Flying Away

"But, sir, . . ."

"Redstone, this insubordination cannot be tolerated."

"Excuse me, can I help with something here, sir?" I asked.

"Are you this soldier's Squad Leader?" demanded Colonel Onyx, rounding on me. His black hair, spotted with gray, was cut severely short and flat; his uniform was starched, impeccable. His hands were gripped behind his back. Even though I was the one he addressed his words to, his eyes kept going back to Redstone.

"Yes, sir. Sergeant Hawthorne, sir."

"Soldier Redstone was in the process of setting up camp here, outside the approved Surface Base Camp Area.'"

"Yes, sir. I requested him to. I got clearance from the Security Patrol to use this area." Onyx was seething. And why was he going off on only Redstone? Mercurius and Delmar were there, too.

"You did not get clearance from me. I am the commanding officer of the Surface Area." He was almost shouting now.

I worked to keep my voice low, even. "I am sorry, sir. I did not think the commanding officer would want to be bothered with our sleeping arrangements."

"Do you think I want Redstone here making my perimeter look like a slumber party? Your squad has an allotted base camp inside. That is where you should set up camp

"Let me explain, sir. We are in Squad 425. We are working, clearing ordnance from L5. When we bring up a . . . "

"I don't give a crushed lump of coal what you are doing or not doing on L5. I do not want vagabonds littering my perimeter!"

I don't know what set me off: the weird 'crushed lump of coal' language, the fact that he wouldn't even let me explain, or the fact that he still wasn't looking at me. At least, I managed to keep my hands locked behind myself.

"You don't care what we are doing? Only going down into a hell hole and risking our lives and our minds day after day so that jerks like you don't get blown to smithereens!"

He was not used to having soldiers yell back at him. He was completely silent for several long moments. My fingers were digging into my own wrist. Onyx finally asked "Who is your commanding officer, soldier?"

"Captain Brighton, sir," I answered. By this time some of the security guards had come over to see what was happening.

"Soldier," he said to the security guard. "Take these gentlemen to the detention facility. I will contact Brighton and let him decide what to do with you." He stomped off.

They put all four of us in the same cell. "I'm sorry, guys. I didn't mean to get you in trouble, too," I told them. I put my head on my knees. Whatever control I thought I had over my temper had just vanished. "Marik, Mercurius, you guys didn't even say anything. I can't believe he tossed you in, too." I couldn't stop apologizing.

"Hey, Mercurius, are you sick? You didn't say anything," cracked Delmar.

"I couldn't get a word in edgewise on the Sarge," said Mercurius, shaking his head.

"Sarge, there is something going on here that you don't know about," said Redstone. He was leaning against the door. "This happened because of me, because Colonel Onyx hates me."

"I think my yelling in his face had something to do with it."

"Probably," said Redstone with a wry smile. "But he wouldn't have made such a big deal of it if I hadn't been there. I practically grew up at Onyx's house. His son, Vitus, was my best friend. In fact," he turned to look at me, "remember I told you that it was a friend of mine who shot the Mockingjay? It was Vitus. He just meant to save me. Later that same night, Vitus and I talked to one of the rebels who was guarding us. We told him we were sick of the Capitol and the lies. We wanted to join the rebels. At the time, Onyx had just replaced Brighton as District 2 Commander for the Capitol." He paused. He was halfway turned toward the locked door.

"They just signed you up? Like that?" I asked.

"The rebels brought us in and questioned us both, mostly about the Nut, what was there, how many people. I didn't even feel bad about telling them everything I knew. I figured that since it had collapsed, the information might help save some lives. As a reward for our information they let us join in on the final Capitol assault. I don't know how Vitus convinced them to overlook his attack on the Mockingjay, but he was always good at talking people into things. Or maybe they just needed as much cannon fodder as possible." Once again Redstone stopped. This time he sighed. I waited for him to go on. Marik was as entranced as I was, but Mercurius was staring out of our small, dark window.

