BTW – In case you have forgotten – I am not Suzanne Collins. In fact, I sometimes even take her name in vain. I do not own any of the situations, settings or characters from the Hunger Games books. But I do have strong opinions about them.

The Caller

I had a plan and Finnie was helping me. Not that he knew that. He would probably be against messing with his mother.

It was Sunday night. It had been a warm day, uncomfortably warm to everyone but me. I wondered if I would feel an inner cold for the rest of my life.

Susan was outside pulling some weeds, now that the heat of the day was over. Annie had, once again, asked me to put Finnie to bed. He was a sweet baby, whose face fell easily into a chubby smile. I liked to rock him, let his warmth sink into me as I read to him. Not tonight.

I was changing his diaper before I put him into his pajamas. He was eating a larger variety of food lately and this job was getting more gross. This one wasn't really any worse than usual, but it was enough for my purposes.

"Annie!" I called downstairs, trying to put a touch of panic in my voice. "There's something weird about Finnie's . . ." Annie was already flying up the stairs.

"What?" she asked. "What's wrong?"

I beckoned her over. I was holding Finnie's ankles up in my left hand. I moved aside to let Annie in and she took his legs from me. Perfect. Now she was snared.

"Isn't that a strange color?" I asked.

Right on time, the phone rang. Annie's pale face jerked up; she did not want me to answer it. But I was already on my way downstairs.

I was slightly out of breath from my shenanigans when I picked it up: "Hello."

There was no answer. At first I thought maybe no one was there, then I remembered that whoever it was had been expecting Annie's voice. Would they answer?

"Hello, Katniss."

I almost dropped the phone. My voice left me. Emotions flew through my mind: shock, anger, memory.

"Katniss?" Now the silence was on my end of the line.

I swallowed to try to wet my throat and answered: "Gale." I took a deep breath, leaned into the kitchen counter for support and said "So, you are Annie's mystery caller." My voice was emotionless, dry, which was fitting since my mind was still reeling and I had no idea what I was thinking.

"Yeah," he said. After a silence he added "I didn't want to bother you. I just wanted to make sure you were . . . . I just wanted to check on you."

Suddenly I knew what I was thinking. "You didn't want to bother me? Give me a break! You didn't want to deal with me. Annie's sweet, but I'm not. You have no business calling here. Not after what you did. Not after what you took from me. How dare you check on me?" Annie was on the stairs, with Finnie on her hip, looking horrified. I didn't care. I only stopped because I was short of breath and my mind had gone black with rage.

There was silence. He should just hang up. That would be fine. Then I would be done with him.

"Katniss," he said – why wasn't he fighting back? – "I want to come see you. I need to talk to you."

"I don't need to talk to you," I snapped.

"But you do need to hear what I have to say. Just once. I'll leave as soon as you ask me to, but I am going to come. I have to." He was so bull-headed. My mind filled with images - slapping him, hitting him, shooting him.

"You'll be sorry if you do," I said. I went to slam the phone down, but Annie was there. She grabbed it from my hand. I let her. She was good to me and I wasn't going to fight her.

I slammed the back door as I went out onto the porch. I crouched down and covered my head with my arms. I could still hear her say "Gale, its Annie. I'm sorry." Of course, she was sorry. He hadn't killed her sister. "Are you sure?" she asked. So he was sticking to his plan. What a jerk. "That'll be fine," she said. "You can stay down the road with my brothers. See you then. Bye." She hung up.

I looked at her. "He's coming," she said. "In two weeks."

I opened the back door as quietly as I could, but it didn't matter. Annie was standing right there at the sink.

"Hi," she said. "How'd it go?"

"Nothing," I said. I felt my cheeks burn. That was stupid. We were not going to go hungry. My hunting now was just for variety and so we could buy some extras.

I went into the living room to take off my boots. Annie followed me.

"Is everything okay?" she asked.

"Fine." I had knotted one of my laces and I couldn't get the knot out now.

