Chapter 3: Trial

'We can always go somewhere else if you don't like the taste or the place.'

Nokoru was startled. He was not really paying attention of his surrounding, was he? Idomu had been observing him since the first time they got into this five-stars-restaurant, took their reserved seats, and made the order. Usually, Nokoru would choose the menu for both of them. He would babble excitedly about the food they had to give a try, and would even order for Idomu a number of dishes which Idomu didn't feel to give them a try actually. But tonight was totally different. Since the first time Idomu picked him up in his office, Nokoru didn't say any word at all, he just quietly tidied up his work, and followed him without even saying good-bye to his secretary. Idomu could sense the intense between those two, but he didn't dare to ask what was wrong. Nokoru didn't even talk much during the trip, he only answered if Idomu asked him. Other than that, he remained silent.

'You don't eat that food at all. You just keep playing with it. If you don't like it, we can always go and find other place.' Idomu continued.

'Huh?' Seemed to realize what he had been doing, Nokoru put down his spoon awkwardly. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I like this place and the food was not that bad.'

'Is there something troubling you?'

Nokoru was stunned. Idomu could read him that easily, couldn't he? Slowly, he shook his head in disagreement. 'Nothing. Nothing that mattered.'

Idomu sighed. He knew it had been Nokoru's habit to keep everything to himself, and pretend that everything was alright for him. Even if he was about to die, Idomu believed he would say nothing wrong happened and would try his best to look alright.

'I was quite surprised you asked me out for a dinner today.' Idomu poured Nokoru the champagne. 'It's not usual for you to ask me out. Usually, it had been me who had the initiative to take you out.'

Nokoru replied him with a weak smile, 'Is it odd for me to ask an old friend of mine to take me to a dinner and catch things up?' He took a sip of his drink.

Idomu smiled in return and shook his head gently. 'You've changed, Nokoru-san.' He paused, thinking what he should say next. 'You've changed a lot. Especially after your brother's dead.'

Suddenly Nokoru felt his hands trembling, but he tried to conceal it as he quickly moved them away and hid them underneath the tablecloth. He diverted his gaze away from Idomu's eyes. 'It-It's just your opinion, I don't feel I've changed.' An excuse.

Idomu knew very well he would get that answer from his dear friend. 'I missed the old-time Nokoru, the one I left years ago.'

Nokoru returned his look to him. 'I don't miss the old-time Idomu, who fought with me.' He smiled.

For a moment, Idomu was amazed, but then he laughed instantly. 'You still remembered? I thought we've put it behind.'

Nokoru smiled wider. 'I did. I just feel like teasing you.'

Idomu shook his head in amusement. Nokoru never had lost his ability in arguing. 'No, Nokoru, I mean it. You've changed a lot.' He paused, giving the blonde a chance to reply his words, but he received any. 'You look terrible recently.'

'Huh?' Nokoru's eyes were widened. 'Am I? I dressed up earlier…'

'I don't mean your outfit. It is as perfect as always. You're after all an Imonoyama. What I mean is your….' He paused, unsure what he had to say. 'Anyway, for someone who don't know you well, you are alright, but if they know you pretty well, they can tell that something wrong with you…. Everything is wrong with you.'

'And you assume you know me that well, Idomu-san?' Nokoru replied firmly.

Idomu was quite startled to hear the question. He was a loss of word for a moment.

Nokoru could see the surprise look on his friend's face that he regretted having to ask the question. He knew Idomu just meant well. He was worried about him. But lately, he got sick of everyone's over attention towards him, especially Suoh's. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say harsh words. It's just… there's a lot happening to me in past years, and I got to admit, there were times I really wanted to give up, and my brother's dead was…. was more than I can take actually…' Nokoru's voice changed, as if he was about to let a cry out once more. But he knew very well, he didn't want to cry again. He grew tired of crying and taking a pity of himself, and he didn't want to sob, definitely not in a public place like this, and in front of his friend. 'I cannot change the time, can I?'

Idomu shook his head slowly. 'Even if you can, what would you change?'

'My identity.' Nokoru's sharp answer surprised Idomu.

'What do you mean?' He asked carefully. 'Your identity?'

