CHAPTER NINE

So there I was looking like an idiot and wishing that I at least shoud've told Hermione that I was coming. I was actually at a local watering-hole just across her flat. I've gone twice up the door to knock but couldn't bring myself to it. So I go back and get some liquid courage to back me up. Which, in hindsight, was pretty idiotic since I know Hermione will know that I'm plastered and she won't look too kindly at this. So I ask for some coffee which they don't have. Instead they give me medicinal tea that has some minty aftertaste. Quite a good thing. Providential even. Not that I'm thinking I can get to kiss her tonight but then maybe I'm not so unlucky after all as I listen to the Smith's "Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want" in the background. How fcking apt.

After a considerable amount of time ingesting the local tea which tastes more and more suspiciously like toothpaste mixed with scalding soda water, I was contemplating on going back home and berating myself for this stupidly inane stunt. I'm going back home. Yes, the great Harry Potter is scared of one Hermione Jane Granger. Not really scared of her but scared of the consequences of my being here. It could end up okay but my luck with women has not improved with age apparently. So what am I still doing here after 2 hours, 3 minutes and 15 seconds? Well I just wanted to get a look at her before I go. Fck it. What a mess this is going to be and it's just as hell that I won't be sticking around for the fall out. I actually am thanking the lucky stars now that I haven't told anybody where I was going. That way I could make my retreat dignified and secret. No one has to know.

"Harry?"

Oh crap! There she was looking at me in surprise with two guys flanking her who look like they could eat me and Ron and spit out our bones like we were gunk stuck between their teeth. Then another guy enters and her face brightens up and she starts to wave like a maniac to some stranger behind me, "JOHN! JOHN! Over here" I dare not turn around because I was extremely without a doubt abso-bloody-lutely jealous. I mean, a guy she has not seen for 6 months and flies out for 14 hours is right in front of her but instead she acts all excited for some schmuck she just saw probably 2-3 hours ago.

John then joins her and she holds his arm tightly in a way that sends lacerating pain through my heart and says, "I'd like you to meet my chum from England, Harry who is still trying to get his tongue unstuck from the roof of his mouth after that grueling 14-hour flight."

At this point I imagine just hexing the asinine Dr. John who is grudgingly good-looking in a careless sort of way but instead I reach out and take the hand he offered in a handshake,,"Pleased to meet you John. I'm Harry. Hermione's chum ", and it actually hurts when I say that because all of a sudden, I'm just a "chum". Chum. Neville is a chum, Dean is a chum. Viktor is a chum(p) and I tack that "p" ever so lightly but when did I get to be the too-deep-to-be-an-acquaintance-but-too-overly-stated-to-be-a-friend pal from the past? And just to spite Hermione, I also add clearly, "we also used to live together before she went to Kenya."

John raises his eyebrows amusedly, "Oh! Pleased to meet you to Harry. I'll just let you two catch up with each other. Excuse me."

As soon as John, moves away, Hermione swats my arm and hisses under her breath, "Why did you say that?"

"What?" I try to fake innocence but Hermione was undeterred.

"That we live together."

I drag this out slowly like I was talking to a 5-year old child. "Because we did. We lived in one house with Ron."

"Well, yeah." Hermione gets flustered and I know she's livid because her face gets blotchy like she's about to cry. "But did you have to say it like that?!"

"Like what?"

"Like 'back off'"

And before I knew what I was saying I blurt out, "I AM saying back off." Not exactly what I planned to say. This time she looks at me like I was the one who killed her parents and then she just stood up and stalked off home. Leaving me looking at her back and praying to whoever is out there, please don't let it be too screwed up so that I can't fix it anymore.

Definitely not what I planned to say. I must admit I was indulging some daydreams before this entire fiasco – in that alternate timeline, I'd tell her how I feel and she'd say, "what took you so long?" Fat chance that was going to happen now or in any lifetime. I have my hands on my waist and I look down. Trying to catch my breath as I was too winded from the effort not to half-shout what I wanted to say but can't. Not in a bar with all her friends looking on. IT won't be fair to her. So I struggle to put my mask back on and try assume the role I've always played. Her best friend. Because as much as I want us to be together, I'd rather have her in my life as a friend than nothing at all. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. This love thing isn't easy. If I thought that what I had with Ginny was painful, this one hurt like hell but the one person I always turned to in these times is the one person I can't go to now.

I didn't notice John approaching me from behind. He just claps me on the back and tells me, "2B. I see that you have a lot to talk about."