Whispers
I leaned back into the sandbar, looked up and tried to absorb all the sunshine I could, to bring it with me into the Pit. There was no point in trying to guess what mission I was heading back to; I'd know soon enough. Finnie shrieked gleefully in the distance and I could almost forget that I had to leave in just a couple of hours.
Katniss swam up and sat next to me, resting against my arm. My breath hitched. As usual, she was oblivious. But I could smell her skin even under the sun block and salt water. Her light blue swimsuit had some kind of silver sparkle to it and, now that it was wet, it clung to her body. She had graceful curves that hadn't been there when we first met. Even though our chaperones were many yards away, I wished they would tire of the beach and go back into the house. Although obeying her 'all hands on deck' rule would be a challenge. So instead, I took a slow breath, stretched my arms above my head and broke the skin to skin contact that was so very distracting. In a few hours I would be longing to touch her again.
"You okay?" she asked. Clueless.
"Yeah, just thinking too many things."
"Good things or bad things?"
"Both. The weird thing is that a week ago I thought I'd be lucky if you would even speak to me. I should be totally happy about where things are, about you, about everything. But instead I keep thinking that it isn't enough. I don't want this trip to end; I don't want to leave."
She took a finger and began to trace a circle around my kneecap. My knee had never been so happy. Any other girl would be doing that on purpose; Katniss was just doodling.
"When we were kids we never dreamed that we could get out of District 12, that we could be sitting here in the ocean, but we are." She seemed to be thinking out loud. "I never thought I'd survive the first Games. Then the Quarter Quell happened and I didn't even plan to survive. But I did. I was messed up, but I was alive. I didn't mean to survive when I shot Coin either. But I did. By then I was a total wreck, but I was still alive. I never thought that I would see you again. But here you are. This spring . . ." - like we didn't both know what had happened this spring - ". . . I didn't think I could ever be happy again. But I am. You have made me so happy. I didn't think any of this could ever happen. So don't think about what we don't have. Just look at every day, every hour, as a gift, one we didn't think we would get, but we did. And just enjoy the gift."
"When did you get so deep?" I had to smile; I was asking her the same thing she had asked me. But she had changed. The old Katniss was too focused on survival to have a theory of how to be happy.
She let out a nervous laugh and began to dig a hole in the sand. She seemed embarrassed by my question. She was even blushing. Then something clicked and it all made sense.
"Let me guess. That's something Peeta told you."
"Yeah, it is."
"Hey, I want you to know something. Remember how you don't want to forget Prim? Peeta doesn't deserve to be forgotten either. Don't feel like you can't mention him in front of me. I don't mind. He was part of your life. I'm okay with that."
"Are you sure?" Despite her words, her eyes were grateful. "I think it'll take me a while before that doesn't feel weird."
"You know what I think?" I asked, keeping my voice low so she wouldn't notice that I was scooping up some water. "I think we have been way too serious today." I caught her by surprise with a great splash.
She spluttered and yelled "I'll get you for that, Hawthorne," but I was already fleeing toward shore. Our water fight continued in the shallow water. Davy and Jonah enthusiastically joined in, although Annie grabbed Finnie, and swept him off for a nap. He looked disappointed.
Before long I realized that I needed to get packed and cleaned up in time to enjoy one last dinner at Annie's. And then time started playing malicious tricks on me. I wanted to savor each moment, but instead they vanished. I'd look at the clock and another half hour was gone. We just had a simple dinner of clam chowder and fresh bread, but I knew it would be a long time before I could enjoy another bowl of Annie's soup.
The dark clouds were moving in and the sky grew black long before sunset. I helped Jonah and Davy set up a couple of tarps as a tent to keep any rain off of Mr. Ugly. The spit that we had rigged up was working well. I was glad I was leaving before the aroma of roasting pork grew too irresistible.
Katniss and I took a last walk on the beach, hand in hand.
"I better not come into town with you," she said with a sigh. "If you're under orders to keep mum about being with me, it wouldn't work for us to make the nightly news."
"That's one reason I would like to go back to 12. I feel like I could be just a normal person there. Everyone there knows us too well to be impressed."
"I don't know. I know you pretty well and I'm impressed." She had a glint in her eye.
I stopped walking and put my hands on her waist. "Where did my Catnip learn to flirt?" I liked this new more relaxed side of Katniss. She answered with a kiss.
Just a few more minutes left.
"I'll call you when I get back to base, but I won't be able to say much. The phone is out in the hall, not very private."
She kept both arms around me while we walked up to the house and I noticed that she was scowling. "What's wrong?"
"You have to ask?"
I felt the leaden weight of good-bye in her voice.
"It's just a few weeks." I was reminding myself as much as Katniss. I had gone more than a year without seeing her. We could handle a few weeks.
