A/N: Here goes the next chap, finally. I'm sorry it took me a while to update this time. My computer is currently on vacation, I had to go looking for another one first ;)
Anyway, I hope you still enjoy this!
Decisions
Precisely half an hour later, Kate and Tony walk down that same sterile, surreally bright corridor for maybe the hundredth time, and this time it was Kate who sneaked her hand into his.
Almost, she wishes that they could stay like that – more open with each other and less afraid to admit something – but although she knows that this is not a game, because neither she nor Tony are pretending, she also understands that this sincerity will give way to banter and keeping your guard up and getting frustrated at times, once this was over.
Over. You really shouldn't put it this way, she tells her brain. She doesn't want it to be over. She wants Gibbs to be well and back at the NCIS again.
They round the last corner and walk up to Gibbs' room.
Ducky's not there right now, but Abby is.
She can curl up like a cat, and when she does she very much reminds you of one altogether, with all the black on her and her white skin, and her dramatic green eyes. She looks a little bit like a cat now, sitting on the edge of Gibbs' bed, huddled and all small and fragile, her legs folded beneath her and elbows propped on her thighs.
She holds Gibbs' hand enfolded in hers, her dark lips are almost touching his fingers, but just almost.
Kate isn't sure whether she even heard them entering. She looks sad, the agent thinks, really sad.
"Abby?"
Her head jerks up, but she relaxes immediately when she sees them. "Oh, hi there! Didn't hear you come in."
"Sorry, we didn't mean to startle you."
"Don't worry," Abby replies. She looks at Gibbs' still face and then lets go of his hand, resting it gently on the white covers. Slowly, she slips off the bed onto her bare feet and manages a smile.
"Where's Ducky?" Kate enquires, and Abby shrugs.
"I don't know, really. He told me but I didn't listen, I guess. Maybe he went to talk to the docs."
Kate nods and exchanges a glance with Tony, then she leaves the room again in search of their ME.
She returns about fifteen minutes later, takes off her coat and drops it on the nearest chair, letting herself sink into the next one.
"Ducky did talk with the doctors," she says, well aware of the others' inquisitive gazes.
"And?", Abby prompts.
"He'll be with us in a minute. He had a look at the results they got from the last tests they did."
"And?"
Kate stares at the blue linoleum floor for a whole minute, leaving her two friends with a growing sense of unease. Finally, she sighs and runs a hand through her hair. "I don't know what I've been expecting. That Ducky would tell me Oh, they got something mixed up, he's fine, he's just sleeping?" She sighs in frustration. "Really, now."
Abby slowly sits down beside Gibbs' bed. "So he thinks they're right?" she asks, almost whispering, as if she didn't dare say that aloud.
Kate hesitates, then answers: "He said that yes, of course two reanimations during one surgery are just too much, and if his heart just stopped beating again, then-" She breaks off, but Abby finishes the sentence for her: "Then it probably wants to tell us it doesn't want to go on anymore."
"Stop that, you two", Tony cuts into their conversation. "What's up with you? I can't remember agreeing we'd give up."
"No, Tony", Kate tells him, "but it's not really a question of us giving up, is it? We can't really help him, can we? We're not the ones that have to go through all of … this." She nods towards all the machines and tubes attached to Gibbs' still body.
That's when Ducky comes in, walking over to the window straight away, without looking at any of them. The others exchange glances, each of them probably with a big lump in their throats.
The silence becomes close to unbearable at some point, but no one says a word all the same. Finally, Ducky turns around again and walks to the other side of the bed, sitting down in the chair beside it.
He sighs and folds his hands in his lap.
"I know we talked about this," he begins quietly, talking to Gibbs as though there really was nobody else in the room. "I also know we didn't agree on this. Or should I say you didn't make me agree on this?" He laughs softly, the way he always does when he's speaking about something sad. He runs a hand through his greying hair, and the gesture seems almost helpless right now.
"Well, now would be a good time to wake up, Jethro."
"Ducky?" Abby's voice sounds a little insecure, and therefore a little alien, too.
It takes a moment to register with the ME, but then he lifts his head and turns it a bit in her direction. "Hm? Yes, Abigail?"
"Can you – I mean, could you … you know, not talk to him?"
This makes Ducky turn entirely, glancing up at the Goth with a questioning look on his face.
Abby meets his gaze apologetically. "The only other people you talk to and who never answer you are all-", she interrupts herself, and makes a very indistinct gesture that could mean anything or nothing, instead of saying the word.
Ducky's expression is unreadable for a brief instant, then he smiles. "Sometimes you really get me, Abigail. You should see me with my youngest nephew, by the way. I think he is interested in everything aside from what I say to him. He never replies."
Abby has to laugh. "But you are right," Ducky continues. "I will try telepathy."
"Sorry", the young woman answers, "forget that, it was crap."
"Ducky." It's Kate this time. "What's wrong?"
"Well, Caitlin", he says heavily, "nothing is much wronger than before, actually. But it isn't less wrong either." He clears his throat and frowns. "I spoke with Dr. Morris and Dr. Johnson again and-"
"No way." Kate knew what was to come, and she doesn't even want to hear him say it.
