Hi everyone! Finally I return and after what seems like an eternity of absence from and this story.
I'm beginning to realize how annoying it is when posting an MC story to write this in the beginning of every single chapter so I'm just gonna go ahead and do it real and proper for once, also I'm getting lazy with warnings so unless there's a particularly bad chapter up ahead, in which case I'll throw you one as a heads up, I think you know what to be aware of (AU so some ooc-ness, M/M relationship, violence etc.)
Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fiction, written solely for my own amusement. I do not own any part of the Naruto franchise. I make no profit from this writing.
-:- The Hidden Sides -:-
Part one: Sympathy For The Dead
Chapter IV: Passing time
Gaara kept his promise. How could he not when it was Naruto asking him to? It had been a long time since anyone had wanted to have him around the way Naruto seemed to. Naruto wanted to spend time with him, Naruto wanted to talk to him. And even though he couldn't return the favor and share even a fraction of himself compared to all the things the blond revealed, Naruto still wanted him to come back.
So he did and as summer passed into autumn Narutos face changed from surprise into a welcoming smile whenever he knocked at the window, asking to be let inside. A couple of times Naruto had tried to convince him to stay. He didn't need the help Naruto offered but couldn't make himself stop Naruto from trying.
The gesture made him feel strangely treasured.
"So what's on the menu tonight?" Naruto peered out over the aisles of the store and tried to hold back the yawn but failed, grocery shopping was soo boring.
Sasuke sent him one of his Naruto exclusive half affectionate half annoyed glares before he shrugged nonchalantly and reached for a new box of cereals. "We can have ramen if you want"
Sasuke never appreciated being cuddled with in public but Naruto couldn't care less, and for once even though people startled by his happy squeal gave them strange glares Sasuke didn't push him away.
Sasuke didn't say anything out loud and he never would, that was just the way he worked, but they had spent their entire lives in tune with one another so when he offered to have ramen a third time that week it was obvious to Naruto that Sasuke was seriously worried about him.
He knew Sasuke had noticed his changing habits and from time to time he had felt a fleeting worry pass through Sasuke but it was nothing compared to what that offer of ramen meant. He wanted to tell Sasuke about Gaara, and he was going too – soon, but for now he smiled and hugged his brother just a little bit tighter.
Gaara quickly decided that he loved autumn, not because of the way the nights grew longer but because of all the storms moving over Konoha. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes against the falling water. Standing next to the gate entrance to Naruto's school he knew he wouldn't have to wait long. The splashing sound of running footsteps made him turn and as he watched the energetic blond running towards him through the heavy downpour he felt a smile spread over his face.
It was going to rain the entire day.
"Hey, wake up."
Naruto probably would have ignored the soft voice if it wasn't for the hard poke in his ribs accompanying every word. Tiredly he yanked his eyes open and glared at the one who had interrupted his sleep surprised to find Sasukes dark eyes staring at him. He quickly dropped the glare and looked around the room he was in. Oh right. School + lecture = no sleeping. Naruto frowned; he hadn't even realized that he was sleeping until waking up.
Sasuke poked him in the ribs again. "You ok?" he dropped a glance to Naruto's nonexistent notes.
"Yeah… mind if I copy the stuff I missed?"
Sasuke shrugged and Naruto grabbed the notes, lightly tugging on them when Sasuke didn't let go. He pulled on the notes again, harder this time.
"Sasuke…" he growled silently while trying his best to imitate the death glare Sasuke used to give him whenever he messed around. Apparently it didn't work as Sasuke's eyes looked at him calmly still not letting go.
"If there was something wrong… you would tell me right?"
"Yeah sure, whatever just give me the stupid notes already."
"Naru…" Sasuke's voice was unusually soft.
He frowned slightly, the worry leaking from Sasuke onto his skin made him irritated and he had to stop an impulse of trying to physically shake it off.
"Don't look at me like that."
The hurt surprise was clear on Sasukes face and Naruto sighed heavily as he turned himself away from the searching eyes.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to snap, I'm just really tired. That's all."
