Song: Gravity- Sara Bareilles
Disclaimer: I still own nothing. I have no immediate plans for that to change.
Get It Together
They had spent Glee practice in the auditorium today, finishing out the last of this week's assignments. It had been obvious now, at the beginning of their second year, that Will Schuester had no idea what to assign. Their whole focus last year had been competition and recruiting and just staying alive and this year was different. He had settled on "Plagiarism" as a lesson and wanted them to sing about something they were learning in one of their other classes. The results had been unintentionally hilarious until Rachel was standing on the stage, all by herself save the piano player. She was always the one who was serious, almost incapable of joking even with the taste of summer still in the air.
No, Rachel Berry had far more pressing concerns. At the regional competition, Finn had told her he was in love with her right before they went on stage. It should've been a triumphant moment. She had won, then they would win, then the team would win. Instead, it threw her into total confusion that had finally resolved itself in this moment.
Because later that night, Noah had shown up at her house and thrown himself against her. He loved someone else but couldn't be with the person he loved. Not knowing about Finn's declaration, he had told Rachel he wanted to hang with someone who knew how it felt. As she watched him do what he did best, fight for something (even if it was to avoid something), her feelings for Finn grew more and more uncertain. She didn't want to become what Noah was and she had a nasty feeling that, by accepting Finn's offer of a relationship, she would eventually become that heartbroken and desperate person. After all, Finn had put her in that position before and she'd been overreacting. She knew now that he'd only slightly mislead her but she had run with the deception and blown everything out of proportion. This time, he had kind of laid it all out on the table in uncharacteristically brash manner, and just what would she do if it failed then? She was afraid she would fall apart.
So that second week of school, as she stood on the stage, singing her assignment—she was finally turning him down. She had to stay focused and not allow the distraction he would bring into her life. They could be friends, but she would never, ever push for more. And though they had hung out a few times over the summer, she had never actually said the words, but neither had he. They just didn't mention it.
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do,
I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone
You hold me without touch, you keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much,
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain
They had turned on the spotlight while she was singing. The AV kids were starting to get things ready for the fall musical and were practicing during this last class period, so there had been all combination of lights on the glee kids as they sang. Although some of the combinations had been entertaining, nothing changed while Rachel was singing and they were fine-tuning the main spot. It was one of those unplanned things that actually worked out perfectly. It did make it a little harder for her to see out, so she couldn't exactly see Finn's reaction; then again, she wasn't sure she really wanted to.
Set me free, leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am, and I stand so tall
Just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're onto me, and all over me
Noah had excused himself to go to the bathroom after he had finished a rousing cover of "Girls" by the Beastie Boys, and was frozen in the aisle. She could see him well enough because he was beyond the edge of the light. But for all the time they had spent together this summer—somehow commiserating over failed relationships without actually discussing that commonality much—she had no idea what his face was saying. The look was more intense than his usually careful mask of boredom. Her heart sank. Did he maybe think she was singing about him? And did he maybe not like that?
You love me 'cause I'm fragile, when I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone
She had rehearsed these words carefully but had never actually applied them to Noah. But she watched him as she sang the lines and realized in a way, they did apply to her. He had loved her all summer while she was fragile. She had been a mess trying to figure out what to do about Finn and how to balance her hopes and dreams with her wants. She had loved him while he was fragile and healing from the whole mess of his sophomore year. As much as he didn't talk about it, she knew the whole thing had really shaken him, somewhere deep down. Hanging out with her was quiet. She didn't expect him to be anything other than present, and even that was somewhat negotiable. They watched movies, they shared ice cream.
They even made out a few times and he was nice enough to ignore her tears when they were there. She had to fight the urge to smirk mid-song. He had probably just been happy he was getting any because that supply had sort of dried up once word spread he'd gotten someone pregnant. But when they made out it was…different. There was something there.
Set me free, leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am, and I stand so tall
Just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're onto me, and all over me
She had been distracted enough, focused only on Noah because he was the only one she could really see against the harsh glare of light, but then suddenly they fit a yellow-colored cover into place over the light and the harshness was gone. Her eyes were reeling from the change a little bit and she held up a hand to block the light, but she could see the entire club including Finn. Turned out she hadn't been missing anything when she couldn't see his face. He looked stunned, but not in a good way. She turned away, unable to keep looking, and hoping it would just appear to be smooth choreography.
I live here on my knees as I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need here on the ground
But you're neither friend nor foe, though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down, yeah
You're onto me and all over me
She finished out the last verse by tracing her finger idly over the polished, black baby grand and leaning against the surface. The spotlight switched off suddenly as the notes dropped off. It was like a spell was broken and everyone moved a little bit.
