you?"

"It bothered me that she was late for rounds."

"Really? Because from where I was standing it seemed more like you were pissed at the idea of me and Blake being locked in an on call room together."

"It's Blake and I dumbass, god didn't you learn proper grammar when you were eight? And I don't care who you're in on call rooms with; as long as it's not one of my students."

"So you wouldn't mind if I went in there with Brooke?"

Her eyes flashed with something and he smirked triumphantly before groaning in surprise when she pushed her heel into his foot and pushed him aside. She paused at the door, "I've spent years ignoring sexual innuendo crap from Chris Keller and before that I was dealing with emotional baggage from a jackass that could quite possibly give even you a run for your money. I don't need this. I don't need you demanding reasons for why I'm trying to maintain a professional relationship with another doctor in the work place; you're acting like a spoilt child. We had one brief-"

"Look I'm gonna stop you right there," he said suddenly, leaning up close and nudging the door shut once more with his unbroken foot (she really hoped it would bruise, bastard). "Thing is Doctor Sawyer, you seem unable to stop your dramatic speeches where you shoot me down or give me an insight into the Sawyer- Gattina crazy train unless you're physically stopped so," he looked down at her intensely, "it was not a brief anything, it isn't a brief thing."

She exhaled hard, "I'm trying to work Lucas, please-"

"You're trying to push me away."

"No, you're not close enough for me to need to do that!"

"You're lying to yourself."

"No I'm not. Look, I don't know what you want from me but I'm not the person to give it to you. I work here, this is a hospital where I care for people; not the place I want to come to and create stupid romantic entanglements for myself. And on the one day I actually thought maybe people would let me do my own thing everyone has literally laughed in my face about it so can we just, not?"

She made to open the door once again and he scoffed, "what, so that's it?"

Her forehead really hurt later from thudding it against the door before turning, "you're kidding me right?"

"You're so used to people being scared of you and not saying no to you that when they actually try and show you how much they care about you- you get pissed?"

"That's not-"

"I mean you keep acting like this is something you don't want but you kissed me back!"

"Keep your voice down," she hissed crossly.

"This isn't about being professional or your career; this is just you keeping this emotional shit at bay. Well I got news for you Peyton Sawyer, I am not Julian Baker, I'm not looking to screw you over."

"Really?" She raised her eyebrows, slowly turning to face him completely, "so actually this is about you, reading deep down into my soul and telling me what you think I want."

"I think you have to give me a chance."

"But why? Why me?"

"Why you? What kind of question is that?"

She shook her head, smiling grimly, "and that's the problem."

"It's not the problem, I bet you've got a thousand more!"

"That's- that's not the point! Why are you going out of your way to get me to do something I've already clearly stated I can't handle? Correction, I don't want to handle it."

"But why not? And why not you? You're amazing."

"And you're basing that on what exactly? Nathan and Rachel's opinions?"

He scoffed, "yeah because I listen to everything they say."

She felt her temper rising and she took a step towards him, "don't think for one second anyone in this hospital will give you an inch of support if you're actually stupid enough to start a war with Rachel. You have no idea what we all went through last year because you were a thousand miles away and-"

"Doing a job."

"Regardless, you still came home which means deep down somewhere you obviously missed your family; why don't you work on the bridge you've tried to keep blazing for the last decade and fix that relationship rather than trying to fix me?"

"I'm not trying to fix you! Don't be ridiculous!"

"Wow. You know this is all really helping your argument about why I should be giving you anything more than my surgery schedule."

"No that's not what I-"

"Leave me alone Doctor Scott," she couldn't help but snap the words at him as her nerves frayed. Just looking at him with his stupid sincere blue eyes and confused frown made her think stupid things. She had no idea how they'd gone from arguing about kissing (totally not happening ever again despite the weird flip her stomach did every time she thought about it) to all out fighting but it was making her want to lie down with a cold compress eighteenth century style. She sighed, feeling the anger seep out of her, "please. Just- I don't know how to make it any clearer, this isn't what you think it is."

When she yanked the door open this time he didn't stop her. She ignored the twinge that really didn't feel like relief and began to make her way back down the corridor. And now she got to go do surgery and confess to her boss why she didn't want a promotion. Great.

Stupid, stupid birthdays.