He watched Sasuke nod slowly and turn his attention back to the lecture without any more questions. For some reason it made him a bit sad.
"I see you're leaving again." Gaara turned his head at the sound to catch the dark eyes of his master.
The way Shukaku stared at him made Gaara feel uneasy and he was very much aware of the sand creeping up his legs, holding him in place. For weeks now he had been leaving as early as he possibly dared and by now his master normally didn't even spare him a glance as long as he returned by dawn.
The sand tightened painfully as his master stepped closer and Gaara tried his best to suppress the rush of dread rising in his chest. If he got himself injured he wouldn't be able to see Naruto.
"You may have that stupid plaything of yours fooled for now but you won't be able to keep it going forever." Shukaku stared him down and the distaste in those eyes made a defensive growl slip out of him. "I can and I will"
Shukaku laughed at him shortly and shook his head slowly from side to side. "It's amusing, this new defiance of yours but think about it, do you really believe he will appreciate finding out that you've been lying to him the whole time, hmm?"
"I never –" Sand immediately silenced his angry response.
"Ah, but you haven't told him the truth either. Have you?"
Something heavy settled in Gaara's stomach at those words. It was true, he had never lied but he never really told the truth either. That was impossible, wasn't it? Naruto would never welcome him back if he found out. But there was no way he would be able to find out… unless someone told him. He raised his head and caught the amused glitter in his master's eyes.
"Thought so." Shukaku smiled coldly at him and Gaara felt the sand trickle away back down to the floor, following the retreating back of its master.
Naruto had always liked the rain but now it wasn't the rain itself that made him stare out the window. Rainy days most often mean that Gaara would come by and pick him up at school and spend time with him. Most of the times they didn't do much beside walking around talking in the rain but Naruto didn't mind that all they ever seemed to do was talk, just spending time together made him feel like he was getting closer and closer to getting to know his mysterious redhead. Some days though Gaara would take them to a specific place or to see something he deemed special about Konoha.
It was always special; Gaara showed him sides of Konoha he never imagined existed. Like the way when they crept in under the small bridge at Maple Street the rain formed a curtain of water on the sides, completely sealing them away from the outside. Or the way the usually boring concrete buildings in the industrial part of town suddenly appeared to be magically floating as the parking lot outside turned into a mirror of water.
They were all small places and small views like that but they all made Naruto feel so much closer to Gaara when they were there together. Small tokens of trust that bubbled inside him with the thrill of a joint secret, because it was theirs and no one else would ever see Konoha the way they did.
The gravel on the ground crunched slightly and Gaara felt pity for the unlucky that had just wandered straight in his master's sight. It made him feel sick watching how Shukaku walked up to the stranger and greeted him with a smile on his face. But at the same as time the cold sickness twisted his stomach there was a dark anticipation coursing throughout his blood and he could feel he was watching the scene unfold a bit too intensely to pretend that he was just an innocent bystander.
Unconsciously he licked his lips and waited.
The stranger was tall, seeming almost like a cut-out from a black and white photograph with the way his black clothing and hair contrasted against pale skin. He had a face of fine features that couldn't be described as anything else than handsome and although the deep lines beneath his eyes made him look older it was clear that he was still just a teenager. Surprisingly he didn't seem to be afraid or even remotely surprised by Shukaku's approach.
"Shukaku" The teenagers' voice was calm as he nodded his head in a short greeting, seeming oblivious to Gaara's presence as he kept the full attention of his black eyes on his master.
Shukaku chuckled at this, apparently amused for some reason Gaara could not understand. "Ah, Itachi Uchiha, long time no see. What brings you to my little part of the neighborhood?"
"You're not welcome in Konoha." Itachi turned his hard eyes on Gaara and immediately he understood. The eyes staring at him did not belong to some young human; they were too tired, too knowing… too powerful. Gaara swallowed slowly to calm himself down. This boy who seemed so unafraid and knew his master's name… he was the same as them.
Shukaku's laugh echoed brusquely in the alley. "You and your little gang of friends have no power over me Itachi. Konoha was my home long before any of you came along, I stay as long as I want to."