Santana didn't even raise her hand, just blurted out. "So, like, maybe I'm stupid but I don't see what that had to do with the assignment."
"Oh." Rachel said, nodding as she stood a little straighter. "It's called Gravity. I have physics third period."
Schue laughed and the bell overhead echoed. No one else said anything about the song, but instead launched into their own quiet chatter, and they all started moving to leave except Finn. Rachel's gaze darted over to where Noah had been standing, but he was gone. She sighed and sat down on the piano bench instead of walking right into the face of the storm. Although, knowing Finn, it would at least be quick. He wasn't much for words and in situations like this, he seemed to have a gift to blurt out the ones that would cause maximum damage with minimum effort.
She toyed with the keys on the piano, her fingers easily finding the ones that were usually her favorite ones to belt out.
"So, that's it, huh?" He said finally. She could hear the thudding echo of hesitant footsteps on the lidded orchestra pit area.
"What?"
"That's you telling me you don't love me back."
He dropped down next to her on the bench.
She sighed, hating the way her shoulders slumped and her confidence felt stripped around him. She had grown accustomed to the vulnerable feeling that she was trying to banish from her life. It was like a double wrong, of sorts. If that's what love meant, being weak and vulnerable, she just couldn't do it.
"It's not that simple," she said, still keeping her eyes down on the white piano keys. She swallowed hard, willing tears not to come and disappointment not to wash over her. She had made this decision clearly. She didn't want anything he said or did to dim that certainty now.
"Try me," he offered. He was facing the same direction she was, not looking at her either. She glanced over at him and took a deep breath, not missing the fact that his chest rose and fell with the same timing hers did.
"I have feelings for you, but I can't afford a distraction," she finally said, her voice soft enough the words held no bite. "I, um, got really caught up last year. I was so caught up in the attention from you and all the drama and my goals changed and I realize now that I can't be that girl. I can't hang my hat on a boy because I have bigger dreams to realize."
He sighed. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
She gave a weak smile as she looked at him this time and he looked over at her while she spoke. "I'm still not totally sure I'm right."
"Oh, that must be killing you," he joked lightly even though it sounded forced.
"You have no idea," she admitted with a brief smile. For some reason she'd never be able to give, her eyes flicked to the backstage area from where she sat. Puck was standing there between two of the pulled-back red curtains with his hands in his pockets. He saw that she saw him and shook his head slightly. He didn't want Finn to know he was there. So she looked back to Finn.
"I-I'm not just going to give up, Rach," Finn finally said. "I'll try not to pressure you but…these feelings aren't going anywhere. Just so you know." He stood up. "I'm not going anywhere. And we'll still be the glee leads, so…"
"There will be plenty of songs together," she concluded. She smiled. "I'll see you later." He just nodded and walked away, just happening to go off the stage opposite from where Puck was still standing and she still couldn't read his expression.
Considering she had spent most of the summer with him and could usually tell if he was actually bored or just pretending, if he was hungry or tired, if he was thinking something utterly evil, or if he was amused—it was disconcerting to now find herself uncertain. In a way, she longed to be let in. And that was the most disconcerting thing at all.
Before she knew what was happening, he was plopping himself down on the piano bench in the spot Finn had just vacated.
"Well I gotta hand it to you, that took balls." He said simply.
She laughed a little and shook her head. "Singing it out? No, it really didn't. If I had any balls," she said, her eyes narrowing as she let the slang word escape her lips against her better judgment, "I would've just told him that in person and in private."
"Are you sure it was all about Finn?"
She glanced over at him and sighed. "Yes."
"You're certain?" He said again.
Her response was more firm. "Yes."
"Good," he said, suddenly leaning forward and kissing her, his hand clamped on the back of her head to make sure she wouldn't move. She didn't respond the way he expected anyway because she just shifted on the bench and turned toward him.
Neither of them particularly wanted to break the kiss, so they didn't. As she leaned back a little, he twisted so she leaned back against the piano. She took her face in his hands as a few random notes clunked out of the middle of the keyboard. As Noah stood, he put a hand down on either side of her, the low notes and high notes giving contrasting dissonance. As he continued to press forward, she leaned back. She wasn't trying to get away but there wasn't really a comfortable angle to be had here. Finally she pulled her lips away from his.
"Seriously? You want to make out right now?" She asked, her hand flying up to her bottom lip.
"Did you hear the new rumor about me?"
She squeaked out a laugh. "That you had a vasectomy over the summer? Yes, I heard that one in a variety of incarnations."
