Author's Note: Contains spoilers for "Whispers." Enjoy! ~lg

oOo

After his swim, Evan grabbed his final canvas and settled in his room to paint. He didn't want an audience for this. Like his painting of his dream lady, this one was private. Emotional. He hoped to remember more about the two boys from his dream as he painted, but he knew it was unlikely.

Who was he besides an artist and soldier? That question continually plagued him, and he struggled to hang on to his hope of remembering. Was it worth it? Was it worth the dreams and unanswered questions to maintain himself? Or should he simply give in and establish a life on Orenth?

Evan shook his head as he thought about the conversation he'd had with Kaela just the day before. After returning from Talgrom, he'd escaped to the beach to consider his options. He hadn't intended to go for a swim, and he'd been disappointed to find Kaela wandering the shoreline. Her feet were bare, and she lifted the hem of her skirt ever so slightly as she let the surf roll over her toes.

Evan had turned to leave her alone, but she'd seen him. Had invited him to walk with her. Not wanting to be rude, he'd agreed, and they'd strolled in silence. He ironically thought that Kaela was a nice girl, that she made a great friend. He didn't feel anything more than friendship for her, but he knew something could come between them if he'd allow it. Like always, his dream lady appeared in his mind, and he pushed her away. He had too much to think about today.

"You are troubled." Kaela said it like she knew the answers already but was prying for information.

Evan smiled and glanced down at his feet, where he still wore shoes. "Yeah, I am."

"Your memories?"

"Among other things."

She turned to him, her green eyes sparkling. "Can you tell me what you remember? Or would it be too painful?"

Evan had really looked at her then, seeing the curiosity mingled with attraction. This wasn't a woman blinded by her spinsterhood, though that loomed large in her mind. She truly wanted to know. He shrugged. "Well, I don't remember much."

She put a hand on his arm. "Just what you do remember."

"I'm a member of the military." He frowned, wishing his recovered memories weren't of violence. "We travel through the Ring, fighting the Wraith and other enemies." Evan blinked. Was the key to recovering his memories talking about them?

Kaela shook her head. "It must be exciting to travel to other worlds."

"I imagine so." He frowned. "Honestly, I don't remember all that much. Most of it is related to the war prisoners' camp and our escape." He suddenly smiled. "I do remember flying."

"Flying?"

"Yeah. In a device called. . . ." Evan nearly growled when him mind refused to supply the name.

Kaela didn't pester him about it but looked at the sky. "It must be wonderful to be so free."

He had followed her gaze, seeing a bird, and had agreed.

Now, in his room, he captured the two boys splashing in the ocean surf. Kaela was a great person to be around, and he had truly enjoyed their stroll along the beach. He had eventually turned the conversation to her and learned that she dreamed of opening her own soup kitchen for veterans of the civil war. But, more than that, she wanted to provide them with a safe place to heal from their experiences. Andren had apparently shared various heartbreaking stories with her, and she hoped to one day serve the veterans the way they'd served Talgrom.

Thinking back on the conversation, Evan readjusted his view of Kaela. He hadn't spent much time with her, but he'd automatically assumed that she was focused on marrying well and living a life of ease. After seeing her eyes light up and hearing her passion as she spoke, he realized that she'd developed into a woman of substance. One with whom he could be happy. His eyes left the painting of the two boys, and he stared at his dream lady. So, he had come to a choice.

A soft knock on his door interrupted his thoughts, and Evan moved to answer the summons. Andren stood on the other side. "I've just received word from Acton," the doctor whispered. "Maitland successfully infiltrated the refugees."

Evan nodded once, knowing that he still could not go to Culver with this information. "And. . .?"

"It seems they're the survivors of a plague that swept their world."

Evan's eyes narrowed, and he frowned. Something in that statement seemed incredibly familiar.

Andren caught the expression. "You have heard of this plague?"

Evan let out a frustrated sigh. "It sounds familiar, but I can't place it."

Andren nodded sympathetically. "Acton has promised to send word when Maitland learns more. Right now, the refugees are being kept in an outlying village. Culver has asked me to visit them. Would you care to accompany me?"

Evan's mind whirled. If he accompanied Andren, he'd have first-hand information to give to Culver about Maitland's whereabouts. However, Acton would know exactly who gave his operative away. He needed more, not just news that Culver's new army had been infiltrated by Derron's people. If, indeed, that's what Culver intended to do with these people. The more he learned about Culver, the less he liked the man.

