Rock Star Life
By: Karilicious123
Chapter 8: Why
"Brooke, What do you mean she's gone?! What note are you talking about?!" Peyton said, confused, and worried.
Brooke pulled out a folded up piece of paper jammed in the pocket of her dress, and handed it to Peyton and Haley to read.
Brooke-
By the time you read this, I don't know exactly where I'll be. I do know exactly where I won't be, and that's here. I don't fit in here, or anywhere at the moment, and I am determined to find out where I do fit in, which is why I have to leave. Since the day I moved in with you, I immediately looked at you as a mother; the first mother I have ever had. I thought I was like a daughter to you, but you already have Mia for that, and you have made it perfectly clear that you don't need me anymore. Mia fits your glamorous life style anyways. Don't worry about me, because I am no longer yours (was I ever really?).
I'm sorry I let you down. I'm sorry I wasted your time. And I'm sorry I wasn't good enough.
Sam.
"Oh my gosh." Peyton gasped.
Haley said nothing, she just cried. This is all my fault. She thought. If I just made Sam come home with me.
Brooke broke down again. She started crying even harder to the point where she was hyperventilating. She couldn't even stand up anymore; Peyton had to guide her to the couch.
"Brooke, Sam runs away all the time, and she always comes back. I'm sure she'll be home soon." Peyton tried to convince Brooke, while trying to convince herself the same thing.
"No, this time is different. She is really upset. She's gone. I know it." Brooke sobbed.
Peyton shot up, "Come on, lets go look for her. We'll get everybody to help !"
"But the reception. We can't just leave Mia to handle everything."
"Then you, me and Lucas, and Julian can go, and Haley and Nathan can stay here and keep an eye on things, and an eye out for Sam."
"I'm fine with that." Haley whispered softly.
"Okay." Brooke cried, gasping for air at this point.
"Alright, you go get Lucas and I'll get Julian. Now!" Peyton ordered.
Then they split directions to go and get the rest of their search team.
Peyton's Point of View*
As much as I didn't want to freak Brooke out by admitting it, I think she is right; I know she is right. This time is different.
Running away is Sam's way of coping and dealing with her problems, but she always comes home. But after the conversations she had with Haley and me this past week, her upset attitude, and the incident at the ice cream parlor with the kids from her school, I was sure that this time was different. For the first true time, I was very scared for Sam. It was getting dark, and Tree Hill can be very scary at night, especially if you are a 15 year old girl. Yes, Samantha is a very strong girl, but no one is that strong.
I feel so miserable. I knew something was up when she started acting upset, and when we ran into those kids at the ice cream shop. The way they made fun of her broke my heart, as well as shatter Sam's pride; I could tell that. And when she admitted that they do it every day, who wouldn't start believing them after a while?
We are going to find Sam though. I sure as hell won't rest until we do, and I am sure the sam goes for the rest of the group.
As bad as I'm feeling, I can't even begin to imagine how Brooke is feeling right now.
***
"Julian!" Peyton yelled, "Sam is missing and we are going to slip away and look for her. No questions, just come on!" She finished as she grabbed Julian by the arm and pulled him out to the car before he could get a single word out.
On the other side of the room, Brooke approached Lucas with the same kind of intention, but she was crying so hard that she could barely speak.
"Brooke, what's wrong?" Lucas asked, noticing her worrisome persona.
"Its...Sam...Gone...We're looking...but.." Brooke managed to get out, understandably, through sobs.
Lucas, thankfully, was not an idiot, meaning that he put those words and phrases together quickly. He knew just what was going on.
He held Brooke and ran her outside by the car, where he presumed Peyton would be waiting.
With one look at Brooke, Peyton had second thoughts about taking Brooke with them.
"Brooke, maybe you should send Haley out with us and wait here."
"No." Brooke sternly said. "I am going to find my daughter. I'll do whatever it takes."
"Well then lets go, it's getting dark out. We have to find her quickly." Lucas shouted as he shoved the gang into Peyton's car.
Little did they know that this would be a very long night.
Brooke's Point of View*
My heart was thumping in my throat. My head was spinning, my pulse was rushing, my face was flushing, and no matter how hard I tried, tears would not stop flowing out of my eyes. My daughter is missing. She is gone, and it's all my fault. If I hadn't left her alone when she was upset. If I had made her talk. If I had focused on her when I knew something was wrong and if I had payed more attention to her, then maybe she would still be here.
If only I told her how much I love her.
If only. If only. If only.
I am tired of the 'if only's'. What happened, happened, and now I am paying the consequences.
I didn't do those things, because I was scared that it would scare Sam away. Sam has been hurt so much in her life; she has been betrayed so much, and I didn't want to feed her the same thing she has heard over and over again because I didn't want to have her revisit that pain that had followed "I love you" or "I'm never leaving". It was true and I meant it when I thought those things, as I would when I would say them, but I was afraid Sam wouldn't believe me and would take off anyways, before she would get hurt again. Now it's too late; she left anyways. This whole thing makes no sense. I need to find her. I would rather cause harm to myself than to have anything bad happen to Samantha. I don't think I have ever felt this scared in my entire life. I need to find her and tell her I love her.