Still, Annie stood there. After a minute she said "You seem . . . tense."

I yanked on the stubborn lace and it broke. "Of course I'm tense," I snapped. "My husband died." Without decent hunting I would not be able to buy new laces for my boots. Great.

"Do you want to talk?" Annie asked.

"No," I said. I yanked off my boot despite the knot and stomped upstairs.

Upstairs I sat on my bed with my head in my hands. I needed to get myself back under control. Tomorrow I would do some serious hunting. No more yelling in the woods. I had stopped leaving out snares so I would get nothing unless I kept myself quiet and focused on getting some kills. It was August. The forest was full of animals. I should do fine tomorrow. Unless they were all still hiding after today's shouting.

He arrived right on schedule on Saturday evening. Annie's brothers picked him up at the train station and brought him over. I heard them come in the front door, but I stayed in the living room. I heard him greet Annie with a hug. I could picture her gesturing towards me, then fleeing to the kitchen. And there he was. He moved so silently. Was he still trying to show off? Show that he was better than Peeta?

He sat down on the coffee table across from me, a Seam boy, not used to decent furniture.

"Hello, Katniss."

"Yeah," was all I could manage.

"How are you?"

"Just great." I stared at my hands, clenched between my knees.

"We need to talk," he said.

"So talk," I said.

"Not here," he said. "Let's go for a walk."

"Not now. It's dinnertime."

I finally forced my eyes up and looked at him. He was different now, more soldier. He had the standard short army haircut. His stance was straighter. Good. He was different, not the boy who had once been my friend, my best friend.

Annie was being ridiculous. She had fixed a regular feast. She had clam chowder, corn on the cob, bread, salad, and a huge wild turkey I had killed. Gale was ready to dig in and almost did when he realized that these were civilized people who were pausing a moment to say thanks. I had been hoping he wouldn't be able to eat the turkey, but no, it didn't bother him at all. So I had some too. If he didn't care, why should I?

But I couldn't eat much. I wasn't hungry. I spent my time chopping up small pieces of my meat and giving them to Finnie. Annie, Susan, Jonah and Davy asked Gale questions about his life. He told them about his squad, clearing the Nut. He just kept bragging about all the great things he was doing. I had nothing to say. Then Annie brought out blueberry pie. They all went nuts, like they had never seen a pie before. Then they laughed about Finnie being totally purple with pie all over his face. Gross.

After dinner we all helped Annie clear. Annie started to wash the dishes. I said I would dry, but Susan already had the towel.

I turned and Gale was there. "Let's go for a walk, down by the shore."

"I don't have my shoes."

"I'll wait."

I left him in the kitchen and went upstairs to get my boots. I was in no hurry. I pulled on my boots and went to tie the new laces. My hands were shaking. I took a deep breath. My heart was pounding, too. This was stupid.

Outside we walked down to the shore.

"It's beautiful here," he said. "I've never seen the ocean before." That's right. He wasn't on the Victory Tour.

He turned to me. "How are you, really?"

"I was fine. Until you got here."

"That's fair," he said. I raised my eyebrows. He continued: "That's why I had to come. I have to somehow let you know how sorry I am."

"You can't be sorry enough," I said.

"Probably not, but still I need to tell you that you were right. I was wrong, horribly wrong. I should never have designed those bombs, never even have had that idea."

I said nothing. What he was saying was true, but it didn't change anything. He couldn't change anything.

He squatted down and drew lines in the sand. He stared out at the ocean, talking almost to himself. "I was in custody in the Capitol when I saw what happened. There was . . . stuff going on in the hall and I didn't see the parachutes with the bombs, any of that. I just saw enough to see Prim there . . . with the medics and then . . ." - he clenched his hand into the sand – "they exploded and she was gone."

I caught my breath. I still felt pain in my chest when I thought of that day.

"I had never thought about how much Prim meant to me before," he said.