Andren put a hand on Evan's shoulder. "I leave in two hours. Think about it."

Evan nodded and let the doctor leave, turning back to the half-finished painting of the two boys. His concentration had been shattered, and he cleaned his brushes as frustration mounted. He hated having his hands tied, and he knew it had happened more often than not. At times like this, he wanted to simply give up. Living without this frustration would make life so much easier, but he refused to quit.

Without knowing who he was, what was life? Evan shook his head at his own thoughts and prepared for his visit to the refugee hospital with Andren.

oOo

Jennifer had never been much of a drinker, and she was grateful she was on call tonight. Watching Cadman and Amelia nearly fall out of their chairs giggling told her that she'd already be passed out on the floor. Not to mention the inevitable hangover the other women would suffer in the morning.

Earlier that day, Cadman had breezed into the infirmary and all but ordered Jennifer to come to the girls' night out. She'd tried to get out of it, saying that she was on call since Colonel Sheppard and Dr. Beckett, newly returned from Earth, had left the city to assist Major Teldy's team. Cadman had merely shrugged and told her that she could be the "designated driver." Watching the women, Jennifer thought she'd need more than sobriety to help her get them back to their appropriate rooms when this was over. She'd need a gurney.

Cadman had managed to gather quite the group. She'd invited Jennifer, Teyla, Amelia, and several scientists from various departments. One of them, Susanna, worked with Rodney and eyed Jennifer hesitantly. News of Rodney's exit from the mess hall had swept the base, and everyone wondered exactly what had happened to put the physicist into such a horrible funk. Jennifer didn't wonder. She bore that responsibility, and she almost felt bad for Susanna. If Rodney had been as much of a bear as the gossip indicated, she'd likely taken the brunt of his anger. Though, based on her current condition, Jennifer doubted the woman cared too much. At the moment, Susanna lounged against the side of the bed in Cadman's guest quarters, a silly smile on her face as she drank yet another glass of Ruus wine. Teyla had already commented that she regretted bringing the wine at Cadman's request and now shared a sympathetic smile with Jennifer.

"Wha' didja do?" Amelia asked, her words more than a little slurred.

Cadman shrugged. "Enjoyed it!"

The two women dissolved into a fit of laughter yet again. Cadman had just finished telling Amelia about an intense make-out session with Chuck, the gate technician. Though, at the time as well as now, she'd been more than a little snockered.

Jennifer shook her head. Cadman had begun the evening with modest glasses of Ruus wine for everyone and plans for poker. It had devolved into a drinking contest soon enough. Jennifer wanted to leave, but she couldn't let these women pass out here. Though none of them would likely care. It just reminded her too much of her college days. A glance at her watch told her that it was probably time to go, and she let out a brief sigh. Hearing these women talk about their adventures with men did not add up to an enjoyable evening for Jennifer. Not in the least.

Apparently Teyla thought the same thing. She pushed to her feet. "I believe I will take my leave."

Jennifer jumped up. "Me, too."

Susanna set aside her empty cup and tried to stand. Instead, she stumbled over onto the bed and giggled along with Cadman and Amelia. Jennifer rolled her eyes in disgust. She did not understand how men found this kind of behavior attractive or amusing. As a doctor, she knew the damage these women had placed themselves into, though she'd been powerless to stop it. Or so she felt.

Teyla turned to Susanna. "Are you planning to leave with us, Doctor?"

Susanna nodded. "Yeah. An' name's Susanna." She stumbled as she took a step toward the door, and Teyla smoothly lifted one of her arms over her shoulder.

Cadman and Amelia waved. "Bye!" They dissolved into giggles again and frowned at the bottoms of their cups. Jennifer knew enough to know that she could not stop them from drinking if they didn't want to be stopped.

Out in the hall, Cadman's outrageous giggles faded into silence as Susanna tried to walk between Jennifer and Teyla. The two sober women exchanged glances. Teyla truly did not understand the attraction Cadman had to dangerous behavior, and Jennifer disdained the whole alcohol-induced-euphoria. She made plans to have hangover remedies ready first thing in the morning for the ladies and slipped one of Susanna's arms over her shoulders.

Susanna started talking when they reached crew quarters. "I know you don' un'erstan' why I did it."

Jennifer frowned. "Did what?"

"Got drunk." Susanna giggled. "Yeah, good li'l southern girl is drunk. SO WHAT?" She asked the last question at the top of her lungs.

Jennifer shook her head. "It's not important right now, Susanna. Maybe tomorrow you can tell me."