But I can't breathe right now. How am I supposed to run around looking for her if I can't even breathe?
Dammit.
***
They drove to the center of the city to decide where to start looking for Sam first.
"Okay, let's split up. Lucas, you go with Julian towards the outskirts and look there. Check the diner, the school, and the park on your way. Brooke, you and I will go towards your store and check that whole area. We're bound to find her somewhere if we cover the whole city, so let's go. We'll just meet when we find her!" Peyton ordered.
They then split up in their appointed directions, and the search began.
***
Back at Peyton's house, Nathan and Haley tried to play it off like nothing was up, but they weren't doing so well because Mia kept coming up to them asking what was wrong. Refusing to worry her, Nathan and Haley remained undercover with the current events going on outside of this house, but finally, Nathan broke.
"Nathan, are you sure everything is okay? Where did everybody go? I know something's up, so you might as well tell me what is going on!" Mia said, in a very frustrated tone.
"Okay." Nathan finally and uneasily said, "But you have to promise not to freak out."
"I promise." Mia said.
"Sam ran away. For real this time. So everybody is out looking for her." Nathan whispered.
"WHAT?!" Mia freaked.
"Shhhh..." Nathan shushed. "You can't freak Haley out more. Like I said, everybody went out to look for her; they are bound to find her."
"No, I have to go out and look for her!" Mia cried.
"NO! You have to stay here, and I mean it." Nathan ordered angrily. Then, he sensed that Mia was upset, and changed his tone, "Everything is going to be okay. I am going to go check on Haley. Please be here when I come back." Nathan said, looking Mia right in the eye, as he went to see his wife, sobbing in the kitchen.
"Nathan, it's all my fault! I let her go. I didn't escort her home, I stupidly let her go by herself!" She cried.
"Shh..No yo-"
"No! I knew something was wrong with the way Sam was taking the whole Mia and Brooke thing, but I didn't try and fix that ! I took her word for it, and I left it at that ! There was just so much going on and I didn't know how to deal with all of Mia's stuff and Sam's stuff! It is too confusing to be there for both of those troubled kids at the same time! If she doesn't come home, it's all my fault!" She cried into Nathan.
"No, it's not your fault. You trusted her to come to you if there was a real problem, just like you trusted her to go straight home today. She disobeyed and misused that trust, not you. You didn't do anything. You know both of those girls love you so much for all you are doing for them." Nathan promised his wife.
"I should have at least told Brooke that something was wrong with Samantha. My gosh, I'm so stupid !"
"No, you're not!" Nathan sternly said to his beautifully broken wife. "Alright, I'm going to go out and help them look, but you need to stay here. I promise I'll be home soon. You will be okay. Everything will be okay, trust me." He said as he kissed her forehead and walked out the back door.
Just when he did, a teary eyed Mia emerged from behind the refrigerator, where she clearly had been eavesdropping and listening to the entire conversation. She turned to Haley and sobbed, "Haley, if you really didn't want to help me, you should have just said so. I'm sorry I caused all this on you. Its not your fault that Sam is gone, it's mine. All mine!"
Haley, realizing that she had heard the whole conversation, including the speech about her that Haley had given to Nathan out of frustration, wanted to comfort Mia and at least apologize with an explanation of her hurtful words, but this was just too much for Haley to handle right now, so she just told herself thats she would save it for another day.
"I'm sorry, Mia, but I can't do this right now. I just need to be by myself, I'm sorry." Haley stuttered as she ran outside to the front porch to sob her eyes out.
***
The second Nathan had left his house, he jumped in the car and immediately dialed Lucas.
Hello? Nat?
"Lucas, I'm coming to help you all look. Where can I meet you?"
Julian and I are currently in Tree Hill Park. We'll wait here for you, but hurry; we have a lot of ground to cover.
And Nathan hung up the phone and sped up there before he could say another word.
***
When Nathan finally pulled up to the park, he found a very frustrated Lucas and a very frustrated Julian checking every bench, behind every tree; everywhere, for Sam.
"Thank God you are here!" Lucas said.
"We need another pair of eyes." Julian chimed in.
"No luck, I take it?" Nathan replied, joining the search.
"None. We feel like we've searched everywhere so far!" Lucas exasperatedly exclaimed.
"Well have you tried the street by Brooke's store? Sam usually hangs out there!" Nathan suggested and stated.
"The girls looked there already."
"What about the old part of Tree Hill?"
"Let's go!" Lucas yelled as they all hopped into his car.
***
Meanwhile, Brooke and Peyton had been searching every store, every alley, every nook; everywhere, and no luck, when Peyton's cell phone rang.
"Hey Luc."
Hey listen, it's getting late and we've looked everywhere. Where are you guys?
