The next morning, Joker piloted the Normandy alone, which was a strange sensation to him now.
He was so used to having Alyssa by his side. The once familiar silence was now deafening to him. Every few minutes he would glance over at the co-pilot's seat, hoping that she would miraculously wake up and be sitting there, smiling at him. He sighed as he worked away on his console, trying not to make himself sad. The sound of slippers shuffling behind him caused him to turn his chair.
"Hey Shepard," he waved. Shepard could see the hurt in his face.
"You know, I am a bit upset that I wasn't there for Gavin's birth," she said, trying to lighten the mood. Joker gave a light snort, but that's all she got from him.
"I think you would have been a better candidate than Garrus," Joker said, thinking about the turian's face in the elevator.
"So I've heard. I told him I was jealous, and he looked at me funny." Shepard stared at her pilot. He had a blank stare, looking out of the window in front of him. She knew there was nothing she could say to get his mind off of what happened. Seeing his expression reminded her of what her and Thane were discussing not that long ago.
As much as it disgusted her to hear it from him, it was true. Although they never really said it, Shepard and Joker did have this mother-and-son relationship going on. She would always be the one to say the "I told you so" speech when something would go wrong, or if Joker needed any advice, he would always turn to Shepard, no one else.
Shepard gave a long sigh as she hoisted herself up on the metal beam, and sat with her legs crossed in front of her. She examined Joker's face for a bit, trying to find the easiest way to start this conversation.
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay-"
"Don't give me that bull shit. I can read your face like a book." Joker sighed, letting Shepard win this one.
"I feel like shit. I don't know what's worse: almost losing her to the Collectors, or her being a coma. I feel like.." Joker fully turned his attention to Shepard, turning his chair to face her. He rested his elbows on his legs and rubbed his face in his hands, trying to make sense of everything.
"Is this how true love really is? 'Cuz it fucking sucks."
"Every relationship has their ups and downs. If you both love each other, you'll be able to overcome anything. It sucks, it really sucks, but you just got to fight through it, and when the problem is gone, it'll make your relationship that much stronger." Shepard hopped down from the beam and sat on one of the arm rests, rubbing Joker's back, his face still buried in his hands.
"My little flyboy, you still have much to learn about life. See what being cooped up in this cockpit does to you?" Shepard was able to get a muffled laugh from Joker. He sighed as he leaned in toward Shepard. She hugged him, resting her chin on top of his cap.
"It hurts me to see you like this, and I know it hurts Alyssa, too. She wouldn't want you moping around like this." Shepard rubbed her thumb on his shoulder.
Then, an odd realization washed over her.
She knew she was there to comfort him, to comfort a friend, but the way they were there with each other felt awkwardly intimate. She was sitting on the armrest, her legs arching over his. Joker leaned in towards her, resting his head on her thighs and his arms wrapped around her waist.
He had a family. She had Thane. But she couldn't help but wonder, what if?