'Yes.'

'You mean you don't want to be Nokoru?' Puzzled.

'No…' He smiled weakly. 'I am Nokoru. I just don't want to be an Imonoyama. If I could change the past, I don't want to be born as an Imonoyama. I just want to be an ordinary man.'

'You're telling me you regret being what you are now?'

Nokoru just smiled. Yes, he remembered it was the topic he used to fight with his late brother, Owaru. He remembered how mad Owaru was at him for saying those words, and that his brother slapped him right in the face to make him realize how wrong it was. Even though, it was not a pleasant memory, Nokoru preferred it happen again, that his brother could slap him time and again. He wouldn't mind being hit by him, if Owaru could stay alive and well. But now, he was dead. He missed him a lot. Now that he had gone, what for he continued the Campus? He made it for his brother's sake, to fulfill his unreachable dream. With his death, he questioned everything in his life now. His life's purpose for sure.

'Even if I did regret it, I can't really change anything, can I?' He smiled weakly and sighed. 'I can't really change who I am. Nor what I am. No matter how much I dislike it, I can't change the fact that I'm an Imonoyama. Even after I'm dead, I'm still going to be an Imonoyama.' He paused. 'Pathetic reality, isn't it, Idomu-san?'

Idomu was a little stunned to hear Nokoru's response. He could sense the terrible desperation in the blonde's answer, but he couldn't blame him, could he? It was totally improper for him to criticize Nokoru for his despair. If it was someone else, Idomu might want to slap him or her to make them realize what they were talking about. So… he simply shook his head in silence, disagreeing his dear friend's words.

'I really don't know what to say, Nokoru-san. But I know one thing for sure. If you were not YOU, perhaps I won't know you. Perhaps we'll never know each other, and I don't like that for sure.' He stared intensely to his friend's blue eyes. 'I want us to be friends, and if you were not YOU, we might not be friends at all, and…'

'And perhaps, it will be better for YOU…' Nokoru cut his words in a sudden.

Idomu's was shocked. 'What do you mean? You don't want me to be your friend?'

Nokoru shook his head. 'Don't you see, Idomu? If I never met you, you will not have to feel the misery losing your mother's attention. You will have all your mother's attention and smile only for you. You don't have to feel the unnecessary pain that I caused for you.'

Now Idomu understood what Nokoru was thinking. /He always finds a way to blame himself, doesn't he?/

'Idomu-san… Don't you get it? I'm a jinx. I brought trouble to the ones who are close to me. My family, my friends…. And even my teachers….' He chuckled. Suddenly, a memory of Ms. Sakuya's death in his arms crossed his mind. A pool of tears rapidly gathered on his beautiful eyes.

Idomu took a pity of his friend. Yudaiji might not be as rich as the Imonoyama, but he could feel the loneliness having to grow up as a wealthy child. He couldn't be friend with anyone he liked, because there was wariness that his "friends" only wanted to make use of him. And he admitted that there were times he couldn't help thinking in negative ways, but it was still very wrong even for him to let Nokoru think in this way. Nokoru couldn't think himself as a jinx. Someone who brought curse to others, could he?

'Nokoru-san…. Please don't ever think in that way. No one… I'm sure NO ONE would ever think that way towards you-'

'But it's the truth, Idomu-san! How many other proofs that I have to show you that it's true that I'm a ji-'

'Look! STOP IT, NOKORU!' Idomu couldn't help not to raise his voice. His sudden loud voice in the quiet restaurant instantly drew attention to both of the men. In a minute, every guest turned to look at them, expecting the next word or shout that might come from the same man.

Nokoru was shocked to get scolded by Idomu. He directly muted himself. After few moments, the other people lost their interest to the men's conversation and began to get busy by themselves. Idomu regretted his action eventually, since it made Nokoru stay silent for a long time for sure and closed himself again. But he couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand the despair in Nokoru's words. How he missed Nokoru's cheerfulness in the past. Both of them stayed in silence for a while.

Nokoru really felt guilty. He had disappointed his friend for sure now. His only friend… his last friend perhaps…. 'I'm sorry…. I-' He felt very difficult to speak now. 'I think I have to leave now…. I'm sorry to make your night unpleasant, Idomu-san….' He stood up and prepared to leave when he felt Idomu reached his arm and stopped him from moving away.