What was he talking about? He had no right to care about Prim. He had murdered her. But he kept going.

"I had never realized that she was more to me than just your little sister. But I knew then how much I cared about her. She was so small, so kind, so strong. I despised whoever could do such a thing. Then they replayed the whole thing and I knew it was me. I had killed her."

There was no sound but the soft roar of the ocean, the waves rolling into the sand again and again. I looked out at the sea and wondered who this was who was talking to me. I felt hollow. My sister was gone. The Gale Hawthorne I had known was gone. This was Prim's murderer. He had just said so himself.

He stood up and came over to me. I crossed my arms across my chest and turned my face away from him.

"Katniss," he said. "I didn't come here to be your friend again. I don't deserve it. I just wanted you to know that I am sorry. I'm sorry for all of the things I did, all of the ideas I had. I'm sorry that I didn't see what you saw, didn't see that I had become one of them."

We stood in silence. I had nothing to say to him.

"I had hoped you might forgive me." He turned toward the ocean and spoke so softly that I could barely hear him. "Even if you can't I wanted you to know I would give anything to be able to take back what I have done."

"But you can't," I muttered, not looking at him. "She is gone forever and there is nothing you can do about it."

"I know," he said. "Good bye." And he walked away and left me standing, alone, on the beach.

I had wanted to yell at him, wanted him to try to defend what he had done so that I could rip him apart. But he didn't.

I stood looking out at the darkening sky. The waves tumbled and twirled and my mind was spinning. I don't know what I had expected from Gale, but it wasn't this. The tough soldier had vanished and he had seemed smaller, broken. I never thought I would hear him say those words. But they couldn't take away the ache in my heart. I don't know how long I stood there, transfixed by the waves as they endlessly pounded into the sand.

At last, I went back up to the house. I had thought I knew Gale, knew him better than anyone. Now he was a stranger to me. I felt odd, unmoored.

Annie was alone in the kitchen when I got there. She must have put Finnie to bed. Susan usually went to bed early, too. The boys had left. I glanced at Annie, then I had to look back again. She looked so different. Her face was hard and there was a fire in her eyes.

"Where did he go?" she asked in a voice that demanded an answer.

"He left."

"Did he apologize?"

"Quite a bit."

"And you didn't forgive him?" She crossed her arms in front of herself.

"No. He can't undo what he did."

"And what exactly was it that he did to you?" she asked.

I didn't have to tell her the whole thing. But after all she'd done for me I owed her some answers. And looking at her, I thought she might throttle me if I didn't explain.

I clenched my jaw and looked at the table. "He designed the bombs that killed Prim. They were setting traps and they made bombs that went off in two stages. One to kill, they killed innocent children with that one. Then the second stage later, so that they would go off when the medics had arrived."

"That is hideous," said Annie.

"Prim was one of those medics."

"Oh." She sat down at the table. I sat down, too. I felt deflated. I stared out the window over the sink.

"Did he say he was sorry for designing the bombs?" she asked.

"What difference does it make?" I said, more loudly than I had meant to. "It's done. He killed her. She's gone."

Annie dropped her head down into her fingers. She sighed. "Do you know what happened to me in the Arena?"

I stared at her. What did that have to do with anything? Why was everyone dropping their dark secrets on me tonight?

But I said to her "No, not really."

"His name was Ray, Ray Trawler. I hadn't known him before, before we were reaped, but he was a good guy, from a big family. We agreed to work together. He was mostly helping me. He was older, stronger, smarter. He could throw a trident, set traps with nets, kill food with his knife. The only things I could help with were starting fires and finding berries and roots we could eat. And I could hear more than he could. I heard things coming before they got to us. We did okay together, better than we had expected. We got down to the last seven alive.

"I started to think about how it would have to end. Either he would have to kill me or I would have to kill him. We didn't talk about it, but I know he was thinking the same thing. He was the one who said that we should split up. It was awful, thinking that, hoping that, someone else would kill him. So I agreed, and he left.

