*LENA*

Past Imperfect

A poke to her back woke Lena up, she blinked her eyes open and turned around to find Maggie, the small woman having rolled away from Jamie to her in her sleep. The dark blonde was spotting a crooked smile, while pointing at her with her index finger, her thumb spread to the side in a gun-like fashion.

Lena shook her head and cautiously took Maggie's outstretched arm, which invaded her space, putting it back over the other woman's midsection, careful not to wake her up. A content sigh streamed out of the small body, as if being pleased to have completed a task, and then she shifted, sinking deeper into her sleep again.

Lena furrowed her brows. Maggie was a mystery. Even to herself sometimes, she believed.

A yawn broke from the polish woman's mouth and she rubbed her eyes. Settling back into her makeshift bed, she rolled onto her back, her neck and shoulders hurting from the hard tiled floor. A sleep over. She couldn't remember when her last one had been. She was getting to old for that stuff.

But it was fun and it made Bianca happy. That was all she wanted.

A yawn tore at her again, calling her back to sleep.

She climbed white stairs. A row of great columns supported the roof of the building that she walked up to. Excitement ran through her body. She was invited into her temple, and if she would be pleased with her and seen as fit, she would obtain allowance to reside at her court.

This was her dream – to be welcomed into Bianca Montgomery's home.

Everyone looked up to her. She was the light brightening the earth. The one thing good and pure in this world. Being acknowledged and surrounded by her love made you thrive, it made you shed your evil ways and leave behind the predetermined path that you used to walk willingly, not knowing what else there was and not noticing the red marked stones of doom under your feet, pulling you further and further into the abyss.

But those times were behind her. Now the only thing she longed for was acceptance - redemption.

As she arrived inside she caught a glance of Erica with her golden armor, throwing her a dark measuring glance. She was her operator of defense, known as being cold and cruel when it came to people being a threat to her daughter.

But she had no time to take her further in because Kendall stepped to her, looping her arm around hers and pulling her down a hallway.

"She waits for you," the curly haired goddess of beauty, known for her jealous streaks, but also as great supporter of her sister, smiled amused.

They arrived in front of white double doors, graced with green leave ornaments. Kendall knocked for her and wished her 'good luck', sarcasm playing in her words, before she left her alone and strode away.

She was suddenly nervous, not sure what to expect. She had to pass this. She wouldn't know what else to do if this didn't work out.

The door opened and she stepped inside, spotting Bianca laying on a chaise longue chair, smiling at her while popping some grapes into her mouth.

"Come in."

She did as she was told, looking around the spacious bed chamber hold in red and gold tones. There were no windows nor closed walls. The room was open. You could see the clouds surrounding the temple beautifully, it made you want to step on them and take a walk.

"Why are you here today, Lena?" Bianca asked, watching her interested.

"Bianca, you know I love you," she spoke passionately. This was her chance. "I'm here to ask to spend the rest of my life with you, as a lover, confident and partner. I want to make you happy, if you let me."

The brunette goddess nodded and stood up.

"We had it rough, Lena. We said to take it slow and we did." She recapitulated, clasping her hands behind her back while she paced. "You have to know, I'm feeling comfortable with you again. I want you to come and be with me."

A warm fuzzy feeling spread trough her belly.

"But the question is," Bianca turned to her, "can I trust you?"

"Yes." Of course she could. She was devoted to her.

"I want us to be honest with each other or this will not work."

"I understand."

"Good." Bianca smiled and stepped close, speaking softly, "I know you did a lot you regret. Is there still something I don't know?"

She looked into questioning brown doe eyes, glinting with apprehension.

There really was just one answer to give.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Bianca nodded and gave her a comforting smile.

"I will see you tonight when I announce my decision," the brunette goddess spoke, guiding her back to the door.

Arriving at the exit, Bianca caressed her cheek and pushed some short strands behind her ear, taking her obedient features in before she leaned in and graced her lips with her own in a gentle touch.

"Bye," Bianca breathed.

The door slowly closed behind her.

Giddiness streamed through her. A kiss? This had to be a good sign.

