Chapter 2: Envy

Suoh sat on the panel table impatiently. He knew he had to attend this annual presentation as it was part of his responsibility to the position he held in the Campus, but no matter how he tried to concentrate, his mind kept coming back to his 'One'. He couldn't leave him alone without having to think about him all the time, could he? Minutes by minutes passed by, Suoh tried his best to gave his speech, answer the audience's questions and make some notes he needed. He thanked God when the meeting was finished on time. He hurriedly packed his things up, and politely asked permission to leave the place.

*** The Chairman Boardroom ***

Nokoru handed over a cup of tea to his unexpected guest, Yudaiji Idomu. 'You didn't tell me you're coming to Japan? What brought you here?'

Idomu smiled and took the cup. 'Before I told you why, I got to thank you for this cup of tea. Perhaps, I'm the luckiest person on Earth being able to taste a tea made by yourself, the Chairman of CLAMP Campus.'

Nokoru blushed. "You're over exaggerating. It's nothing really. I get used to making tea myself. I can't always depend on Suoh or Akira to get what I need all the time. I must learn to be independent.'

'Making tea makes you feel a bit more independent?'

'Why do I feel it is more to an insult than a compliment, the words of yours?'

Idomu instantly laughed to hear Nokoru's reply. 'Take it easy. You know I had a hobby teasing you whenever I got a chance.'

Nokoru smiled. 'I know. I get used to your sarcastic comments.'

'Oh… Now you're the one who over exaggerating my comments.' Idomu grinned.

'So…' Sipping a cup of tea himself, Nokoru joined Idomu sitting on the couch. 'What brought you here?'

Idomu slowly place his cup on the table in front of him, and looked at Nokoru intensely. 'YOU.'

'Me?' The blonde widened his eyes. 'What do you mean?'

'Nokoru….. I heard what happened to your family. What makes me surprised you didn't even bother to call me to tell me what's going on.'

Instantly, Idomu's words made the blonde's smile fade away. Idomu could tell Nokoru feel uncomfortable with the things he just told him. But he had to say it, and he had to admit, he was terribly disappointed of it. He considered himself as one of Nokoru's closest friends, but many times when Nokoru was in danger or any bad situation, the blonde would never ask him for help. He knew he left Japan right after he graduated from the Primary School, but he had always kept contact with Nokoru by emails or online chatting. But Nokoru had always told him about positive things as if there were no trouble ever happened in his life. He knew he shouldn't believe all the things Nokoru said, however he couldn't stop hoping Nokoru would eventually be open with him. Why wouldn't Nokoru trust him more in personal matters?

Moments went later in silence. Idomu patiently observed Nokoru as the blonde tried to divert his eyes to somewhere else…. Else than having to reply Idomu's intense look on him.

'Nokoru….' He called the name again, hoping he could make the person he addressed pay attention to him again, 'I am sorry if I offend you…. but I can't stop thinking that you don't consider me as one of your friends.'

Still Nokoru was silent.

'After 'something' big happened to you and your family, how could you still…. I mean…. You keep quiet and tell me nothing? Why do I have to know things like this happening from other people other than you? I always thought that we're friends, and I hope at least you would be open to me.'

Nokoru squeezed his hands, but he still didn't say anything in response.

Idomu sighed. 'To tell you the truth, I don't know why I'm here. I don't know what I had to say to you. I don't even know how to feel right now. I am sorry for what happen to you, I can feel your sadness and lost, and you don't know how deep my condolence is towards you and your family. But on the other hand, I do feel angry as well. No….. More to disappointed. I…. I….. really don't know what to say….'

He paused, waiting for his friend's reaction. But Nokoru kept quiet.

Idomu gave another long sigh as he continued. 'Fine. I guess I've told you everything I got to say. Since you don't have anything to say to me in return, it's best for me to leave now. I don't want to take your time longer. I know you're very busy at this moment. I believe there's a lot you need to take care of.'

Idomu stood up from his seat and got ready to leave Nokoru behind. But he was stopped.

'Idomu, please don't go….'

He turned around to have a look at the person who addressed him. He could sight Nokoru's eyes were blurred with tears, tears he knew the blonde tried not to shed. But that was exactly what he hated about Nokoru the most. Nokoru always tried to conceal all his feelings from others, as if perfection was everything for him. Was it because he was an Imonoyama?

Nokoru rose from his seat and grabbed his hand. Idomu could feel his hands were cold as ice. In seconds, he felt sorry for him. He knew Nokoru's hold a burden in his heart, but he disliked the fact that Nokoru tried to keep the entire burden to himself. When would he learn?

'I am sorry for keeping what had happened from you…. I'm sorry I didn't inform you, but please understand, I don't have the intention to distrusting you. I do consider you as my friend, but…. It's just….. it's just….. it's just too much for me lately….' Nokoru couldn't finish his words, instead he was sobbing.

Idomu's gaze softened. He knew he would see this. The fragile Nokoru would stay the same. He took him into his embrace, stroked his soft hair and whispered to his ears. 'It's fine, I understand. Just cry as much as you want. You don't need to hide anything. It is not something to be ashamed of.'