Redstone's voice had dropped so that we could barely hear it. "A few blocks from the City Center, Vitus ran into some sort of poison dart pod. He went into convulsions. I tried to help him, our medic tried too, but there was nothing we could do. I was with him when he died."

After a few moments Redstone turned and faced us. "I think that is why he hates me. I am alive and Vitus is dead."

We sat in silence. I wondered whether everyone in this bloody country had wounds they were trying to cope with. Then I thought of a question.

"When did Colonel Onyx become a rebel?"

"I'm not sure exactly. It must have been while we were on the Capitol assault. I was kind of surprised. He always sounded like he hated the rebels so much. When I got back here he was in charge of the Nut," answered Redstone.

"That's a pretty serious demotion from District Commander," noted Delmar.

"I'm sure he's pleased as punch to see Brighton as Base Captain and he's just a colonel, cleaning up a mess," added Mercurius.

"Maybe he wasn't as convincing in his loyalty shift," I thought out loud.

There was a knock at the door and Redstone jumped back. It opened and a guard said "Gentlemen, here are some pillows and blankets. It looks like you are here for the night."

As we settled down to sleep, Marik said "As far as I'm concerned this still beats base camp. Look, you can see the moon out the window." He was probably just trying to make me feel better about screwing up.

"It definitely beats L5," said Redstone.

"Maybe Brighton is mad if he's leaving us here overnight," said Mercurius. "Funny, I had a feeling he wouldn't really mind that you told Onyx where to put it."

I was not looking forward to talking to Captain Brighton tomorrow. Somehow the idea of disappointing him bothered me more than sleeping in a jail cell.

In the morning a guard came by to bring me to Captain Brighton. The others were left behind.

The meeting with Captain Brighton was strange. I had expected him to be angry, but instead he was eerily quiet. He seemed more distracted than mad. He had me explain what happened. I told him the men did nothing wrong, but I was insubordinate. The squad was scheduled for a week of liberty after this job, starting tomorrow. He confined the four of us to quarters for the rest of the day, and told me I would spend the next week at labor, but the rest could go ahead and enjoy their liberty. I was not quite sure what "labor" meant, but he told me to report to him in the morning. I had no other plans made for my liberty. A lot of the squad was going into the Capitol, but I wouldn't miss going with them.

I spent the day reading, studying the difference between jus ad bellum and jus in bello. The others slept, wrote letters, and messed around in the barracks. I was uneasy about where I would be going, what I would be doing the next week, but glad that none of the others had paid a price, besides one night in a jail cell, for my lack of control.

We were not allowed to eat in the mess hall. Instead we were supposed to pick up rations to eat in our barracks. I headed over to the window in the back of the kitchen to get them. As I walked up I saw a familiar face, Beetee.

"Gale, how are you? I've been wanting to talk to you." He was holding a bunch of boxed dinners and standing next to a very young looking girl who also had her arms full of boxes. Apparently they were taking dinner back to everyone in his lab. I tried not to stare at the girl, which was difficult since her face was covered with silver star tattoos.

"Julina, go ahead. I'll be there in a minute," Beetee said to her.

"Is she even 18?" I asked him after she was out of earshot.

"She says she is. I don't believe her. New recruit. Do you have a minute?" he asked.

"Sure," I said. "Although, I do have to get dinner back to my men before too long. Looks like somebody's waiting for you for their dinner, too."

He nodded and stepped back around the corner of the building. "I heard you were on that Commission, the one drafting a war code."

"Yeah, I am."

"Is it true that they are talking about having war crimes trials, about the rebellion?" he asked. He shifted nervously from foot to foot.

"Yes," I answered.

"There're all sorts of rumors flying around. Is it just for the Capitol, for the Peacekeepers? Or can people on the rebel side get charged, too?"

"It's not settled yet, but it looks like anyone can get charged."

He stared at me with large eyes. Finally, he said "You know what that means, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do," I said. Now I knew why he had wanted to talk to me.