"Konoha is no place for you anymore Demon" Itachi hissed. "There is none of your kind left."
"Oh, but I do believe you're mistaken. I happen to have heard from a very reliable source that despite the years there's still a certain serpent you still haven't managed to lure into your silly little utopia-"
"-Orochimaru is nothing but old lies and poisoned thoughts, an old fool rotting in his own delusions."
Gaara could hear the anger building behind Itachi's words but his master just waved it aside and continued to smile at the stranger.
"That's not the way you should talk about your master Itachi." Shukaku's voice grew dark "The way I remember things the only real traitor is you" he smiled coldly "but I believe we already settled the score for that one, wouldn't you agree Uchiha?"
The change was instant and the way charcoal black suddenly bled into crimson made Gaara wish he could shrink out of sight. He had never met anyone else like them before but he knew that this Itachi was dangerous to them if he was old enough to possess that kind of power.
"We might not be able to take you down, that little one is another matter entirely." Itachi still spoke calmly but that did little to lessen the fear crawling up Gaara's spine as those powerful eyes closed in on him.
"And why do you think I care about what happens to him?"
Itachi shrugged. "You seemed to care about the last one. I'm sure the white fang would like nothing more than to tear this one apart as well."
Shukaku immediately dropped his smile and the sand hissed as the armor he carried on him started to move threateningly. "Those mongrels deserved every last bit of what happened to them, and I would not hesitate to repeat my actions." He took a deep breath and the sand stilled. "However, that's all in the past. I've paid for their blood with mine; they have no right to ask for more."
Shukaku turned his back on Itachi. "I'm not here looking for trouble. Tell the Council we'll be gone by morning."
He started walking away and gestured for Gaara to follow.
"There will be no mercy if we find either of you after that." Itachi called after them as they were leaving and Shukaku paused briefly, sending Itachi another one of his cold smiles.
"You won't"
For a long time they walked in silence and Gaara watched how the face of his master slowly transformed from a smile into a predatory grin as he picked up their pace, blurring the outlines of buildings as they passed.
"Move it kid, we lost a good chunk of time thanks to little Itachi and his lollygagging." Shukaku sounded almost bored and Gaara was beyond confused.
"I thought we were leaving?"
Shukaku laughed at him then. "Pfft, of course not. Little Uchiha and his friends are nothing more than a bunch of idealists."
His voice grew serious "Listen kid, Konoha was mine back when it was just a bunch of dirt houses stuck in nowhere, the Council talks big but the moment one of them shown up I'll crush them like flies and they know it…they have all turned their backs on what it is that makes us strong."
"What?"
Gaara half expected to be punished for speaking out of turn but Shukaku just shook his head at the question and stared at him knowingly.
"Oh, I think you know the answer to that one, don't you kid?"
Inside Gaara could feel the dark anticipation from before stirring, telling him that yes, he did know.
The knock was quiet and if he had been asleep he might have missed it, but as it was Naruto was too excited to fall asleep.
The quiet voice that followed, calling his name made Naruto smile and he sat up to watch the barely there silhouette of his favorite redhead. Gaara was always doing that, waiting for Naruto to actually say it was okay for him to come inside. He thought it was weird at first, but watching the way Gaara always hesitated the first moments made him think that maybe he wasn't used to being welcomed anywhere. It always seemed as if Gaara half expected Naruto to turn him away or throw him out any moment. That was why Naruto had quickly made it a key point to make Gaara feel invited, to make him feel that he was wanted, a verbal invitation was just part of that.
"The window's open…" Gaara's voice was thoughtful and Naruto almost laughed at the puzzled look on Gaara's face as he studied the opened window. Usually Naruto came and opened it for him but he was getting lazy and thought that maybe Gaara would take the hint and just come in on his own. In his cute, very Gaara-ish way, apparently he hadn't.
"I know, it's freezing in here so just get inside and close the damn thing, will ya?"
He couldn't help the warm giddy feeling he had when watching Gaara climb in, close the window and walk over to him in his bed as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Naruto lifted his arm to invite Gaara under the covers, trying very hard to ignore the way those green eyes observed him, not yet sure what that look meant.