'No…. I shouldn't be crying like this. I…. I am not a child anymore.'

'No one told me that a man may not cry. You are hurt, Nokoru. You have the right to cry out.' He tightened his embrace. 'Now, say nothing and go on crying.'

Idomu's last sentence somehow made Nokoru wanted to chuckle. Slowly he loosened his hug from the taller man. Wiping his tears away, he slowly smiled again. 'Silly…. Who do you think I am? Telling me to continue crying?'

'The Chairman?' Idomu answered directly.

Seeing Idomu's funny expression, Nokoru couldn't help himself to laugh at him. It had been a while he didn't laugh out like that. The world somehow had turned into a darker place before and it was hard for him to see the beauty in life. He was aware that he laughed rarely nowadays.

And it was not only him who was aware of that. Suoh was also. He was quite surprised to see Nokoru was laughing at the moment. He almost forgot when the last time he heard him laughing. As he entered the boardroom, he could sight there was someone else in the room beside his One….. And that was no other than Yudaiji Idomu. His lifetime rival.

Suoh couldn't help himself not to glare at that person. It had always been his weakness, when he disliked a person, he would instantly show it. Nokoru had told him many times, not to show his dislike frankly as it would offend someone and cause a conflict. But had anyone told him that he was stubborn as well?

'Ehm!' Suoh purposely coughed a little to get everyone's attention to him.

As expected, both men's eyes were on him now.

'I didn't expect a guest would come today.' Suoh opened the conversation. Idomu could feel his cold and firm tones. He knew that ninja would never like his presence nearby his One. 'And I didn't expect both of you holding hands as if you're kindergartens again.'

Nokoru and Idomu instantly realized they had been holding hands since then. Nokoru blushed immediately and released his grab. 'I'm sorry…. I…. I had to get back to work.' Nokoru found his excuse almost at once.

Idomu smiled awkwardly. 'I understand. I'm sorry I came by without informing you, Takamura-kun.'

Suoh seemed to ignore his explanation as he walked to his desk and made some preparation to get back to work.

Nokoru secretly looked at Idomu's eyes signing that this was time for him to leave.

Understanding his sign, Idomu nodded. 'I'm sorry I need to go somewhere else. Will meet you again sometime, Nokoru-san.'

'I understand. Nice seeing you again, Idomu-san.' Nokoru bowed to him politely as the man returned his bow. Nokoru escorted him to the door and just before he closed it, Idomu bid him another farewell.

'Promise me, we'll meet again?' He asked.

Nokoru gave me a smile and nodded.

'Do you keep my number?'

The blonde nodded for the second time assuring he had it.

'Fine then.' Satisfied with the answer, he waved good bye to him for the last time.

Nokoru closed the door and when he was walking back to his desk, a sudden grab stopped him. Suoh caught his arm right by the time he passed the secretary's desk. Nokoru was startled.

'Can you tell me what you were doing with him just now?' Suoh asked sharply. There was a dislike tone in his voice.

Nokoru looked at him in puzzled. 'What do you mean? He just paid me a visit.'

'A visit?'

'Yes. He just wants to say his condolence to me. That's all.'

'But holding your hands like that?'

Nokoru sighed. /So it's going there./ 'Yes. Just like you are, holding my arm now.'

Suoh was surprised. He let go of his grip at once. 'I'm sorry. I just….'

'There's nothing going on between us. He's just heard the news and returned to Japan just to let me know that he's sorry. Now, can I go to work?'

Suoh was silent.

Didn't feel he need to know Suoh's answer, Nokoru continued walking to his desk. But he was stopped again.

'Look, Chairman, I'm just worried about you. I don't mean to offend you, but I just want to be more cautious with the people around you.'

'I don't understand, Suoh. Does this mean you have to be suspicious to all of my friends?'

'If you say so…. Yes. I do. I just need to be aware.'

Nokoru was upset to hear Suoh's answer. 'Well…. In case of that, you don't need to be worried. I don't have a lot of friends. I don't even know I still have one or not.'

Suoh could feel the intense growing. 'Chairman, forgive me if I offend you. I just need to be sure that no one can harm you.'

'Harm me? Thanks to you, no one can harm me that easily. Too bad, it didn't go the same way with my brother.'

Suoh rapidly rose from his seat and approached him. He grabbed Nokoru's arm again, but it was tighter this time. 'What did you say? What do you mean?'

'Look, Suoh, I'm tired. Can we just drop this? I really have a lot of things to do.'

'No! You will not do anything, unless you explain to me what do you mean with your words just now? Are you blaming me for everything that had happened to you and your family? Are you thinking that I'm not capable to protect you?'

If truth to be spoken, Nokoru felt enough already. Having Suoh always commanding him everything he needed to do or everywhere he needed to go, slowly but sure, made him sick already. But again and again, he kept telling himself that all Suoh had done was for his own good. So he tried his best to obey him.

'Listen, I didn't say that. I'm just tired, Suoh. I didn't have enough sleep last night. If you feel I'm insulting or doubting your capability, I apologize. Really.'

