A/N: SM owns Twilight. But you already knew that!

Thanks for all the reviews and new alerts that you guys put on my story! Makes me smile! But for all 600+ of you that hit up my story, only a handful reviewed- so I might have to be mean with updates! Hehe. Probably not though!

I feel the need to explain a few things that have come up in reviews. Some don't understand Bella's attitude towards Jacob. So I'm going to try to show things a little better, with a visit to the past.

A special thank you to MyDaughterBella for giving me some things to think about for this chapter! And for helping to convince me to write this all down to begin with! You rock my socks woman!

Chapter 6 recap: When last we saw Bella, she was heading out the door with Edward to go somewhere…

ITRI Chapter 7

The night Jacob and I came home from the cruise, I found myself out with Edward again. I had really missed him which I found slightly odd. I knew in my head that I shouldn't miss him. I hardly knew the guy and I'm married to Jacob for Christ's sake. But, the heart wants what the heart wants I suppose. I was pretty sure my heart was with Edward, even though I haven't given it permission to do that yet.

That night, Edward took me to local club that was hosting a "retro" themed night. It was great! We drank and danced and sang along to all of our favorite cheesy songs from the 80's and 90's. I found myself on stage with a few other women shaking my ass to "Baby Got Back." It was a good time!

It's back to reality now. I'm working my job at the theme park. I'm miserable here. But it's been rainy, so that means less work and more time to just sit around and think about things. This is exactly what I did. I sat around thinking about my little situation. You know… the being married but finding myself super (and I mean SUPER DUPER) attracted to another man. Yeah, that situation.

Just how in the hell did I get here? Never in my life did I think I was capable of doing something like this. Let's start from the beginning.

I met Jacob about three and a half years ago. He worked in the loading docks of Islands of Adventure, the theme park I worked at. I was still considered a junior manager in my department (which is food services) which basically meant I got to do all the mundane tasks that senior management didn't feel like doing. I counted money, got cashiers ready for their shifts and dealt with the guys from the loading docks when they brought us our supplies for the day. This is how Jacob first met me. He brought the order to my restaurant one day.

Now, don't get me wrong. I was there but I didn't notice him or even talk to him that day. I didn't even give him a second glance. I was still in my "slutty" phase. I was currently dating a drummer from a local band and getting into the pants of one of the park's staff paramedics. Like I said, I was in a slutty phase.

My wake-up call came a few weeks later. I woke up with a raging hangover from the night before. I couldn't remember anything that had happened the night before. I had no clue how I'd gotten back to my apartment or even who I'd been out with. I'd showered and gotten ready for work on auto pilot. But something clicked in my brain when I looked into the mirror. I didn't see the college girl looking back at me. I didn't see the girl who didn't have a care in the world and did whatever she wanted. I saw an adult staring back at me. It was in that moment in time I decided I needed to grow up and start acting like the adult I saw.

Jacob was the one to bring the order to my restaurant that day. He'd been doing this five times a week for several weeks now, but this was the first time I actually noticed him. Well, acknowledged him anyways.

Jacob came over after he put our order away to say hi. We started talking and eventually he asked me out; I accepted. I figured what the hell. He was a nice, responsible looking guy. He was older but that didn't bother me much at the time. I figured if I was going to be an adult then perhaps I should date one.

Jacob wasn't my "normal" type of guy which is part of the reason I said yes to his date. He was short for a guy – just a few inches taller than me. He seemed to be solidly built though. He had beautiful russet colored skin and jet black hair and eyes. He had an easy smile that crinkled up at the corners of his eyes a little bit. He made me feel comfortable just being me.

We started dating seriously a few months later. He actually asked if he could be my boyfriend. I giggled at that and said "yes." We had an alright time together. He didn't drink much, he didn't swear and he always drove the speed limit. The sex was only okay. I let that go thinking that as we got to know each other better the sex would become better.

Six months down the line, he told me he loved me. I said it back. At the time I think I meant it or at the very least wanted to mean it. Though I never would have said those three little words if he hadn't said them first. It just seemed to be what I was supposed to do. I'm being an adult now, right? I have a steady boyfriend; we've been together for six months. Isn't that what we're supposed to do?

A year into the relationship, Jacob took me to Disney World. Work life at the park had been crazy and I was super stressed. He thought playing at Disney like kids would be a good relaxing day. However, he stopped in front of Cinderella's castle before we could go ride Space Mountain or Pirates of the Caribbean. That was when he asked me to marry him; in front of what seemed to be a thousand others. He cried while he asked. And I don't mean a few tears; I mean he was a sobbing mess. I found it odd. Men aren't supposed to cry like babies. I pushed the thought aside though. I had an audience waiting for me to say "yes," so I did. That's the next step in the "adult" world right?