The silence was starting to become heavy with uncertainty and Naruto shook his head slightly to disband the feeling. "Hurry, the warmth is getting away." He emphasized his words by lifting his arm up higher and was relieved to see Gaara smirk at him.
"You should have thought about that before opening the window." The humor in Gaara's voice fed the warmth in his stomach and Naruto was glad for the change in atmosphere.
"I blame it on Genma; he made us watch Finding Neverland in English today. It had me thinking that you're sort of like Peter pan. Mysterious redhead climbing windows and all that."
"I suppose that would make you Lena then"
"I guess" Naruto could feel the heat crawling over his cheeks with his answer but Gaara just blinked at him and frowned slightly.
"That's stupid"
He snorted. "Well Sasuke always says I am stupid. Now get in here."
Gaara offered no protests and finally climbed into the bed next to him. He was moving carefully and constantly his eyes flickered up to meet Narutos, as if asking for permission. The uneasiness in green eyes made Naruto move closer to share his own warmth and after freezing up at the sudden closeness he could feel Gaara slowly begin to relax. When all the room was enveloped in the warm feeling of security Naruto didn't hesitate to grab one of Gaara's arms and wrap it around himself as a sign of trust.
Fingertips moved shakily over his skin and Naruto couldn't help to notice that they were surprisingly warm for someone who had just been outside. In fact, all of Gaara was more or less the same temperature as the rest of his room. The fingers stilled and Naruto smiled into quiet green eyes. They were closed off, too much turned inwards for him to sense anything and he sighed slightly before diving headlong into a retelling of the entire movie to keep them both occupied until Gaara had untangled himself from whatever thoughts made him seem so distant.
Gaara could still see the questions shimmering just beneath Narutos eyes but he never pushed Gaara for an explanation, he never demanded any answers, and for that Gaara was grateful. The thought of making something up to satisfy Narutos curiosity had crossed his mind many times but each time he turned it down. There was something about Naruto that made it impossible for him to lie so instead he kept silent and listened to Naruto talk.
Most of the times this was enough but sometimes Naruto did ask questions, like when Naruto gently touched the scarification on his forehead wondering what it meant and where it came from. Right then it hurt him not having an answer to share with Naruto the way Naruto shared so much every time they met. The sad thing was it wasn't even one of those questions he didn't want to answer, he couldn't. When he said that he didn't know and Naruto told him it was okay, he didn't have to tell if he didn't want to - it hurt because it was the truth. He did not know. Just like with so much else he had no memory of it, he had nothing of his own to share and it had made Naruto sad.
Being who he was had made Naruto sad and he wondered if maybe he should just leave and never come back. Gaara thought that a lot but in the end he always kept coming back because there was something about Naruto, something about himself when he was with Naruto.
When Naruto smiled and was happy – he felt happy.
When Naruto was tired or worried – he worried.
And when those blue eyes turned to look at him that way he felt a tingling heat stir inside his chest like a small cocoon just waiting for the right time, the right trigger to finally open.
The end credits of the movie moved across the screen and Naruto yawned as he took a look at the clock telling him that during the movie tomorrow had turned into today with more than a couple of hours. He yawned and stretched out the kinks in his back after having been cramped up for so long, really it was just by sheer willpower and Sakura being so small, that all three of them fitted in the sofa at once. The remains of their weekly movie night was strewn all over the table and Naruto was pretty sure Sasuke would try to ban cheese doodles after the massive food fight that had broken out somewhere in the middle of the movie resulting in mostly everything being coated in fine golden powder. Sakura seemed to have similar thought as she looked at him from the other side of Sasukes sleeping head.
"Sasuke's gonna freak out when he sees this tomorrow" She giggled silently.
"Hey Sakura?"
"Mmm?"
"How did you know about Kiba?"
"Know what?"
Naruto could hear her interest grow from the way her voice peaked and it was only because of the warm darkness around them that he was able to continue.
"How did you know you liked him?"
