Chapter One Prelude to a Kiss
It was the first day of my senior year. Jacob's sophomore year. Even though I was graduating this year, I didn't want to think about it. What would I do without Jacob?
I had a plan though. I wasn't going to go to college until Jacob graduated. My father wasn't too happy about that. In fact, he was furious. He supported Jacob and me all the way, but when it came in front of my education he hated it. He pissed and moaned about it for a long time.
He called Jacobs father and yelled at him for a good twenty minutes. When Jacob found out about my plan he took me aside and talked to me about it. After a long time he finally talked me into going to college. The truth was that he didn't even know if he was going to college, and he didn't want to tie me back. He didn't have the money for it. Right. And I did. I was in a sticky situation financially.
"Bella you're going to get scholarships, and then there are all those loans you can sign up for." Jacob said, trying to calm me down. And like always it worked. We were in his small room, all alone. Something that rarely happened in his house. His father was out fishing with my father.
I had just gotten out of school, and went straight to Jakes house. We planned on making love for the first time today. And that's why I was shirtless and nervous underneath him. Jacob was shirtless too, but that was more common than me being without a shirt. I'd heard a lot of stories of the first time hurting, and I wasn't that great with pain.
"Can't we talk about this later, Bella?" Jacob asked, sighing in a husky voice. My breath hitched in my throat before I nodded. "Good." And we got back to the love making.
I can't say it was perfect, because the pain had been so great, but the best part was laying with Jacob after. Cuddled and kissed gently by him. Just being with him in an intimate position.
When I got home later that night, I called Jacob to say goodnight, but his dad answered. He told me Jacob came down with a cold, and they think it was mono. So I wouldn't be able to see him for a while. I was afraid for him. I tried to tell Billy I'd be over in the morning to take care of him, but Billy wouldn't have it.
When I told Charlie he took me to the hospital where I was tested for mono too.
I didn't have it. Where did he get it from then, or who?
I was told that mono could last up to eight weeks, but I couldn't stay away form Jacob for that long, so after a week I went to his house. He was there, with some of the guys from that party last year. The ones that Jacob didn't along with. He was different. His hair was chopped off and his face was welcoming. It was angry. He was angry.
"Jacob." I had asked in a small voice.
"What?" He spat out. He was in front of his house, standing next to Sam Uley.
"Can we talk?" I asked. My voice was still small. I felt the tears forming behind my eyelids. Jacob had never been so cold to me before. He looked to Sam at his left, who nodded, before he walked to the trees. I had to run to follow him.
"Please, tell me what's going on, Jacob!" I begged.
"I can't tell you anything Bella."
"Why not Jacob? I'm your girlfriend! You're best friend. You tell me everything, so why not this?" I grabbed his arm in desperation. He shook it off. "Oh. So you joined Sam's gang and you don't need me anymore. Don't want me anymore." I started to cry. The tears flooded out like a river.
Jacob looked down on my with a frown. IT didn't even bother him that this was hurting me.
"Can't I help you? I'll do anything to help!" I sobbed, and reached for him again. He flinched away from me. My heart was breaking.
"Bella. Don't touch me." He growled. He started to shake. I couldn't tell why. From anger? He stomped away.
"Please! Jacob!" I called after him. He stopped and turned to me half way. "Are you breaking up with me?" I sobbed. My chest was heaving, and my throat was a little raw.
"Yes." His voice was distant. "We can't see each other anymore." He wasn't Jacob. He was like Sam.
"But-but Jacob! I love you and I need you." I realized I was hyperventilating. "Please."
"No. Just stay away from me, Bella." He yelled.
"Please, Jacob. Explain it to me. I want to understand why!" I fell to my knees and I clutched at my shirt.
"No. Don't come looking for me again." He stalked away. I barely noticed though. I was staring at my arms. How could this have happened to me?
It felt like my life was ending. My life was useless… I was useless.
"Jacob!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. He didn't even break stride.
I started to rain not too long after he left me there. But I couldn't move. My mind was in over drive, trying to figure out why this happened. Soon Billy came to me.
"I've called your father Bella." He sounded uncomfortable. He was under an umbrella, and it was hard to see his face. "Bella. It really is for the best." HE said before he turned his wheelchair around and wheeled back to the house.
Then Charlie was there, helping me into the cruiser.
~LATER THAT NIGHT~
About four hours after Charlie brought me home, I found myself in the bathroom, the door locked, and a razor in hand. I was still crying, and I doubted it would stop. I looked at the girl in the mirror. Her face was red and blotchy, wet from crying. Her eyes looked dead, and her mouth was set in a grimace.
I couldn't stand to look at her… at me. I ran the faucet and moved the razor to my wrist. A simple razor would fix all of my problems. I was sobbing softly and shaking as I started to cut from my wrist to the inside of my elbow. I did it agonizingly slow, torturing myself. I knew I deserved it. Finally the razor sliced through the soft muscle of my forearm. I sucked in a scream.
I moved to my other wrist. I was getting drowsy from the loss of blood, so my eyes were half lidded. I didn't even feel the pain as I sliced through the muscle, hitting the veins.
I tried to sit down, but realized I already was. When did that happen?
The blood was oozing from me in vast amounts. I gently rested against the side of the tub. It was slick with my blood. I closed my eyes and I felt free.