AN – Thanks to HalfHope for the name Phoenix for Katniss's dad. Read her "Sing for Me" for the whole story of his romance with Ruth (Mrs. Everdeen).

Waiting

I knew I'd be sad when Gale left, but I didn't expect the terror. It grabbed me from out of nowhere. One minute we were walking along the beach - I was even flirting - and he pulled me into a kiss. I was thinking of nothing but the warmth of his lips, the strength of his hands on my waist, when a voice in the back of my mind said 'You'd better enjoy this kiss. You may never see him again.'

My heart went cold. I broke away with a gasp and buried my face in his chest. I couldn't let him read the fear in my lips. As we walked back up to the house I kept both arms wrapped around him, as though I could hold him tightly enough to keep him safe. My heart was pounding, but it wasn't the happy throb he usually caused. It was painful, stabbing, screaming at me not to let him go.

One good thing my fear did. It pushed me to finally tell him that I loved him. I knew that if I didn't do it then it'd be at least several weeks before I could, since words like that weren't going out over the phone. The voice in my head whispered that if I was never going to see him again he deserved to know.

I knew he had to go. And if I told him that it wasn't safe, something was going to happen, he would remind me that he was in the army, of course it wasn't safe, and I would just make it harder for him to do what he had to do.

So I gave Gale one final kiss and he went.

As the truck pulled away down the road I changed my mind. A gut warning this strong shouldn't be ignored. I couldn't lose him. I ran after them, calling them to stop, but they were already too far away. They didn't hear me.

I went back to Annie's and curled up on her front steps, hating the filthy dirt road, the road that had taken him away from me. I wondered if Annie had felt this. The last time she kissed Finnick, the last time she said 'good-bye,' did her heart cry out and warn her? I couldn't think of any decent way to ask her. And I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the answer.

I hardly noticed when raindrops began to join my tears, but Annie came out to check on me.

"Come on in before you get soaked," she said. She put an arm around me as I came through the door. "The best thing you can do is keep busy. Why don't you put Finnie to bed?"

Finnie must have been exhausted from his first day of walking. He fell asleep in my arms as soon as I started his story. I put the book down and rocked with him. I wondered if he'd ever have to join the army, to leave his loved ones and go off to fight, to risk his life. Maybe the world he grew up in would be different. No, it already was different. He sure wasn't going hungry. As I set him down in his crib I noticed that one of his chubby fists was clutching something. I carefully pried open his fingers and frowned.

It was a dandelion, crushed almost beyond recognition.

My stomach clenched and I grabbed the side of the crib to steady myself. It didn't mean anything. It couldn't mean anything.

I went downstairs and slipped into machine mode as I helped Annie and Susan thoroughly clean the kitchen. All of the cooking they'd done had used every bowl, every utensil, every surface of the room. The two of them made small talk, which I didn't join, but I listened to every word, afraid to let my mind wander. As soon as the kitchen was clean all three of us headed for bed. I wasn't tired as much as empty.

The sheets stacked behind me smelled of industrial detergent, the cement floor of a dank mop. I clutched my knees to my chest and tried to disappear within the darkness. I could hear his hoarse screams or, worse, the silence that followed them. Even with my eyes closed I saw the gray walls, dark red splatters and thin dripping lines flowing down from them. There was nothing I could do. He didn't know I was alive; he couldn't hear me; I couldn't reach him. I wished it would all end, then choked at the thought that it might end, that he might end.

I heard the screams again, wrenching, no thought behind them, only reflexive reaction to pain. But this time they were close, just outside the closet door. I jumped to my feet and threw out my hands in the darkness to open the door, to go to him, to help him somehow. But my hands found no door. I groped in the darkness, but I was completely surrounded by shelves, by sheets, by towels – no doorknob, no door, no way out. I tried to call out "I'm coming!" but I had no voice.

He screamed again and all I could do was listen.

Where was he? What were they doing to him? Who did they have? I sat up and tried again to find a door.

The salty scent of the air brought me back. I was in District 4, at Annie's. The sea swished gently outside. Peeta had been rescued, and wherever he was now, nothing could hurt him anymore. He was safe.