The sofa creaked slightly as she sat up and sent him a searching look, pausing slightly as if waiting for him to continue. He didn't. Instead he just stared back at her and tried to not think about how his pulse raced. Sakura was smart, she knew him and would probably figure it out – only he didn't want her to.
Sakura smiled at him then and closed her eyes. "It's like …" she sighed dreamily "I don't know. He always makes me happy. I can be in the foulest mood ever and all he needs to do is to turn up and I would feel happy again. It's hard… some things I guess you just know." Her green eyes opened to pin him in place and she smiled teasingly. "Why? Who do you think you're crushing on?"
"No one, I was just wondering how someone like Kiba manages to get someone like you." he stuck his tongue out for effect hoping it would cover the way his pulse was all over the place.
"Hey" the strike to his arm came fast and hard but still playful. "What's that supposed to mean, I thought we agreed you were over me."
Gingerly he rubbed his sore arm and winced a bit. "You're way too violent for me. It's just he's so…" he waved his arms in the air to try and explain Kiba's quirkiness "…sometimes you know."
She giggled silently "like you're one to talk."
"Whatever, forget it." He turned his attention to the heavy weight on his shoulder that was Sasuke and fished out the marker he had been keeping, just in case, from his pocket. "So… want to give him a moustache?"
Sakura's green eyes flickered from the pen to Sasuke's sleeping face. "Doesn't he have some sort of interview for a school project tomorrow?"
Naruto shrugged. "Yup, so wanna do it or not?"
The grin that spread over Sakura's face as she reached for the pen would have made anyone flee for their lives. Unfortunately for Sasuke, he couldn't.
Sakura's voice was saccharine sweet as she uncapped the marker and winked at him. "You know, I've always imagined he would look great in a goatee."
The hours he spent away from Naruto always made him restless but with autumn approaching winter those hours grew fewer and fewer.
He found himself not returning to his master for days on end, spending all his time as close to the blond as he possibly could, both longing for and dreading the moment when they could be alone.
Gaara was confused about this. He almost couldn't stand the feeling of not being near Naruto but at the same time, recently he had begun to notice things changing and it frightened him.
Naruto looked at him differently. Not in a hostile way, just… differently than before. It wasn't the same open curiosity of before; these looks were more veiled and only directed at him when he suspected Naruto thought he was unaware. Sometimes it seemed Naruto didn't even know he was doing it until he suddenly zoned back into himself and blinked away that far off look in his eyes with one of his bright smiles.
It unnerved Gaara that Naruto who was always so secure and sure of himself suddenly seemed so unsure. It made no sense.
Well actually, pieced together the right way it did make sense, he knew what this meant but refused to see it. Because if he did acknowledged the meaning of what was going on, it would ruin everything. So he just closed his eyes to protect himself from those looks and pretended everything was as it had been in the beginning.
In the beginning when he would still be cautious every time he stepped through the barrier that logically should keep him outside instead of continually inviting him in. In the beginning when Naruto wouldn't touch him with such familiarity… in the beginning when he would shy away from those touches rather than enjoying them.
"Do you really believe he will appreciate finding out that you've been lying to him the whole time"
His master's voice echoed cruelly in his mind and Gaara tried to suppress the stab of guilt those words caused.
"You won't be able to keep it going forever."
"Wow this place is amazing" Naruto's voice was hushed by awe as he walked around the small lookout on top of the Hokage monument. Gaara merely nodded and sat down on the bench, feeling the numerous carved inscriptions from previous visitors underneath his fingertips. During the daytime and sunset the place was often quite crowded with people looking for a break from the busy city below but during the night the place was deserted and the gate to the small pathway up the mountain was closed.
Gaara followed Naruto as he half climbed the fence to get an ever better view trying to get rid of the feeling that there was something wrong. He had wanted to show this to Naruto since it was the most beautiful place in Konoha, the only moment he had ever before his meeting with Naruto felt like he enjoyed the city. But now when they were here he just wanted to go back to the apartment and the city. It was too isolated here and the fact that they were alone made him uncomfortable. There was just too much of the stillness and beautiful calm for him to feel safe.