'Nokoru-san, please don't go…. I apologize for being harsh, but please stay a little while.' Idomu forced him to sit back.

Having no other choice and not wanting Idomu to get disappointed, Nokoru returned to his seat obediently and quietly.

Idomu sighed. 'I'm sorry, but I really don't like the way you feel about yourself.'

Nokoru stayed quiet. He looked down trying to avoid Idomu's eyes.

'Nokoru…. Please look at me…..'

Nokoru didn't move, as if he couldn't hear what Idomu just said.

'Look… I'm really sorry-'

'No, it's okay, Idomu-san…' He lifted his face slowly. 'I'm used to it nowadays….'

'What?' Idomu was puzzled. 'What do you mean?'

'I know I did wrong to lots of people, especially to those who stayed close to me, like Akira… and Suoh…. I…. I know I am disappointing…. Suoh often gets mad at me because of this. So, it's… it's alright. I know it's not your fault. It's- It's my fault anyway. Please don't blame yourself.' Nokoru tried his best to put on his usual smile, but he couldn't. A single tear dropped across his cheek instead. He was really stressful for now. Somehow, no matter what he did or said was wrong.

Idomu was silent. 'Fine then.' He sighed. 'If life is very hard for you nowadays, if you cannot stand it anymore being an Imonoyama, then… Marry me.'

Idomu's last sentence surprised Nokoru very much. He gazed to Idomu's eyes disbelievingly. Was this some kind of a joke? Was Idomu trying to tease him again? But he could sight a deep seriousness in his eyes and expression. Idomu really meant it, did he?

'Are you serious? Idomu-san, please don't joke with this kind of matter.'

'I'm not. I'm SERIOUS. MARRY ME.' No smile, no laughter, no teasing look on his face. 'Marry me, so you can change your family name into a Yudaiji. We'll go away from this place, back to my residence in France. You leave everything behind, and we'll never come back.'

Nokoru was stunned with the idea, as if he was paralyzed. Could it be that simple? He just needed to get married, move away and disappear. He didn't need to worry of anything, did he?

'I- I don't know what to say… I-'

'You can say YES.' Idomu really hoped he would get that answer from Nokoru, but he knew it wouldn't be that easy. He could sense doubt in those blue eyes. 'Or maybe you can't leave what you have now, can you? Your home, your wealth-'

'It's not about money, Idomu-san. You know very well that I'm not that kind of person.'

Idomu felt Nokoru was offended. 'I'm sorry if I offend you. But what else makes you troubled? The family that you rarely meet? Or perhaps…. You don't want to leave your ninja bodyguard behind? Or…. You're actually in love with him.'

Nokoru felt his face started to burn. 'No! No! It's not THAT! I- I-' Nokoru was panic. But he didn't know why he was panicking for sure. 'He's just my friend. We're just friends. Nothing more.'

Idomu smirked. He could tell that Nokoru was a terrible liar if it came to romance matter. 'Then what's the problem? Come with me. Stay with me forever. I can also protect you like Takamura always does. Or you can't believe me yet?'

Nokoru was motionless. Could he trust Idomu? He really wanted to trust in someone. He really wanted to trust someone so much. Someone to whom he could share his feeling freely, someone who would accept him the way he was, someone whom he could enjoy time together without having to worry about his responsibility…. Someone who was not like Suoh at all. Nokoru felt a little guilty having a thought like this. He couldn't help thinking of Suoh in such a way. But he really had forgotten when the last time he could relax enjoying his time without Suoh had to force him back to work. There was time he really hated Suoh, but he dared not to against him.

'I can't just say YES this soon, Idomu-san. I believe in you. But it's a big commitment. It's not like you take me for a vacation and then return here again if we get bored. Marriage is like a lifetime contract, and I want to make sure-'

'That I'm the right person, is it, Nokoru-san?' Idomu gazed at him intensely.