He chuckled a little bit. "I wanted to test it out and see if they're right."
She tossed her head back, their bodies pressed so intimately together he could feel her chest heaving with her laughter. "You're such an idiot!" She said.
When her head tossed back, he moved the high collar of her shirt out of his way and stooped down just enough to place a kiss on that spot on the side of her neck. It was the one that always made her sigh and moan and wiggle just right if she were sitting in his lap. She sighed right on cue and he flicked his tongue out of his mouth to trace over the spot, feeling her pounding pulse just beneath.
"Go…go…um… go find a blanket or something so we can lay down. This is not comfortable," she stammered out as his hips moved and he rubbed up against her.
"Yes, ma'am," he said, kissing the spot one more time before he jogged off in the direction he'd come from initially. She stood up, biting her lip as she smoothed her hands over the ruffle that ran down the middle of her white, sleeveless shirt. She blew out a breath, unable to deny the fact that her cheeks (not to mention other parts of her body) were totally on fire. She raised a hand to her eyebrows again, looking at the AV room to make sure there was no motion in there. She was pretty sure the staging stuff was an actual class period and they would be gone by now.
That was about all the time she had before Puck returned with a folded blanket and as many pillows as he could carry in his hands. He tossed the pillows away before he spread the blanket out.
"This work for you?" He asked, gesturing even as she was already moving over to the corner of the stage where he stood. She stooped down to grab the pillows he had tossed, moving them until they landed actually on top of the blanket.
"It looks way more comfortable than the piano," she admitted. "It kinda looks like that scene from the Notebook."
He nodded, but the look on his face said he plainly didn't know what she was talking about, nor did he particularly care. He reached a hand out to her and she took it before they sat down on the blanket, side by side.
"So…" she said slowly, watching him and he looked at her. His gaze was just a little too intense, a little too predatory for her comfort. "Where were we?"
He leaned into her, letting her position herself with her head on one of the pillows even though they were sideways on the blanket so their feet hung off.
This was technically the most compromising position they'd ever actually been in, but she knew as soon as he started kissing her that she didn't want him to stop. It was like all the restraint she had put into their makeout sessions was because of the Finn factor that had been hanging over her head. Without that factor, she felt more like exploring. She stretched her legs out beneath him, but moved them just a little so his knees were resting on the ground.
As much as she knew he would've loved more in some ways, he had never actually pressured her for more. And they had never, ever talked about any of it. He wasn't like Finn who would abruptly bolt from a making out with a lame excuse or stare at her for a reaction after they kissed. He seemed to sense the ebb and flow of desire from her, seemed to read any signals she was unintentionally giving, and he knew exactly when to back off and when to (no pun intended) push forward.
That's why it didn't really surprise her to feel his fingers dancing at the middle of her chest at the same time her hands wandered over the firm curve of his butt to press his body more intimately against hers. She realized he was undoing the buttons on her shirt and she didn't care.
Well, okay. Maybe she cared a little but only in the sense that she was pretty self-conscious about her body.
Something about her breathing must've changed because he pulled back. "Is this not okay?"
"I've just never…I don't..I…"
He nodded. "You just need to trust me," he said simply, keeping his eyes locked on hers as he finished undoing the buttons on her shirt. It fell open uselessly, the silken fabric sliding against her bra and away from her body as her chest heaved. His eyes slipped from hers, down to her chest and back up.
As she met his wandering glance, she saw something; something that took her breath away even more than it was already gone. She had never really seen someone look at her like that before. He was looking at her like she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen and he had to have her. In that single glance, she realized she owned him. He would do whatever she wanted, even if it killed him, and he would do it willingly. She kind of enjoyed the rush of power.
She finally just nodded. He nodded back and then lowered his face to press open-mouthed kisses to her chest and her stomach. Her bra clasped in the front and he used his teeth and tongue to undo it, leaving a wet spot in between her breasts that made her think he had somehow used his tongue to set her on fire. She brought her hands up to the back of his head, feeling the prickly texture of his short hair with her sensitive fingers before she closed her eyes to hang on. He twisted his head to one side, then the other, and lavished the same detailed attention to each of her nipples, earning every moan she issued beyond her control.
The rush of power was gone; she was putty in his hands. And judging by his confident smirk when he pulled his face away from her skin, he knew it.
"Did you know?" He said simply. She scowled her confusion. "This isn't a new feeling for me, Berry."
"What isn't?" She asked, still confused. And she knew how sex had the power to make people so dumb.
He took her hand and lowered it to the obvious bulge in his pants. She widened as she squeezed and his eyes widened too. It was so…hard. She flattened her hand out and rubbed it against the zipper of his shorts and his eyes fell closed.