But Gale wasn't. My heart kept pounding. I checked the wooden table clock on my bed stand – 4:32. I lay back onto my soft pillow and pulled the deep blue blanket up over me. I gave a sigh and knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep anymore. My body was wide awake, my limbs restless. I gave up and got out of bed. I decided that an early morning walk on the beach would calm my nerves.

The sand had circled pockmarks from last night's rain. The lapping waves were cool on my bare feet. I thought about climbing up onto the rock, but didn't want to be up there alone. The sand was too damp for sitting, so I paced about the cove instead.

I am Katniss Everdeen Mellark. I am nineteen years old. Peeta is dead. I am a widow. I am in love with Gale. I am staying with Annie, in District 4. We killed a boar. We won the war. President Snow is dead. So is President Coin. I am no longer a tribute, no longer a victor, no longer the Mockingjay. I am just a girl.

In the District 13 hospital I had sworn off of hiding in closets forever. I reminded myself that dreams didn't count. I didn't need to hide any more. Peeta would never again be held, be tortured, in the Capitol. And, for all my fears, Gale wasn't a prisoner in the Capitol either. He was a soldier, but he knew what he was doing. He wasn't alone; he had a whole squad of trained soldiers there to cover his back. He might not like what he was doing, but it was what he had chosen, and soon, less than a month, he'd be done. I ran through the names he'd told me – the other guys in his squad: Marik, Doc, Mercurius, Asher, Shine, Redstone, Chervil, the married one, . . . I was missing someone else, but only one. Not bad considering I had never met any of them, just heard about them from Gale.

The sky was fading, the pale gray approaching. I didn't want to watch the sun come up, not without him. I went back into the house and started the coffee pot. This was going to be a busy day.

Soon Susan, Annie and Finnie were down. I loaned Finnie my two pointer fingers and we walked circles through kitchen, the hall, the living room and back to the kitchen, while Annie made eggs, bacon and toast. My stomach growled and I realized it had been a long time since last night's early dinner. I glanced at the black and white kitchen clock. Gale would still be on the train, two hours from District 2. I hoped he was still asleep.

The sun rose on a clear sky. The rain had disappeared and part of me felt silly for my panic the night before. In the sunlight the world didn't seem as menacing.

After breakfast Susan and I went out to the garden to harvest fresh vegetables for the salad. Then we cleaned them, chopped them and threw them into an enormous bowl. We made a vat of lemonade. We debated whether to make blackberry pie or cobbler, or just to eat them raw with fresh whipped cream, then decided on all three. I went into the forest to clear the snares and gather more blackberries, my stomach clenching at the emptiness of the woods. I hurried back to the house.

Davy and Jonah moved the kitchen table out onto the back porch and we filled it with plates, napkins and utensils, then as time for the party approached, with more food than our family had eaten in 6 months back in the Seam. And that wasn't even counting Mr. Ugly – who was now filling the house and yard with the most delectable smell. He would have his own table, all to himself.

We set up borrowed tables and chairs in the house and on the porch, but the ground outside was too sandy for them. People would just have to pull up a rock or a blanket and make themselves comfortable.

Mom arrived early. "Where's Gale?" she asked. I hadn't talked to her since the phone call had come yesterday. In fact, I hadn't filled her in for days. I quickly explained how he'd been called back to District 2, trying to make my voice sound light, to ignore the fear still lurking in my chest.

"I take it you two have reconciled," she said.

"How did you know?"

She took my right hand in her hand. "This ring has done a bit of journeying." I felt a blush creep up my cheeks.

She was right. I had to laugh at how quickly she had seen what Gale had never noticed. The night after he had kissed me for the first time, well, the first time this time, I'd moved my wedding ring from my left hand to my right. It wasn't exactly an official wedding ring since Peeta and I had never had an official wedding, but while we were in the hospital in District 13 Peeta had gotten my pearl set into a beautiful ring and given it to me. It was bittersweet since we both knew by then that there would be no wedding.

I sighed. It was bittersweet on my right hand now, too. It was all silly. A week ago I hadn't even been speaking to Gale. How could my world feel so empty without him?

"I have a lot to tell you," I said to my mom. Annie went up to get dressed and while we made salad dressing and heaped baskets with fresh bread, I filled Mom in on the amazing events of the past few days.