Time sucker punched me again and I was throwing my bag into the truck cab with Jonah. Apparently, the brothers were separable. Maybe I bugged Davy as much as he bugged me. I gave Katniss one last kiss, and climbed into the cab.
"Gale! Wait." I pushed the door back open and saw a panicked look on her face.
I said "Just a minute," and got out of the cab, all too aware that I didn't have much time to spare. But the look on Katniss's face was so unlike her, at least unlike the tough warrior side of her. A wind was picking up and her hair flew into her face. I pushed some of the strands back behind her ear, then took her hands in mine. "What? Are you okay?"
"I have to tell you something." She paused, taking deep breaths to steady herself. "You need to know." She was staring at the ground, and it seemed to take great effort for her to raise her eyes to my face. In a voice so faint that it almost disappeared into the distant waves she said "I . . . I love you."
I had planned for years how I would echo what she had said to me and the words came quickly, even though my mind was flying - "I know." She gave me a little smile and I leaned down to kiss her again, but I couldn't leave it there. Those words, long waiting, had been a lie. I pulled away and looked at her, more seriously now. "No, I didn't know," was all I could manage, but she understood. I wanted to slip out of time with her again, but its claws were in me and I couldn't. All I could do was hold her close for a moment and whisper into her ear "I love you. Still."
I felt physical pain as I let her go and moved back into the truck, a crushing ache like the bullet that had smashed my ribs within my chest. I slumped against the door and Jonah, without speaking, pulled the truck away. Part of me was relieved that she wasn't coming. If she was there I might lose my nerve and not get on that damned train. I refused to look back, instead closing my eyes and locking the feel of her lips on mine, the sweet whisper of her words, into memory.
As I stared out of the train window I replayed my days in District 4 in my head. It was impossible that I'd only arrived on Saturday. Seventy-two hours had completely changed my life.
Rain was coming down outside. I vaguely hoped that it would stop before it could ruin the roast boar party. I leaned my seat back and let the swaying of the train, the raindrops jogging diagonally across the window, the memories of swimming in the ocean, I let it all lure me into sleep.
The rising sun through the window woke me. The land had changed completely. There were pine trees and rugged mountains. I was almost back to District 2.
Morning felt wrong without a run. I was going to miss the shore. The next best thing was breakfast. In the dining car I pulled out the manual I had on the Nut to read while I ate. It was time to get my head back into my job. No matter what Katniss said, I knew we were going back underground. Since I had no idea what we would be doing, it couldn't hurt to review the maps.
Once I was back on base I left my stuff in my room. My room was locked; I checked the doorknob and it showed no signs of forced entry. How had Johanna gotten in? The door to the barracks was open. Doc was the only one there, sitting at the one desk they all shared.
"Hey, you're back," he said with a questioning look when I greeted him.
I shook my head to let him know I wasn't going to discuss why. "Where is everyone?"
"At breakfast. Then we're supposed to head over to Supply for a uniform verification."
"I've gotta go check in with Brighton. I'll catch up with you guys later."
Captain Brighton's secretary sent me right in. As usual, he was poring through piles of paper.
"Sergeant Hawthorne," he said, looking up. "Back early from your leave?"
I knew that he didn't want anyone to know that he had called me. Strange that the game began even here in his own office. Who did he think was listening?
"Yes, sir."
"That's a shame. But you are just in time for 425's new mission. Your clearances are all in order, aren't they?"
"Yes, sir." The whole squad had needed Level 3 Security Clearance to be able to work in the Nut. As Squad Leader I had filled out a ream of extra paperwork to get through to Level 2 Clearance.
"Good. This is your mission report." He handed me a packet of papers in a sealed envelope. "Not for Distribution" was stamped on the front. This was obviously a higher security mission than we usually had.
"Go ahead. Take a look at it, then I'll answer questions."
The first thing I noticed was the title page reading: "Proposed Itinerary for President Paylor's Tour of District 2 Former Command Headquarters with Squad 425." So that explained the drama.
The second thing I saw was a loose piece of paper on top of the bound packet. It was a note, handwritten in red highlighter:
"Ask some minor questions then request time for a run this morning. I will meet you one mile from the trailhead on the running trail east of the Nut entrance on Red Rock Mountain at 1000. Bring this note with you."
I glanced up at Captain Brighton with raised eyebrows. His eyes met mine for a second, then he went back to his papers. I skimmed through the rest of the packet. Other than our high-powered guest the mission did not seem very complicated. She would bring several members of her staff. We would be clearing some residential units, mainly as a demonstration project. We would also briefly show her some of the already cleared areas. They would be spending one night underground with us, probably to prove to the country that she was no delicate flower. I remembered first meeting her at the hospital in District 8. She was tough enough. She'd probably handle staying underground better than I did.