Suoh didn't let go of his arm at once. He took a deep look into the blonde's blue eyes, trying to figure whether there was a lie there. But he found any. 'Chairman, tell me honestly. What am I to you?'

Nokoru was surprised. /Oh, no. He's going to ask me that again./

'Am I simply a bodyguard to you? Someone who is responsible for your safety? Or do you consider me someone else as well?'

Nokoru didn't answer the question right away. The fact that Nokoru didn't answer his question in an instant, somehow grew a disappointment in Suoh's heart. Why did Nokoru take time to think for an answer? Why couldn't he answer it right away?

'Honestly, Suoh….. I don't know.'

His answer was like a thunderclap in the middle of a sunny day. Suoh was shocked to hear it. 'What?'

Nokoru slowly held Suoh's grasp on his arm and loosened it. 'I don't know. I am not sure myself.'

'Fine. Then may be I need to simplify my question. How do you feel about me then?'

Nokoru shook his head slowly. 'I don't know too. Please don't ask me that question.'

Suoh was getting frustrated. He felt he wanted to be angry at that moment. 'It's just a simple question. And you don't have to think for an answer. Do you like me? Hate? Or?' /Anything./ Suoh was desperate to have an answer. But deep inside his heart, Suoh was worried. What if Nokoru said he didn't feel the way he felt for him? Would he still stay like this and willingly protect him with his life if Nokoru told him that he loved someone else – not him?

Nokoru kept on shaking his head. 'I really have no time for this. I'm sorry, Suoh.'

'No time?' Suoh couldn't help his voice rising towards the poor blonde. 'You have no time to discuss my feeling, but you have time to talk to your friend, Yudaiji Idomu? What makes him so different with me? He didn't see you everyday. I spend more time with you day and night, and yet you don't have time to talk to me?' Suoh couldn't hold his rage anymore. 'What's wrong with you? Or perhaps, I'm the one who is wrong. I'm wrong to FALL IN LOVE with you.' That's it. Suoh confessed his love to him again. Something Nokoru really didn't want to happen.

Nokoru bit his lips. He wanted to say something in return, but he didn't feel it right.

'Now, you're angry with me.' He continued. 'Just because I questioned you about your friend. Even if you don't feel the way as I do, but at least I want you to respect our friendship. Respect what I've been trying to do all this time. Can't you even do that to me? Do I ask you too much?'

'I do, Suoh. I appreciate everything you do for me all these years. What else do you want from me?' Nokoru was so distressed with what Suoh told him that his tears began to flow down on his cheeks.

Suoh was startled. He didn't expect Nokoru would be in tears.

'Fine. If you want it…. I will do it. I will have SEX with you if it makes you happy.'

'What?' Suoh was so shocked to hear it. 'What are you saying? I never mean that!'

'But you want it, don't you? The way you treat me. The way you kissed me that day. I was terrified, I was scared, but you don't understand it, do you? It was terrifying for me to be in that situation. You…. as if you were going to RAPE me. You! Of all the people I know. Why it has to be YOU who treat me like that? You were the only friend I trust, but you did that to me. Now I don't know whether I can trust you or not. I don't even know whether I am safe or not being beside you. Now, do you really need to know how I feel about you? I'm SCARED of you.'

Suoh really didn't know what to do or say anymore now. Nokoru's answer made him terribly shock.

'I know you're doing your best to protect me. I know! I try my best to obey your want also. Cause I don't want to lose anyone else. Not my family, not my friends, and definitely not YOU! But somehow, why everything I did was wrong? What else do you want from me?' Nokoru knew very well he was tired crying. But he couldn't stop his tears again, could he?

'Look…. I….' Suoh was at loss of word. He pulled Nokoru closer in order to give him a hug, to settle him down. But Nokoru refused it as he pushed the man away.

'Don't touch me. Don't even get too near with me.' Nokoru's command broke Suoh's heart into pieces. Nokoru took a step further from him and quickly dried his tears away. 'You know what? I need a break. I'm going out for a dinner with my friend, and I don't want you to follow me.'

'What? Nokoru…. I can't let you do that! I have to be with you….'

'NO! I don't want you to follow me.' He stepped back to his desk and took out his cell phone and dialed a number. Suoh could only stand on his place as if he didn't have any power to stop him anymore. He could only listen to the conversation by phone from a distance.

'Yes…. Idomu….. Do you have time for dinner tonight? Fine. Seven is fine. Thank you, see you later.' It was short, but it was more than enough to tell Suoh who he was meeting with, and it displeased Suoh very much.

'You're going out with him? Are you out of your mind? He's –'

'He's one of my friend, and yes, I'm going out with him.'

'He put you in danger once, if you still remember it.'

'I don't care.' And that's it. End of the conversation.

Nokoru quickly took his seat, opened his files and buried himself under his business. Suoh understood no matter how hard he tried to stop him from going would be no use. But deep in his heart, he felt hurt. Hurt with the fact Nokoru was having a date with his rival or the fact that Nokoru was scared of him due to his harsh action, he didn't understand.

To be continued.

Author's Note:

Sensing trouble... Uh-oh... Thanks for James birdsong who gave the first review. Miss your review.

Disclaimer: AS usual.