"No, now." Susanna glanced at Teyla. "See, I 'ave this thing for my boss."

Teyla raised an eyebrow at Jennifer before asking, "And your boss is. . .?"

"Ro'ney Ma-Kay." Susanna braced herself against the wall next to her door and turned to face Jennifer and Teyla. "He's a good man, but. . . ." She shrugged expressively and tried to enter her code on her door's crystals. When it failed, she frowned and tried again. After a third try, Jennifer entered her medical override and let the woman into her room. As Susanna fell forward, she raised a finger. "I know you all think he's jus' a scientist, but I see 'im diff'rently. He's a good man. . . .a good man." Her voice trailed off as she stumbled over to a chair. "He's jus' been hurt is all."

Jennifer stared at the woman in front of her. Susanna likely hadn't been this drunk in. . .well, ever. Ruus wine was known to knock even Colonel Sheppard on his tail. Teyla and Ronon routinely drank a small glass when among her people, but they never consumed it in these quantities. Jennifer almost felt sorry for Susanna, a recent arrival on Atlantis. The city could be overwhelming at times, but being assigned to work with Rodney McKay on his bad days could overwhelm a person. However, Susanna seemed to have seen through the gruffness of his exterior to the good heart beneath it all. Much like Rodney had shown to Jennifer before she crushed his hopes two days ago.

Feeling suitably chastised, Jennifer realized that Susanna had passed out in her chair. She and Teyla awkwardly helped the woman into her bed and covered Susanna with a crocheted throw. Teyla waited for Jennifer as she locked Susanna's door, and the two women walked toward their quarters in silence.

"Jennifer." Teyla spoke at the corner of the corridor that would take them separate ways. She put a hand on Jennifer's shoulder. "I know how you feel. And, if you need to talk, please do not hesitate to find me."

Jennifer stared at Teyla, remembering when Kanaan had disappeared along with all the other Athosians. "I'll do that."

Teyla went her way, and Jennifer returned to her quarters with her mind whirling. Of course Teyla would understand. She had endured months while the father of her unborn child was missing. She'd had to watch him go through the painful process of reverting back to human form after Michael had made him a hybrid. If anyone understood what Jennifer felt about Evan's absence, it would be Teyla.

Needing her sleep but restless all the same, Jennifer changed into workout attire and took a long run. She ended up at the newly-established swimming pool, recalling the faint hint of chlorine on Evan's pillow. He'd come here to swim regularly. Walking to the edge of the pool, she dipped her hand in the cold water. It was just one reminder that he hadn't returned, and she sat down. The tears she'd held on to since falling asleep in Evan's room flowed, and she allowed herself to truly understand that someone in this city did know how she felt.

oOo

Rodney McKay stood rooted in place as Teyla and Jennifer walked the other direction in silence. Susanna Beadore had the hots for him? That hadn't happened since. . .well, ever. He frowned at his tablet, wondering again why he could never remember names until times like these. But, if he'd never heard her drunken ramblings, he wouldn't have known that the pretty southern scientist actually liked him.

If she liked him, then why was she always fighting with him? Rodney shook his head and continued toward his lab. He'd tried sleeping, but his mind simply wouldn't shut off. So he rose and headed for the one place he truly felt at peace. In the lab, he turned on the desk lamp and began working while his mind mulled over recent events.

Yes, Jennifer had crushed him. Rodney was still angry over losing out to Lorne—especially when the man wasn't even on Atlantis anymore—but he actually respected Jennifer's choice. It took a day or so to work through the hostility. Somewhere in his mind, however, he realized that he'd want a girl who stayed loyal to him if he ever got stuck off world.

Was that girl Susanna Beadore? Rodney sat back in his chair with a frustrated sigh as he realized his thoughts had come back around to the thorn in his side that inhabited his lab during the days. If he were really honest, he'd admit to enjoying the verbal sparring. He needed that outlet, and Susanna seemed willing to take the abuse so others got their work done. In a strange way, his team had been more productive when he fussed only at one person rather than at all of them. That explained why he griped at Zelenka all the time.