"Jesus," he gasped out.
Oh, she totally had the power. She grinned.
"You really want me?" She asked. Her heart rate kicked up a notch as she palmed at the fly of his pants again. She felt his head moving against her chest as he nodded. She was gathering all her courage as she twisted her fingers together to pinch at his zipper and tug it down. "Then take me." She gulped after she said it, nervously waiting for his reaction.
She didn't have to wait long. He reached his hands up under her skirt to pull her panties down, and while he was at her ankles, he sat up long enough to undo his belt and drop his shorts. She watched him uncertainly. As he reached behind him to pull the shorts off his thick, muscular legs, he pulled his wallet out of the back. He unfolded it, plucked a condom from inside and tossed it down beside her before he threw the wallet back over his shoulder to the small pile of clothing at his feet.
He slid back up her body, breathing hard and using his tongue for every conceivable inch of movement he made. As he settled back on top of her, he wrapped his arms around her to hold her close.
"Are you sure?" He asked finally, his eyes intent and what was inside them intense. "Like really, really sure?"
"Do you care?" She asked, pressing the words out against her better judgment.
Something else flashed in his eyes and his jaw hardened. " 'Course I do or we wouldn't be here."
She nodded uncertainly as she watched him. "Good." She pulled her legs out from under him, settling her feet on either side of his bare calves so that he was pressed directly against her. "I care too, you know."
He leaned his face down, sick of talking, and kissed her warmly. Her skirt was twisted up around her waist and they were pressed together so intimately, the warm and damp pressed against the hot and hard, and he even still he took his time kissing her gently and thoroughly, his tongue finally finding that spot on her neck. He used his tongue and his lips on that one spot, his hands brushing over her bare breast, until her eyes slipped closed and she let out a breathy moan. "Noah…"
He dropped his face, unable to concentrate when she said his name like that. He had been called a lot of things in bed, but never his actual name. It was overwhelming. He was still internally trying to decide if he really wanted to be responsible for devirginizing her. He had kind of figured at this point he would leave that mess up to Hudson and then entertain dirty fantasies in his head. He had no idea how to expect this sudden change of events.
She used her hands to bring his face up to hers. "Please?"
He wasn't about to admit that he was nervous. Fuck, no. He didn't feel like he might throw up. And he certainly hadn't put any energy into the idea that this might hurt her. Nope, not even a little.
He pulled back from her just a little. It was the first time ever that he was a little bit ashamed of his sexual history. She was…different. He didn't remember ever giving it a second thought before, but here he was second guessing all over the place. He sighed, looking at her underneath him. He covered his indecision by reaching for a pillow that was off to the side of them. "Lift up for a second."
She must've been pretty far gone, pretty nervous herself, because she did at she was told. He smiled a little bit as he tucked the pillow underneath her and she rested her butt right on top of it.
"Do I even want to know where you got this thing from?" She joked weakly. He settled back on top of her and grinned.
"No, but I'm pretty sure I'll be taking it home," he joked back and he finally grinned.
She laughed. "You're going to want a souvenir that badly, huh?"
He didn't tell her that he wanted one because he wasn't sure something like this would ever happen to him again. He just smiled and the spark, the one that made her feel beautiful and adored, was back. She smiled, too, and ran a hand over his arm.
"Are you….nervous?" She asked doubtfully as her fingers danced up in his shirt and over his spine.
It was one of about three moments of total honesty in his entire life, and at least two of those moments had been with her. What was it about this girl? "Don't tell anyone, okay?"
"My lips are sealed," she whispered as his eyes roamed her face. He leaned down and kissed her again, getting really into it as their hips moved in time against each other. He had literally kissed her stupid, she had no idea how long they had been there or really where they were, when he slid a hand down over her body and between them.
She thought she knew what he was going to do, but she was surprised to feel one of his fingers slide into her. He crooked it a little bit and she felt her muscles tense around it. Her eyes fell closed and she let out a breathy gasp. He pulled it out and added another finger. Her next gasp was louder. He smiled and watched her, writhing against his hand with her eyes closed, her mouth open, her cheeks flushed.
He moved his hips slightly so he could get a better angle with his hands and then pressed his thumb against the bundle of nerves just inside her.
"God, Noah…" she panted, her head twisting to the side. This part, the part where they started panting, was his favorite. With her, it was off the charts and his erection bulged against her thigh, the warm contact turning him on so much more that he thought he was going to lose it. For the first time in his life, he wanted a bucket of cold water or something. He didn't want this to end.
Because then it would just be over.