"This looks great, but how about if we go across the street and grab some wildflowers to be the finishing touch?" I asked my mom.

As we walked I took her hand and asked her what I hadn't even realized I wanted to know: "Do you think I'm awful?"

She knew exactly what I meant. "Of course not, honey. I'm just so thankful that I can see you smile again. And, you know, it's what Peeta wanted you to do. He wanted to know that you'd be happy again."

"Peeta was too nice," I said. A vision of Prim and Peeta together somewhere, with so many others who were gone, filled my heart. "Mom, do you think that they are together? Prim, Peeta, . . . Dad?"

"Thinking that Prim is with Phoenix now is the only thing that has gotten me through," she answered. "Come on. We'd better get these flowers into vases. People are starting to arrive."

There were so many guests I started to wonder if we would have enough boar. All night long I was introduced to people, friends of Annie, Susan, Davy, Jonah and my mom. I felt like I had met all of District 4. A few I'd met before, but most were strangers to me. A lot of them referred to me as "the Mockingjay" when we were first introduced, but then we went on to talk of the great boar hunt, how the pit was set up, even the gruesome cleaning of the beast. Of course, I left some details of our hunting expedition out, but I made sure that Gale got full credit for his part in killing and grilling the beast. He had to miss the party but I hoped he could feel the extravagant praise heaped on him all the way in District 2.

I even overheard Davy praising Gale. That surprised me. I knew the two of them didn't get along very well. Davy and Jonah were talking with some of their friends and I heard Davy say "That's what Hawthorne said he did. Amazing."

Davy looked at me and he knew that I had overheard that. "What did he do?" I asked.

"Someone tried to give your cousin a hard time down by the Docks. He didn't let them get away with it." I hated how he kept up with the cousin bit even though he knew we weren't cousins, but Annie called to me to come say 'hello' to the Spicers. It wasn't worth the trouble to correct Davy yet again.

After nearly everyone had arrived, Davy and Jonah took Mr. Ugly out of the pit. Of course, Annie hadn't had a platter big enough to put him on. Instead they found a small boat – a child's boat I guess. We'd cleaned it out thoroughly and covered it with a tarp. It made a perfect, and rather dramatic, way to transport Mr. Ugly to the table.

The real star of the night was little Finnie. He outshone even Mr. Ugly. He was thoroughly thrilled with his own new walking ability and toddled about, grinning madly. When he landed with a plonk on his bottom he lost his smile only momentarily, got a look of intense concentration as he found his feet again, and then he was off. We all took turns following him about, ready to help if he got into trouble, but he seemed to find our efforts to watch over him annoying.

Annie glowed. She was complimented all around on her wonderful cooking, but it was her pride in Finnie that made her eyes sparkle. Although as the sky grew dark I noticed a wistful look on her face. She caught my eye and I knew she was thinking of Finnick.

The party was nice, but by the end of the evening my face ached. I hadn't smiled much for months and the effort of keeping up a charming façade had gotten to me. These people were a lot nicer and more genuine than those I had had to schmooze with on the Victory Tour, but I was also way out of practice.

I dropped onto a blanket on the sand next to my mother.

"I'm sorry I missed Gale," my mom said.

"We never expected that he'd have to leave so suddenly."

"When did you say he would be done?"

"His enlistment is up at the end of September. But he was given an extra week of leave to make up for the abrupt end to this one. So if he can take that leave at the end of the month he will be done one week before the end of September."

"Is he coming back here, then?"

"I'm not sure. I know he wants to visit District 12. I may take the train out and meet him there."

"Are you thinking about going back to 12? To live?"

I hesitated. District 4 was a lovely escape, but District 12 was real life. "I'm thinking about it. I don't know. It will be strange to go back . . . without Peeta. And I need to find something to do with my life. I can't hunt squirrels forever."

"What about Gale? What is he planning to do after he gets out of the army?"

"I don't know. We haven't really talked about it."

"You two have plenty of time to figure out the details. You can always survive on squirrels for a while if you have to."

I actually loved that idea. To take some time just relaxing in the woods of District 12 again.

"The only problem will be how to get some good clam chowder in 12," I said. I was joking, but also thinking about how much I would miss District 4.