Not sure he wanted to continue thinking and knowing that Susanna wouldn't want him to know about her drunken ramblings, Rodney compartmentalized them into a little box in his brain. He returned to his work, determined to hold on to his hostility a bit longer.

oOo

The refugee camp Evan and Andren visited was actually quite nice. Culver had set up the refugees outside of Talgrom's city limits as a precaution against infecting his own people with whatever plague these survivors had endured. But they didn't live in filthy, threadbare clothing like he'd originally suspected. The facilities were as clean as possible, and Evan saw men and women wearing clean clothing moving amongst the refugees, treating wounds and illnesses. None of the people looked deathly ill, however, and he spotted Maitland among them. Rather than staring at the man, he turned and watched as Andren conferred with one of the chief doctors.

Culver clearly wanted to make his government a strong presence here. Between Andren and the soldiers, it was painfully obvious that these refugees were seen as a bargaining chip. There had to be around three hundred of them, a large enough group that it would have been difficult for Culver's forces to subdue them if they'd fought back. But, with control of the Ring, Culver could swoop in and keep them from Derron and his small army. Not only that, but they could become a powerful weapon for Culver. A political victory.

And Evan suddenly understood why Culver had recruited him. It didn't matter that he had lost his memories. Using a national hero to bring down a cell of traitors would reflect well on Culver.

That evening, Evan knocked on Andren's door. "Do you have a moment?"

"Of course." Andren set aside his work and rose to offer Evan a drink. "Come in."

Evan looked around the office. A large desk sat in front of bookshelves, and a small table held various containers of alcoholic beverages. He declined one and walked to the windows, which overlooked the ocean. Being on the first floor, he could not see the beach, but the ocean spread out in front of him, sparkling in the moonlight.

Andren settled into his chair, which squeaked a bit. "What's on your mind, Evan?"

Evan didn't turn from the view. "What is this war really about?" He glanced over and saw Andren had already begun to speak. He cut the man off. "I mean, I know what Culver told me. I also know that you and Acton have some sort of arrangement. What are the real issues?"

Andren let out a defeated sigh. "Political greed. And corruption."

"Derron believes Culver used his considerable wealth to bribe his way into office."

"Yes."

"Did he?"

Andren hesitated. "There's no evidence of that."

"But. . .?"

"Let's just say I have my doubts." Andren set aside his drink. "Evan, you're caught in the middle. You're a hero because you saved a few people. But Culver would become an even greater hero for capturing Derron."

"Is Derron so bad?"

Andren was quiet for so long that Evan didn't think he would answer. Finally, he spoke. "He could be." Shaking his head, he reached for his drink again. "Derron is young. Arrogant. He had a good chance to win the Prime Minister position, but he squandered it with a campaign designed to slander Culver. Whereas Culver campaigned based on what the people wanted."

Evan chuckled. "Yeah, that sounds like politics."

"And that's what it was. Until Culver pushed back." Andren shook his head. "By this time, the election was over. Culver was in office. Derron was still active in government, but he had become increasingly vocal about Culver and his corruption. Derron took it upon himself to personally destroy Culver, something Culver could not have. He put out the word that Derron was to be arrested, but Derron escaped before the arrest could be made. He hid near Talgrom, slowly gathering power."

"He was planning to subvert Culver? Stage a coup?"

"That's what we think." Andren sighed again. "But things turned sour once again. Culver somehow got wind of the plot, and Derron was forced to withdraw. When he went, he took a large portion of Culver's loyalists. And that is how the war started. The first shot was fired not long after, and we've been locked in this blasted conflict ever since."

"How long has it been going on?"

Andren stopped and thought for a moment. "Two years."

Evan turned back to the window. He'd thought he was working for the right government, but he could no longer be certain. Culver put on a good show, but Evan had done no research into his policies. He turned back to Andren. "Is there a library in Talgrom? A place where local political news is archived?"

"Yes." Andren eyed him. "If you are thinking to investigate, Evan, I must warn you to be wary. Culver has spies everywhere."

"So does Derron." Evan shrugged. "Andren, my hands are tied no matter where I go. And so are yours. You're stuck between your beliefs, Culver, and Acton's ultimatum—whatever that might be. I am stuck here because I have no memory of who I am. Or what I am for that matter. I'm not about to throw my lot in with Derron after the man imprisoned me. Nor am I fully sold on Culver, either."

Andren pushed to his feet and walked to Evan's side. He placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder. "Just be careful."

Evan nodded. "I plan to." He left the office with his mind in a whirl. He'd seen a lot, and his instincts had proven right today. He needed more information, and he somehow believed that his memories just might unlock if he was able to uncover the reason for his unease.