"Doc said the Squad was going for a uniform verification. Any reason to believe that there were uniform problems in my squad?"
"You may have noted that President Paylor's team includes a media liaison officer. They want to make sure that any media appearances are well presented." I must have made a face since he laughed and went on. "Don't worry. They are just talking about a press conference featuring Paylor at the end of the mission. Any coverage of your squad will be incidental. Are all of your uniforms in order?"
"Yes sir. I left them at the cleaners. When do I meet up with the squad then?"
"They should be done with Supply in time for lunch at 1230."
"Do you mind if I take this material back to quarters to review it there?" I figured I was doing pretty well coming up with innocuous questions.
"No problem. Make sure that all of your personal contact information is up to date. You are dismissed."
"One more thing, sir. I missed the squad run this morning. Can I leave base for a run before lunch?"
"As long as you can review your materials and make it back in time for lunch with your squad, that should be fine." He hardly raised his eyes from the paperwork on his desk the whole conversation. I wondered if he was concerned about video surveillance. Otherwise, why would he be so concerned about appearances in his own office? I was going to have a lot of questions when we met.
There wasn't much of substance in the packet and I really did want a run so I left as quickly as I could and figured that I could meet up with the captain on my way back down the trail. It was one of my favorite mountain paths.
I didn't expect to feel as lousy as I did. I wondered if I was coming down with something. I didn't even take a very long run, but I was completely winded, and as I came back down the trail I was coming down with a headache and starting to feel nauseous. Then I tripped over a root and landed sprawled out on the path. When I got about a mile up from the trailhead I sat down on a giant rock and started picking pieces of gravel out of my bloody palms. I had brought the note he told me to bring, but I had no other paper or materials so I would have to remember everything he told me. The growing headache was not going to help.
Typically, Captain Brighton arrived precisely on time. He was out of uniform and dressed as though he was going for a run himself. He sat down next to me and offered me his water bottle.
"You alright?" he asked.
"No. Actually, I feel terrible." I drank some of the water, and used more to wash off my hands.
"Altitude sickness."
"What?" I vaguely remembered hearing something about that, but I'd never had a problem with it before.
"You've been at sea level. I should have warned you not to actually try a run today. You need a day or two to re-acclimate to 6000 feet. Drink a lot of water. That'll help."
"Great. I imagine you have more to talk to me about than the altitude," I said, looking for a distraction.
"Yes. First of all, do you have that note with you?"
I handed it to him. He immediately pulled out a cigarette lighter and burned it, dropping the ashes behind the rock.
"Okay. I'll explain all I can. I imagine that in District 12 you experienced a bit of surveillance." I nodded. "District 2 is crawling with it: microphones, cameras, spies. It isn't usually a concern for me, but I am finding your squad's upcoming mission to be troubling in several ways. First of all, it has been set up very quickly, which is completely counter to my previous experience with President Paylor."
He paused as a couple of runners went by on the path. "We should probably keep moving. Your headache will just get worse if we head back up the mountain."
"If you're worried about surveillance, it is probably clearer off the path. There's some running water back this way." I often took my squad off the path. I figured a bunch of tough army guys should be able to handle jumping over some fallen logs. I didn't explain that water was a good way to block sound. He'd know that.
Captain Brighton continued as he followed me into the woods: "I was first approached by Paylor's office about this mission several months ago. Preliminary arrangements all went according to the usual schedule, then suddenly everything was finalized with just a couple days' notice. I have tried to contact the President directly to discuss the mission, the timeline, but I have been unable to get through to her, past her staff. I know that is typically how high officials conduct business, but Paylor has always been a detail person. In the past, she has frustrated her staff by wanting to deal with the minutiae herself and she has always returned my phone calls. Maybe her staff has finally brought her around to the more efficient way of doing things but it is unusual for her."
"All of that sounds pretty innocuous." I hoped he didn't think I was getting out of line, but I needed to be blunt if I was going to get a clear picture of what was going on.
"It is. There's no clear signal that something's wrong. If there was I'd cancel the mission. There are just several little things that bother me. I don't know what to make of them, but I wanted to give you the full picture.
"I know President Paylor fairly well. During the war she was the one to whom I surrendered when I could no longer work for the Capitol. Changing sides during a war when you are a district commander is a tricky business. If I had approached the rebel commander in 2 I would probably have been shot on sight. Paylor seemed even-headed so she was the one I approached."
"How'd you go about that?" I had never thought about exactly how he switched sides.
"It's a long story which I won't bore you with right now. The point is that I am very familiar with Paylor's way of doing things and there has been a change.