"You can always come visit." We sat together listening to the soft buzz of conversation from the few remaining guests. The former pig-roasting pit had become a bonfire and those of us remaining were gathered around it.

"Mom, can I ask you something hard? Something personal?"

"If you can't ask me, who could you ask?" she said with a wary smile.

I almost told her – no one – I don't ask personal questions. Instead, I took a steadying breath. "The day Dad died . . . did you have any feeling that something bad was going to happen?"

Mom shook her head sadly. "No. I don't know if that would have been better or worse, but it was just another morning. Nothing was different until . . . everything was different."

"I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to bring all of that up again."

"It's okay. I'm sorry you've had to go through some of the same things I did, but I hope you'll know to appreciate happiness when you have it. It can all be gone so fast."

"I wish I remembered Dad more. I have images of him, but I can't remember little things – what did he eat for breakfast? Where did he put his work clothes when he took them off? Was he ever sick?"

"Slow down. I'll answer your questions. Then maybe you'll find the memories you are missing."

We'd never done that before. I'd never thought my mother could take it, but she didn't seem to mind. In fact, she got a dreamy look on her face that seemed almost happy.

It was a lovely night. I knew Gale would have enjoyed it. I was hoping he'd call. I was aching to hear his voice, but I told myself he must have been very busy when he got back. He had said he would call, but he never said when. Did he mean just his weekly Sunday night call? Could I wait until then?

We were in the woods, our woods, stalking something. It was just ahead in the trees. I couldn't see what it was, but I could hear the snap of branches as it moved carelessly through the underbrush. I looked to see where Gale was. He had been off to my right, but now I couldn't see him. Then I realized I saw houses, the garish apartments of the Capitol. Whatever we were tracking had gone into the city. I began to worry about Gale. I couldn't see him anywhere. Where had he gone?

I began to run, peering into alleys, checking around corners. He had to be here somewhere. I felt alone, exposed. If I couldn't find him I couldn't watch his back; he couldn't watch mine. We weren't safe. I came around a corner and looked down a dark street, the bricks glistening red in the lamplight. Then I saw him. He had his bow at the ready and was still following our prey, but he was far down on the other side of the street. Then I saw a shadow emerge behind him. Someone, no – something, was stalking Gale. It was huge and its shoulders hunched over toward him, its claw-like hands reaching for him. He didn't hear it. It was getting closer and closer and I wasn't there to cover him. I began to run, to yell, to warn him, but he didn't turn.

It was going to reach him before I did.

I woke with a start, my breathing ragged. Another dream. Once again I tried to pull myself back to District 4, to Annie's, to safety. But it wasn't my safety I was worried about. I couldn't shake the feeling that I should be with Gale, watching his back. I was his hunting partner. No one knew how he worked better than I did. I should be with him.

It was a silly idea. I wasn't in the army anymore. He had a whole squad of trained soldiers to cover him. Surely, they could watch his back at least as well as I could. But, in my heart, I didn't really think so. It was my job. I was his partner. I even wondered if he was right – how long would the army take to fill out the forms to let me back in? Then I remembered that I would have to sign up for two years of duty. He would get out in a few weeks and I would be stuck in the army. That would never work.

I lay back in bed, my pulse returning normal. Why were the nightmares back? Was it because I knew there was no one to comfort me in the night now? Or was my mind trying to tell me something?

The next day was another full one, although now we were cleaning up. Still, it was good to be busy. Amazingly enough, there were even leftovers. I tried not to look at the phone every few minutes. Eventually I decided that I couldn't be in the same room with it or it would drive me mad. I caught myself peeking back into the kitchen every once in a while to make sure it was still there, it hadn't been left off the hook, no one else was tying up the line.

The afternoon was hot, stifling. Annie suggested a swim, but I didn't want to leave the phone. She must have seen my eyes go to it one more time, since she asked her mom to stay and listen for the phone for us. And she was right about swimming. The water cooled my body and soothed my mind. It was wonderful. We stayed in the shallows and listened to Finnie's glee.

But as we walked up to the house, I heard the phone ringing. I broke into a run and took the back stairs 3 at a time. Just as I reached the kitchen door the ringing stopped. I fell onto the doorframe in defeat. I didn't have his number. I couldn't call him back. Susan was out cold on the couch in the living room. How could anyone have slept through all that ringing? I tried not to be angry with her, but tears stung my eyes.