Glancing once more at Andren's office door, Evan climbed the stairs and locked himself into his room. It had worked to keep him from straying when he sleepwalked, and he knew he'd need the privacy tonight. During the day, Maeryn had changed the bed linens, and they'd been tucked tightly into the mattress. He ironically thought that he could bounce a quarter off of the bed and then froze. What a strange custom.

Changing into nightclothes, he climbed into bed and stared at the ceiling. He should have asked more questions during his conference with Culver and Grian. He should have asked more questions of Andren. And he should have asked them long before now. Feeling like he'd barely awakened, he turned the new information over in his mind and tried to figure out what to do now.

oOo

"Go to sleeeeep," the voice whispered. He fought against it, fought against the pain in his leg and the dust around him. A blurry form paced in the tiny space as he struggled to keep his eyes open. He shouldn't be sleeping. He should be finding a way out of this trap.

The man trapped with him muttered, but he couldn't make out the words. Only that he was getting incredibly annoyed. He tried to stay calm, but he couldn't quell the panic rising. He shouldn't be under this rubble. He should be rescuing one of his people from Michael. Not trapped.

"Go to sleeeeeep." That voice was back again, with a hiss designed to be creepy. Or so he thought. He struggled, but couldn't move.

"No!" It came out in a soft whisper. "NO!" he shouted.

"You will sleeeeep." The exhaustion that suggestion brought up alarmed him. He'd been exhausted before, but never like this. Never so powerfully that he could not hold his eyes open. He moved his hand, intending to rub his face, but it stayed trapped at his side. His eyes flew open, and he looked down. He lay in his bed in Andren's home, but strange red tentacles had grown out of his stomach. They wrapped around the bed, up the posters, and over the canopy. His gaze followed them around to where they trapped him to the wall as well. He felt them moving in his abdominal cavity, growing and gathering strength.

"No! Let me go!"

"Go to sleeeeeep!"

His heart pounded even louder than normal for a moment. "I don't want to sleep!"

"You will sleeeep."

"No!"

"Sleeeeep." It whispered through his mind.

He struggled, grunting and shouting in pain. If he went to sleep, he knew he would not survive. His heart pounded again, this time so loud it made his head ache as he fought against his captor.

He sat upright in bed, the tight covers falling away from his shoulders as he shouted at the wall. Someone pounded on the door again and rattled the lock. Not quite awake, still panicked from the dream, Evan pushed the blankets away from his body and jumped from bed. The ocean breeze cooled sweat-soaked skin, and he swallowed convulsively. His throat ached like he'd been shouting, though he had no idea for how long. Blinking away the last vestiges of the nightmare, he moved to the door and unbolted the lock.

Andren, Maeryn, and Kaela all stood in the hall, their faces pale as they stared at him. Andren held a light and peered over Evan's shoulder. "You were dreaming?"

Evan nodded, still not fully ready to face the dark room. Glancing at Kaela and Maeryn, he vaguely felt sorry for them but turned back to the room now that Andren had shined the light inside. He blinked at the sight of his bed, still almost perfectly made save for slight evidence of his struggle. He frowned, clearly remembering being trapped in bed. But someone else had been trapped with him. He hadn't been alone.

"Evan?" Andren's voice intruded into his questions, and he saw that Kaela and Maeryn had left them alone.

"Yeah, I'm fine, doc." He shook his head. "I just. . . ."

"Remembered something?"

Evan frowned. "Not something I really wanted to remember." He shuddered inwardly. "But I wasn't the only one." For once, his mind allowed him to access his memories, and he began putting names to faces he'd seen in his dreams. Edison had survived. As had Coughlin thanks to a nasty cold that kept him back on base when they were trapped under that rubble.

Andren eyed him. "You lock yourself into your room?"

"Yeah." Evan rubbed his face. "I didn't want to go walking around at night."

"You know that it will do no good for you. That you can unlock this door in your sleep." Andren's words made him nod.

"Yeah, doc, I know." Evan shrugged. "But I had to try."

Andren nodded and left him alone again. Evan locked the door behind the man but knew he wouldn't return to sleep. Not after that dream. Somehow, it unlocked a portion of his mind. He clearly remembered the voice urging him to sleep, not to mention overhearing that someone else was also trapped in the same condition. Jane, maybe? No. Jen. He was sure he'd heard the name Jen while he'd been lying in that bed, trapped by those tentacles. Walking to the wall with the painting of his dream lady, he smiled.

"Hello, Jen," he said, reaching out to touch the painting. He smiled and headed for his chair. He'd remembered her name. And that made all the difference.

~TBC