As she turned around she flinched in surprise, finding Maggie, Bianca's consultant and long time friend, hovering in the hallway, obviously waiting for her to step out.

The small blonde human looked down on her from her superior position, surveying her silently with narrowed eyes before walking passed her, naturally entering the private chambers without knocking.

Day turned into night and she found herself in a big hall, in its middle a podium where Bianca sat in a throne, Maggie standing a step back to her side.

She stood before them, while the rest of the people that resided at the temple and had interest in the matter were seated around them, watching curiously.

"Lena, you asked to stay with me here for the rest of your life," Bianca spoke with a constricted voice.

Maggie stepped forward, noticing Bianca's distress like she did, too. Just that she had no chance to go up and do something about it, meanwhile wondering what the cause of it was.

Maggie's hand rubbed Bianca's shoulder and the brunette's eyes closed calmly.

"What did you think taking your life?" Bianca asked agitated, looking disappointed down on her. "Did you think it would make me happy, make me feel better?"

She pulled a shocked breath in. How could she know that...

She looked at Maggie's hand holding Bianca's shoulder, her influence seeping into her.

Of course, Maggie told her.

She shook it away, concentrating on what mattered now.

"No, I just could not stand the pressure of knowing I was the cause of your pain."

"You said there was nothing you kept from me anymore." Bianca shook her head sadly, before exclaiming, "You should have told me. I would have understood."

"I didn't want to worry you." She defended herself, pained by the sadness that glistened in brown eyes. "I didn't want you to think less of me."

"I have a right to know," Bianca reasoned, standing up. "I wanted to know you, every part. You have seen me at my worst, haven't you?"

"Please, forgive me."

"No, I gave you chance after chance. You did not use them. I ban you from my realm."

She looked stunned at the outstretched hand that pointed to the exit.

"What? No! Please, Bianca?"

Bianca averted her eyes, leaning to the blonde.

"Maggie, would you?"

She watched Maggie take the two stairs down to her.

"You're the goddess of forgiveness," she breathed disbelieving, what else she had forgiven her, but not this?

"No, that's what everyone assumes." Bianca spat, turning sharply around. "I'm the goddess of justice. You have done me wrong in the past, I waited to speak your verdict. Now here's your penalty."

Maggie stepped to her and grabbed her at her arm, pulling her outside and down the endless stairs, at last she pushed her out of the portal.

No, this could not be happening.

The big golden gates slowly drew closed, locking her out from heaven.

Through the gate's bars she looked at Maggie, a pleased smile running over the blonde's lips.

She had won, like she had always said.

#Thud#

Lena bolted up from her sleep, remembering big golden doors falling closed.

She looked around, but that had sounded way too real.

Then she spotted Babe, crawling to JR's side, the blonde curling herself around him.

She smiled about them. God, she wanted that, too. She glanced up to the couch, seeing a lump laying unmoving under the covers.

She knew she had to be patient. She knew she herself was not ready.

Her past still haunted her. For her everything that had happened was still very much in the present. She was getting help for it, but lately she had dreamed more and more often about her suicide attempt, imagining what it would have meant to Bianca. How wrong it would have been.

She wanted to get it out by talking about it to Bianca and with that stop it from mattering. She wanted to put it in the past where it belonged. Tell Bianca that it had made her stronger. That Kendall made her see that only by being there for her she could help her.

Bianca was doing better day by day. Didn't that mean she could? Or...would telling her be selfish? Would it pull the rug right out from under her feet?

She was the problem. Not Bianca. She still had problems with what she did. But she would make it right. Maggie would not crowd their space as much as before. So now was her chance to show Bianca how good she was, could be for her. She could become the one she counted on. She wanted to be.

She wanted to tell her all that.

Lena stood up and walked over to the couch, taking the place Babe had occupied before. She lay herself next to Bianca, minding her space, while watching her sleep.

She just wanted to do what was best for her. She had made enough mistakes in her life.

She looked over to Maggie slumbering a few feet away. One thing she knew, though, she would not give Maggie any chance to sell her out. Because there just would be no reason, no new wrongdoing for her to tell. She would become worthy of Bianca.