What if he lost control? There was no one around for several kilometers, nothing that would interfere or hinder him…
The nausea settled heavy in his stomach and he had to take a few deep breaths to calm down. He reminded himself of the day they met and how he had been able to feel calm and in control despite the scrapes on Naruto's hands saturating the air with the scent of blood. If he could do that he had nothing to fear now, it wasn't as if this was the first time they were alone with each other. He closed his eyes briefly, he had nothing to be afraid of and he would not let anything bad happen. There was no reason for him to feel so on edge but still there was something in the damp night air that made his heart unable to calm down.
"Wow, I didn't know it could be like this…" Naruto's low voice drew Gaara back to reality and he was struck by the amazed expression on Naruto's face.
"Down there it's all just grey, grey, grey, oh hey look a tree – green, grey, grey, grey. But like this…"Naruto laughed shortly "It looks sort of like a huge cloud of fireflies from up here, like all those lights are just one big happy family… " Gaara watched how the blue in Naruto's eyes dimmed as they glanced over at him before returning to the lights below. "…but that's just from up here, down there everyone is on their own."
Gaara listened to the solemn tone of voice with an increased sense of wrong and nodded slowly in agreement to what Naruto said. The city was very much a place operating according to the law of survival of the fittest. People generally didn't care about anyone outside of their family and friends and that just made Naruto all that much more special. Because he cared.
There was a silent rustle of clothes as Naruto moved closer. Even through the chill of the night Gaara felt the heat seeping into his right side where their shoulders and arms touched.
"I know I promised not to ask any questions, and I won't it's just… I know you're in some kind of trouble and I really want to help you."
The care and determination with which Naruto spoke made that feeling of unease inside him shiver. What could he possibly reply to something like that? Gaara had no idea so he just stayed quiet and tried to ignore his growing urge to run away from the conversation.
"I don't want you to be unhappy! Gaara I- I want – I" He noticed how Naruto tightened his hands into fists and looked up to find those blue eyes burning in a way he had never seen before. "Gaara, I like you."
He should have seen it coming, maybe he even knew that it would but still the words shocked him to the core. Dread and adrenaline pumped throughout his blood and his mind screamed at him that he needed to do something, to say something. He needed to make sure that Naruto knew such a thing was impossible. He needed to untangle himself and disappear once and for all and he needed to do it NOW! But the sound of fear and his panicked heart was drowning out his thoughts and when he opened his mouth all that came out was a whispered "I know".
Gaara was terrified and knew that right now was when he needed to leave Naruto because things had gotten too far out of his control.
But he couldn't do it.
Because he needed Naruto. Because Naruto gave him the strength he needed, but didn't have himself, to be in control. Because Naruto made him feel instead of just operating by orders and cold logic. Because Naruto had eyes the deepest shade of blue he had ever seen. Naruto was light, he was strong and warm. Untainted. Naruto was human, frail and breakable in so many ways and Gaara was powerless to stop him as Naruto leaned in and gently brushed their lips together.
The panic exploded in his chest, and he had to close his eyes in fear of wat might happen, of what he might do. Everything was raw, defenseless and shivering and he couldn't breathe even though the feeling welling up inside made him feel like he was suffocating.
"Gaara, are you crying?"
The soft words spoken too close snapped him back to reality with a shaking gasp and he realized that yes, he was crying. Because he had stepped into Naruto's light without tainting it, instead he was the one burning and it felt amazing.
Author's notes: This chapter might seem a bit choppy but I wanted to try out something different and give a feeling of time passing without having to use too many of the "one week later" phrases. I'm not sure if I managed to do that and it didn't turn out like what I had in mind (but when does writing ever, right?) but I really love some of the scenes so I decided to keep it the way it is. I'd really appreciate some feedback on this since it's a bit of a writing experiment for me, does the chapter work or is it too jumpy? What scenes did you like best – which ones did you hate?
Thank you so much everyone reading this, especially all of you who have put it on your favs/story alert list. I know things have been extremely slow going but life gets crappy sometimes, we all know that so I'll spare you from the long and boring explanation. Until next time, take care :)