"The next issue involves Internal Investigations – I.I." I had been splashing the cool water from the creek onto my face, trying to get my headache to ease up a bit. I looked up at him. If I.I. was involved there was something else going on.
"As you may know, I.I. reports directly to the President. They usually investigate routine troop misbehavior: theft of army property, officers accepting bribes, things that can happen in any organization. However, since the war they have also looked into possible security threats, those who harbor hidden loyalties, to the former regime, to anyone else."
"Are there a lot of those?" Another thing I'd never thought about. No, I had wondered about Colonel Onyx, how they could trust him.
"I'm sure you are aware that there have been attempts on President Paylor's life. Now that you have read some ancient history, you may have noticed how often governments are brought down by someone on the inside, someone who wants to undermine an existing regime. There are always those who don't like a new way of doing business, who find themselves with less power than they had before, and who decide to take matters into their own hands. Of course, I would be the first to point out that some who changed sides during the war were sincere, but it can be hard to spot those who aren't. Under Snow's government anyone whose loyalty was in doubt would just be disposed of. Paylor doesn't operate that way.
"Again, if I knew of anyone who was a threat I'd deal with them. All I know is that I.I. has taken a great interest in this base. As Base Commander, I am notified of their presence, but not of the precise nature of their investigation. Of course, there could also be undercover I.I. agents. Then, presumably, even I wouldn't be notified. The thing is, not only has there been significant I.I. operation on the base, but your squad in particular appears to have been extensively investigated."
That news was almost enough to make me forget my headache. "Could they have been screening us to prepare for the President's visit?" I asked.
"You were all already screened when you got your security clearances. I.I. usually does not handle bulk screening, but investigates specific possible threats."
"So somebody thinks there's a traitor on my squad."
"I don't have any confirmation of this, but something of that sort seems to be going on, which makes it very strange that your squad was specifically requested for this mission. Frankly, I'd recommended a different squad. There does not appear to be any need for specialized explosives expertise on this mission."
I tried to absorb everything he had told me. It seemed that the war would never really end. "What exactly do you want me to do with this information?"
"I wanted you back here because I trust your instincts. So far all my problems with this mission come down to a bad gut feeling. That plus the importance to our country of protecting our first legitimately elected leader. If she was suddenly taken out the chances of an unelected government taking over are too high and I certainly don't want to see us go back to the old way of running things. Unfortunately, I can't give you anything more specific to go on."
"What do you think about my squad? Is there anyone you suspect?"
"Again, nothing specific. In general, anyone who fought for the Capitol and switched sides, like Redstone, is a possibility. Even if they weren't Peacekeepers those from the Capitol and Districts 1 and 2 are more likely, so that includes Mercurius and Shine. Anyone who had an important position under the old regimes, either Snow or Coin, may resent their loss of status. And security clearances also look for those who are blackmailable, who have secrets, debts, addictions, or even just vulnerable family members. Is Groves' new baby still in the hospital?"
"I think they sent him home, but they're worried about his heart. It's not quite right. The family members thing though, that one would cover anyone."
"Yes, although families are safer in some districts than others."
"Any chance I can get a look at their security clearance applications?"
He sat silently for a few minutes. Then nodded. "Come by my office for some new historical reading material. I'll leave them in there."
"Have you told anyone else about your suspicions?" I asked. I was trying to figure out where to start, how to handle all of this.
"No, although Beetee came to me with his concerns about the mission. He'd been asked to review the security of the Nut and felt like the mission was being rushed before he could finish a thorough report." I hadn't even realized that Brighton knew Beetee, although as Base Commander I supposed he'd know everyone on the base to some extent.
"I need to get back," he said as he stood up and began to walk back to the path. "By the way, how was your trip? Really?"
"Great. Better than I ever expected." I thought about giving him more detail, then decided not to give him the extra guilt trip.
"Good. Then you can make good use of your extra week of leave."
Captain Brighton told me to wait a few minutes and he took off jogging back to the base. After a while I started the walk back. I was glad to have some time to think. The idea that I couldn't trust everyone in my squad was disconcerting. Over the past months we had all come to work together well and I had been often in situations where I trusted them with my life. I'd mainly focused on making sure that each soldier was competent. I'd never considered that any of them might be holding a secret loyalty to the old Capitol regime or to some new set of usurpers.
I needed to go over their files, check each one thoroughly. Right now the only person I knew I could trust completely was Katniss and she was a thousand miles from here.
I wished I'd asked more questions about how and when our squad had been investigated. Were they just looking through our files? Or was there someone we had been dealing with on base who was secretly checking us out? Maybe examining surveillance tapes on us? The more I thought about it the creepier it got, although I would have to admit that when Mercurius and Chervil got going our tapes would probably be more entertaining than most.
Thanks to IrishLuck19 for brilliant betaing.
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