Almost another year later and we're at our wedding day. During the engagement we had gotten a new apartment together. I picked it out. I picked out all the furnishings. Jacob let me. I knew he hated our bed the moment I picked it out but he never opened up his mouth to voice his opinion. I liked it; he said nothing, so I got it. Maybe I'm a little bit of a bitch, but isn't a man supposed to be able to speak his mind? At least to tell his fiancé that he doesn't like the bed set she picked out?

This was when I started having my first doubts about marrying Jacob. Isn't this supposed to be a partnership? Shouldn't he have some say in things like how we decorate our place? Where we go for dinner or what we do on our days off? Shouldn't he at least have an opinion on small things like that? More importantly shouldn't he share those opinions? It wasn't so much that I wanted him to approve or disapprove my every decision but I wanted him to have a backbone. I wanted him to think for himself and not let me just run over him. I wanted that from him. I needed that. I knew he loved me and wanted me happy but all I saw was a weakness in him that was incredibly off-putting - nothing was a more horrible turn off for me than a spineless man.

Other things were also starting to grate on my nerves when it came to Jacob and our relationship. He cried at sappy movies, he still never voiced his opinion about things that concerned both of us, and he could never, EVER tell me no. Even though I was getting everything I wanted, I couldn't help but feel disappointed in a way.

Now, don't get me wrong, getting my way all the time was fun… for a little while. But seriously, who likes having things just given to them? I'm not the type of person that actually enjoys having everything I want just handed to me. I need someone to push me a bit. I need structure and I need someone who's not afraid to stand up for their opinions or to me when necessary. I am definitely a boundary tester. I always loved to see what I could get away with and Jacob let me get away with EVERYTHING. I would come home piss ass drunk after a night out. I wouldn't tell him nor would he ask where I was, what I did, or whom I was with. What would he do or say about it? Not a damn thing. If it were the other way around, I would've thrown a shit fit.

What I suppose this all came down to was that I needed a MAN. Jacob, while several years older than me, certainly didn't act like the man I had always pictured in my head that my husband would be. Sure, he fixed small things around the apartment, changed the oil in my car and all that junk, but when it all boiled down, he was just a little boy dressed up inside an adult body. He had no clue how to be the man I needed and wanted. I don't think he had it in him. In fact, most of the time I think he was just giving me what I wanted so I didn't leave. It was frustrating.

I just didn't love him. Not in the way that a fiancée should love the man she's about to marry. Maybe I loved him as a friend. I'm not sure. I tolerated him. Sure, I liked him. I didn't wish him any ill will or harm or anything like that, but I sure as hell didn't want to be with him either. Of course, I didn't fully figure any of that out until the day of our wedding.

Call me an idiot or a moron. I deserve it for not coming to my revelation sooner than on the morning of my wedding day. I blame my busy work schedule, my extremely full social calendar, and planning a wedding. But still, it's probably just my own damn fault. I swear, sometimes I think I should've been born a blonde.

What? You're concerned about my social calendar? Don't worry. I never cheated on Jacob. I'm playing the adult remember? Adults don't cheat… at least not in my head, but I do have work related social responsibilities and plenty of friends and I'm not one to let a boyfriend dictate my life or keep me from my fun. He was always invited to go but declined more often than not.

Anyways, I woke up on the morning of my wedding filled with dread. I was alone in the bridal suite of the hotel, and it hit me. What the FUCK am I doing? I thought to myself. The pieces of the puzzle finally settled together and I felt like a big fucking neon light had turned on inside my head. It said "YOU DON'T LOVE HIM! DON'T MARRY HIM!" I knew what I had to do. But could I do it?

I thought about that while I showered. I really didn't want to disappoint my parents. They had paid for this huge, elaborate wedding. Of course, most of that crap was my mother's idea. I couldn't care less about most of the details but I still couldn't let them down. I also didn't want to tell the two hundred or so guests that they all flew to Orlando for nothing. I also wondered if I could really be that big of a bitch? Could I just leave Jacob waiting at the alter? I didn't think I could.

You see, I talk a big game. I have my badass side but when all is said and done, I still like to keep things simple. I'm not one who normally "rocks the boat" as they say. I'm definitely not a confrontational person.

I went to breakfast and met up with one of my bridesmaids, Kate. She gushed over me and mistook my expression as nerves. She kept going on and on about jitters and cold feet. I shook my head.

"No, Kate, I don't think its jitters. I don't love him," I point blank told her.

Kate laughed and handed me a mimosa. "Have a drink, Bells! You've been with Jacob for two years! Of course you love him! You're just nervous."

I took the drink. I also took the two others she pushed on me after the first one was gone. The champagne and orange juice mixture seemed to calm me down a little bit.