He flicked his wrist two more times and she came undone, moving her hips and saying—rather loudly—something that sounded like I love you. He chose to ignore it, not ready to actually relate love and sex just yet.
He retracted his hand to retrieve the condom, quickly unwrapping it and then wrapping his full length up before he settled back on top of her.
Her eyes were open now, but he could tell by the slight movement in her legs and her chest that she wasn't even coming down yet. She couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't do anything but stare and God, was that stare the hottest look he'd ever seen on her.
"Now what?" He asked, pressing a kiss to her lips to give her time to try formulating an answer.
"Please," she gasped out, her throat sounding dry even as she swallowed roughly. "Please, Noah…"
"Please what?" He asked. She didn't say the words, but she gave him a look he knew he would see behind his eyelids for many nights to come. He nodded and swiveled his hips expertly to line everything up before he pressed forward just a little bit.
"You still sure?" He asked.
She was shaking now, and he pressed a kiss to her forehead as she nodded. He inched forward and she didn't move. He thrust forward one more time, feeling himself go all the way this time, finally hitting bottom and she grunted lightly. He closed his eyes tightly, feeling the thin sheen of sweat on his forehead that came as he tried so hard not to back out and thrust again. He wanted to make sure she was okay first. She wiggled beneath him.
As he pulled back a little, he grabbed both her hands and brought them up, fingers all tangled in his, to pin them over her head. She had moved enough that as she tossed her head back this time, it went over the top of the pillow and hit the hard floor of the stage. She didn't say anything, her eyes still squeezed tightly shut as he began moving his hips in earnest, unsurprised when she started moving hers, too. He leaned down to press his lips to her exposed neck, feeling the rush of wetness surround him when he clamped his mouth to her neck again and sucked lightly. He kept both her hands pinned above her head in one of his and reached his other hand down to feel the outside of her thigh and hip. Her skin was so soft he sank his fingers into it.
She got what he was going for and lifted her leg a little more, allowing him to sink deeper. He could still feel the aftershocks from her orgasm all down his length when he was pressed inside her and he knew he wasn't going to be able to pay attention to what he was doing anymore because he was so close. His whole body was tightening up and he decided to just go for broke, muttering the words against the skin of her throat.
"I think I love you," he said in a rush. The words poured out just as his own orgasm slammed into him with the force of a freight train and he lost his fingers in her hair, clamped to her own hand, and he lost control of his voice as he grunted out a whimper he wasn't sure he'd ever actually made before.
They lay tangled up together for a long time until their breathing evened out and their fingers went numb from holding on so tight.
He rolled off just to the side of her, never totally breaking contact, and reached behind him to fold the unoccupied half of the blanket over them. She wasn't completely covered by it, but then again, she didn't exactly have her bare ass hanging out like he did, either.
His fingers were still tangled in her hair and he rubbed at the top of her head. "You okay?"
Her eyes were closed and she turned her head to look at him before she opened them partway. "To be determined," she said softly. She flipped her left hand out so it bumped against his abdomen. She sighed and gave him a small smile before she licked her lips. "I won't tell anyone what you said, either."
"You didn't hear anything," he said, intending to say it sharply so he could try to sound like a badass instead of an overwhipped pussy, but his heart was still pounding in his chest and he just couldn't muster up the bravado. He had a really, really hard time faking around her.
She grinned adorably and her eyes slipped closed. "So you lived up to half your reputation."
He raised an eyebrow, propping his head up on his palm before he responded. "Just half of it?"
"You got the love 'em down." Her eyes were still closed and her smile faded. "What about the leave 'em?"
He swallowed hard. For all his thoughts about how different this time was, he must not have actually proven that to her. And she had done it anyway, which seemed way out of anything he ever thought about her. And it was fucking phenomenal, but… well, that part he had kind of suspected would be the case. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, licking his lips on the salty flavor that was unlike her. "I'm good right where I'm at."
She didn't say anything but her faint little grin returned and her breathing continued to even out as he watched her.
"And you…" he started, keeping his voice low. They really did have to get going before someone inevitably came into the auditorium. He could only hope it would be stupid Jew Fro with a fucking video camera or some shit.
"What about me?" She asked in a sleepy sigh.
"Figures your first time would be on a stage," he grumbled, pressing one last kiss to her forehead as she started to laugh.
"Yeah…" she said simply. "So where's the second time going to be?"
As she continued to shake with her impish laughter, he dropped his head into the crook of her shoulder and suddenly he knew that all the other girls, all the bullshit drama, all the faked friendships—they were just practice for this. This was the real thing. He was finally starting to get it together.