Nokoru was speechless for few seconds. 'I- I don't mean that. I just….' He shook his head trying to make his mind clearer at the moment. 'I just need some time. There are so many things happen recently.' Owaru's death, Amaru's getting married, and now… THIS. 'I just need to make sure that I'm staying with you not as escapism. I don't want to hurt anyone's feeling anymore, Idomu-san. Especially YOURS.'

Idomu stared into the blue eyes and was quite satisfied to get the feeling that Nokoru was telling him the truth. 'Fine then. I'll wait for your answer. Believe me that to me, you're the only person I've ever fallen in love with. No one else, but you. So I'll wait no matter how long it will take to get the answer from you.'

Imonoyama's Residence

The dinner was ended with a proposal from Idomu. Having said good night to each other, Nokoru went down from Idomu's car and headed to his residence main door. He could sight Idomu's car waiting for him until he managed to enter and just leaving when he had closed the door for sure. But to his surprise, there was someone who had been waiting for him since then in the guest room. And that person was no other than – SUOH.

'Where have you been?' A dislike tone could be heard in his sentence.

Nokoru didn't say anything to respond. Quietly he took off his coat and hung it in the closet.

Suoh moved himself closer to Nokoru. 'I'm asking you…. Where have you been?'

Nokoru was scared actually, but he tried his best not to show his fear. 'We just went out for a dinner. That's all.' He explained briefly.

'Until this late?' Suoh continued investigating.

Nokoru knew very well, whatever answer he gave, Suoh would dislike it anyway, so he didn't feel it was necessary to explain the detail anyway. 'Suoh, I'm really tired. I need to take some rest, can we discuss it tomorrow?'

Suoh was in rage. Harshly, he grabbed Nokoru's wrist and pulled it. Nokoru winched as he could feel the tight grasp paining his wrist. 'What did you say? Do you know how long I've been waiting for you tonight? I tell you that I'm tired as well, but I tried to stay up and wait until you come home. Don't you know that I'm worried about you?'

Nokoru was silent. He was too scared to answer.

'You're having fun with him out there, did you ever think that I'm here lonely waiting for you?'

Nokoru was really terrified now. He really wanted to run away to his bedroom and hide there. He had to release himself from Suoh's tightening grasp. 'I didn't ask you to wait for me. You can always have some rest if you want. I didn't force you to-'

Nokoru couldn't continue as he could see Suoh raised his hand and was about to give him a slap on his face. He winched and prepared himself to duck from it. But Suoh managed to get a hold of himself. Nokoru's body was shivering severely in Suoh's grip.

Realizing what he was trying to do to his One, Suoh slowly lowered his hand, panting for having to hold his rage. Nokoru was really testing his patience nowadays. He almost lost his self-control and might almost hurt his One as well. Suoh freed his grasp and pushed Nokoru away so he might not hurt him further. The blonde was too shock to move now. Slowly he took a seat on the couch, feeling sick and cold at the same time. His face was as pale as the snow, perhaps felt like one too. Never in his life, Suoh wanted to hit him. No matter how 'naughty' he was, Suoh was still patient. He must have hurt him a lot this time.

'Nokoru…. I- I really don't know what to say. Perhaps both of us need a rest. I'm sorry. I'll take you to your room now.' Suoh could see Nokoru was trembling all over.

Nokoru didn't answer anything in return. He couldn't move at all. Slowly tears flowing down from his eyes. Suoh felt very bad having to make Nokoru in tears again.

'I'm sorry. I- I don't mean to hurt you. Please stop crying.' Suoh knelt in front of Nokoru and gave him a hug. 'Please forgive me. I didn't mean to hurt you.'

Nokoru shook his head. 'I have something to tell you.' He whispered.

Suoh let go of his hug and gazed to him. 'What is it?'

'I…. I am going away….'

Suoh was puzzled. He was unsure he understood what Nokoru meant.

'Idomu-san asked me to MARRY him.'

Suoh widened his eyes in shock.

'And I… I think I'm going to say YES.'

To be continued.

Author's Note:

Have fun reading! Can feel the troubles coming... Thanks for all the review you gave me. Appreciate those who were willing to spend some time to give me review. T_T Sorry for the late posting. Been very busy lately. Thank you for waiting... If you want me to write faster, please write me a review (hohohohoho...) Just kidding!