The rest of my day was similar to my morning. I confided in two more bridesmaids and even Alice about my feelings – or lack thereof for Jacob. They all said the same thing. I was nervous. I had cold feet. It was perfectly normal to question your commitment before you take the plunge. They all had the same remedy – alcohol. Copious amounts of alcohol.

I was absolutely sloshed when it came time to line up to get the ceremony going. Charlie, my father, was supporting most of my weight as we waited for our turn.

"You okay, baby girl?" he asked.

"No, Dad. I'm not." I replied. "I don't want to do this. Can we leave? Please?" I was practically begging him at this point.

Charlie chuckled and reached into his tuxedo jacket. He pulled out a flask and offered it to me. I took a long swig like a good girl.

He gave me the same speech about nerves all that bull shit as we watched the bridesmaids head down the aisle. Alice heard our conversation as she was the Maid of Honor and standing right in front of us.

She turned to me and pecked me on the cheek before it was her turn. She smiled and whispered to me "You can always get divorced later." Then sauntered down to the arch of flowers where Jacob was sure to be waiting for me.

Charlie just smiled at Alice then he led me down the aisle to Jacob.

I honestly don't remember most of the rest of the night. I remember Jacob cried like a fucking baby again. I'm pretty sure I rolled my eyes at him. I remember we left the ceremony to the sounds of Aerosmith wailing "Walk This Way." I think I danced. There may have been cake. I don't know. All I know is I was never without a drink.

Throughout the next few months, I became depressed and moody. I didn't go see a shrink or anything, but I was on auto-pilot. I just went with the flow, not really caring what happened.

It was during these months that Jacob insisted we buy a house when our apartment lease was up. We did. You know how THAT day turned out.

Now, here we are. I'm sitting in my office at work mentally kicking myself in the ass for allowing myself to be married to Jake. I never should have done it. It was wrong on so many levels.

He really was a nice guy. He didn't deserve a bitch like me treating him the way I did, but at the same time, I partly blamed him as well. He'd never once manned up or said anything about not liking the way our relationship was. Lord knows if I didn't like something, I'd say something. It might not be until later on and in private, but I almost always said something.

I decided that I didn't even like Jacob anymore. I didn't like myself much either. I couldn't even fathom asking him for a divorce though. I wasn't raised that way. When you get married, you stay married. That's just how it happens. Certainly I'd grow to love him, right?

No. I wouldn't.

Maybe I would've if I'd never met Edward. After meeting him, there was no chance in hell of me growing to love Jacob. I knew that.

I glanced at the clock. It was time to go home.

Jacob is getting ready to leave for his late night shift when I arrived. Alice is nowhere to be seen or heard as Jacob pulled me into the hug he always gave me when I got home. That day though, I turn my head as he tried to kiss me. Stating I had a bad canker sore in my mouth that hurt really bad. He shrugged and let me go, waving as he walked out the door to head to the park for his shift.

I changed into my pajamas and poured a glass of wine. There were a few things standing out crystal clear in my head. First, I did not love Jacob. Second, I needed to find a way to get out of the marriage. And third, even though I didn't love Jake, I couldn't regret marrying him. If I hadn't married Jake then Alice never would have moved to the house. Without Alice and I living together, I never would have met Edward.

And meeting Edward was NOT something I regretted.

A/N: Thanks for taking the trip down memory lane with Bella! I promise we'll get back to Edward and Bella in the next chap! Keep your eyes open! Body shots in a Volvo may be on the horizon!

A few Rec's for a few great peeps!

Quiet Storm by SexyLexiCullen : fanfiction (dot) net/s/6575026/1/ "Two weeks. Two years. Who cares?" A lesson in love, crime, and passion. When two young lovers find themselves in the middle of the storm, can love conquer all? AH. OOC. Rated M Mafia fic

Lost in the Ocean by AiculAiram : fanfiction (dot) net/s/6951654/1/Lost_in_the_Ocean : In 1994, in Green Island Bella and Edward didn't know one another but they've always been near to each other. When one leaves a room, the other comes in. Will they ever be in the same place at the same time together? Will they ever meet?

My Heart's Redemption by MyDaughterBella : fanfiction (dot) net/s/6794147/1/ : Bella hates Edward & thinks Jake's heaven Charlie gets sick, she's faced with some hard realities. Despite everyone's advice, she does things her way. When Edward saves the day, watch her as she learns about life, true love, trust, & heartbreak

A Design of Chance by Kewlwhip76 : twific (dot) blogspot (dot) com/2011/05/design-of-chance-chapter-1-by (dot) html : When you reach out in life and take a chance you never thought would evolve into anything, you settle for disappointment. Until one day chance comes back to you…and offers you more than you ever dared to dream of.