"Can you stop them? You have to keep them from having trials, or keep them from including rebels. You have to do something. You could get charged, too." He breathing was coming fast. The top box looked like it might fall off of the pile he was holding.

"Look, Beetee," I said, wondering if it would be possible to calm him down, "the country has to find a way to move forward, to stop all of the hideous things that have happened. And it can't just be one-sided. Everyone has to know that there are things you can't, things you shouldn't, ever do. Think how many people will live better lives in the future. This is bigger than just us."

"But we . . . you don't think . . . they wouldn't send us to prison, would they?" He froze and looked at me with enormous eyes behind his glasses.

"I don't know. They might," I said.

"And you won't stop them."

I just shook my head. He looked like he had something he wanted to say, but instead he turned and hurried away.

The next day, Captain Brighton brought me out to an old jeep. We got in, but before he started the engine he said "I need to explain to you what I have arranged. It is a bit unconventional, so I need to know that you are comfortable with it. As you know, Colonel Onyx is quite upset with you. For me to let you go on your scheduled liberty next week would be an affront to him, although, honestly, if you have already have travel plans I may let you go." He looked at me and I shook my head.

"No, I have no plans," I said.

"I didn't think so. It is my opinion that what you need is a break from the Nut. I am also taking a vacation this week, just going home. I am going to be building a new shed. It is my proposal that you come with me. You need to know that it would be inappropriate for me to force you to work for me, so if you would like to come and do no work at all that is permissible. If you are uncomfortable accompanying me to my home I can make other arrangements, although I cannot let you just wander the base for a week."

"So, that would be my week of labor? Just helping you build a shed?" I asked.

"Yes, what do you say?"

"That'd be great." I had had so many ideas of what labor could be. None of them were that easy.

"It's not exactly a dream vacation," he said, starting the engine.

"Vacation wasn't a word we had in District 12," I answered.

As we drove we talked about the Squad, the Nut, the Commission. When we were almost to the house I asked him about his kids. "There is Flint, he's 12; Galena is 8, and the twins, Lode and Opal, are 5." He paused. "We had another son, Jet. He was 9. He died in the Nut."

"I'd heard," I said. "I'm sorry." I wondered if I should tell him about the role I played in destroying the Nut. He would find out sooner or later. I would rather tell him myself, but we were pulling up to the house and there wasn't time.

His home was log cabin style and up on a mountainside. He pointed out to me the newer part of the house that he had added on after they moved in.

"Are we still in District 2?" I asked. It was hard to get used to how big this district was.

"We are, but just barely."

When we got out of the car he was suddenly mobbed by kids. He hugged them all then introduced me. I was amazed to see how suddenly he was happy and relaxed.

His oldest two said "Hi," dipped their heads at me, and then grabbed our bags out of the jeep. The little ones stood looking at him expectantly.

"I wonder if I remembered to bring any candy this time," Brighton said. The little girl started to jump up and down with excitement. Brighton reached into his pocket and held out candies to them. They each kissed his cheek, grabbed a candy and ran off.

The week that followed was the best week I had had in more than a year. Captain Brighton's wife, Peri, was a great cook and that wasn't just compared with the mess hall. Every morning I went for a run on the mountain. A couple of times Brighton came with me and he kept up pretty well. During the days we worked on building the shed, with some trips into town for supplies. When Brighton found out I had never driven a car before he let me learn on the army's jeep. We actually finished the building in 4 days, but then spent the rest of the time putting in the door, adding shelves, running an electric line, then loading it up, basically making it into a deluxe shed. I tried not to gawk at how much stuff he had. Flint and Galena helped where they could and Lode and Opal ran around asking questions and playing.

They let me use their phone for my weekly phone call to Annie. Same as usual. Katniss was alright, not good, but slowly getting better and no, they didn't need anything. Peri insisted that I also call my mom. I told her that I should be able to come home for a short visit sometime soon.