"We are right by Brooke's store, so we'll meet you up there." Peyton said as she hung up.
"Did they find her!?" Brooke exclaimed.
"No. I'm sorry..." Peyton said softly.
Brooke sat down on the curb outside her store, put her head in her lap and sobbed. Peyton sat beside her and tried to comfort her, while trying not to lose it herself.
"Brooke, we'll find her. It will be okay, I promise."
Brooke said nothing, she just cried and cried until the boys came an hour later.
"Hey" Lucas said as he, Nathan, and Julian approached the girls.
"Nathan, where did you come from?" Peyton tiredly asked, noticing the extra body standing in front of her.
"I came to help about an hour or so ago." He replied softly.
"No luck?"
"No, sorry." Lucas said, "Look, I think we should go back home now." Immediately regretting saying that when he saw Brooke's face arise from her lap with the look of pure rage stamped across it.
"NO. I am NOT leaving until we find her!" Brooke yelled.
"Brooke, it's 1 in the morning. Let's go home and rest so we can start fresh in the morning; we need to rest." Lucas said softly.
"NO! I WON'T! THAT'S MY DAUGHTER, I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THAT!" She screamed.
"BROOKE! I CARE ABOUT SAM A LOT TO, BUT WE ARE NOT GETTING ANYWHERE TONIGHT! WE ARE ALL COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED, AND WE HAVE TO REST IF WE WANT TO EVEN HAVE A CHANCE OF FINDING HER TOMORROW!" He screamed back.
"But what if she's hurt." Brooke cried softly.
"Well, hopefully she isn't, but we can't do anything about it right now." Lucas softly said back.
Brooke broke down again. Peyton caught her and tried to calm her down and guide her to the car. Brooke reluctantly accepted the fact that they were going home. She also reluctantly accepted the fact that Sam would be alone tonight; somewhere out there.
***
They arrived back at Peyton and Lucas' house to find a mess, along with a passed out Haley on the couch. Mia was no where in site. They crept in the house, trying not to wake Haley, but she jumped at the slight sound of the door closing behind them.
"Is she back? Is she okay?" A groggy Haley asked.
"We don't know." Lucas sighed. "We couldn't find her. But we are getting up with the sun to continue our search." Lucas said, "We'll search all day everyday until we find her." He sternly said.
"Haley, where is Mia?" Peyton asked, noticing that she wasn't here.
"She is somewhere in this house. We had a little fight, and I didn't have the emotional energy to fix it right now." Haley said, tears trickling out of her eyes again.
"Do you have any idea where she is?" Peyton asked, a little more concerned this time.
"She went upstairs, and hasn't come down yet." Haley sighed. "I should probably go talk to her."
"No. You fix yourself. You can fix her later. Let me go talk to her." Peyton said, as she made her way up the stairs.
When she reached the second floor, she saw that the window had been opened, so she went to it, to find Mia sitting on the roof all alone. Peyton climbed out the window to join her.
"Hey, mind if I join you?" She asked the 19 year old.
"Sure." Mia sighed, quickly remembering what was going on. "Did you find her?!"
"No, but we will." Peyton sighed back. "Are you okay?"
"I don't want to tell you."
"Why?"
"Because I don't want to bother you. I bothered Haley, and I don't want to bother you too." Mia said softly and solemnly.
"Look, Haley said what she said out of frustration. She is the kind of person that says things sometimes that she doesn't mean. Don't take it to personal. You know we all care about you too." Peyton assured her.
"I know. I just feel bad because of it."
"You shouldn't. You are hurting and we are helping. That's the way it is." Peyton said as she got up. "Come on, let's go inside and get to bed." Mia followed.
Back inside, Lucas looked at everybody's tired faces, as Brooke, Nathan, and Haley were about to exit the house, and stopped them in their tracks.
"Hey. We are all extremely tired right now, so let's just all stay here tonight. That way, we can get immediate rest and immediate searching done together right when the sun comes up."
Too tired to protest otherwise, the gang all agreed and split in different directions to the available beds in the house. Peyton and Lucas went to their room, Brooke and Mia went to Mia's room, Haley and Nathan went to the pull out couch (Haley had called for Jamie's grandmother to pick him up and take him with her earlier that night.) and Julian made a little mattress out of extra blankets and pillows on the floor.
Everybody lay like they were asleep, but no one was really asleep. THey all lay in their beds, motionless, while their minds raced with self-questions of fear, anxiety, rage, regret, and sorrow.
Peyton: Why didn't Sam tell me what was really wrong?
Lucas: Why didn't I notice her depression and stop it earlier?
Haley: Why didn't I help her sooner? Why didn't I make sure she got home safely?
Nathan: Why didn't I come to look for Sam sooner?
Mia: Why did I steal Sam's mother?
Brooke: Why didn't I tell her I love her?
They all eventually drifted off to sleep, but it wasn't a deep sleep or a good sleep; it was only a sleep they knew they needed if they wanted to find Samantha and if they wanted to find answers to their questions.