"As he walked off into the woods, I heard a sound. It was faint, but it was human. I knew that someone was waiting in there to kill Ray. I stood up and started to call to him, to warn him. Then I stopped and I thought – wasn't that what I wanted, for someone else to kill him? So I didn't yell. I didn't say anything." Annie's head hung down. I had never seen her look so miserable.

"I changed my mind after I heard the attack. I ran after Ray. I don't know why. It was not like I could really help him, but I couldn't leave him alone. By the time I reached the clearing Ray was hurt, bad. He was on his knees. I got there just in time to see this Career giant take a swing with his sword and cut Ray's head completely off.

"I started screaming. Even as I ran away in a panic I was still screaming. Then I heard others coming. I finally stopped screaming. I fell into this little ditch. There was an opening, some kind of animal den, and I hid in there. I heard this horrible battle above as the Career killed some of the others. I tried covering my ears, but I could still hear everything.

"Even after I got out of the Arena, I felt like I could hear things other people didn't hear. I had been given the gift of excellent hearing, but I hadn't used it when Ray needed me to, so it became a curse. I spent more than a year out of my mind. I knew that I was just as bad as the Gamemakers. I had killed Ray. The guilt was ripping me up inside. I hardly ate or drank. They kept having to hook me up to IVs to keep me alive."

"Annie," I interrupted. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Just listen," she said. She went on with her story.

"Then Finnick came. He listened to my ravings and he understood, maybe because he had been in the Arena, maybe because he had the guilt, too. He calmed me down and then he told me what I needed to do. He was always a little bit crazy, but he was smart about people. I had to go talk to Ray's family, tell them what I had done, apologize. My mother was horrified, but I knew that it was what I needed to do. Finnick went with me.

"And I did it. I told them everything. I cried and told them it was my fault that Ray was dead. His father looked at me with cold eyes that tore into my heart. He knew I had killed his son and he hated me. But his mother opened her arms to me. She hugged me and told me that I was forgiven. She didn't say that I hadn't done anything wrong, but she told me to let it go. And we cried on each other's shoulders.

"It wasn't until after that that I could love Finnick. I still had, still have, episodes where I feel I can hear everything that is happening in the world. But mostly, I am okay now. Because I was forgiven."

We sat at the table, across from each other, both wrestling with our memories, memories that no one should have.

At last I said "Annie, I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can forgive him."

She looked up and stared at me across the table. "You are angry with him because he had no mercy. He made plans without seeing that the people he would kill were human, too, that they had families who loved them, that they deserved to live. He didn't mean to kill Prim, but it wasn't until she died that he could see that even in war, even in the Arena, you have to have a heart. There are things you cannot do.

"Gale didn't have mercy on nameless, faceless people he was fighting against in a war. You are not showing mercy to someone who used to be your best friend and who seriously regrets what he did."

I sighed. I got up and went over to Annie and gave her a hug.

That night as I lay in bed the room was swirling. I felt like I had had too much alcohol to drink, but I hadn't had any. Then I felt as though I was shrinking down to nothing. The universe was above me, massive, eternal, and I was so small. Prim was gone. Peeta was gone. Gale was gone. I looked out my window and saw the full moon. I thought that if I kept my eyes on the moon I would not disappear. It would hold me and keep me from disintegrating. I stared at the moon and tried to find some answers.

Thanks as always to IrishLuck19 and congrats on your amazing week!

Thanks to all my beautiful reviewers, especially you newbies! Anybody out there who is reading – drop me a line. Half the fun is in the dialogue.

MountainAir

Iluvdinos

Katieg343

JessicaClairee

GraceVictoria

Solaryllis

J.T. O'Connell

Kina Kalamari

Heart the Squid

KidsInLovex

EchoDeltaNine

WisdomGoddess26 – Thanks for the reviews! Hope all is well with you.

Peeta the Frosting Prince