It was midsummer and warm during the afternoons, but there was a lake nearby where we went after we finished with the shed for the day. We swam and had water fights and worked on teaching the twins how to swim. It was nice to be around a family again. I even enjoyed listening to the kids argue. At night, after feasting, I camped outside. They didn't really have an extra room and I still liked to sleep under the stars as part of my Nut recovery.

The day before we were supposed to leave, Captain Brighton and Peri went into town to do some shopping and have dinner alone while I watched the kids. We took one last swim in the lake, then made a fire in the fire pit behind the house and cooked hot dogs. The kids taught me how to make s'mores, an amazing secret recipe saved in District 2 from days long past. After dinner I let them mess around a bit outside before bed.

I sat on the back stairs, watching the clouds. It was starting to get dark. Then I heard crying. I went to go see what was wrong. It was Opal. She said that she didn't want to play with the others anymore; they weren't being nice.

"They keep making me be the Mockingjay," she complained.

She didn't notice my quick intake of breath. Of course not. She had no way of knowing . . .

"What's wrong with that?" I asked her.

"I don't want to be the bad guy. I don't want to be scary," she said, sniffling.

"Come here," I said, going to the back porch stairs. "Would you like for me to tell you a story?"

She nodded and I helped her wipe her tears away.

"I'll tell you the real story of the Mockingjay," I said. She climbed up on my knee.

"Once upon a time there was a girl, a lot like you, who was playing in the forest with her friend. But her country was cursed with an evil magician who used his spells to spy on the people, to make them his slaves. He spied the girl through his magic spying glass. She was free and happy and he hated that. As she was on her way home he swooped down on her, kidnapped her and locked her in a high tower in his palace. He was going to keep her there until the great feast when he was going to force her to battle wild animals so he and his guests could laugh at her.

"One of her guards had pity on her since she was only a child. He brought her a golden pin in the shape of a mockingjay, just for her to play with. He did not know that long ago it had been a magic pin. Alone in her tower she talked to the pin, played with it.

"Soon the day of the feast came. The magician and his friends gathered around a large ring. They brought in the little girl. They put her in the ring with cages full of tigers, lions, wild boars and bears. She had kept the pin with her because it had become her only friend. When she saw the beasts she would have to fight she was terrified. They began to open the cages one by one and the hungry beasts came out. The girl fell on her knees and called for help, as she held tight to the mockingjay pin. Because she had such a pure heart her cry awoke the good magic which had fallen asleep in the kingdom. As the beasts grew closer and closer, the pin began to shake and glow in her hand. Just as the first of the lions reached her she began to change. She grew smaller and smaller, darker and darker until, at last, she had become a mockingjay. The lion stood there confused as she flew away, up into the open sky and escaped from the hungry beasts forever."

"Yeah, she got away!" interrupted Opal. By now Lode and Galena were also sitting on the steps. Flint was sitting on a nearby rock, whittling a stick and definitely not listening to a little kids' story. "But what happened? Did she get to go home? Did she stay a mockingjay forever?"

"Well, now that the girl knew about the evil magician she flew about the whole country warning the people and telling them about the wicked things he had done. Then she sang them her beautiful mockingjay song and it helped them see that things could be better. So they banded together and they stormed the palace. They threw out the evil magician and released the true king who had been held prisoner in the dungeon." I paused, trying to decide how to finish the story.

"What happened to the girl?" asked Opal. She was sleepy now.

"No one knows," I said. "She disappeared forever. Some people say that she found a distant island to live on and a handsome prince was able to turn her back into a real girl, but some people say that she stayed a mockingjay forever and flew around the world, singing her song and giving people hope."

I carried Opal inside. I was surprised to see that Captain Brighton and his wife were back, sitting in the kitchen. The captain said that he would put the others to bed and Mrs. Brighton said she was putting on tea. After I tucked Opal in, I came back downstairs. Mrs. Brighton gave me some tea.