"Caitlin-"
"No, Ducky. You can't-"
"Kate – we talked about this, Jethro and me. We talked about what to do if something like this happened. Because, you know, it is not the safest job you have." He pauses and looks at each of them. "I'm his next-of-kin, it is for me to decide whether or when the machines should be-" Strangely, Ducky doesn't quite seem up to pronouncing it, either. Instead, he just finishes: "Or not."
"And that's a difficult decision, Ducky?" Tony asks, and finds his own voice sounding much cooler than he's wanted.
Ducky only smiles and looks at him sorrowfully. "Yes, Anthony, of course it is. And I am sure you know you would have difficulties too." He's quiet for some time, watching Gibbs' face, but then he turns back to the team.
"The thing is … I know that Jethro trusts me. He trusts me to do what we talked about. What I promised him I would do if a situation like this ever occurred."
"Let them switch those damn things off if you think he won't wake up anymore." Kate concludes flatly. The ME makes no reply, but neither does he need to.
For a few moments, a heavy silence is hanging in the air, until Kate asks, voice altogether changed, down to a whisper that could almost be described as pleading: "You think he won't wake up anymore, Ducky?"
"As a physician, Caitlin?"
"As his friend?"
Ducky looks at her for a while, as though pondering what to tell her. Whether to lie or not.
It's not that difficult at all, really. Guessing what he'll say if he gives them his honest answer. Not that they want to be lied at, after all it would not change a thing.
"If you do that, Duckman," Abby suddenly says into the tense silence, "I swear I'll never speak another word with you." She sounds spiteful like a child, but the way her lips are compressed tells that it's certainly not spite she's feeling here.
For a moment, he just looks at her blankly, as he's gauging whether she was serious or not, but then Ducky smiles and the tension in the room snaps as if someone just cut a thread.
"Oh, good!", Ducky says, "I am glad you said that, Abigail." He turns to Gibbs. "I really cannot risk that, I am sure you would not, either." He pauses, but suddenly something seems to startle him. Turning to Abby, he says: "Oh, excuse me, Abigail. I forgot I promised not to speak aloud anymore." He rises and picks up his coat. "Anyway, I need to go now, my mother –" His words are cut off by Abby throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him so tightly he actually gasps.
Recovering, he softly pats her back. "It is alright, Abby. Don't worry. I won't do anything –"
He disentangles himself from the young woman and smiles.
His sentence wasn't finished, but no one expects he' going to. They know what he'd like to say, and know just as well that he can't. At least not if he wants to stay honest with them.
So he just nods good-bye, picks up his hat and leaves.
Abby sighs with relief and smiles to herself as if she's very satisfied with the way her tactics worked.
Kate sits mutely in her chair and watches the two, her expression unreadable, and Tony still stands beside the door, hands in the pockets of his coat.
For passing moment, it seems odd that they should all be gathered here like this.
A cop from Baltimore, a forensics expert from New Orleans and an ex-Secret Service agent who worked in Air Force Once. McGee and Ducky as well. A techie from MIT and a physician from Britain. It sounds like a peculiar, incongruent mix, but in a way Gibbs threw them all together and it fit.
Tony's always found it strange that you never really know how solid a relationship is until something serious happens.
And he wonders if Gibbs knew that things would ever turn out like this between all of them: that he and Kate would (actually) get along perfectly, that Catholic Kate would strike up a friendship with Abby, that McGee would cope with the team's teasing and Gibbs' own strictness. First of all, that they would eventually all trust each other. At first sight, one wouldn't have believed that this would truly work.
But somehow, they ended up here. Obviously.
Tony chews on his bottom lip, something nagging on him. He knows they will eventually have to bring the subject up, and the sooner the better. So he makes up his mind.
"We need to talk," he says, and Kate and Abby both look at him. Tony gestures towards the ECG, the respirator, and all the other stuff around Gibbs' bed. "About this."
He's met with questioning gazes, but resists the urge to say You know damn well what I mean. Instead, he plops down in a chair, taking a deep breath.
"It's Ducky's decision," he continues, "but he lets himself be influenced by us. Probably not forever, but –", he pauses, searching for the right words. "I don't know if what we're doing is fair. Towards Gibbs. He doesn't like it if things aren't done his way." He smiles, uncharacteristically sad.
"Tony!" Abby sounds unbelieving, and the look in her eyes says the same.
"He's right, Abby," Kate cuts in. "Two doctors and Ducky have been telling us almost from the beginning that the chances he'll wake up again are minimal. We keep telling them we want them to wait. But perhaps –", she pauses, and shrugs. "Perhaps we're really waiting for something that'll never happen."
"Kate – things you don't believe will happen, do happen."
Kate smiles wistfully and meets her friend's gaze. "Miracles?" she asks.
"Yeah! They do!"
"No, Abby. I don't think so. Things just happen. This way or the other. There are no such things as miracles. Not even when the wind blows."
TBC
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