The next day was agony. There was not much left to do, although I tried to find things to do around the house. I scrubbed Annie's old pots viciously, trying to remove every ancient stain. I swept the sand off the porch again and again. My nerves were tense, waiting, mostly for the phone to ring, but also for the time to pass, the weeks to be over. This wasn't going to work for a month. I thought about going hunting, but I couldn't miss another phone call.

We ate lunch on the back porch and I had just finished when the phone rang. I was in the kitchen before the second ring finished.

But it wasn't Gale.

"Mrs. Mellark, this is Captain Brighton, Sergeant Hawthorne's commanding officer." The somber tone of his voice knocked the air out of me. I couldn't follow what he was saying. I could only catch some of the words "the Nut," "accident," "so sorry." Annie came in. She looked at me questioningly.

"There's been an explosion at the mine," I said as my ears filled with a strange rushing sound. I felt the blood leaving my face, the floor tilted and my world went black.

The panic was there the second I came to. I was on the sofa with a cold cloth on my head and Annie holding my hand.

"Katniss? Are you awake?" she asked.

I nodded, but then winced at the pain in my head.

"I talked to the captain. Gale might be okay. This is what they know. The squad was taking some dignitary down into the Nut. They went down in three groups. Gale was with the first group. There was an explosion while the second group was going down. They think that the lift malfunctioned and somehow triggered either some kind of gas or rock dust. The lift was destroyed and the power and communications were knocked out. They don't know what happened to those below. They are trying to find a way to get to them or to at least get in touch with them and find out who's . . . if they are hurt. He'll get back to us as soon as they know more."

I could see Prim sitting straight at her desk, hands folded, waiting for me to take her over to the mine. We always went to the mine, to wait, to watch, to be there. We stood, shivering, clenching the rope line. There was no more horrible, helpless place to be than waiting as the daylight slipped away, taking hope with it.

But I had to be there.

"I'm going," I said.

"What?"

"I'm going to 2. Tonight."

"Katniss, you can't do that. You just blacked out. You can't go wandering around the country on your own."

"I'm going. I'm going to go wait, to help if I can, to be there."

"Wait until we get more news. Then you can go. Maybe I can go with you."

"What if he's hurt? What if they get him out and he is . . . doesn't have much time? I'm going."

I can be very stubborn when I need to be. Annie did not understand how an accident in a mine was handled. And whatever they called it, the Nut was still a mine.

By 7:30 the next morning I was in District 2. The others all thought I was insane and I didn't care. Maybe I was, but I knew where I needed to be. They did everything they could to talk me out of it, but they stopped short of binding and gagging me and stuffing me in a closet. That was the only thing they could've done that might have worked.

So here I was. And I had no idea what to do now.

Captain Brighton had left a number where he could be reached, but I hadn't wanted to call him since he might tell me that I couldn't come, that he wouldn't allow me on the Base.

I knew I had to go through the Base to get to the Nut. And there was security at the Nut, so I needed to find Captain Brighton. Somewhere on the Base. How hard could it be to find an army base that big? To find the Commander of the Base? I didn't want to be their Mockingjay anymore, but if I had to I would pull that card. They were not going to keep me out.

I stepped off the train and immediately wished I had a bigger coat. It was colder here. Or maybe my blood had just lost all of its warmth. What I needed was Gale and I was going to do whatever it took to get him back. I was going to see him again.

I looked around, as if there might be a giant neon sign proclaiming "This way to Captain Brighton's office." No sign.

As my eyes searched the square, someone grabbed me from behind. I spun around and found myself looking into brown eyes I did not expect.

"Johanna."

"Katniss. We need to talk." It wasn't a request.

Thanks for the beta work – IrishLuck19, including the fainting tips.

Thanks for reading and reviewing: MsRXS, HungerGamesGirl127, MountainAir, Allie (), laughingismyhobbie, Analyn Ruse, Night Wolf, wisdom goddess 26, Daydreaming Viking Girl, RipredtheGnawer, GaleKatniss, Maysilee Vesper, Iluvdinos, Gale4ever.

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