"How was your evening, Mrs. Brighton?" I asked, just making conversation while I stood and drank the tea.

"I really wish you would call me 'Peri,'" she said. She had asked me to before, but it just felt too odd. She offered me a plate of cookies. Another thing I could get used to. "We had a lovely dinner. Thank you so much for watching the kids. How did things go here?"

"Fine," I said. "The kids were great."

"We heard your story. Did you just make that up?" she asked as she put away dishes from earlier in the day.

I was a bit embarrassed that I had had more of an audience than I knew about. "Yeah, I used to make up stories for my little sister."

After a bit Peri said "Al says she's not really your cousin."

I sighed. Of course, I knew who she was talking about. "No, she used to be my friend."

"Have you talked to her since . . . ." She didn't seem to want to finish that sentence.

"No, but I call the girl she's staying with and check on her every week."

"But you don't talk to her?" she asked.

I sighed. Then I realized that Peri knew something about grief. Maybe she would know . . . . "I have to keep an eye on her. I promised someone I would. I want to talk to her, but I don't want to rush things. I want to give her time to heal. But I don't know . . . how much time . . . how to know?"

"Hmm, what does the girl she is staying with say? Is it Annie?" I had forgotten that she would know who Annie was.

"Yeah. She says Katniss was pretty messed up at first, but now is pulling herself together. She's hunting again," I said, ". . . without me." "And," I wondered if I should mention the other thing that was bothering me, the thing that made me afraid of waiting too long. Well, if I wanted good advice . . . . "Annie has two brothers. They are over there a lot." I didn't want to say anymore, partly out of superstition, not to make it true.

"If Annie says she's doing better, and it's been, what, almost six months. Maybe it's time. Although," . . . she paused.

"What?"

"Just don't call right at six months. Anniversaries, 1 year, half a year, exact dates are rough," she said softly.

I remembered that. The day my dad died was hard, every year. Strange. I didn't know what day it was when Prim died. I needed to find out.

"I'm going to turn in now," I said, giving her back the empty mug. I stopped at the door. "Thanks, for everything." I hoped she knew I meant the advice, the cookies, the whole week.

In the jeep on the way back to base I realized that there was still something I had to tell Captain Brighton. It was not going to be easy.

"Sir," I started. He had told me to call him "Al," but I wasn't going to do that. "There's something you need to know . . . about me, about the Nut and . . . the avalanche." It was hard even to say that word.

"What?" he said. "That it was your idea to start the avalanche?"

I was so shocked I couldn't say anything. Then I choked out "You knew?"

"Beetee told me, but it was because I asked him a lot of questions. I checked you out pretty thoroughly before asking you to lead the clean-up squad."

I sat back and looked up at the sky. My brain couldn't seem to fit this new information in. Then I knew that I still had something I needed to say.

"I'm sorry. We shouldn't have done it. I wasn't really thinking . . . . I didn't realize that . . ." I didn't know what to say. What was my excuse? So I said "I'm just sorry."

"Listen, Gale," said the captain. "I appreciate that you are sorry, that you didn't know there were innocent kids in there. The kids shouldn't have been kept in there. But I don't think the Capitol would have fallen if the Nut hadn't been taken down. I don't think there was another way. Look, I did what I had to do. You did what you had to do. You can't beat yourself up about it forever. But it is why I wanted you on the Commission. You have been in the thick of battle, where hard decisions are made. And you know how hard it is to live with those decisions later."

He was still driving. I was glad he was not looking right at me. I wanted to say that I was sorry for the things that I wanted to do that we didn't do, but what was the point of that? It didn't matter. I was just sorry that I hadn't cared about his pain.

This was going to take a while to process. And I still had one more apology to do.

Thanks for all your help, IrishLuck19. Someday I will figure out past tense versus present tense.

Thanks again for the reviews:

MountainAir

JessicaClairee

GraceVictoria

Iluvdinos

Soul's Anima

Solaryllis

HopeNeverDies

EchoDeltaNine